Disclaimer: For the last time, I own nothing.

Dr. Jason Kavanagh sat in his room, his eyes fixed on the screen of his laptop and his fingers drumming impatiently on the arm of the chair. The meeting was supposed to start nearly an hour ago and Zelenka had yet to contact him. That could only mean that they hadn't wanted to include him. It wasn't entirely surprising but still, he felt irritated over it. Even digitally, they didn't want him to be involved in a discussion of his own torture.

He was glad that Dr. Zelenka had agreed to be an advocate for him at the meeting. Dr. Heightmeyer may have promised to do the same but she was too diplomatic and wouldn't go to bat for him the way Zelenka would. Heightmeyer would be too worried about hurting Weir's feelings to ever truly criticize her actions. Zelenka might appear to be quiet at times but if he could stand up to McKay when needed, then standing up to Weir should be no trouble at all.

There was a firm knock on the door and he got up to answer it. He fully expected it to be Dr. Zelenka with a report on the meeting. Instead, it was Dr. Weir standing there when he opened the door. He froze, not knowing what to do, and for a moment there was only silence as they stared at each other. Weir's gaze took note of his injuries, the bruises, bound wrist, and signs of fatigue. Her face never changed expression as she viewed the results of her decision.

"May I come in, Dr. Kavanagh? We need to talk."

"We have nothing to talk about." His voice was flat, betraying none of the anger he was feeling. How dare she think she could just show up and talk to him as though nothing had happened! What could she possibly say that would make this situation any better?

"I think we do. We need to resolve this like civilized adults." It was all he could do not to laugh.

"Or what? You'll send your thug to break my other wrist? Since when have you resolved anything in a civilized manner?" He couldn't help the sneer this time but she didn't rise to the bait.

"I understand that you're upset about what happened and I take full responsibility for my decision. But I want us to discuss what happened and I don't intend to leave until we do so." The sheer audacity of the woman! He glanced past her into the hallway to make sure there were no dreadlocked bodyguards lurking to keep him in line and then nodded abruptly.

"All right. Come in and talk but don't expect me to care about what you have to say."

He let her pass and then closed the door behind her. She sat down in the same chair Heightmeyer had been in mere hours ago. Dr. Weir sat stiffly, obviously tense and why shouldn't she be? It probably wasn't everyday that she had to deal with someone she'd screwed over so wrongly. He stifled a grin as he took a spot on the bed, leaning against the wall to hide how tired he really was.

"Stargate Command informed me that they've begun an investigation of the incident due to your messages. I've come to ask you to reconsider." He stared at her for a long moment and then threw back his head and laughed so hard he nearly fell off the bed. Judging from her annoyed expression, it wasn't the reaction she'd expected. He recovered himself but the sardonic grin remained on his face.

"So you finally have to face the consequences of your own actions and you want me to be the one to rescue you from that? Give me one good reason why I should even consider doing so after what you did to me."

"As I said, I take responsibility for my decision but that decision was made with the greater good in mind. I'm sorry that Ronon did what he did to you but I had the lives of everyone here to consider. You would have done the same thing in my place. You were the most logical culprit and I had to take the necessary steps to protect Atlantis."

"That's bull and you know it. You never would have sent Ronon in there if it were anyone else. If all the evidence had pointed to McKay or Sheppard, would you have ordered them tortured for the 'greater good?' I think not."

"I know Dr. McKay and Colenol Sheppard. They wouldn't be involved with the Trust. And yes, if they were implicated and I was desperate enough, I probably would have done the same thing."

"I don't believe you for a second. You have a grudge against me for not being one of your ass-kissers and you finally found a way to get back at me."

"I can't help what you believe but I'm telling you this wasn't personal. It was an act of desperation and maybe if you weren't so arrogant you'd see that."

He'd made her lose her cool and her angry expression actually made him feel a bit better. The calm, blank expression she'd been wearing, belied her true nature. She was too emotional and her bitter words just proved it to him. He decided to try another tactic.

"Sorry, I'm having a little trouble seeing clearly with this black eye and all. But tell me, why did you pick me to be a part of the Atlantis Expedition? I don't recall making any effort to be polite during the interview." She stared at him in confusion, unsure of why he was seemingly changing the topic. It was exactly what he wanted; to keep her off balance long enough to get her to admit that she was wrong.

"I...well, you had the appropriate scientific qualifications and were willing to go. Personality didn't play a role."

"I guess not or McKay would never have been accepted either."

"Your personality isn't the problem. It's your insistence on questioning everyone else's actions instead of worrying about your own. Dr. McKay knows when to listen to others. He's shown a willingness to put himself on the line for others. You've never done the same." She wasn't even trying to hide her irritation any more. Her whole posture and expression conveyed a deep sense of anger.

"News flash, Doctor Weir! The whole point of science is to question everything. If I think someone's wrong, I'm going to tell them that and they're free to do the same with me. This isn't playschool. We're not here to worry about people's feelings getting hurt. And excuse me for not being suicidal. Sometimes discretion is the better part of valor. McKay thinks he's so indispensable to this mission and yet, he's willing to risk his own life? That doesn't make any sense to me."

"So you'd be willing to let others die to save yourself, is that it? That's exactly why I suspected you were the one working with the Trust."

"If I had no other choice, I'd sacrifice myself. But there have been too many situations where members of this expedition made foolhardy decisions and jumped into things too quickly, putting everyone's life in danger. The incident with the stuck jumper was one of the first but it certainly wasn't the last."

"You mean the incident where you preferred to whine about your hurt feelings rather than help anyone?"

"Oh please, I wanted to help the people in the jumper as much as anyone. Just because I happened to be concerned about the safety risks didn't mean I didn't care. There were six people on that jumper and hundreds of people here. How can you say that those handful of people were any more important than the rest of us?

You accused me then of only caring about my own ass but it was everyone's asses I was concerned about, including yours. Any good scientist has to acknowledge the risks when they're working in an unknown environment and that's all I did. I didn't even say we shouldn't help them. I just pointed out the possibility of an explosion so we could maybe take steps to prevent it. I read the transcripts from the incident. McKay said the same thing I did and funny, you didn't call him a coward."

"He was the one on the trapped jumper, trying to fix the problem. You walked out of the meeting room to complain about your perceived treatment when you should have been trying to help them."

"Okay, I was wrong about that. I should have waited until later but I was pissed. You had no right to say what you did and if I had been on that trapped jumper and McKay was here and said the same thing, you never would have told him off."

"Well...I...That's not true." She looked flustered as she couldn't come up with an answer to his statement. He knew that it was because it was true.

Kavanagh had never understood why she had reacted the way she did to his simple statement about the possibility for an explosion. Had it been something in the tone of his voice or his facial expression? It couldn't have been the words alone as they'd been fairly innocuous. The only explanation was that she didn't like him and had chosen to interpret his warning through a filter of her own feelings.

"I'd say it is. There's also the matter of the team assignments. I applied to be part of the offworld teams along with other scientists but I was never assigned to one. Since the decision of who got in was made by yourself, Dr. McKay, and Sheppard, I have to assume it was due to your dislike of me because, as you said, I had all the necessary qualifications."

"That's not true. We had more scientists apply than we had teams for. Not everyone made it."

"That's the excuse that was made but I checked. Of those of us who applied, only three others besides myself were turned down and of those that were accepted, some had less qualifications than I did. Plus, I happened to overhear McKay complaining to Dr. Zelenka that not enough experienced scientists had applied."

"It wasn't just about qualifications. We had to make sure the scientists would fit in with the team. They had to be willing to obey the orders of the soldiers who were with them and you'd shown that you were unwilling to do so. And no one was entirely experienced to deal with all of the new worlds we've encountered not to mention the Wraith."

"What ever gave you the idea that I couldn't obey orders if I had to? Yes, I'm not fond of the military but I'm perfectly capable of doing what I'm told when it's a safety issue. Again, I say that your judgment was based solely on the jumper incident and your judgment of me in that situation was wrong.

Then there was all the crap assignments I was given after that incident. My helpers were assigned to others and I was given remedial tasks that should have been done by the lab techs. I have a doctorate in chemical engineering (A/N) and I was sent to monitor power levels and check gauges. Are you going to tell me that wasn't personal?"

"What do you want me to say? I could apologize a hundred times for every perceived slight and you still wouldn't be satisfied." She threw up her hands in a helpless gesture. So much for diplomacy.

"You want to know what I want? For starters, I want a public apology, one the whole city can hear. And not just from you either, but Sheppard and McKay as well. I don't expect one from Ronon. He obviously doesn't care one bit but the three of you should have known better. You should have been smarter than that." To his surprise, she didn't outright reject the idea which told him how much leverage he actually had.

"I can't order Colonel Sheppard or Dr. McKay to apologize for something they aren't responsible for. I told you, that I take full responsibility for my actions but I still believe that I made the best choice I could under the circumstances."

"I thought you were the 'acting governor' of a sovereign state? And the 'best choice?'" He'd stopped grinning now and leaned forward towards her. "Do you know that by the time Sheppard came in, I was considering confessing to just about anything I could think of in order to get that barbarian to stop? I thought he was going to kill me. I thought I was going to die in that room because of your mistake. And I think if I had or if the damage was more permanent, you'd still be spouting the same bullshit about how you had no other choice." Something that looked a lot like guilt flickered across her face and then was gone.

"You want a city-wide apology? Fine, I'll do that but just me. What else?"

"I'd ask you to promise not to ever do something like this again, but we both know that would be a waste of my time. So the other main thing I want is for Stargate Command to review your actions. That means, I want IOA to look into the situation here and I'm willing to accept their decision after that, even if they merely reprimand you."

"What good would that do? Would it make you feel better if someone sided with you? It's a waste of time for Stargate Command to investigate the incident. I made a choice, right or wrong, and nothing I or they do can take back what was done to you."

"You don't understand. I don't want them to just look into the torture; I want them to review your whole command here. Every decision you've made, every time you stepped outside of the laws we're all supposed to be following. I want them to decide whether you're fit for command here because I don't think you are for a second. If they look into your record and still allow you to stay as expedition head, I'll tolerate it but I want them to actually look and not just blow off everything you've done."

"What! Why should I agree to that? I've had to make some hard decisions since our arrival and maybe some of them could have gone differently but we're in an unknown situation here. Even without the presence of the Wraith, there would probably be incidents where I had to bend the rules or even break them. Before the arrival of the Daedalus, we were completely cut off from Earth and it was my responsibility to keep everyone alive in whatever way I could. Maybe if you weren't so concerned about always following the rules, you'd understand that circumstances sometimes demand flexibility."

"Flexibility is no excuse for ignoring the rules for some but not others. You let your favorites get away with just about anything while the rest of us have to keep our opinions to ourselves or risk possible torture for you to get your way. Yet again, I say that you're too damn emotional to head this expedition. If I had accidentally blown up most of a solar system like McKay did, would I have just gotten a reprimand or would I have been sent packing? We all know the answer to that."

"Dr. McKay was reprimanded for that particular mistake but his own guilt was the biggest punishment of all. It would have been futile to do anything more. And as head of the science department, he's held to an even higher standard than the other scientists. Stop trying to make this about other people's problems because you can't deal with your own."

"And I suppose I'm supposed to let you off because you feel some vague semblance of guilt for torturing me? I haven't seen any evidence that McKay is held to a higher standard. I think the opposite is more true. And this whole argument leads back to my original point that you treat my problems differently than others. Maybe if I had the damn ATA gene, I would have been treated better but it's pointless to speculate about that now."

"Fine. I'll let IOA investigate if that's what you want. I believe I can justify my past decisions so I believe IO will find no reason to ask for my resignation. It will simply be a waste of time on everybody's part. Is that everything?"

"There's one more thing. I want you to tell me what you really think of me. Off the record, no diplomatic phrasing, just the truth here and now."

For a long moment there was silence between them. Kavanagh could feel the beginning twinges of a headache but he kept the same smile plastered to his face. All the stress and pain would be over soon and it would help if Weir would just admit to her prejudice and end this.

He didn't think she would really do it. She'd decline or just put it more politely than she should. She probably thought he was recording all of this for blackmail later but he was doing no such thing. He really wanted all of this to come to an end. He wanted to board the Daedalus tomorrow and never have to think of this place again. Weir sighed deeply and then nodded once.

"All right. I think you're an arrogant ass and if it was up to me, you would never have been on this expedition. I didn't like your condescending, smug attitude during the initial interviews and I like it even less now. I planned on turning down your application but I was overruled by the rest of the interview board.

I couldn't give them a valid reason not to include you so you were allowed to come along but I knew you'd be nothing but trouble. The only reason you made it was that we needed all the personnel we could get and Stargate Command was as eager to get rid of you as you were of it. So yes, I treated you differently because just about everyone else had to fight for a spot and you were just handed one to get you out of the way. Are you happy now?"

"Yes, I am. I'd rather hear the truth than meaningless platitudes. And now that that's done, how about you get on the speaker and make that apology?"

She gave a quick, angry nod and then turned and walked out without another word. As soon as the door closed behind her, Kavanagh stumbled to his feet and grabbed the aspirin from the bathroom shelf. His head was throbbing mercilessly now and his victory seemed hollow somehow.

Weir didn't get it. She'd do what he asked but he didn't really believe she was repentant. The next time there was a crisis and any of the personnel were suspected, she'd resort to the same thing if she had to. She'd justify it in her mind. The scientist or soldier or janitor would have done or said something she didn't like and she'd overlook the true perpetrator. The expedition would end in disaster with Weir in charge and he would be vindicated in the worst way. It wouldn't make him feel any better.

The intercom came on as he lay back on the bed with the lights dim to minimize the pain. He lay in the dark, with his eyes closed, listening to Weir's apology.

"Attention, to all Atlantis residents. This is Dr. Elizabeth Weir speaking. I want to take this time to make a personal apology to Dr. Jason Kavanagh for my actions against him last week. I wrongly suspected him of acts of sabotage and ordered his torture in order to extract a confession from him. This was a mistake on my part and one I don't intend to repeat. I'm sorry for what I did and hope that Dr. Kavanagh will forgive my actions towards him. That is all."

Kavanagh turned her words over and over in his head as the pain and tension slowly started to ease away. It wasn't enough, would never be enough, but it was a start. He was so tired of this place. It would be nice to make a fresh start somewhere else. Despite his persistent insomnia, fatigue soon over came him and he drifted off to sleep away his last day on Atlantis.

The next morning, Dr. Heightmeyer came to escort him to the Daedelus. He was calm after the tension-filled confrontation with Weir yesterday. His headache was gone and he felt as though a great weight had been lifted off his shoulders. Heightmeyer could tell something was different about him.

She seemed cautiously optimistic at his demeanor and prattled on about how Weir's apology had been a catharsis for him but how he should still consider therapy to deal with any lingering resentment over his rough treatment. He thanked her as politely as possible but her words had already slid through his mind and vanished into nothingness.

They passed a few people in the corridors and he was aware that some of them still gave him hostile looks. By all means, let them keep blaming him for Weir's predicament while turning a blind eye to her faults. He'd be gone within an hour and they'd have to endure their leader's problems themselves.

At the south dock, the Daedelus's main hatch lay open as crew members bustled in and out with parts and supplies. Heightmeyer took her leave of him, claiming a previous appointment and he was left to board among the hurried activity. The ocean beyond the dock was ruffled by a steady breeze that blew an errant strand of hair into his eyes. He pushed it aside impatiently as he stood there and took in the scene before him. The salt air smelled subtly different than Earth, a last reminder that he was on a completely different planet. What an exciting and productive career he could have had here if things had worked out differently.

He walked towards the ship and was surprised to see Dr.'s Beckett, McKay, and Zelenka standing there. When they saw him, they came forward and he mentally steeled himself to deal with them. His calm was edging into anxiety as he came closer to his departure time. Talking to them would only slow him down but, as with Heightmeyer, he was as polite as possible.

"How are you feeling, lad? I just wanted to check on you before you left. You look a bit pale."

"I'm fine, thank you Dr. Beckett. You've been a big help here and I appreciate it."

"Well, take care of yourself lad and good luck." He shook Carson's hand and the physician moved off a bit to let the other two have their say. Zelenka smiled at him.

"I hope you will have better luck in your next assignment, Dr. Kavanagh. I still sent the petition through to Stargate Command. I hope that is okay?"

"Yes, thank you. I hope they'll actually read it. I appreciate your support. If you'll accept my advice, you should go back to Earth. Your talents are wasted here."

"I would disagree but I understand your position. I am very much at home here despite any recent problems. But good luck to you, doctor." They too shook hands and the he turned to face McKay. The head scientist looked uncomfortable. Kavanagh wasn't sure what McKay was even doing here. Was he going to follow Weir's example and apologize?

"You know Kavanagh, you're such a damn arrogant ass, it's a wonder you ever managed to make it this far in life without someone taking you down a peg. With that said..." McKay grimaced and looked even more uncomfortable than before. "I'm sorry Elizabeth had to resort to such drastic measures. I wasn't exactly supportive of the whole idea but she had her reasons and..."

"Save it, McKay. I don't want to hear any more justification of Weir's actions. Don't pretend like you're sorry to see me go. We both know it's a lie."

"You're right. I'm not sorry you're leaving. You're more trouble than you're worth but I'll have you know, I sent a message to Stargate Command recommending that they find a position for you. You can't compare to my genius of course, but you could be a valuable asset in the right circumstances. Provided you learn how to keep your mouth shut more often." Kavanagh resisted the urge to make a remark about pots and black kettles and just nodded.

"I'll keep that in mind." They shook hands hesitantly and then there was an awkward silence before McKay muttered something about pressing duties to attend to and left, trailed by the other two. Kavanagh was finally, blessedly alone as he boarded the ship and headed for his room.

He got a few stares from crew members as he passed. They all knew what had happened to him but there was much less hostility towards him than from the Atlantis crew. To the crew of the Daedelus, he was just another passenger, not a nuisance to be endured.

He was just outside of his room when someone called his name. Resisting the urge to simply ignore it, walk through the door, and shut it behind him, he turned to face the new person. Colonel Caldwell looked as uncertain as McKay had but at least he wasn't to blame for his actions.

"Dr. Kavanagh, I just wanted to welcome you on board. How are you feeling?"

"Fine but I'll be better once we leave."

"I feel as though I should apologize. It was the Goa'uld inside me that supported your torture but I still feel some sense of responsibility."

"You're the only one in that room when the decision was made that doesn't deserve the blame. It wasn't you, it was the damn parasite and in the end it was Weir's decision."

"Dr. Heightmeyer told me that it wasn't my fault but that doesn't stop the guilt. The Goa'uld was gloating in my head when Weir insisted you were guilty. It was thrilled that there was a perfect scapegoat for them to focus on. It drew attention away from us...him...it. If you hadn't been there, they would have been forced to look more closely at other suspects."

The thought of the parasitic alien taking pleasure in his pain made him feel ill but he wasn't a therapist or a priest. He didn't need or want to hear Caldwell's confession or absolve him of his guilt. The man clearly still had issues with the Goa'uld's actions while in his body but Kavanagh wasn't the one he should be talking to about this. The scientist had his own problems to deal with.

"Colonel, I appreciate the sentiment but trust me. Weir would never have pegged you as a suspect if it wasn't for those codes they found. She trusts certain people so much that their actions go unscrutinized. If it wasn't me, she would have found someone else to suspect but it still wouldn't have been you. Now if you'll excuse me, I really need to lie down."

"Of course, don't let me keep you. If you need anything during the trip just ask." Caldwell left in a hurry and Kavanagh finally made it into his room. He collapsed on the bed and simply closed his eyes. The ship would be leaving in less than an hour. Listening to all these farewells had sapped his calm and now he felt worn out again and wanted nothing but peace and quiet.

Unlike the voyage here, he hadn't been assigned a station or any duties. Beckett's orders were for him to take it easy. He lay back and relaxed until he felt the ship powering up around him and heard the faint sounds of the engines catching.

He got up and went to a small port-side window set into the wall. As the Daedelus headed towards the upper atmosphere, he watched the steadily dwindling view of Atlantis. The city's towers gleamed in the sun and then as they moved farther away, the city became just a silvery dot in the blue ocean. Finally it was lost to his sight but he stayed at the window until the only thing to be seen outside was stars in the blackness. It was over. Atlantis was gone.

Epilogue...Six months later.

The work at Area 51 was just what he'd been looking for, interesting and challenging, and something that actually fit his qualifications. Kavanagh actually seemed to fit in here and while not every one cared for him, he didn't stand out among the other scientists and no one singled him out. The military presence was ubiquitous but they didn't interfere with the scientists much and he could tolerate what interference there was.

Kavanagh walked into his room after a long Friday and checked his e-mail. Most of it was unimportant but he paused when he saw an official message from Stargate Command. He had deliberately avoided any news of Atlantis other than knowing it was still there but he knew they had conducted an investigation of Weir, just as he'd asked. He clicked on it with a sense of resigned trepidation.

"To Dr. Jason Kavanagh,

We are writing to inform you of the results of IOA's investigation of the actions of Dr. Elizabeth Weir. IO has found several areas of concern. However, we have concluded that none of them are serious enough to warrant Dr. Weir's removal from Atlantis..."

He finished reading it and then a click of the button deleted it. Just as he'd thought, they weren't going to fire Weir. There would be several reprimands placed in her permanent file over some of her actions but that was it. He supposed he should feel angry or upset and some small part of him was but everything that had happened on Atlantis seemed like ancient history now. The physical scars were gone and he hadn't had a headache in two months. As for mental scars, well they were slowly healing as well. It would just take more time.

The last message was from Dr. Rogers, his lab partner inviting him to join some of the scientists at one of the local bars for a few drinks. He replied with an affirmative, shut the laptop off, and went to live his new life to the fullest.

&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&&

Well, there it is. It's finally done and I hope I pulled it off. As much as I wanted to have Weir fired, I was trying to write it realistically and SG Command let off her off the hook before so I had to believe they'd do the same in this situation. But Kav had to have his happy ending. There are too many ridiculous stories about how Kav is evil but he's really just a human being with his own problems and quirks and that's what I wanted to portray here. He really is just like McKay was when he first appeared on SG-1. Maybe with the proper background, he could be as interesting as Rodney.

A/N: Kavanagh's exact area of expertise was never revealed on the show but I chose Chemical Engineering because it's an area that would have been useful in the situation in "Thirty-Eight Minutes."