"Last time on The Smashy Amazing Race," said Master Hand, "Eleven teams set off on a race around the Nintendo Universe!"

"Go!" said Master Hand.

"From the starting line, Kirby and Jigglypuff had an excellent task, instantly winning over a taxi driver with their cuteness!"

"Okay! Okay! I'll drive you to the airport, you cute little puffball!" said the taxi driver, whimpering as well.

"Uh… their flight leaves in ten minutes…" said Kirby, suddenly cheered up. "So you'll have to drive four times faster then."

"I'm not going to-"

"Cancer!" said Kirby, starting to break into tears.

"OKAY!" said the taxi driver, starting to cry, and pressing the acceleration pedal as hard as he could.

Kirby suddenly stopped crying, and started smiling, enjoying the 480kmph taxi ride.

"Meanwhile, Nana and Luigi had a minor mishap!"

Nana pulled out a shotgun and levelled it at Luigi's chest. "One last chance."

Luigi stared at the gun. "You-a wouldn't shoot me."

"Yes, I would," said Nana.

"No-a you wouldn't," said Luigi.

Nana shot him.

"See?" said Nana. "I will shoot you."

"Uh…" said Master Hand quietly, "I do believe he's dead."

"Teams travelled to Onett, where they had to go through a real road block!" said Master Hand. "But it was Kirby and Jigglypuff who came in first!"

Jigglypuff kissed Kirby on the cheek, and then they did a high-five.

"But Nana and Luigi just could not communicate…"

"Come on, Luigi, hurry," said Nana, dragging along Luigi's body, who had no skin on his head now, because all of the skin dropped off, due to his head being dragged along the ground.

"…causing them to come in last place and be eliminated!"

"Nana and Luigi, you are the last team to arrive, which makes you eliminated from the race," said Master Hand.

"Teams then travelled to Sauria, where Bowser and Ganondorf surged ahead on a boulder throwing detour…"

Bowser used all of his strength, ran up the hill, overtook Kirby and tossed the boulder off the cliff.

"Which helped them finish in first place!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Ganondorf, waving his fist in the air.

"But it was Pichu's size that caused Mewtwo and Pichu to fall from fourth place to last place!"

A boulder landed on Pichu.

"The nine remaining teams then flew to Corneria, where Samus and Falcon excelled on a rock climbing task!" said Master Hand.

"We've got to find a way to motivate us to climb up there quickly!" said Falcon, looking at the top of the rock climbing wall.

"I know," said Samus, "If you're not up there in ten seconds, I'll kill you!"

"Hahaha," laughed Falcon, "good one!"

"ONE!" said Samus, firmly.

Captain Falcon continued laughing.

"TWO!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon hesitated, realising that it might not be a joke.

"THREE!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon realised that it wasn't a joke.

"FOUR!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon hurriedly clipped himself to his harness, and started climbing up the wall.

"FIVE!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon scampered up the wall.

"SIX!" shouted Samus.

Captain Falcon made it up to the top.

Samus shot Captain Falcon in the head.

"OW!" shouted Captain Falcon, "What was that for?"

"But Link and Marth had a bad leg, causing them to come in last place!"

"At least we had fun, got to see the world, got to appreciate our fans…" said Link.

"Teams then went to and experienced Hyrule, where they had to drink large quantities of milk!" said Master Hand.

"You're going to drink those two litres," said Samus, bluntly.

"No way!" said Falcon.

"And you're going to do it in a minute," said Samus, loading her gun.

"Uh… okay…" said Falcon, sweating.

"Fox and Roy, who made a blunder on an already completed Fast Forward… came in last!"

"Oh no!" said Fox, pointing. "There's the nerds already!"

"In the next leg, the seven remaining teams encountered some yield drama!" said Master Hand. "Bowser and Ganondorf arrived at the yield first…"

"Who should we Yield?" asked Ganondorf. "It's up to you Bowser."

Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy.

Bowser looked at Samus clenching her fists, and looked scared.

Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy.

Bowser looked at Samus clenching her fists, and looked scared.

Bowser looked at the cute puffballs, and smiled in joy.

"Yield Samus, I can't Yield someone so cute!" said Bowser.

Bowser put Samus and Falcon's name on the yield board.

"…yielding Samus and Falcon! This was met by a less than warm response by Samus!"

"I'm going to kill you!" screamed Samus.

"Do your worst," laughed Ganondorf.

Samus killed Ganondorf.

"But the yield paid off, as they arrived in first!" said Master Hand.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are team number one!" said Master Hand.

"Yes!" said Ganondorf, doing a triumphant fist movement.

"…while Peach and Mario were given a reprieve for arriving in last!"

"…pleased to tell you, this is a non-elimination leg!" said Master Hand.

"Teams then travelled to Kanto, where each team faced an unexpected personal cliffhanger!"

"I'm sorry to disturb you, but we have a warrant," said the police officer, "for her arrest."

The police officer pointed at Zelda.

"You can't just… arrest me!" said Zelda, shocked.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

…

A deep voice at the other end of the line muttered something.

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff, not managing to make out the voice.

"What's he saying?" asked Kirby.

"I dunno, something about there being a bomb in this taxi!" said Jigglypuff, cheerfully.

Cue the dramatic orchestral music.

"And despite leaving their passports behind and losing time, Bowser and Ganondorf arrived in first!"

"Hurrah!" said Bowser.

"And with a close call in the bottom three…"

Ness stepped on the pit stop mat. "Come on, you only have eight seconds! Sprint Yoshi, sprint!"

"…we unfortunately had to say goodbye to Peach and Mario!"

"You've been eliminated! Forever! Haha! Whoo!" screamed Master Hand. "Yes! YESSS! You so had it coming, you know? Our viewers absolutely hate you! AND YOU'RE OUT! YOU SUCK! YOU'RE FINISHED! And what's more, no ratings deals for you! You… all… suck! Ha! Take that! Not so funny now, are you? And now we'll get strong ratings again and beat that stupid show with Sonic and the talking stick on channel 5! SUCK!"

"Teams then went to tropical Isle Delfino, where with the help of the locals, Kirby and Jigglypuff excelled on a squid carrying task!"

"Don't worry guys, I'll help you!" said a bearded middle-aged man walking up to them, picking up a squid.

"Gee, thanks! What a kind person you are!" said Kirby.

"I'm also a kind person!" said a small man appearing out of nowhere, taking a squid.

"You're all too kind!" said Kirby, smiling cheerfully.

"But our mean boss won't give us food if we don't carry all of the squid over there in five minutes!" cried Jigglypuff, suddenly waking up.

A crowd of people rushed over and started to help carry all of the squid.

"But it was Zelda and Donkey Kong who stole the show!"

"Well, you're the first team to arrive!" said Master Hand.

"Woo," said Zelda.

"But after being Yielded, Young Link and Popo were eliminated!" said Master Hand.

"It's just been so great to have this opportunity to do this race," said a fortunate Young Link, "There are underprivileged children in this world that cannot have access to such basic needs, such as water-"

Master Hand hit Young Link with a brick.

"It was then off to Donkey Kong Island, where Kirby finally found his forte in an eating Fast Forward!"

"Banana crayfish!" said the waiter triumphantly, unveiling the dish.

"Is this like an appetiser?" said Kirby, swallowing and yawning at the same time.

"A WHOLE COW!" said the waiter triumphantly and slightly annoyed. "FINELY FRIED AND PREPARED BY THE-"

Kirby burped.

"A METAL DEEP-FRIED VASE!" shrieked the chef running out from the kitchen, violently unveiling the meal, "POSSIBLY ONE OF THE HARDEST TO CHE-"

"What's next?" said Kirby, swallowing the last bit.

"This helped them to finish in first place!" said Master Hand.

"Yay!" cheered Jigglypuff excitedly.

"While Samus and Falcon were given a reprieve just to spite Ness and Yoshi!" said Master Hand.

"And I'm sorry to tell you," said Master Hand sadly, "You have been eliminated from the race."

"YESS!" cheered Ness and Yoshi.

Falcon started to cry, "Samus, I just wanted to tell you, even though you might not like me, I'll always be happy to be able to do these things with you! And I hope you find it within-"

"No, who am I kidding?" laughed Master Hand. "This is a non-elimination leg! You guys are still in the race! But I'll have to take your bags and what not."

Ness and Yoshi stared jaw-dropped in disbelief.

"Teams then ventured on to Mute City, where Falcon excelled on a driving task!"

Captain Falcon zoomed past the chequered flags.

"That's not only an acceptable time," said a man from course maintenance, "That's a new course record!"

"Happy with that now?" said Falcon, raising his eyebrows.

"Well actually," said Samus, impressed, "I'm quite amazed with your-"

Falcon, not looking at anything in front of him, crashed into a lamppost.

"…lack of co-ordination," said Samus, quickly changing to an unimpressed look, "Ness is doing better than you!"

"Samus and Falcon arrived in first, while a yielded Ness and Yoshi had to say goodbye."

"We choose to Yield Ness and Yoshi!" said Jigglypuff, sticking Ness and Yoshi's photo onto the board.

"How dare you!" said Ness angrily.

"Courtesy of Kirby and Jigglypuff!" said Jigglypuff, pasting her picture on the bottom right of the sign.

"How sad," said Master Hand, clearing his throat, "Teams then went off to Fourside, where they had to work with another team, causing much frustration!"

"Um, okay," said Jigglypuff, looking carefully at the clue. "One of these is called Grind…"

"Yes, yes," said Ganondorf impatiently.

"…and the other one is called Blind," said Jigglypuff, pronouncing each word ve-ry care-ful-ly.

"And Samus and Falcon arrived in last for the second time, but were given a reprieve!"

"WHAT?!" said Ness and Yoshi, outraged.

"Yay!" said Samus and Falcon.

"On the last elimination leg, Samus and Falcon missed a flight by four hours!"

"The flight is full," said the airline worker, "Sorry, you're going to have to go on an 11:00 flight."

"What?" said Samus angrily, holding a crowbar up to the worker's throat.

"But despite this, their grave digging and zombie climbing skills paid off, catching them up to first place!"

"So how do you guys feel?" said Master Hand, "You've come last twice and been yielded, but you've made it! How good does it feel to be in the final three?"

"We were expecting it," said Samus, smirking. "After all, I am so awesome!"

Samus beamed proudly.

"But Zelda and Donkey Kong's decision to sell milk backfired on them…"

"I don't get it!" said Donkey Kong, frustrated, "Are we just going in the wrong locations?"

"I know why!" said Zelda, snapping her fingers, "We just need a slogan and a jingle, and then they'll be begging to buy the milk!"

Zelda grabbed a whiteboard and started to brainstorm, much to the objection of the other people in the unemployment agency they were standing in.

"…eliminating them from the race!"

"But you know what?" said Donkey Kong, "We don't have to win the race anyway, because I'm already a winner!"

"Really?" said Zelda, happily.

"Yeah," said Donkey Kong.

Zelda and Donkey Kong kissed.

"Aww," said the production crew sweetly.

Zelda and Donkey Kong jumped at the same time, both realising that they had been taped.

"Were you taping that?" said Donkey Kong, shocked.

"Yep," said Master Hand.

"Um… well… er…" said Donkey Kong nervously.

Zelda and Donkey Kong both broke down into tears.

"Aww," said the production crew sweetly.

"Can Kirby and Jigglypuff overcome their physical disadvantages and use their cuteness to their advantage? Can Samus and Falcon, with their yo-yo finishes, maintain first place to win the race? Or can Bowser and Ganondorf muscle their way through to first place?" said Master Hand.

"On this double-length finale, one of these three teams will win The Smashy Amazing Race and a million dollars! Who will it be? Find out, now!"

The Teams (with descriptions not from IStalkKirby, but from Jigglypuff)

Kirby and Jigglypuff (Theywintheywintheywin)

Bowser and Ganondorf (Teehee. Funny. I think they win)

Samus and Falcon (ARGH INTER-SEASON BIAS. But I think they win)

Samus and Falcon
1st to depart: 3:28 AM

"I think as I am the dominant male," said Falcon proudly, "I should open the last departure-"

Samus punched Falcon in the stomach and opened the clue.

"You must now fly to your final destination, the Mushroom Kingdom!" read Samus.

"Teams must now fly to the Mushroom Kingdom, the final destination in the race around the universe!" said Master Hand, "Once teams are there, they must drive themselves in a marked car to Luigi Raceway, a famous stadium in the Mushroom Racing Circuit! Once they arrive, they must search the stands for their next clue!"

"Final leg," said Samus.

"I know," said Falcon, slightly emotional, "This is going to be the last time I'm going to spend on this race with you! We'll still be friends after, right?"

"Whatever," said Samus.

"We'll be best friends for life, right?" said Falcon, smiling immaturely.

"Just shut up, Falcon," said Samus angrily. "What's with you? One moment you're the most desperate guy I've ever known, and then in stages, you're immature as-"

Samus noticed Falcon giggling incessantly as he touched her chest area on her suit.

Samus glared at Falcon angrily.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
2nd to depart: 3:30 AM

"You must now fly to your final destination, the Mushroom Kingdom!" read Kirby, "Once there, you must make your way to 'Luigi Raceway'. You have seventy-eight dollars for the final leg of the race, good luck."

"Come on, Jigs, let's go!" said Kirby, dragging along an emotional Jigglypuff.

"I want to say goodbye to the hotel staff!" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"You can as we walk along," said Kirby, slightly annoyed, pulling Jigglypuff along.

"Bye Larry!" said Jigglypuff to the janitor as she was being pulled along.

"Bye Jigglypuff!" replied Larry, waving in a friendly manner.

"Bye Laura!" said Jigglypuff, waving to the maid.

"Bye Jigglypuff! Good luck!" replied the maid sweetly.

"Bye Jim!" said Jigglypuff to another cleaner.

"Bye," replied Jim in a deep, masculine cleaner-like voice.

"Wow," said Kirby impressed, dragging Jigglypuff along, "How do you know all of these people?"

"I'm just a very sociable person," boasted Jigglypuff.

Kirby waddled along with Jigglypuff up to Samus, who was painting Falcon's severed head in his own blood, decorating his ears with his internal bodily organ, cackling as she recited a witches' curse.

Kirby and Jigglypuff stared in shock.

"Aah!" screamed Jigglypuff, panicking.

"How could you do that?" said Kirby, concerned, "Jigs, you're concerned for Falcon too, right?"

"Oh, that's right! That's his name, Falcon!" chuckled Jigglypuff, "And what's the suit monster's name?"

"Samus," said Kirby, backing away.

"Oh, okay," said Jigglypuff, hopping into a taxi. "Bye Samus!"

Jigglypuff sat down in the taxi and then made several, large vigorous movements in shock.

"Samus killed Falcon?" she screamed.

"I thought you knew when you were panicking when you saw the body," said Kirby, confused.

"No, silly," laughed Jigglypuff, "I was panicking because I couldn't remember their names!"

"Yay!" cheered Kirby and Jigglypuff.

…

"But the whole body thing was pretty bad as well," said Jigglypuff, trying to sound concerned.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Last to depart: 4:02 AM

"You must now fly to your final destination, the Mushroom Kingdom!" read Bowser, "Once there, you must make your way to 'Luigi Raceway'. You have seventy-eight dollars for the final leg of the race, good luck."

"Come on," said Ganondorf, dragging Bowser into a taxi.

"Don't worry," cackled Bowser evilly, "They'll slow down as I slipped my industrial-strength steroids that I take every morning in their complimentary juices!"

Bowser cackled heartily. In an evil way.

"I'd hate to break it to you…" said Ganondorf nervously, "But… the steroids I gave to you were… placebo…"

"What?" said Bowser, shocked.

"So they won't feel any effect," said Ganondorf.

"But that's impossible!" said Bowser, outraged, "Ever since I've been taking those pills I've been gaining muscle tone and-"

"Bowser, it's because you're going through-"

Ken Jones

"Due to a complaint by the council of 'Families who will not let the television educate their children about life's lessons council', the current sentence has been omitted."

Bowser and Ganondorf

"YOU LIE!!!!" screamed Bowser, exasperated, "Look! I'm still a kid!"

Bowser climbed desperately onto a swing (which is completely logical seeing that they are currently inside a taxi), which then proceeded to break due to his weight.

Bowser cried.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"I think we just overtook Samus and Falcon," said Kirby, peering nervously.

"How could we overtake them so quickly?" said Jigglypuff, confused.

"Yeah," said Kirby, also confused.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"Great," said Falcon impatiently, "Our last taxi trip to an airport and we get a hippy taxi driver that thinks fuel is evil! What worse could happen?"

Captain Falcon glared at the taxi driver angrily as he glided along the freeway on neutral gear.

"Why won't you just use the fuel?" said Falcon impatiently.

"Fuel is murder!" said the taxi driver in a stereotypically hippy voice. "The environment is everything to me, man!"

"You would realise then that your steering wheel has small amounts of animal product in it…" said Falcon slyly.

"Aah!" screamed the taxi driver, frantically pulling the steering wheel and throwing it out of the window.

"I guess I outsmarted him," said Falcon proudly.

Due to the lack of a steering wheel, the car careened off the freeway and into a deep high-current sea of water.

"Great job," said Samus angrily, engulfed in water.

"At least I get to drown with you baby," said Falcon suggestively, the water levels rising to his chest.

Samus pointed to her air-tight suit.

"NUUEZ!" screamed Falcon, drowning.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in Last Place

"We are in last place," said Bowser to the camera, "But we are prepared to do the lowest, cheapest things to win this race. And-"

Bowser noticed Ganondorf was attempting to rip the head of a crying boy off his body.

"Ganondorf! What are you doing?" said Bowser, hysterical.

"Ripping the head off a kid," said Ganondorf, successfully pulling the part off, a stream of blood rushing down onto his chest.

"Oh, okay," said Bowser.

…

"That's not necessary!" said Bowser angrily. "How is ripping the head off a kid going to help-"

"Well we're going to do the lowest, cheapest-"

"Fair enough," said Bowser.

…

Threed Airport

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"There's the ticket desk!" said Kirby.

"But there's such a big line!" said Jigglypuff, shocked, pointing to the many businessmen lining up.

Kirby sighed. "I guess we're just going to have to result to-"

"Chaarge!" screamed Jigglypuff, starting to run in a jousting style, holding up a javelin.

"Jigs," said Kirby annoyed, "We're going to be cute, and the people in the lines are going to let us in front of us."

"But Kirby," said Jigglypuff, slightly teary, "I want to-"

"Jigs, threatening people with a javelin is not going to help us get into line," said Kirby.

"Fine," sulked a defeated Jigglypuff. She cast an unhappy look at Kirby.

"C'mon, let's go," said Kirby, running into the line with Jigglypuff.

"Hmph," said Jigglypuff, tossing the javelin away into the crowd.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"Get tickets, come on," said Samus, throwing Falcon out of the taxi.

Falcon looked at the puffballs running through the line.

"Great, the puffballs are already here!" said Falcon.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"'scuse me," said Kirby, shuffling through a businessman's legs, "Cuties coming through!"

"Aww," said the businessman happily.

"Excuse me," said Kirby, waddling through another businessman's legs.

"Coming through!" screamed Jigglypuff, violently pushing the businessman over.

All of the people nearby gasped, and looked shocked at Jigglypuff, gazing stunned at her.

Jigglypuff rolled her eyes nervously. "Uh…"

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

"Aww," said everyone affectionately.

Jigglypuff violently pushed over another businessman waiting in line.

Everybody looked in shock at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff rolled her eyes nervously. "Uh…"

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

"Aww," said everyone.

"Coming through!" screamed Jigglypuff manically, piercing the next three people in front of her with a javelin.

Everyone stared in shock.

Jigglypuff rolled her eyes nervously. "Uh…"

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff cried slightly.

"Aww," said everyone.

"COMING THROUGH!!!!" screamed Jigglypuff manically, frothing at the mouth, pushing the twelve people in front of her in the line over, their intestines spilling out from their stomachs due to the violent speed at which she knocked them over.

Everyone stared in shock.

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff cried slightly.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff did a cute tap-dance.

Everybody stared angrily at Jigglypuff.

"But… but…" uttered a small child in the ground. "Daddy, why isn't the Jiggypuff being nice? Why is it so mean?

"I'll kill you, kid," hissed Jigglypuff.

"You wouldn't," said the kid, poking the tongue out.

"DIE SCHMUCK!" screamed Jigglypuff, shooting the kid in a gansta-style.

"Aww," said everyone affectionately.

"Jigs, let's just get the tickets and go," said Kirby.

"No!" snapped Jigglypuff, pulling her arm away from him. "I want to be a bad guy too! Why do all the other teams get the fun?"

Kirby stared at her, confusion on his face. "But… we're not bad people…"

"I can be bad," said Jigglypuff, painting cut-lines on her wrists.

"That's not bad," said Kirby, "that's just… um…"

"Wait, you're suicidal?" said a random woman in the crowd.

"What?" said Kirby.

"The Jigglypuff is suicidal!" shouted another random. "Look, there are cut-lines on her wrists?"

"Where is this going?" said Kirby. "I don't think there's anyway that we could possibly resolve this now…"

"SUICIDAL!?" shouted large numbers of people in the crowd.

"Um…" said Jigglypuff.

"That's so sad…" wept several people in the line.

"What?" said Jigglypuff in surprise.

"Here, you can have my place in the line," said someone next to them.

"No, mine!" said someone further up.

"No, take mine!" said someone even further up.

"No, stand here, you poor thing!" cried the man at the front of the queue.

"No, here!" cried the ticket lady.

Kirby and Jigglypuff waddled up to the front.

"Victory!" said Jigglypuff very, very quietly.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"I can't believe it!" said Samus angrily, running through the line, "You let Kirby and Jigglypuff overtake us, and they took out everyone in this airport before I could harm them!"

"I'm sorry Samus," said Falcon, "I mean, if there was any living person alive here I'd gladly hold him and let you beat him up just to show how sorry I am!"

Samus looked around the airport carefully for living souls.

"I guess there's no-one here!" said Falcon, flaunting the movement in his body that indicated that he was alive. "No-one alive here that you could beat up!"

Samus smiled evilly at Falcon.

"What?" said Falcon, confused.

Samus smiled evilly at Falcon.

"Oh by the way," said Falcon, "I had a check-up yesterday and the doctor kept on telling me how alive I was, you know what I'm saying?"

Samus pounced.

"Aaah!" screamed Falcon, as if his organs were being pulled out (they were).

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"I can give you a 10:00 AM Mushroom Air flight that lands at 12:30 PM local time," said the lady at the desk.

"Okay," said Kirby, "We'll take that."

Kirby and Jigglypuff
On Mushroom Air Flight

Samus and Falcon
On Mushroom Air Flight

"We're on the same flight as Kirby and Jigglypuff," said Samus, taking the tickets.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in Last Place

"Come on, Ganondorf," said Bowser, running into the airport, "We can catch the same flight!"

Bowser and Ganondorf ran up to the ticket desk.

"Can we have the quickest flight available to the Mushroom Kingdom?" said Bowser.

"Yep, a 10:00 Mushroom Air flight," said the man at the ticket desk.

"Okay, we'll take it," said Bowser.

Bowser and Ganondorf
On Mushroom Air Flight

Samus and Falcon

"Damn, we're neck and neck," said Samus angrily.

"All teams are now on the same flight to their final destination of the race, Mushroom Kingdom!" said Master Hand, "Once teams arrive, they must make their way to this racing circuit, where they will find their next clue!"

Mushroom Air Flight

Bowser and Ganondorf

"We all are absolutely equal to the brim," said Ganondorf, "We're even in the same row of seats, there's quite an awkwardness to it…
"Everyone here wants the win and as a result of that, this whole flight has just been full of awkward stares at one another. It's so tense and-"

"Hahaha!" laughed an intoxicated Bowser at Jigglypuff's Samus impression.

"It's supposed to be tense and awkward, damnit!" said Ganondorf angrily.

"We just want to have fun," said Bowser in a laid-back voice.

"It's tense and serious!" argued Ganondorf.

Ganondorf looked at Samus. "You agree with me Samus, right?"

"Well," said Samus in a surprisingly cheerful voice, "I actually think that it's good that we get to know each-"

"Aagh!" said Ganondorf angrily, "I'm going to smoke in the toilets!"

Ganondorf stormed off.

"No you're not!" said Jigglypuff happily.

"And why is that?" replied Ganondorf angrily.

"Because it's illegal!" cheered the other five racers on the flight in unison.

"Grr…" said Ganondorf angrily.

Mushroom Air Flight
Landed at 12:38 PM

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

"Let's go!" said Samus, jumping out of her seat as the seatbelt light switched off.

"But Samus," said Falcon, being dragged along, "I left my headphones in the-"

"No time for belongings!" said Samus angrily.

"But I left my passport in the plane!" said Falcon, panicking, "We'll never make it thr-"

Samus, holding the production crew and Falcon in front of her, rammed her way straight through customs.

"Oh," said Falcon, still being carried along.

Samus smiled, "That will teach you never to worry if you leave your bags-"

"My medication!" screamed Falcon, melting into a latex-ish-liquid.

"?" said Samus.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 2nd Place

"Come on, Jigs," said Kirby, dragging Jigglypuff along, "This is the most important part of the race!"

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, "And why's that?"

"Because if we come first, we win one million dollars!" cheered Kirby.

"Wait, we?" said Jigglypuff, confused.

"Yeah, us! As a team!" cheered Kirby.

"I thought the money was mine…" muttered Jigglypuff.

"Pardon?" said Kirby.

"Oh nothing!" said Jigglypuff, whistling.

A light bulb appeared over Jigglypuff's head, resulting in Jigglypuff physically forcing the taxi driver to detour in a drive-thru coffee shop. Jigglypuff swiftly purchased two coffees, forced the taxi driver to go to the local chemicals store and then bought several barrels of rat poison.

"Jigs, what are you doing?" said Kirby suspiciously as the taxi drove back on the way to its' destination.

"Um…" said Jigglypuff, putting away the open barrel of poison, "Would you like some coffee?"

Jigglypuff cheerfully held out a suspiciously acidic and green cup of coffee.

"Uh…" said Kirby, chuckling nervously, "No thanks…"

"Look, it's perfectly safe!" said Jigglypuff, taking a sip.

"Jigs, you just drank poison!" said Kirby, alarmed.

"Don't worry, I switched-"

Jigglypuff noticed the cup of coffee she didn't drink was the safe drink.

"NUEZ!" screamed Jigglypuff.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in Last Place

"Take us to Luigi Raceway!" said Bowser, hopping in a taxi.

"Honestly Bowser, why are we so slow getting out of these planes?" said Ganondorf angrily, "They've probably won the entire race already!"

"I'm sorry!" said Bowser angrily, "I'm just touchy when they request me to book two seats!"

"Then book two seats and you won't get stuck!" said Ganondorf, frustrated.

"I booked three seats and I still got stuck!" said Bowser angrily.

Luigi Raceway

Samus and Falcon

"Thanks!" said Falcon, hopping out of the taxi, "Hopefully our second-last taxi trip of the race!"

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"There's Samus and Falcon being dropped off!" said Kirby, tense, running around in circles.

Samus and Falcon

"Where are you, stupid clue?" said Samus angrily.

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"There's the cluebox, right behind Samus!" said Kirby nervously. "Quick Jigs, create a diversion so she doesn't see me!"

"Got it!" said Jigglypuff.

"And whatever you do," said Kirby firmly, "Don't let her turn around!"

"Okay!" said Jigglypuff.

Samus and Falcon

"Where's this freaking clue?" said Samus, distracted, looking in the stands of the stadium for the clue box.

"Hi guys!" said Jigglypuff, running in front of Samus wearing a top hat.

"Hi Jigglypuff," said Samus, frustrated.

"Guess what I'm doing?" said Jigglypuff, giving the signal for Kirby to take a clue.

"What?" said Samus impatiently, as Kirby ran behind her and took a clue.

"I'm creating…"

Kirby mouthed a gigantic 'NO' to Jigglypuff.

"…a diversion!" announced Jigglypuff.

Kirby smacked his head.

"From what?" said Samus.

"Jigglypuff, not the right idea," said Kirby, annoyed.

"The cluebox right behind you!" said Jigglypuff helpfully.

Kirby smacked his head again.

"Well guess what?" said Samus proudly, "…I don't believe you!"

Samus poked her tongue out at Jigglypuff, who was frantically trying to turn Samus's head so she would look at the cluebox.

"Samus, the clue is right behind you," said Falcon.

"Oh," said Samus suspiciously, "Are you on it as well? Am I being Punk'd, huh?"

Falcon smacked his head.

"Jigs, read the clue!" said Kirby, panicking.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

"Detour!" read Kirby, "Strength or Speed?"

"Detour!" said Master Hand in a dramatic voice, "A detour is a choice between two tasks, in this final detour: Strength or Speed!"
"In Strength, teams must go to this stadium warehouse and transport the parts of an entire go-kart seventy five metres to this pit stop lane! Once teams are here, they will be guided by a professional to assemble the kart, and they must carry it around one lap of the circuit (one kilometre) for their next clue!
"In Speed, team members must each man a go-kart and race four circuit professionals in a five-lap race! If both team members finish in the top three for the race, they will be handed their next clue! This may seem easy, but teams must remember that who they are racing against are the top competitors for their sport!"

"Come on Jigs, last detour! What should we do?" said Kirby. "I want to drive on a go-kart!"

"Fine… we'll carry stuff…" said Jigglypuff angrily.

"Jigs, I said we were going to do the go-karts," said Kirby.

"Fiine…" said Jigglypuff, rolling her eyes.

"Jigs, we're doing the go-karts!" said Kirby, confused.

"But I want to do the go-karts!" said Jigglypuff, sulking.

"Then we'll do the go-karts!" said Kirby hysterically.

"I want to carry stuff!" screamed Jigglypuff angrily.

Kirby sighed.

"Okay, we'll assemble and carry the go-karts," sighed Kirby.

"But I want to drive the car!" cried Jigglypuff.

"Then we'll drive the car," said Kirby.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff, dragging Kirby off to the go-kart assembly area.

"Jigs, this is the carrying stuff area," said Kirby.

"Then we'll carry stuff," said Jigglypuff harshly.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Interview before leg

"Jigglypuff's uh… a bit wishy-washy sometimes," chuckled Kirby.

"I'm not!" denied Jigglypuff.

"Okay, I guess she isn't that wishy-washy," said Kirby, "I'm just exaggerating a bit. Maybe I'm wrong, Jigglypuff isn't wishy-washy I guess."

Kirby chuckled.

"Okay, cut!" said Master Hand, "Do you want a drink? We have pineapple or strawberry."

"I'll have pineapple," said Kirby.

"Oh, I don't know…" said Jigglypuff, pondering. "I'll have strawberry!"

"Okay, one strawberry," said Master Hand, writing down on a pad.

"Wait!" panicked Jigglypuff, "Pineapple!"

"Okay, one pineapple," said Master Hand, crossing out what he had just written.

"Wait!" said Jigglypuff panicking, "I really really really really want strawberry!"

"Are you sure?" said Master Hand.

"Yep," said Jigglypuff.

"You won't have any more re-orders, okay?" said Master Hand.

"Sure," said Jigglypuff.

Master Hand floated off.

"Wait! Wait!" screamed Jigglypuff panicking, "What I meant when I said strawberry was that I actually-"

Kirby and Master Hand sighed.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 2nd Place

"Strength," said Falcon, flexing his muscles. "I can easily pick up objects of any weight!"

"They're three kilograms," said Samus.

"We'll do Speed," said Falcon quickly.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
On Strength

"Looks pretty heavy," said Kirby, surveying the go-kart parts.

Jigglypuff gingerly poked at a tyre.

"Yeah," said Kirby, "we're going to have to do this one piece at a time."

The tyre poked back.

"Hey, Jigs," said Kirby, "I know what we should do. We carry the pieces separately. It's harder, but it's quicker."

Jigglypuff poked the tyre a bit harder.

"Is that okay?" said Kirby.

"Just a minute," said Jigglypuff, ducking as the tyre swung a tyre iron at her.

Kirby waited.

"Yep," said Jigglypuff after a minute. "Sounds good."

"Okay, good!" said Kirby.

They both picked up some random hunks of metal.

"Um, the tyre's dead by the way," said Jigglypuff.

"Ah," said Kirby.

Samus and Falcon
On Speed

"Okay, you're both going to have to put on helmet, you're already fine!" joked a track worker to Samus.

"You're funny," said Samus in a daze, "Have my number!"

Samus wrote her number down on a piece of paper and gave it to the man.

Falcon, sitting in his kart, stared in shock. "Samus, you gave him your number but not me?"

"I like guys, you know," said Samus angrily.

"But I thought-"

"Gentlemen, start your engines!" said a loudspeaker.

…

"Go!" said the loudspeaker.

The six karts accelerated and made their way down the first straight of the figure-8 circuit.

Speeding out of the gates, Falcon gave a wink to Samus who was just metres behind him.

Falcon: 1st
Samus: 2nd

As the engines roared on the first turn of the track, the karts, all bunched in a small pack powered their way through the first curve of the course.

Samus, who lost small amounts of speed on the turn was overtaken by a lycra-wearing professional driver that shouted 'eat my dust' as he passed through.

Falcon: 1st
Samus: 3rd

"Have my number!" said Samus, steering casually around the next bend. Samus (with no hands on the steering wheel now) wrote her number down on a piece of paper and handed it to the driver.

"Sweet, I'm not even nice to you and you give me your number," said the driver slyly.

"Samus, are you giving everyone else your number just to spite me?" said Falcon jealously.

"What makes you think that?" said Samus, giving the other three racers her phone number.

"Well too bad!" said Falcon, poking his tongue out, "I already have your number!"

"Really?"

"Yeah," said Falcon, raising his eyebrows. "It's 4862-4736!"

"Falcon, that's the 'Wild Girls' hotline," laughed Samus.

"Damnit," said Falcon angrily.

…

"Wait, how would you know the 'Wild Girls' hotline?" said Falcon.

"Uh…" said Samus nervously.

Samus jumped off her go-kart.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in Last Place

"Last detour," said Ganondorf, "Strength or Speed?"

"Let's go on the karts," said Bowser. "I've been on so many celebrity kart races it's not funny."

"Okay Bowser," said Ganondorf, walking over to the karts. "Let's get in and do this thing!"

Ganondorf slipped on his helmet and jumped into his go-kart, grinning slyly after he smoothly landed into his go-kart in a cool, suave manner. "Can you top that, Bowser?"

"I can't even fit in this thing!" complained Bowser, one of his feet taking up the entire sitting space of the kart.

"Well Bowser, my grandfather used to tell me that if you believe in your-"

The kart crushed under Bowser's weight, shattering into tiny pieces.

"I believed in myself that time!" said a worried Bowser.

"BELIEVE HARDER!" ordered Ganondorf.

Bowser pulled out another go-kart from the side and sat on it. It crushed under his weight.

"BELIEVE HARDER!" ordered Ganondorf.

"I'm believing!" cried Bowser, pulling another go-kart from the side.

It broke under his weight. Several bystanders laughed in amusement.

"Waah!" cried Bowser.

A man from course management pulled out a large piece of foam and rested it next to Bowser.

"What's this?" said Bowser.

"Oh," snickered the man, "It's a kart that's big enough to hold you, just for you!"

"Aww," said Bowser thankfully, oblivious to the man's snickering. "How does it work?"

"Well," laughed the man, "If you believe in it, it will run like a normal go-kart and win the race for you!"

"Really?" said Bowser hopefully, "Gee! You're the best!"

The man ran off snickering to his snickering co-workers.

"Gentlemen, start your engines!" said a man over the loudspeaker.

Glaring angrily at each other, all of the racers pressed the gas pedal.

"Go!" said the man.

Five of the go-karts zoomed past the flags for the first time, leaving a trail of smoke behind them. Bowser sat on his piece of foam, confused.

"Why isn't it working?" said Bowser, hysterical.

"Believe harder!" laughed a man.

"I'm trying!" cried Bowser.

Assembly Area

Kirby and Jigglypuff
On Strength

"The karts good," said a man from course maintenance, "You can carry it around now."

"Yay!" cheered Kirby, "Now we just have to share the load, okay?"

"Sure!" said Jigglypuff, passing the three kilo kart to Kirby. "There's your half…"

Jigglypuff held up an imaginary go-kart. "And here's my half!" said Jigglypuff.

"Jigs, uh… how we share the weight is uh… a bit uh… rigged…" said Kirby, unsure whether he should be confused or annoyed.

"Are you calling me bad at judgement?" said Jigglypuff, offended.

"But Jigs-"

"Are you? Huh?" sobbed Jigglypuff.

"Fine," sighed Kirby, taking the go-kart and starting his long walk of the track.

"Sucker," said Jigglypuff under her breath.

"What?" said Kirby annoyed.

"Well actually Kirby, I said uh… f-"

Parent's Council

"BAN THIS SHOW BAN THIS SHOW!" said the man at the television frantically.

Luigi Circuit

3rd Lap
Samus: 1st
Falcon: 2nd

"Falcon, the final stretch," said Samus, steering her kart comfortably through the last corner of the course. "Don't stuff up now! And don't do anything stupid or-"

"Look ma!" said an intoxicated Falcon, eating a burger in one hand and sipping a drink in another, "No hands!"

"Falcon you idiot! Don't stuff up now!" said Samus angrily.

"Fine," said Falcon, throwing his food backwards, hitting the only other competitor still alive in the face with it.

…

"And where did you get the food anyway?" said Samus, crossing the finish line.

Falcon pointed to the 'free food' stall.

"Oh," said Samus.

Samus took the clue from the man and opened it.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

"You must now make your way to your final destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" read Samus.

"Teams must now make their way five kilometres to the final destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" said Master Hand in a dramatic voice. "Once they are there, they must search this garden for their next clue!"

"Come on, there must be one more task," said Falcon.

3rd Lap

Bowser: 4th
Ganondorf: 2nd

"Come on, Bowser, the final curve," said Ganondorf.

"I'm hurrying!" said Bowser, frantically pushing his foam block along the racecourse.

The other racers snickered at Bowser.

"Hey," said Bowser angrily, "I'm going to beat you all because I believe in myself!"

The other racers continued to snicker.

A ray of lightning struck one of the racers in front of Bowser, pushing him into second place.

"Woo!" said Bowser.

Bowser: 3rd
Ganondorf: 2nd

Ganondorf zoomed past the finish line in second, followed by Bowser, pushing along his large foam block.

"Bowser I can't-" said Ganondorf, sighing.

"I believed in myself!" said Bowser, taking the clue.

"You must now make your way to your final destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" read Bowser.

"Crap, we're second, not good," said Ganondorf with a heightened sense of urgency.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
On Strength

"Great," said Kirby, running onto the last stretch of the course with the go-kar above his head, "The other two teams have already left! We're done for!"

"Don't be silly," said Jigglypuff, "There's still Fox and Roy we can count on to place below-"

"Jigs, they were eliminated in like the third leg," said Kirby, struggling to keep the kart above the ground.

"Oh," said Jigglypuff.

Kirby crossed the line in exhaustion and took the clue.

"You must now make your way to your final destination of the race, the Smash Mansion!" read Kirby.

"Eek!" said Kirby, running out of the building, "Come on, Jigs, we can still do this!"

Downtown Mushroom Kingdom

Samus and Falcon

"We're in first place I think, which is a good thing," said Falcon, "I think we can do this!"

Bowser and Ganondorf

"Uggh," said Bowser, stressed, "I just hope Samus and Falcon get caught up in traffic or something."

Kirby and Jigglypuff

"We're about ten minutes behind everyone else," said Kirby, "And when there's only one or two tasks to go, you feel like you've already lost the race."

"Don't be pessimistic!" said Jigglypuff, handing Kirby a chocolate bar.

Kirby opened the chocolate bar, which proceeded to melt instantly.

"We've lost this entire race!" sobbed Jigglypuff.

Samus and Falcon

"Oh my gosh, it's the Smash Mansion!" said Samus excitedly as the taxi pulled into the main drive of the complex.

"We're at home again!" said Falcon, looking at the finely cut shrubs that decorated the main drive.

Bowser and Ganondorf

"Oh damn," said Bowser, watching the red light that was keeping the taxi still, "I just saw a taxi pull into what I think is the Smash Mansion."

"Great," said Ganondorf angrily.

Samus and Falcon
Currently in 1st Place

Samus and Falcon stepped out of the taxi.

"Oh my gosh," said Falcon excitedly, "There's the finish line!"

Falcon pointed to a gigantic red map several dozen metres with two hands floating above it. The eliminated racers on the map gave a lukewarm applause to Samus and Falcon, who ran to what appeared to be the last cluebox.

"Come on, let's do this," said Samus, opening the clue.

"Road Block," read Samus, "Who knows the enemy?"

"Road Block!" said Master Hand, "A Road Block is a task that only one person can perform!
"In this final Road Block, that person must run into a booth that has one-way mirrors installed on the perimeter! Here they will be met with laminated pictures of the other teams of the race that are not in the final three! That person must then match up the teams with the location they were eliminated in to receive their next clue! This seems relatively easy, but there are fake team names to trick them!"
"The other team member may watch from outside of the booth. They cannot assist, but they will be permitted to cuss at their fellow team members in frustration!"
"Once that person has completed the task successfully, they must run fifty metres to the finish line of The Smashy Amazing Race. The first team to arrive will win the one million dollar prize!"

Said Falcon, "Samus, I know about the other teams a lot better than-"

"I am not letting you screw this up," said Samus harshly.

"How about you do it?" sighed Falcon.

"Good," said Samus, running into one of the enclosed booths as Falcon watched nervously.

Samus
0/8 Correct

"Okay Samus, think," said Samus, running up to a table in the middle of the booth, "There seems to be some fake teams in here, so I'll get rid of them first."

Samus picked up a card containing 'Zelda and Donkey Kong', and threw it into her 'real' pile.

Samus picked up a card containing 'Nana and Luigi' and threw it into her 'real' pile.

"Oh, that's a fake," said Samus, throwing Ness and Yoshi's card into the bin.

Samus picked up a card containing 'Sonic and Diddy Kong' and threw it into her 'real' pile.

Bowser and Ganondorf
Currently in 2nd Place

"Come on," said Ganondorf, punching the cluebox to reveal its contents.

"Ganondorf, you didn't have to-"

"No time!" said Ganondorf, ripping open the clue, "Who knows the enemy?"

"Ganondorf, I think I should-"

"You're not going to screw us up," said Ganondorf angrily.

"How about you do it?" sighed Bowser.

"You're so generous!" said Ganondorf happily.

Ganondorf
0/8 Correct

Ganondorf ran into the booth, and picked up a card containing 'Zelda and Donkey Kong'.

"They got eliminated most recently," said Ganondorf, sticking the card below a picture of Threed.

Ganondorf
1/8 Correct

Ganondorf picked up a card reading 'Sonic and Diddy Kong'. He smirked and threw it in the bin.

"So not a real team," he sighed.

Ganondorf picked up a card containing 'Kirby and Jigglypuff.'

"Now when did these guys get eliminated?" said Ganondorf, thinking fiercely.

Ganondorf stuck his head out of the booth.

"No cheating!" shouted Master Hand.

"Only this one time," begged Ganondorf.

"I suppose I don't want Samus and Falcon to win," shrugged Master Hand.

"Bowser, when were Kirby and Jigglypuff eliminated?"

"Um…" said Bowser, "the puffballs? Ugh! I should know this one! Wait… let me think about that…"

"Hurry up!" said Ganondorf.

"Kirby… Jigglypuff… they were around for Mute City, weren't they?" said Bowser.

"Yeah, they were," said Ganondorf, his face brightening. "They did that… that cute thing, right?"

"Yeah!" said Bowser. "So that means they either got eliminated during…"

Kirby and Jigglypuff dashed into the Mansion grounds, breathing heavily.

"C'mon, here we are!" said Kirby, patting Jigglypuff on the back.

Kirby and Jigglypuff walked up to the clue box.

"Hey!" shouted Kirby. "Look, we found the clue, Jigglypuff!"

"That's great, Kirby!" giggled Jigglypuff back.

"Shut up, I'm trying to think!" said Ganondorf.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in Last Place

"Jigs, this is really important," said Kirby, talking harshly to Jigglypuff, "I can't believe they made a last task to be a road block and just because you're so special to me, I'm letting you-"

"Haha, sucker!" said Jigglypuff, running into a booth.

Jigglypuff
0/8 Complete

Jigglypuff picked up a card containing 'Marth and Squirtle'.

"Ah," chuckled Jigglypuff to herself, "Me and Marth had some fun times in Isle Delfino! Him and Squirtle poured orange juice into my ears and then they shook me! Hehe!"

Jigglypuff stuck the Marth and Squirtle card under the picture of Threed.

Jigglypuff picked up a picture of 'Ness and Yoshi'.

"That is so fake, nice try Master Hand," laughed Jigglypuff.

Jigglypuff threw the picture in the bin.

Samus
0/8 Complete

"Marth and Squirtle, fake," said Samus, throwing the card into the bin.

"Link and Marth?" pondered Samus to herself, "I think they were real."

Samus threw the Link and Marth card into the 'real' pile.

"Okay, so I have eight teams," said Samus, sorting through her pile, "Peach and Bowser, Falcon and Donkey Kong, Nana and Luigi, Kirby and Yoshi, Sonic and Diddy Kong, Link and Marth, Link and Jigglypuff and Link and Zelda."

Samus pondered about that for a while.

"I think there may be something wrong with that but I'm not sure," said Samus.

Ganondorf
1/8 Complete

"And who was eliminated in Sauria?" said Ganondorf to himself. "Hmm… well… we had to ride bikes… Bowser's bike broke… the fatty… and then we had to steal an egg… that was pointless… and then they put us into some old shack… "

He fiddled with the remaining cards, frowning in concentration.

"And we were stuck in the shack that night and I sprayed acid all over their bags… except Ness. Stupid Ness and his telekinesis…"

Ganondorf scrunched up the 'Ness and Yoshi' card and hurriedly unfolded it.

"…telekinesis? Wait! That… ah, of course."

Ganondorf grabbed two cards: 'Mewtwo and Pichu' and 'Mewtwo and Ganondorf'.

"I think that's­ obvious," he smirked, tossing the former onto the 'Sauria' picture.

Ganondorf
2/8 Complete

Kirby
"I can't believe I'm resting my fate in Jigglypuff's hands," said Kirby anxiously.

Jigglypuff
0/8 Complete

Jigglypuff picked up the Fox and Roy card.

"I think they were eliminated in Threed, it seemed like forever until they were eliminated," said Jigglypuff, sticking Fox and Roy under Threed.

Jigglypuff picked up a Kirby and Jigglypuff card.

"Oh yeah, those guys were sooo eliminated in Isle Delfino," said Jigglypuff, sticking her picture under the Isle Delfino picture.

Jigglypuff pondered about that for a while.

"Waaaiiiit…" said Jigglypuff slowly.

Samus
0/8 Complete
(2/8 Correct Teams)

"Okay, Nana and Luigi were certainly out first," said Samus, pasting Nana and Luigi's picture under a picture of Onett.

Samus
1/8 Complete

"I think Sonic and Diddy Kong were out next," said Samus.

Samus stuck Sonic and Diddy Kong's card under the Sauria picture.

A post-production buzzer sound was played.

"And Link and Marth were third," said Samus, sticking Link and Marth's picture down.

Samus
2/8 Complete

Ganondorf
2/8 Complete

"And then Link and Marth were next," said Ganondorf, sticking Link and Marth's picture under Corneria.

Ganondorf
3/8 Complete

A post-production 'you are correct' sound was played.

"And then Nana and Luigi were out first," said Ganondorf, putting Nana and Luigi's picture under the Onett picture.

Ganondorf
4/8 Complete

Kirby

"Great," said Kirby, spying into Ganondorf's booth, "He's got half of them already."

Kirby looked at Jigglypuff's booth.

"I don't think Jigglypuff even has one correct team!" said Kirby, frustrated.

Jigglypuff
0/8 Complete

"Wait…" thought Jigglypuff to herself, "Kirby and Jigglypuff couldn't have been eliminated in Isle Delfino… because…"

Jigglypuff pondered that thought for a while.

"Because we were eliminated in Hyrule!" chuckled Jigglypuff, pasting her picture under Hyrule.

"Wait… we" said Jigglypuff, confused. "I thought we were still in!"

Samus
2/8 Complete
(2 Correct Teams)

Samus looked at the full board in front of her that contained: Nana and Luigi, Sonic and Diddy Kong, Link and Marth, Peach and Bowser, Falcon and Donkey Kong, Kirby and Yoshi, Link and Jigglypuff and Link and Zelda.

"Okay, I'm ready!" said Samus.

"Press the big checking button," said Master Hand, pointing to a large red button that was placed on the other side of the booth.

"Okay," said Samus nervously, "Here goes, for a million bucks…"

Samus walked up to the button, and eyes closed, pressed the red button hopefully.

A red light flashed above the button, indicating 'incorrect'.

"Drat!" said Samus angrily, "What did I do wrong?"

Bowser

"Come on Ganondorf, you've got it!" cheered Bowser from outside the booth.

"You know he can't hear you, right?" said Falcon angrily.

"Don't mess with me," threatened Bowser.

"Or what?" laughed Falcon.

Bowser threateningly put his two hands on Falcon's childhood paper crane in a ripping position.

"NUUEZ!1" screamed Falcon, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"

"Really?" said Bowser, "Because if you are, I'll give it back to y-"

"Sucker," said Falcon.

"I haven't given it to you yet," said Bowser angrily.

"Oh," said Falcon.

"Which means I'm now never going to give it back," said Bowser.

"Life is unfair!" cried Falcon.

Ganondorf
4/8 Complete

"Think Ganondorf! Who was next?" said Ganondorf to himself. "Ah! Of course! Those idiots!"

Ganondorf stuck Peach and Mario under Hyrule.

A post-production buzzer sound was played.

Ganondorf
4/8 Complete
(5 correct teams)

"And then Fox and Roy were next," said Ganondorf, sticking Fox and Roy under a picture of Kanto.

Another large buzzer sound was played.

Ganondorf
4/8 Complete
(6 correct teams)

Jigglypuff
0/8 Correct
(0 correct teams)

"Done!" said Jigglypuff, putting Sonic and Diddy Kong under Onett.

Jigglypuff ran up to the gigantic checking button and pressed it.

A larged buzzing sound was played.

Jigglypuff: Incorrect

"What's wrong?" said Jigglypuff, looking at her wall.

Ganondorf
4/8 Complete
(6 correct teams)

"Which leaves Ness and Yoshi and Young Link and Popo," said Ganondorf, looking at a card in each hand.

"We came third last when Ness and Yoshi went… which means Ness and Yoshi were eliminated in Mute City…"

Ganondorf
5/8 Complete

"And Young Link and Popo in Isle Delfino!" said Ganondorf, sticking Young Link and Popo's card down.

Ganondorf
6/8 Complete
(All teams correct)

"Okay, I think I'm done," said Ganondorf.

Ganondorf ran up to the red button and pressed it in a violent fashion.

A large buzzer sound was played and a red light flashed.

Ganondorf: Incorrect

"Uggh!" said Ganondorf angrily, "I swear, if I'm only off by one I'm going to kick someone…"

Bowser

"Oh damn," said Bowser, in disbelief, "He would complete the task and win the race if he just swapped Peach and Mario and Fox and Roy!"

Master Hand nodded in agreement.

"You mean I'm right?" said Bowser, happily.

"Yep," said Master Hand.

"That means all I have to do is tell Ganondorf and we've won the race," thought Bowser.

Ganondorf
6/8 Complete

"What do I swap? All of the teams are right!" said Ganondorf, stressed.

Samus
2/8 Complete

Samus swapped two cards on the board and then hit the red button.

A red light appeared.

"Uggh, what's wrong?" said Samus, frustrated.

Ganondorf
6/8 Correct

"Bowser, who do I swap?" said Ganondorf, slipping outside of the booth, "Even though helping is against the rules?"

"Fox and Roy and Peach and Mario!" said Bowser desperately, "Do it now! Do it now!"

"Thanks! Now we can win the race!" said Ganondorf excitedly.

…

…

"But do I believe you?" said Ganondorf suspiciously.

"Just do it! Even Master Hand nodded!" said Bowser, pointing to Master Hand, who was nodding in agreement.

…

…

"I know…" said Ganondorf suspiciously, "But what if you two are wrong?"

"He makes the freaking race!" said Bowser hysterically, "Just do it already!1"

"No need to shout," said Ganondorf angrily.

"AWUYDBWIDBOWDBIOO!1" screamed Bowser.

Jigglypuff
0/8 Correct

Jigglypuff stared at her wall which consisted of: Sonic and Diddy Kong under Onett, Jigglypuff and Mario under Sauria, Mario and Luigi under Corneria, Kirby and Jigglypuff under Hyrule, Luigi and Peach under Kanto, Rick and Coo under Isle Delfino, Fox and Falco under Mute City and Marth and Squirtle under Threed.

"What did I do wrong?" she muttered to herself. "I'm so sure!"

She started pacing around in circles.

"We're so close to the finish line… I'm sure I've only gotten a tiny detail wrong…" she said.

Jigglypuff started banging her head against the wall.

Kirby

Casting an unhappy look at Bowser and Ganondorf who were so blatantly cheating, Kirby silently waddled to the side of the booth.

"Jigs! I haven't looked through the booth, I'm too nervous! How are you going?" he whispered.

"I'm not sure!" Jigglypuff whispered back from inside. "I think I'm close!"

"Close?" Kirby whispered back. He glanced behind him. Bowser and Master Hand were shouting violently at Ganondorf, who was looking sceptically back at them.

"Yep!" said Jigglypuff. "I just tried and I was wrong, but I'm really, really sure about it!"

"Oh, no," said Kirby. "Maybe you just have a pair in the wrong order."

"Yeah…" said Jigglypuff.

A pause.

"Are we allowed to cheat?" said Jigglypuff.

"Um…" said Kirby, looking back at the other side of the room, where Bowser was slapping Ganondorf madly. "Nobody's watching. Except for the cameraman."

"I won't tell," said the cameraman.

"Well, then," said Kirby, "I guess we could try quickly."

"Okay," said Jigglypuff, "I'll read what I have to you…"

On the other side of the room, Bowser let out a triumphant cheer. Ganondorf smiled and slipped back into his booth, and Master Hand turned away from them…

"Uh-oh," said Kirby, "Master Hand is coming. We don't have time! Quick!"

"Um, um," said Jigglypuff panicked, "just one question! Um… um… were Marth and Squirtle eliminated last leg, or the one before?"

"What?" said Kirby, astonished.

Master Hand was floating towards them very quickly, looking as angry as a hand possibly could. (Which wasn't very.)

"What do you mean, 'what'?" she whispered back.

"There was never a Squirtle in the race!" whispered Kirby.

"What!?" yelped Jigglypuff.

"It…" began Kirby, and then he felt Master Hand grab him by the arm.

"Were you cheating?" said Master Hand.

"What? Uh, no!" said Kirby, as Master Hand dragged him off.

Ganondorf
6/8 complete

"Fox and Roy, Peach and Mario!" whispered Ganondorf to himself, slamming shut the door of the booth.

Jigglypuff

0/8 complete

"That's not possible!" said Jigglypuff. "I'm so sure that Marth and Squirtle were in the race!"

She looked angrily at her list of names, and punched the wall of the booth.

"Marth and Squirtle, Marth and Squirtle…"

She stopped punching as a thought occurred to her.

"…but then again," said Jigglypuff, freezing on the spot, "maybe I'm just thinking of that Squirtle that we ran into that night at Kanto."

She frowned, thinking hard.

"Yes! There wasn't any Squirtle in the race! Kirby was right! But… but I'm sure Marth was in it. We didn't go to… Marthland or wherever he lives… so that time I talked to him it must be because he was in a team…" – she fished through the spare cards – "and that must be Link and Marth!... Yes, I remember now, they were saying something about those stupid sticks in Sauria… were they eliminated in Sauria? Corneria? Hmm…"

She put Link and Marth's card under the picture of Corneria.

Jigglypuff
1/8 Complete

She smiled to herself. "That sounds right! Now, what happened to Mario and Luigi, then?"

She frowned.

"Wait, Luigi's dead!"

Jigglypuff thought about that.

"…aha! Nana and Luigi were out first!"

Jigglypuff cheered and stuck the card under the Onett picture.

Jigglypuff
2/8 Complete

"So who was Mario with?" wondered Jigglypuff. "Was it Mewtwo? No, Mewtwo was with Pichu and they were eliminated… early-ish. Mario went with… who? Bowser? No, he's with Ganondorf. Someone he knew… but if he got eliminated, then it must have been with someone sucky, like – Peach – and I think he outlasted Link and Marth so he must have made it to… right!"

Jigglypuff stuck the 'Peach and Mario' card under the Kanto picture.

Jigglypuff
3/8 Complete

"That makes a lot of sense," thought Jigglypuff aloud. "Now, Mewtwo and Pichu were eliminated early. Does that mean Sauria, or Hyrule? Hmm…"

Jigglypuff looked at the 'Kirby and Jigglypuff' card on Hyrule.

"Come to think of it, we're still in," she said, sweeping the card off. "Now, that would leave… um… hey, what about Fox? He can't have been with Falco because he spent the entire time talking about how much Falco sucked! The only other card with Fox's name on it is… Fox and Squirtle? That can't be right. Aha! Fox and Roy. That sounds better. And they got eliminated at Hyrule, so they missed the buffet… and they had fox meat there, that was kinda funny… and so…"

Jigglypuff stuck the 'Fox and Roy' card and the 'Mewtwo and Pichu' cards under Hyrule and Sauria.

Jigglypuff
5/8 Complete

"That looks better," said Jigglypuff.

Ganondorf
6/8 Complete
Ganondorf picked up the 'Fox and Roy' card…

Jigglypuff

"All right," thought Jigglypuff, "now that just leaves the last three places. Who were we talking to there?"

Jigglypuff frowned.

"Okay, there was Zelda and Donkey Kong. They were a funny pairing," said Jigglypuff. "And who were the other two teams…? Rick and Coo? Might have been… aha, and then there were Young Link and Popo. They were pretty cool to us when they weren't being total meanies…"

Jigglypuff pulled out the three relevant cards and swivelled them around on the table.

"Okay, I can just try every combination," she said. She reached for the button, and paused. "Wait! That can't be right! We had the smart people! Ness and Yoshi! So… that means Rick and Coo weren't in. Come to think of it, that was a silly choice. And let's see… Ness and Yoshi were laughing about all those random sport things after Isle Delfino… and Zelda and DK discovered their true love in Mute City, didn't they? So neither of them could have been eliminated there… that must have been Young Link and Popo!"

She shoved the Young Link and Popo card onto Isle Delfino.

Jigglypuff
6/8 Complete

Ganondorf
6/8 Complete

…and swapped it with the 'Mario and Peach' card.

"Now," he cried triumphantly, "to press the button!"

8/8 Complete

Jigglypuff
6/8 Complete

"Okay," said Jigglypuff, "here goes nothing!"

She threw the two remaining cards onto the two remaining places and pressed the red button.

'INCORRECT!' went the buzzer.

Ganondorf
6/8 Complete

"Now to press the button! Really!" said Ganondorf triumphantly.

Jigglypuff
6/8 Complete

"Oops, silly me!" laughed Jigglypuff, swapping the last two cards.

She pressed the red button.

Ganondorf
6/8 Complete

Ganondorf pressed the red button.

Kirby and Jigglypuff
Currently in 1st Place

Jigglypuff ran out of the booth.

"I DID IT!!!!" screamed Jigglypuff.

"Run! Run! Run!" screamed Kirby, suddenly having a large adrenaline boost.

"We did it!" screamed Jigglypuff, running towards the red finish line.

"Jigs, we've got this!" said Kirby, spotting Ganondorf running out of his booth.

In slow-motion, Jigglypuff triumphantly ran through the grassy straight, the large, red podium now within her sight. As Kirby dragged her along, she saw all of her friends from the other teams giving them a gigantic round of applause. And they were cheering her! Who would have thought?

She continued to run along and passed several less familiar faces who offered their cheers of support. She was now just twelve metres away from the finish line. Holding out her hand to receive high-fives from Link, Marth, Fox and Roy, she spotted a large grey rock in front of her. Not concentrating on the finish line and running at gigantic speeds, she could not stop herself as she was running full-steam towards the finish line.

The rock coming towards her in even slower-motion, she threw her hands in the way, pushing the rock out of her path and running onto the finish line, a gigantic red mat with all of the previously eliminated racers on it.

…

…

"WOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!" screamed Kirby and Jigglypuff, hugging each other.

Master Hand smiled in joy (being a hand OLOL).

"Eight planets… twelve cities… over eighty-thousand kilometres… Kirby and Jigglypuff, you are theofficial winners of The Smashy Amazing Race!"

Everyone gave a large round of applause. Kirby and Jigglypuff emotionally waved to the other racers.

"And the winners of the one million dollars!" said Master Hand.

"Thank you all!" cried Kirby, "And I'd just like to say, we already are so privileged to live like this, so we've decided to donate all of the prize money to our favourite charity, the-"

Jigglypuff angrily hit Kirby in the shins.

"We'll spend it on a nice holiday," sighed Kirby.

"Yay!" said Jigglypuff.

"Yay!" cheered everyone.

"Kirby and Jigglypuff, you really were the outstanding racers," said Master Hand, "And I think you did deserve the victory."

Everyone applauded.

Bowser and Ganondorf

"Grr," said Bowser, running onto the finish line with Ganondorf.

"Bowser and Ganondorf, you are the second team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Bowser and Ganondorf sighed as everyone applauded.

"We had a lot of fun," said Bowser slightly disappointed, "While winning could have been nice, the experience of doing all of these things I normally wouldn't do has been so rewarding!"

"And have you two become even stronger friends through the race?" said Master Hand.

Ganondorf sighed, "I guess."

Samus and Falcon
3rd Place

Samus and Falcon ran onto the map.

"Samus and Falcon, you are the third team to arrive," said Master Hand.

Everyone applauded, Ness and Yoshi especially, grinning evilly.

"Sucks to be you," said Ness.

Samus stared at Ness angrily.

"Did you even manage to finish the task?" added Ness.

"I swear," said Samus, "I'm going to kill you in five seconds unless I find–"

"I just want to say," sobbed Falcon, "This race has been such a great experience and I hope that we-"

"I filled out a restraining order on the plane here," said Samus.

"Noooooooo!" sobbed Falcon, "Samus meant the world to me! And now I have nothing left!"

Falcon continued to sob.

"Nothing!" cried Falcon.

Fox ran up to Falcon.

"I can be your friend," said Fox in a cute voice.

"Nothing!" screamed Falcon, hyperventilating.

Final Standings:

Kirby and Jigglypuff: Winners!

Bowser and Ganondorf: 2nd

Samus and Falcon: 3rd

Zelda and Donkey Kong: 4th

Ness and Yoshi: 5th

Young Link and Popo: 6th

Peach and Mario: 7th

Fox and Roy: 8th

Link and Marth: 9th

Mewtwo and Pichu: 10th

Nana: 11th

Post-Race Interviews:

Kirby and Jigglypuff
1st

"We're very happy about it," said Kirby.

"Yeah, we're very happy about it," said Jigglypuff.

"In fact…"

"It's because we wanted to win," explained Jigglypuff.

"…" said Master Hand.

Bowser and Ganondorf
2nd

"If it hadn't been for Bowser stuffing up on that last task…" said Ganondorf.

"Wait, what?" said an aggravated Bowser. "You were the one messing around in that room, not me!"

Ganondorf used his elf magic on Bowser.

He died.

Samus and Falcon
3rd

Falcon coughed and said, "We-"

Samus punched him in the groin.

"I've been waiting for ever to be able to do that," she said.

"You do that every leg…" whimpered Falcon.

Samus punched him in the face with her loaded power cannon.

His head exploded.

"Take that!" said Samus.

He died.

Zelda and Donkey Kong
4th

Awkward silence.

Master Hand spotted wedding rings on Donkey Kong and Zelda's fingers. "Are you guys… married?"

…

"Um…" said Zelda.

"Um…" said DK.

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence.

Awkward silence.

Ness and Yoshi
5th

"Well say something then!" said Master Hand angrily.

"Um, we're very happy for the puffballs," grinned Ness.

"Yeah," Yoshi piped in.

"'Course, we wanted to win, but I was rooting for them than any of the other surviving teams," said Ness.

"What?" said Samus, walking into the room covered with Falcon's blood.

…

Young Link and Popo
6th

"I'm sorry, I can't comment…" said Popo, obviously not concentrating on the camera, "Um… can we… clean that up?"

…

Young Link prodded his sword at Ness and Yoshi's bodies. "Actually, can I keep these?" he said.

"Knock yourself out," said Master Hand.

Fox and Roy
8th

"I'm really, really happy for all the winners and everybody!" said Fox happily with his eyes closed.

"Um, yeah, same here," said Roy. "It was fun to race, and fun to watch too…"

"'Cause everyone's a winner!" said Fox, waving his arms joyfully.

"That too," said Roy. "Huh… I don't really have much to say, come to think…"

"I'LL KILL YOU ALL!" screamed Fox. "I WILL RIP OFF ALL YOUR LIMBS AND THEN FIGHT YOU ALL TO THE DEATH!"

…

"Can I go?" said Roy quietly.

Samus walked into the room covered with red stuff.

…

Link and Marth
9th

"I'm Link…" said Link.

Marth nodded.

"And he's Marth…" said Link.

Marth nodded.

"Yep," said Link, satisfied.

Mewtwo and Pichu
10th

"Since the race finished, I have been having a great time with Pichu," said Mewtwo loudly and angrily.

Pichu squeaked happily.

"That's just so… implausible…" said Master Hand.

"Or is it?" said Mewtwo.

Duh, duh, duh.

Nana
Last

"Well, I've had a lot of uses for Luigi's corpse," said Nana.

"Um, cut," said Master Hand.

"Once we left Onett, I used him as a bus ticket," said Nana.

"Um, cut," said Master Hand again.

"Then I used his malformed, twisted arms to make a convenient hatstand," said Nana.

"Cut," said Master Hand.

"After that I made a pretend merry-go-round and used him as a horsie," said Nana.

"Cut!" yelled Master Hand.

"Then he was my bed…"

"CUT!" cried Master Hand.

Community Notices:

Review! Tell me how tense/undramatic it was!

I hope you enjoyed and stuff! Hope you had as much fun reading as I did writing!

The third season of this Amazing Race series will be coming around the Brawl release date to early 2008! Hope you enjoyed the race and didn't mind the winners!

Visit: http (dot) smashmansion (dot) com to report errors!

-Hoogiman (and also tikitikirevenge, who wrote all of the bits you hated)

"Hey, Ma-ri-o!" sang Peach.

"Yes?" said Mario angrily.

"If I marry you, you can be my co-princess!" said Peach.

"No!" said Mario angrily.

END