Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot
A/N: Well this is a story I came up with when I was sleeping so yeah…Please review and tell me whether it's good! Thanks!
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The newly set up Wizarding Internet Cooperation was having a hard time filtering through the gazillions of e-mails they were receiving. After all, it was no easy task.
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To: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger, Angelina Weasley , George Weasley , Bill Weasley , Fleur Weasley, Percy Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
Date: 3rd March
Subject: Good News
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Hey everyone!
Okay I know this is out of the blue and all, but how are you all doing? Everything is great here in America.
Anyway the reason I'm really writing is because…well…I've got news. Great news! I'm getting married! To Pansy Parkinson. Yes, I know she's not one of us but she's great. You will all come to like her. We want the wedding to be around mid-March. What do you guys think? Please let me know quickly!
Okay, I have to go. Hope little Lily is doing well, Harry (…and Ginny). Give her a big hug from her favorite uncle for me. So yeah…later guys!
Ron
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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Dude, seriously? Pansy? You can't mean the pug-faced bitch we knew at school? She's in America too? God! Why didn't you tell me? Merlin…don't tell me she's an auror too…
Well, congratulations, I guess. Boy, this is unexpected. Very unexpected. Ginny nearly had a heart attack when she read your e-mail. When I left home today morning she still hadn't recovered from the startling news - and Lily was trying her utmost to 'save' and comfort her mother. But other than that, nothing unusual has happened.
Have you told your parents yet? If you haven't…good luck mate! I, personally, wish you all the best. I know you can choose your own girl so there's no antipathy on my part. Just don't tell me next time that you are planning on adopting Malfoy or something. And, oh yeah, don't tell Ginny that I wished you all the best. I've told her that I'd knock some sense into you so yeah…keep it low will you.
Anyway, I'll talk to you later, mate.
Harry
P.S Mid-march is fine with me (…I'm not quite sure about Ginny though).
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Ginny Potter
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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PANSY? PANSY BLOODY PARKINSON? Are you out of your freaking mind, Ron? I don't care what America has done to your head but I'd like it very much if you tell me in your next e-mail that you have cancelled this wedding – if you don't, I will personally come to America and hunt you down.
Lily sends her love to her favorite uncle Ron, who she claims won't be her favorite uncle any longer if she is to have an aunty Pansy.
Ginny
P.S Mid-march? I suggest you go to hell if you think that's going to happen.
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Hermione Granger
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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Married Ron? Whoa…congratulations! Even before me! But Pansy…are you sure? From what I remember she used to be a cow.
But maybe she's changed now? I know many Slytherins who have reformed after You-Know-Who's death i.e Millicent Bulstrode who is one my good friends now. So I do think I can believe that Pansy has changed. At least I hope she has and not your head.
Mid-march is fine with me. Nothing that important has come up so far. Who else is coming? What do the others think? Give me all the details will you! Anyway all the best and talk to you later!
Hermione
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Molly Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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RONALD WEASLEY!
I am so disappointed in you! Why her? You are worse than Bill – I thought Fleur was bad! But that's beside the point. A Parkinson? Oh dear Merlin. Your father absolutely detests the girl's father! How do you expect us to arrange the wedding together when we can barely stand the sight of each other?
I object Ron. Absolutely object! You better cancel this whole thing young man. America has changed you and I don't like this new you, understand? Buck up.
Why couldn't you have just stuck to Hermione? Anyway I suggest you find someone else fast if you still want to have that wedding by mid-march. And if I don't receive anything from you by tomorrow, I'll make sure a howler finds you (even if you decide to go into hiding)
Your father doesn't agree with this nonsense either…he does however send his love.
Love,
Mum
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To: Ron Weasley
From: George Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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Really Ron. It's not April Fool's day yet. Good try but better luck next time, bro.
George
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Arthur Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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I think your mother has already mentioned my point of view. If she hasn't (which I highly doubt)…to put it simply: I'm ashamed Ronald; I thought better of you.
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To: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger
From: Ron Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: This is hell!
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I can't take this any more!
You two are the only ones who have been remotely nice about this whole wedding thing! Damn the rest of them. Seriously why can't they all be nice for once? So what? I'm marrying a Slytherin. Big sodding deal!
Yeah Harry, Pansy is here in America and yes, she is an auror. And, I love her! So EVERYONE ELSE CAN GO TO HELL FOR ALL I CARE. They can object and protest as much as they bloody want, but I won't abandon my true love! (takes in a deep breath) Sorry for the outburst, guys. I'm just so stressed! Give my love to Lily, Harry – and does she really not want an aunty Pansy?
How are you doing Hermione? Mum actually asked me why my bride-to-be isn't you. Hilarious, huh?
Anyway I'm glad my two best mates aren't against my marrying Pansy. You guys will love her. And I'm going to make sure we go through this together – whatever anyone says.
God…I have a headache.
Ron
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Percy Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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All of you, my so-called family, have embarrassed me on a number of occasions, so this is not something new – I've gotten used to it.
Percy
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Fred Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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Sorry I didn't reply any faster but I was out with Angie yesterday. Anyway to your news – is this some kind of joke? Because if it is, I have to give you props for it bro. Even I couldn't have come up with the idea.
But if it isn't, all I can say is, maybe you should go see the specialist in the St. Mungos branch in America. Might do you some good.
Anyway I got to go – I'm taking Angie out for dinner tonight. She sends her love. Take care of yourself and find yourself a new wife will you (if this whole 'I'm marrying a pig-faced idiot' thing is true)? Pansy doesn't suit you and your kids might end up all weird - like the (ahem) father. I mean red and blonde hair really don't go well together. I'm just saying
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Charlie Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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I could have gotten you a dragon that would have looked better! I'm serious…
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Bill Weasley
Date: 4th March
Subject: RE: Good News
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Congratz bro – for beating my record. Has mum killed you yet? It's a good thing you aren't here in the U.K you know. Things could have happened.
Bill
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To: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger
From: Ron Weasley
Date: 5th March
Subject: This really really is hell!
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Did I already mention that I can't take any more of this? They are all bloody against me! I'm starting to think this wedding will never take place… but I really do love her, you guys. It's that "can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence; World Series kind of love." Why is everyone else so small-minded?
Argh! I have a bloody headache!
Ron
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Hermione Granger
Date: 5th March
Subject: RE: This really really is hell!
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Yes, you did mention it and yes, I did get both your e-mails. Hang in there. It's going to take a while because obviously they aren't ready for this you know. Keep strong. It'll all work out in the end. It always does
Does your mum actually still think that the both of us belong together? Boy, she's far behind, isn't she?
'Mione
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Harry Potter
Date: 5th March
Subject: RE: This really really is hell!
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YOUR complaining! For god's sake! YOU are not the one who has to live with a raving Ginny! I, on the other hand, have to wake up at 5 in the morning to "God, why did he choose her!" every morning, Ron - thanks to you!
(takes a deep breath) Sorry mate, I just had to say that. Look, just hang in there, all right? They'll come around in the end – I hope so anyway because I can't stand my wife at the moment.
Oh and Lily said that she didn't mind an aunty Pansy. Why do you ask?
Harry
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To: Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Bill Weasley, Percy Weasley, Charlie Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
Date: 5th March
Subject: You selfish little prats!
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I was hoping for a 'You hang in there Ron. We'll convince mum for you' sort of thing from you guys. But I guess, that's too much ask from my wonderful brothers.
You all deserve to rot in hell – especially you, Percy. I mean is it so freaking hard to hope for some comfort from my own bloody family?
Ron
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Molly Weasley
Date: 6th March
Subject: Where are you, young man?
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Dear Ronald,
Where are you? You were supposed to reply when you cancelled this wedding. Have you? Because I would appreciate it very much if you did!
You have to understand Ron, that we love you and that we want all the best for you. And marrying a former Slytherin isn't the best for you – you can do a lot better.
I recently met this beautiful young lady in Diagon Alley the other day. You might have met her in your school days – Lavender Brown? She's a very pretty girl, I must say. She'd do you wonderfully.
Please cancel this whole thing and come back home – we all miss you and I promise I'll find you a good wife. I'm sure Lavender wouldn't mind coming over for tea sometime. Please reply soon.
Love,
Mum
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Ginny Potter
Date: 6th March
Subject: You can run…but you can't hide!
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TWO days and I still haven't heard from you! Did you fall off the face of the earth or something? DID you cancel the wedding before you fell?
I'm telling you Ron, once and for all: You Can Run But You Can't Hide! And really, do get rid of that bitch while you can.
Ginny
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Bill Weasley
Date: 6th March
Subject: RE: You selfish little prats!
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You are quite the jokester, Ron. I'd have thought that you'd be dead already and that mum'd be in Azkaban for bloody murder. But I suppose miracles do happen.
Honestly Ron, but Pansy? Don't you have any taste?
Okay enough joking and let us look over the issue at hand for once. I'm going to stop reprimanding you and instead, give you some advice considering the fact that I'm the only sensible brother you have (Except for Percy but the prat doesn't count). I'm trying to be a good brother, alright? You're making a huge mistake, hear me? A huge mistake! Will I have to come down to America and knock some sense into you or what? Getting married is a lifetime commitment Ron; you'll be the one going to hell if you marry Parkinson, not the rest of us.
Bill
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To: Ron Weasley
From: Fred Weasley
Date: 6th March
Subject: RE: You selfish little prats!
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You expect too much from us, Ron. Anyway did you find a new wife? Angie told me that mum is planning on hooking you up with -ahem- Lav-Lav. That still wouldn't work though…blonde hair…red hair…save your kids from the embarrassment, dude.
Fred
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To: Ron Weasley
From: George Weasley
Date: 6th March
Subject: RE: You selfish little prats!
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YOU MEAN THIS IS TRUE? GOD! SHIT…
You are good! Anyway send me an e-mail invitation for your funeral too okay? That is unless mum has killed you already.
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To: Ginny Potter, Fred Weasley, George Weasley, Bill Weasley, Percy Weasley, Charlie Weasley, Arthur Weasley, Molly Weasley
From: Ron Weasley
Date: 6th March
Subject: LEAVE ME ALONE!
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Okay I'd appreciate it very much if everyone just stops writing to me. I have gotten sick of it. I wanted my wedding to be a happy occasion but it seems like that's never going to happen if you lot decide to show up. So you know what, stuff it. Who needs family anyway?
I'll make sure this works. Pansy and I WILL live happily together as wife and husband. And mum, please…I have met Lavender. I was (ahem) acquainted with her before and so I'd like it very much if you stop embarrassing me. I can find my own wife, thank you very much.
Till I say you can, please STOP WRITING TO ME! I'll start blocking you all if you don't. Thank you.
Ron
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To: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger
From: Ron Weasley
Date: 6th March
Subject: I am, officially, dead!
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I just basically told my family to fuck off! Basically. (dies)
Ron
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To: Pansy Parkinson
From: Ron Weasley
Date: 6th March
Subject: How are you doing?
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Hello darling,
How are your people taking the news?
Lots of Love,
Ron (Your husband-to-be)
xxx
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A/N2: I hope you guys like it – please review. I couldn't find a way of putting their e-mail addresses which totally sucks! Anyway please review! Thanks!