"Feelings Mean I'm Sober!"

Summary: Karen based/cantered fic. Karen's past may contain the reason of why she is the way she is. It may hold the clues to her secrets? And it could answer the questions of why she pops so many pills, why she drinks so much and why she has so many botox injections. What are these secrets of hers? What is her past? Will anyone save her from self destruction?

A/N: This is my first Will&Grace ff! Please be kind! Hope you all like it... i do! lol! Karen and Jack are my favourite characters because they're so silly but i thought i'd write a fan fiction with Karen being the main one (coz she's 1 of the most interesting and coz i love her!) and about her life coz it seems so hard.

Chapter 1! –Hang Overs Only Hurt In The Morning!

An empty bottle of vodka stood tall next to the empty martini glass that had once held its contents drink after drink but now held only a toothpick pieced through an olive.

A woman lay on the couch; she had drunk herself to the state of losing consciousness. But this wasn't the first time she had done such a thing, no. She was a pro; an expert at holding her liquor which is why it was no surprise that one bottle hadn't been enough. No the bottle on the glass table top was one in a long line of bottles that had once held alcohol only the day before. All of which had helped the woman fall into a dark and dreamless sleep.

The woman stirred in her sleep and opened her eyes. She sat up and looked around squinting at the newfound light. Which was extremely bright and almost blinding compared to the blackness of her mind from her last 'nap'. She groaned and put her hand to her head, the room was spinning and she felt ill, flopping back down onto the couch she closed her eyes and tried to stop the spinning and fall back to sleep.

The mahogany wood double doors burst open and a short, stocky, Hispanic looking woman wearing a maid's uniform and ski jack came in pulling a cleaning cart behind her. She surveyed the room, noticing the empty bottles on the floor and the one on the table she knew what must have happened.

'Gotten drunk again and passed out probably.' She thought. Then looking over to the couch she noticed the woman on the couch.

"Miss Karen." She called softly. There was no response so the woman moved closer.

"Miss Karen." She called again. Still no answer. The maid sedged closer again.

"Miss Karen." She repeated louder this time.

The woman, now known as 'Miss Karen', groaned and waved her hand at the other woman.

"Rosey go away. I'm busy." She moaned. 'Rosey' walked over to Karen, not having had a very good start to the day was not ready to but up with Karen intoxicated in the room she was supposed to be cleaning because Karen would yell at her when she regain her remaining brain cells. She reached down and pulled at Karen. Karen struggled away, pulling herself out of Rosey's grip she yelled.

"Get off me!" Rosey threw her hands up in the air in defeat and then put them on her hips.

"Get up you drunken witch! Get up!" Rosey yelled. Karen sat up, the pain in her head was worse than ever with all this yelling. She felt like her head was being spilt in two and she wasn't in the mood to be ordered around by her maid.

"Rosario I am up and my God you better bring me three of my hangover cures in the next five minutes because … because if you don't I swear you will be on a boat with some chickens going back to where ever the hell you came from so fast you won't even be able to say enchiladas!" Karen screamed. Rosario knew when not to piss Karen off and this was one of those times.

"Yes Miss Karen But I have to clean the room." Rosario protested.

"No you don't… I'm letting you off just this once." Karen said.

"Thank-you Miss Karen." Rosario said. Fearing she would be known as soft Karen quickly covered for herself.

"But remember mess with me again and you'll be on the boat." She said.

"Yes Miss Karen." Rosario said.

"Now where's by hangover cures?" Karen demanded. Rosario sighed and walked to the door.

"Drunken witch." She muttered under her breath as she left the room, taking the cleaning cart with her and shutting the door leaving Karen alone again. Karen sighed and made her way over to her wardrobe. She changed out of the tight, black, custom made suit and slipped into a pair of comfortable pyjamas and a white, fluffy bath robe.

A minute or two later Rosario returned with a bottle of Jack Daniels, vodka and some bourbon.

"Here you go Miss Karen." She said handing her the bottles.

"Thank-you Rosey now leave me alone." Karen said and Rosario did so.

Karen stared at the three bottles in front of her.

'Choices, choices, choices! All the wonderful choices.' She thought to herself. 'Who shall it be this time boys?' She reached out for the vodka but stopped mid air. She glanced around the room; most of the bottles were vodka with a couple of wine bottles and a champagne bottle or two thrown in. She pulled her hand back and continued staring. She reached out and grabbed the Jack Daniels.

'Well then Jack it's you and me for now.' She thought. Karen laughed. 'Jack... remindes me of my Jackie! Because youboth always make me feel better and i'll always chose you first!'Shethen unscrewed the cap and took a big gulp. Karen sat down on her bed and took a few more gulps before muttering to herself.

"I hate the silence."

She stood up and walked over to the stereo. She looked through her collection of CD's before smiling. She pulled one out from the rows and inserted the CD. She then found the right track and press the 'play' button. She then walked back to the bed as the starting notes of 'Take Lots With Alcohol' by Alkaline Trio played.

Hello what the hell am I doin' here
That's a really nice suit
This is a really comfortable chair
See I don't know if you can help me or not
Cause I don't feel sick
But the pains in my head have almost put me
Underground

I don't really care if I'm healthy or not
Just clean my head up doc
I'll give you anything you want
See I don't know why I don't fall in love
Well maybe I know why and maybe you could make it stop
Then we'll cut it up and bury it and leave it
Underground

Karen dropped the empty bottle of Jack Daniels to her side and grabbed blindly at the vodka, she managed to get the top up and guzzled most of the contents.

And I'll take to wishing and fall under
Sleeping safe and sound
Just give me medicine prescribe me anything
Just knock me out and walk me through the door
I have no desire to see through my own eyes anymore

Hello what the hell are you doing here
You made a really strange face
This is a really uncomfortable air
I see I'm boring you, maybe I bore myself too
That's why I need help, I'm cleaning blood off dusty shelves

With the bottle a Jack Daniels empty at her side Karen gulped the last mouthfuls of the vodka and grabbed the bourbon.

I been cut up in this room so many times it might take days
And those stress cracks in the wood
How nicely they soak up the stains
Been telling myself these jokes for so long well so long
I'm a has been who is heckled on the stage

Karen pulled herself up off the floor and made her way to the bathroom. Some days she thought about quitting, quitting all the booze and pills. On those days she almost forgets why she does it all. But then she looks in the mirror. Karen stared at her reflection in the mirror; she grimaced in disgust at what she saw. She reminded herself of the past and what she used to be. But when she was drunk or on a high she couldn't feel anything. That was a good thing; she could look in the mirror then and not feel the pain, anger, hurt or rejection. When she was wasted she couldn't feel anything and if she couldn't feel anything she couldn't relive the memories of the past that haunts her. Karen stared at her reflection and guzzled more of the bourbon in her hand.

Yes Karen Walker was afraid to feel and Karen Walker was even more afraid to remember.

A/N: i think i may have inadvertanly killed Karen with the amount of alcohol but she does drink a lot. Just ignore it please!

Hope you liked it!

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JESSA!

xoxoxo!