Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. :-(
A/N: Found this saved in my 'schoolwork' folder. I honestly don't remember writing it, but it was dated for the weekend that I stayed home sick instead of going with the family to visit my grandparents. So I have decided to dedicate this to them, who I was so desperate to avoid that I purposely gave myself food poisoning. I kid you not.
Uchiha Itachi was an S-class missing-nin. He had massacred his entire clan with the exception of his younger brother. Itachi was a part of an exclusive Evil organization. He killed people for fun, and thought rather highly of himself.
Uchiha Itachi was a Badass ninja with a very high cool factor. How else could a guy get away with wearing nail polish without looking like a ponce?
But most of all, Uchiha Itachi was cool as a cucumber and dignified. He did not run around yelling random declarations of his greatness or plans for the future, unlike a certain annoying orange fox-boy. Itachi did not giggle like a pervert and peep at bathing women. Itachi did not loose his temper and make stupid mistakes.
Secretly, Uchiha Itachi was a control-freak. In the Secret Base his bed was always made, his laundry in the hamper, and his books and scrolls were alphabetized on his bookshelf. His desk was at a 45 angle with the door, his kuni were sharpened daily and laced with poison, and his underwear matched his nifty cloak.
It was these facts and habits that made his rather unexpected demise that much more ironic and embarrassing.
It was a crisp autumn day like any other, or at least it was until the battle started. The meeting of Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto on the borders of Wind Country was nothing less than Fate's way of mocking them. Naruto was on his way back to Konoha after a visit with Garra and his siblings. Sasuke was on a mission for Orochimaru, searching as always, for the shortcut to immense power. Itachi was shopping to replace the nail polish that Kisame had spilled onto his fancy carpet. Unfortunately, he would have to find a new partner, seeing as his old one was now decorating the walls of the Secret Base.
Naruto and Sasuke threw insults back and forth before noticing the third person present. Naruto growled menacingly, his fangs growing and eyes going red as he charged up a Rasengan in each hand and split his focus between his two opponents. Sasuke seemed to have forgotten Naruto entirely, and was now focusing only on Itachi as he held a chirping Chidori in one hand while bracing his arm with the other. Sasuke's eyes flashed red and gave him a rather psychotic look as the curse seal danced across his skin.
Itachi smirked smugly. His summons was the coolest! He casually flicked out a kuni and cut his thumb before doing the summoning jutsu, which brought forth the Lion-Boss Simba. Simba was huge. Simba was scary. Simba had an itch. The Lion-Boss yawned loudly and sat down to scratch said itch……
smushgurglegurgleplop
Itachi just happened to be standing in the wrong place at the wrong time. Simba stood up and looked at the smear on the ground with annoyance. The Lion-Boss sniffed distainfully and poofed back to wherever it was he came from.
Naruto and Sasuke sweatdropped. All that was left of the feared Uchiha Itachi was a bloody puddle of ooze on the ground. "That was so lame," Naruto whined, "we didn't even get to fight him. I can't believe his summons sat on him!"
Sasuke gave a 'hn' in agreement and looked down at himself, watching the curse seal retreat. He sighed, "That was not what I envisioned when I dreamed of my brother's death. The event itself was rather anti-climatic. What an embarrassing way for a Shinobi to die. Now what am I going to do?"
Naruto shrugged, "You could come back to Konoha with me. We could say Itachi put some kind of undetectable genjutsu on you that made you seek him out at all costs. With his death you were freed from his evil clutches, and have realized the error of your ways. Tell the Old Lady you seek her forgiveness… blah, blah, blah… just get your sorry ass back on the team."
Sasuke looked at Naruto in shock, "That's actually a good idea, dobe."
Naruto shot Sasuke a dirty look, "Nobody can really be as stupid as I pretend to be, and live as long as I have. Stupid people are always underestimated. By the time the enemy figures out just how brilliant I am, they take that secret to the grave. You can go ahead and tell people if you want, it's not like they'll believe you…"
Both boys were silent for a while before Sasuke's stubborn pride reared its ugly head, "It was a tough battle," Sasuke told him, "See that arm over to the side? That was your doing. You tried to hit him in the face with a Rasengan, but he moved and you only got him in the shoulder. Ripped his arm clean off."
Naruto gave him a foxy grin, "You used my attack as cover, and actually did hit him in the chest with your Chidori. While your arm was still in his chest you activated the second level of your curse seal in excitement and Itachi exploded."
"Hn, I like that," Sasuke nodded his head, "but what do we do if someone wants to see the Exploding Chidori?"
A slow, sadistic smile worked its way across Naruto's face as he turned to look Sasuke in the eye, "You can't demonstrate if you no longer have the seal..."
Sasuke gave a similar disturbing smile in return, "...and the only way to get rid of the seal is the death of the victim or the –"
"-death of the sick bastard that gave it to him. I say we drown him in the shower. We can bring his head back to the Old Lady and the council. Then we'd tell them all about our epic battle where you softened the Snake Bastard up so I could kill him," Naruto ignored Sasuke's noise of disapproval, "It's only fair! If you're the one who killed your brother, then I want credit for Orochimaru…"
The End.