Her fingers felt itchy.

No, not the kind I-just-stuck-my-hand-into-unknown-substance itches. It was more like I-just-saw-this-very-shiny-materia itches but in a different case.

Yuffie stared as Vincent made his way to Tifa with his cape fluttering and his hair glistening under the artificial light. That FULL OF TANGLES hair. Oh, how she wanted to take her various combs and detangles hairspray out of her backpack.

Vincent would never have a bad hair day anymore if he just let the super awesome ninja Yuffie a chance to perform her wicked (admittedly) non-ninja skill when armed with straightening (or curling, it all depended on the hairstyle) iron and hair (gel/spray/mousse, you choose) products. His hair would be all shiny and soft and manageable and fluttering and… Did she mention shiny? Forget that, she could make his hair SPARKLE! Without split ends!

Tifa could attest to that!

'You are so unfair, Leviathan!' Yuffie thought to herself sulkily. 'Why did you give Vinnie, of all people, that hair? I deserve that hair better.' And to improve her sullen mood, she stole Cid's cigarettes right under his nose and chucked it to Vincent who caught it easily. Yuffie aimed a morose (but still cute) pout at him.

Vincent had the gall to ignore her.

The pout turned into a scowl. Nobody was allowed to ignore the beautiful, extra ordinaire ninja Yuffie especially if that person was a vampire with propensity to spout off angsty poem when poked.

"Damn –inserts colorful and creative phrase that she memorize and stow away for future's use- kid! Gimme back my cigarettes, you –another expletives- brat!" On the other hand, Cid was a very ideal person to ignore. Really.

Vincent didn't say anything, only tossing the cancer stick pack to its rightful owner. Cid calmed down after puffing one and took a swig of his tea. It seemed Shera's pregnancy and mood swings is a stressful event. In Yuffie's opinion, Cid deserved it for the long time he made Shera wait. And let's not forget his awful attitude.

But she digressed.

Vincent's hair.

Yuffie was very, very sure it never met its best buddy (aka comb) in the thirty something years he was angsting in the coffin. She knew she saw him once with his hair wet but it was because all the Avalance were trapped in the middle of rainstorm with no shelter around. She didn't want to accuse him of not washing his hair (because apparently he washed his blasted cape every week or after every battle) but she could and would accuse him for not using conditioner.

"Vinnie Valentine. I demand you to go wash your hair and use the conditioner I bought for you at once!"

The conversation around the bar only stopped for a second before it resumed again. All the Avalanche and Tifa's regulars were used to Yuffie's sudden, maniacal exclaim. Especially when a certain lanky someone with claw was around.

"Pardon?"

"Your hair. Wash it." Yuffie said solemnly. "It's a crime against God to neglect those strands."

"Yuffie…" Vincent started patiently but Yuffie was in a roll.

"I mean, gawd, it's tangle galore, Vinnie. The end of your hair spiked everywhere. It's like the long haired version of Cloud! Are you trying to stab someone with your hair like Cloud did to Tifa?" Yuffie ignored the indignant "I did not!" from Cloud. "And your hair is too oily. Are you using oil? Gasp! You aren't trying to imitate Hojo Mojo's hair, are you?"

"Yuffie…" Vincent sighed.

"Well, are you?" Yuffie demanded.

"… I'm not trying to imitate Hojo's hair and I'm not using any oil." Vincent deadpanned with his monotone voice.

"Well then, you should start now! Well, not imitating Mojo's hair, okay. That's just disturbing. What I'm saying is you should try this!" Vincent had to dodge the bottle of conditioner that was coming too close to breaking his nose, courtesy of Yuffie. "It moisturizes you hair's follicle, make your hair silky and smell good! Its scent goes along with your cloth's softener too! Try it!"

Vincent frowned.

"Are you smelling his shirt, brat?!" Cid snorted to his beer. "Never pegged you for a pervert before."

"Shush, you old man. I'm in the middle of something here." She turned her attention back to Vincent and resumed her campaign. "This bottle contains something your hair really, really need, Vinnie. I'm sure you will love it once you try it."

Pushing the advertised conditioner away from his nose again, Vincent sighed. He was tired of being the object of Yuffie's attention. At the rate she's going at, he would have to file a restriction order one of these days. The scissor accident was still too fresh in his mind.

"Yuffie…"

"Yes, Vinnie?" Cue sparkling puppy eyes here.

He could feel a migraine coming. "If I use this product, can you please, please, refrain from harassing me with beauty products again?"

She puffed her cheeks and Vincent resisted the urge to pinch it. "Fine! I'll stop for two weeks!"

"Two months."

"No way! What would happen to that shiny hair and fair skin if the Great Yuffie is not there to rescue it! Two weeks and a half."

"One month and three weeks." It would be enough time for him to find a new hiding place.

"Three weeks!"

"One months and a half."

"Just make it one fucking month and shut the fuck up, you two!" Cid took matter in his own hands.

Yuffie huffed. "Fine, one month. But you better continue the skin regime I gave you."

Vincent sighed for the nth time for the day. "…fine. Just give me that conditioner. I'll use it later."

"What? Do you think I'll just give it without making sure you use it? Nuh uh, Vinnie. We're going upstairs and you'll use it NOW."

Migraine was making itself comfortable. "No, Yuffie."

"Yes, Vinnie."

And so the argument continued until Cid got enough and shoved the two of them into the bathroom. The destruction following that incident was enough to make Tifa ban Yuffie from another regime she wishes to inflict on Vincent. The Avalanche didn't want to search all over the world again if Vincent put his disappearing act.

But, even though she was strapped to the chair and had to endure hours of lecture, Yuffie had the widest grin on her face.

Because at the corner of the room with aura of gloom daring anyone to get closer, Vincent sat with his flowing, soft and shiny hair that would make anyone else jealous.

Her grin just got wider when Red XIII, with all good intention, landed the last blow.

"It really does smell better, Vincent."

Fin

AN: Found it when cleaning up my comp. Remember I have an account in ff net, so I decide to post it. No beta reader so please forgive me if the tenses are confusing. Thank you for reading it.