Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto.
A/N - If you haven't read Hindsight yet, please read it before this. Otherwise, you'll be lost.
Uchiha Sasuke had a plan.
Oh yes, he had a plan. He would get back at the person who had made his life miserable, humiliate that person, destroy that person, and then gloat over that person for all eternity.
No, he was not talking about Itachi.
His plan for Itachi involved mastering the Chidori to the point where he could use it to stab Itachi in the eyes repeatedly (and in several… other places as well).
No, he was planning to take vengeance against his other great opponent.
Uzumaki Naruto.
The source of all his (okay, current) pain and suffering and misery.
Oh yes, that cocky blonde bastard would get his.
Yes indeed.
Unbidden, a maniacal laugh burst from Sasuke's lips.
People passing by the Uchiha suddenly felt the need to start walking across a different street… preferably one well outside Fire Country.
---
"You want to what?" Tenten said blankly, staring at Sasuke. They were currently at Team Gai's training ground, with Lee and Gai watching them while pretending to train. Neji wasn't looking... but his Byakugan was activated, strangely enough.
"Help me get back at Naruto by ruining his date with Sakura." Sasuke said plainly, irritably. "I heard him telling the Hokage all about how he set me up to ask you out just so that Neji would get jealous and win a date with Sakura."
In actuality, he had been about to simply ambush and beat the Hell out of Naruto for putting him in the way of a jealous Hyuuga Neji, but now...
Now Naruto was going to feel the vengeance of the Uchiha.
... Not counting the vengeance going toward Itachi.
"... so Naruto did me a favor, and now you want me to help you get back at him?" Tenten said blankly, staring at the Uchiha as though he were insane (at times Sasuke's sanity was arguable).
Sasuke gritted his teeth in annoyance, looking vaguely reluctant. "Look... I don't have anywhere else to turn. I doubt Kakashi-sensei will help me and..."
Tenten barely held back a laugh. She got what he was saying. "So, because I'm your only friend outside of Team Seven, you need my help." She said plainly, snickering.
Sasuke did not dignify that with an answer.
Besides, if he said something hurtful, the memory of the Sixty-Four Hands of Hakke was still fresh in his mind, and Neji was only a few meters away... and he could see out of the back of his head.
Sharingan is better, Sasuke thought childishly, before returning to the matter at hand. "So, is that a no?" he asked irritably.
Tenten shook her head. "Sorry Sasuke, but I just can't help you get back at Naruto. Not if he really did help me out."
Sasuke rolled his eyes. "Bleeding heart." He muttered, annoyed.
"Better than a cold hearted bastard." Tenten retorted playfully, grinning madly.
"Don't say bastard. You remind me of Naruto." Sasuke's fists clenched and unclenched. Oh, he'd get Naruto, even if he had to do it on his own. "... well, if you're not going to help me, then could you at least not say anything to Naruto?" he asked seriously, staring at her with a stern expression.
Tenten was caught. Sasuke, surprisingly enough to them both, had become her friend. However, Naruto apparently had a hand in helping Neji finally make a move.
Decisions, decisions.
"Fine." Tenten relented. "I won't say anything."
Sasuke gave her a curt nod. "I'll hold you to that." And with that, he disappeared.
---
"Tenten?" Neji asked quietly, having waited a minute or so after the Uchiha left to approach her. "What did Uchiha want this time?"
Tenten rolled her eyes at the glaringly obvious jealous tone. "He wanted me to help him get back at Naruto." She replied, shaking her head. "No date this time."
Neji curled his lip a little (just a tiny, minuscule bit). "Good." He cocked his head to the side quizzically, pondering the first part of her statement. "Why does he want to get back at Naruto?"
Tenten told him.
Neji shook his head, a slight smile on his face. He owed Naruto, it seemed.
Then again, Sasuke had taken a beating at his hands.
"Looks like I owe Naruto a couple of favors," Neji said sardonically, brushing his hand against hers with a particularly tender (for Neji, which basically meant less than impassive) look.
"We both do." Tenten agreed, smiling widely. "Which is why we have to stop Sasuke from ruining Sakura and Naruto's date without anyone else knowing!"
Neji paused, going as still as the calm before the storm.
"Wait... what?"
---
Inside his apartment Naruto grinned happily, attempting (and failing) to whistle as he put on his nicest clothes (which were okay for most people, but fairly good considering this was a young man who had once worn an orange outfit pretty much everywhere).
He was still quite pleased from the bet he won (and the beating Sasuke took) from last week- even after seven days, the high he had been on hadn't faded, and only increased as it arrived closer to the appointed date with Sakura.
Yes, everything was going his way, Naruto reflected, walking out of his apartment.
---
Outside, leaning against a wall of a nearby bathhouse, Uchiha Sasuke was smirking, quite happily. He already had a perfect revenge laid out for Naruto...
One good beating deserves another, after all.
"Henge." Sasuke said quietly, a wicked smile crossing his face.
And suddenly, where the pale, raven haired Uchiha Sasuke had been, was Uzumaki Naruto.
With an amused smirk that looked very much out of place on Naruto's face, he walked inside with the confident stride of a man who had all the aces in a game of poker.
---
Nearby, two more ninjas were watching the actions of Uchiha Sasuke very closely- or rather, the kunoichi was, and the shinobi was wondering exactly why he was there in the first place.
They watched as Sasuke transformed into Naruto, looking puzzled.
They stared as Sasuke promptly walked into the bathhouse.
"What's he-" Tenten began, before she swore, realizing what Sasuke was up to. Quickly, she elbowed Neji in the side. "Which side is he going into!"
Neji stared at her, about to protest that the legendary Byakugan was not a tool for matchmaking- but Tenten's harried glare collapsed his argument, and he looked.
"He's headed toward... the women's side?" Neji said blankly.
Tenten swore again.
---
Sasuke, still disguised as Naruto, smirked mischievously as he ducked and wove, avoiding the thrown buckets, rocks, and other assorted items that the indignant (and naked) women in the bath had thrown at him.
With a wicked look, he ran off toward the Team Seven's bridge, where he knew Naruto had arranged to meet Sakura.
When he turned the corner, away from the bathhouse, the angered women came out, clothed in towels and generally out for blood.
"Which way did he go!" Yamanaka Ino demanded, a towel wrapped tightly around her slender form, one of the women who had been bathing at the time.
"We're going to pound that little pervert!" Inuzuka Hana agreed, hair dripping. Her three giant gray dogs, Haimaru Sankyodai, barked their own consent. No one peeked on their master.
Suddenly, Naruto's head popped out from behind a corner. "Here I am!" he said loudly, waving.
The women shouted in one loud cry of outrage, and charged toward Naruto...
Who had appeared from the opposite direction Sasuke had gone.
---
Neji, disguised as Naruto, swore that he would never agree to another of Tenten's plans, no matter how sexy she looked when she pouted.
---
Sakura had dressed simply for her date with Naruto- she didn't want to appear too eager for this date or dress up too much (mostly because Naruto was probably too thick to notice), so she dressed in a red dress similar to the one she had worn back in her genin days.
Naruto approached the bridge, smiling as large and as bright as the sun. "Hi Sakura-chan!" he said loudly, waving and grinning madly.
Sakura smiled back softly, waving to him in turn.
"Let's go on our date then, shall we!" Naruto crowed happily. If he was any more pleased, chances were he'd probably die of it.
Sakura shook her head. "You never change, do you Naruto?" She smiled still, however, as she walked beside him. After a moment of silent deliberation, she took his hand.
Naruto didn't seem to notice, but there was a slight pink tinge to his cheeks that had nothing to do with the sun.
---
Sasuke, still disguised as Naruto, frowned as he checked behind himself. He could have sworn that those women were still following him when he left the bathhouse...
Oh well. It looked like this plot had failed, Sasuke thought to himself. Nevertheless, the Uchiha was far from deterred.
After all, if something like severe physical and psychological torture couldn't stop him from trying to kill his brother, then a minor setback like this couldn't stop Sasuke from trying to get even with his teammate.
Unbeknownst to him, Hyuuga Neji, also still disguised as Naruto, turned the corner, right behind the unaware Uchiha.
Seeing his chance for escape (his Byakugan quickly noted that this was Sasuke, not Naruto), Neji undid the Transformation Jutsu and bounded off into the trees.
Have fun, Uchiha, Neji thought, viciously amused.
But, it wasn't like there wasn't a small part of him that wanted Uchiha to suffer after the emotional turmoil that the other prodigy had put the Hyuuga through last week.
Nope, no leftover animosity at all.
Yamanaka Ino turned the corner, with Inuzuka Hana hot on her heels and the rest of the women barely a step behind the kunoichi.
"THERE HE IS!" Ino roared, her fist raised.
Sasuke turned toward the mob of angry women... and realized that, unlike Neji, he hadn't undone the Transformation Jutsu.
"Oh shi-"
---
Surprisingly, Naruto did not in fact suggest they got to Ichiraku for lunch.
This alone seemed very sweet to Sakura (since she had expected to sit in the Ichiraku as they often did after training except without Sasuke there). Instead, he took her to a quiet, quaint tea shop that looked nicer than anyplace Naruto had probably ever eaten.
Sakura glanced at Naruto in amazement, and smiled again, squeezing his hand with hers. Naruto glanced back at her and grinned.
Together, hand in hand and smiling at each other, they went inside.
---
Sasuke twitched. His Transformation Jutsu had faded and the women had relented their assault, only to attempt to seduce him, thinking he had been too shy to appear as himself to look at them.
He preferred the beatings, to be honest.
His determination renewed itself as he felt the bruises and injuries the women had managed to inflict on him while he was under the Naruto disguise.
Naruto would still pay.
Oh yes, he would pay.
---
Naruto and Sakura sat down at a window seat of the tea shop, releasing each other's hands slowly, almost reluctantly.
A smiling, blue haired young woman approached them, dressed in a cute waitress outfit. "Welcome to the Cat Café," she said, smiling, "What would you like to order?"
"Umeboshi onigiri and syrup-coated anko dumplings," Naruto ordered, before Sakura could speak. He smiled gently at the pink haired girl.
Sakura blushed slightly. "Those are my favorites," she said quietly, looking at him with a bemused expression.
"I know." Naruto replied sunnily, smiling. "After all, you told me to outdo Sasuke, and besides, I want you to be happy on our date!"
Sakura blushed again, smiling back with a bright, adoring look. Her voice was soft and gentle. "Thank you."
---
"You're welcome," Neji grumbled, glaring slightly at the bemused Tenten. "I can't believe I agreed to that plan."
Tenten grinned widely. "Well, if you're going to be a big baby about it," she said mockingly, rolling her eyes.
She pressed a kiss to his lips, lingering there for a few moments before pulling back.
"There. Does that make it better?" she asked mischievously.
And though Neji would never, ever admit it, it did in fact make things better.
Before Neji could attempt to go for a second, however, Tenten's attention was back toward Sasuke, who was looking furious.
Neji refused to sigh, but he was still annoyed that his alone time with Tenten was being disrupted by this little adventure.
Very, very annoyed.
---
Think. Think. THINK DAMN YOU! THINK! Sasuke demanded his brain to come up with a plan.
Unfortunately, unlike Naruto's brain, Sasuke's was not trained for pranks and mischief, but battle and learning jutsu.
Wait... a jutsu...
Transforming into Naruto hadn't worked... but there was more than one way to skin a cat... or get back at a certain blonde.
Sasuke had sworn that he would never, ever use this technique.
But now, now he had no choice.
"Sexy no Jutsu!"
---
"Oh no... please tell me he's not going to..." Tenten groaned, slapping her forehead. She had severely underestimated Sasuke's thirst for vengeance (really, everyone should have figured that out when he decided that it was worth training with Orochimaru to kill Itachi).
"I don't think me transforming into a girl version of myself will stop him this time." Neji said gravely, though he was privately amused at the girl-Sasuke (who was thankfully still clothed, but in a blue summer dress).
Suddenly, Tenten saw a familiar head coming in the opposite direction. "Maybe... maybe we won't have to..." she said, laughing.
Neji looked.
And, despite himself, laughed as well.
---
Girl-Sasuke walked down the street, trying out a swaying, seductive way of walking. It caused a few nosebleeds among the populace.
And, though he would have to murder anyone who found out, Sasuke was quite pleased that his girl form was absolutely, utterly... well, hot. Leagues above Naruto's girl form.
Unfortunately... his form was too beautiful, as it turned out.
"Hail, lovely flower of Konoha!"
Sasuke froze. Oh no...
Rock Lee's face might as well have had large hearts for eyes and his tongue hanging out. "Oh, what a glorious day is this! Though my dear Sakura has chosen the honorable Naruto, I have chanced upon a flower even more rare and stunning!"
Sasuke would have screamed, if he had been anyone else.
Nightmares will come for me, he thought gravely. More than I already had.
"I will protect your from all comers, beautiful flower!" Lee promised in his "Nice Guy" pose. Sasuke hissed as his eyes burned from the glare off of Lee's teeth. "Only say the word, and I am yours!"
He moved to blow a kiss toward Girl-Sasuke.
Sasuke had endured the deaths of his Clan at a young age without being committed, though his mental stability had been questionable for a long while.
Sasuke had endured Itachi's beatings and psychological torture and come out psychotic, but he hadn't screamed.
But as Rock Lee winked and blew a kiss at him, his endurance snapped.
Sasuke ran like the hounds of Hell were after him. His terrified screams could be heard in Wind Country.
---
Tenten was crying and laughing so loud that she was on the floor, rolling in the dirt and not caring.
Neji was far more composed... but the damnable twitching on his lips simply would not stop.
---
Naruto smiled slightly, patting his stomach contentedly. "That was really good!" he said happily.
Sakura rolled her eyes, chuckling. "Of course it was, Naruto. There are other things to eat besides ramen." She chided gently, bemused. "Honestly, I was really surprised when we came here instead of Ichiraku."
Naruto's face changed slightly, and he looked at her so intently that she blushed under his scrutiny.
"What?" she asked quietly, flushed under his bright blue eyes.
"Are you having fun?" Naruto asked quietly, sounding oddly small. "Because... you know... if you're only doing this because of the bet, then-" he began to speak rapidly, but was suddenly cut off.
His hand suddenly felt a warm, wonderfully soft pressure against it. Sakura smiled at him brightly, genuinely. "Idiot. I'm having a lot of fun. Don't go ruining it by being depressed." She chided, rolling her eyes.
Naruto smiled. "Alright!"
---
Sasuke panted, leaning against the wall of an alleyway tiredly. Two attempts thwarted, and he was out of ideas again!
He could try the bathhouse trick again... but chances were that he wouldn't even be able to go inside after his earlier venture. And the Sexy no Jutsu was out of the question.
It seemed that, although a genius of the battlefield, Uchiha Sasuke sucked at coming up with pranks.
"Screw it," Sasuke snarled irritably. "I'll just beat the Hell out of him and be satisfied with that."
---
Neji saw the lip movements and read them.
And his lips quirked slightly. "I can handle this one again," Neji said, relishing the words. Tenten glanced at him, and figured out the rest.
She rolled her eyes, chuckling. "Let's not hurt him. Just... restrain him." Tenten smiled, removing a few shuriken from a hidden holster at her waist and undid the buns on her head, removing the wound silk strands with a smile.
Neji stared at her unbound hair, coming down in long, beautiful waves. Little showed of how badly he was affected, save for his silence, the wordless movement of his mouth, and the sheer hunger in his eyes.
Tenten glanced at him, rolling her eyes. "Don't go dumb on me now," she muttered, though she blushed slightly at his attention.
Now was not the time for that, however... the time to try out a little trick...
---
Naruto and Sakura exited the Cat Café together, smiling, hand in hand.
In unison, the both turned toward one another, and spoke.
"Naruto..."
"Sakura-chan..."
Both ninjas blushed.
Naruto scratched the back of his head nervously.
Sakura looked down at her feet shyly.
"I had a wonderful time." Sakura said softly, smiling.
Naruto smiled, flushed slightly. "Well... thanks for keeping up your end of the bet..." he replied, laughing nervously. "I... uh... hope we can do this again?"
Naruto grinned. "Without a bet next time." He added, chuckling.
Sakura nodded, grinning back. "I'd like that a lot."
They lapsed into silence for a moment. Finally, Naruto spoke again. "Uh... Sakura-chan... could I..." he blushed badly, scratching the back of his head again nervously. "Maybe..."
Suddenly, Sakura grabbed him bodily and kissed him resoundingly. Naruto's eyes widened and he froze for a moment- but only a moment.
When they broke apart, faces flushed, lips swollen, Sakura giggled. "I've been wanting to do that for awhile now." She admitted, face red.
Naruto could only grin at that.
Today couldn't possibly get better... not even Sasuke getting beaten up could make this any better.
---
"I can't believe you." Sasuke muttered irritably. "Using a technique I taught you against me!"
Tenten snickered. "Well, I think I learned it well, wouldn't you agree?" she said mischievously
"Using my Sofushasan no Tachi (Manipulating Windmill Triple Blades) against me." Sasuke grumbled, shifting uncomfortably against the tree where he was pinned by Tenten's silk threads.
"And how long are you going to keep me trapped against this tree!" he demanded angrily.
Neji smirked. Today wasn't such a waste after all.
Sasuke glared. Oh, he would make them pay. He would make them all pay.
"So, have we learned our lesson?" Tenten lectured seriously, ruining the image by grinning widely.
"Don't mess with other people's dates," Sasuke intoned, annoyed.
"Damn straight." Tenten replied, crossing her arms in satisfaction. Next to her, Neji continued to smirk.
Sasuke glared sullenly at Tenten.
"I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for you and that Hyuuga!"
A/N - This was a lot of fun to write, maybe even more so than Hindsight. Oh, and can anyone spot a small cameo from another anime series?