A/N: Hello there, Kittens. I apologize for my absence in the past months. Long story short, the rulers of the Virgin Mary Planet (the faculty and staff) do not like it when one of their virgins writes smut in the middle of Science Class. In fact, they dislike it so much, that a virgin found doing such a thing will have their computer taken away for quite a while. But no matter. I have returned with my smuttiness. And I have brought with me a game.

I want you all to GUESS MY AGE. Yes, it's a foolish task, but I enjoy it all the same. Any who can guess it right will get to choose the fandom, genre, rating, pairing, setting, etc., of a oneshot that I will write. It can even be….Mulch and Foaly having passionate, graphic sex in a confessional while Artemis is molested by the priest in the other booth.

Yes, I have been without my smut for too long. I should get back to that…Don't want the A/N to be the entire story. Enjoy.

Oh, and hope you like this one, Raelin Lupin, ya little nutcase.

Artemis turned over in bed, letting out a soft, content moan. His eyes were still closed, too heavy to lift, but he was content as he was. His body ached from the night before, and his throat was sore from screaming. He chuckled softly, the sound a bit more gravely than usual. But he didn't notice. He was too busy thinking about his bodyguard's talents from the night before. His fingers, moving teasingly over his principal's body. His lips, kissing every sensitive inch of youthful flesh. His cock…A shiver ran down his spine.

Butler…

He licked his lips, the electricity running up and down his spine moving to his groin, the dull ache that he knew far too well from the night before returning in a heartbeat. He began to move a hand down towards it, but paused, a smile coming to his lips. If he was like this anyways, he might as well share the enjoyment with his lover. His eyes fluttered open, and he moved onto his side to nudge the sleeping bodyguard.

But he found no sleeping bodyguard. Only a large empty space.

"Butler?"

He looked around the room, hoping that the giant manservant had merely moved from the bed, not the bedroom. But he had no such luck. He was the only one there.

This realization struck Artemis far harder than he would have thought. He knew there had to be a reasonable explanation to why Butler wasn't there. But even so, even though he knew there was no reason for it, a single thought resounded in his head, repeating over and over.

He took what he wanted. He's not interested anymore.

He shook his head, rubbing his temples. It was ridiculous. Utterly preposterous. Butler would never do anything to cause him pain. And yet…

A soft sigh escaped him, and he stood from the bed, showering quickly before finding a fresh Armani suit. He slipped it on without much interest, the fire in his groin long since quenched by his lover's absence. Soon he was dressed, his hair dried and combed back. His cheeks flushed as he remembered his fantasy of having Butler do these things that morning, forcing the thought aside. There was no point in having such thoughts. He merely needed to find Butler, and have him explain his reasons for not being there. Then they could make love in the hallway before breakfast. All would be well.

Satisfied with this decision, he quickly examined himself in the mirror before darting out the door, the smile quickly returning to his face. He wanted to race down the hallway to find Butler, who would no doubt be in the kitchen, but forced himself to remember his composure, walking purposefully down the hall, his back straight and determined. His heart began to beat faster as he started down the marble stairs, his knuckles white on the banister, the prospect of seeing Butler again too thrilling to deny.

He timed his every step to imitate his usual stride, and so it took him exactly five minutes and fifteen seconds to reach the kitchen door, as it always did, even if it felt like five years. But now that he was there, it didn't matter. Nothing mattered but Butler.

He stepped into the room, and the smile brightened. As he had expected, Butler was there, bent over the stove. Artemis inhaled deeply and licked his lips. The scent of fresh fruit mingled with that of the bodyguard. The electricity returned to his spine, and he had to hold back a shiver.

"Butler…" He breathed, the single word dripping with more passion than any would have ever expected from the boy.

"Yes?" Butler replied curtly. "What is it, Master Artemis?"

The formality and coldness of Butler's words struck Artemis, even more so than the empty spot in his bed.

He flushed deeply. "I just…wanted to know where you went this morning."

"Here, of course, Sir. To make breakfast."

"Oh…" It was the only thing the Prodigy could think to say. He took in a deep breath, moving forward and wrapping his arms around the manservant's waist from behind. "Well…couldn't we go back to bed for a few hours? I'm not hungry…for food."

To his utter surprise and horror, Butler pulled away sharply and continued to chop the fruit. "You are welcome to return to bed, Sir. When would you like me to wake you?"

The simple sentence was enough to bring tears to Artemis' eyes. He bit his lips, his hands clenched to fists. "Oh…I…I just thought…" His voice broke, and he choked back a sob. "I'm sorry…I just didn't think you'd do something like this."

"What do you mean, Sir?"

The boy's body shook with silent sobs. "I'm…going…out." He managed to gasp, turning on his heel and racing out of the room, and house, before Butler could say another word. He ran to his car, a black Bentley he had received for his sixteenth birthday, sliding into the driver's seat and slamming the door behind him as he burst into tears.

He sat in that way for several moments, sobbing uncontrollably, his usually icy composition shattered. It made perfect sense now. Butler had only wanted his body, nothing more. Be it for ego, or just infatuation, the manservant had wanted to take Artemis' body. And now that he had gotten what he wanted….

Artemis let out a soft whimper. Most unlike him. But he really didn't care. He just wanted Butler to hold him, to tell him that it wasn't true. That he really did love him. It was then that an idea stuck him. True, he could not have Butler. But he could pretend to have him. A bitter smile came to his lips, and he started the car and pulled out of the large iron gates, heading straight for a club that he had discovered months ago, a place he had promised Butler he would never go to.

(A/N: Oh joy! My left hand is swollen. Bee stung me. I had expected blindness, furry hands, but a bee? Oh well…Bee left half it's ass behind. It has paid for causing me pain. To Butler's side of it!)

Butler lay in Artemis' bed, legs intertwined with teen's. He was propped up on one arm, gazing at the boy, wondering vaguely what to say when he woke up. Or, if he kept on sleeping for much longer, how to wake him up.

He didn't want it to be clichéd. "Good morning, Beautiful" was completely out of the question. No puns, either. He wanted it to sound romantic and impulsive; something that would be rewarded with passionate morning sex in the shower, and not hysterical, humiliating laughter.

He had decided on waking Artemis by teasing his body until it decided it preferred consciousness, and was about to begin, when the door burst open. Juliet was in the doorway, pink faced and panting, looking at her older brother like she was ready to send him crashing out the third-story window.

"Get dressed…hallway…Now!" She had obviously run to the room. Butler decided it was best not to argue. He glanced down regretfully at his sleeping lover, and sighed, finding his clothes from the night before and slipping them on.

"Is this really that important?" He hissed quietly, once he had closed the bedroom door behind him. "I don't want him to I abandoned him…"

"We have more important matters to worry about." She snapped. "Mr. and Mrs. Fowl returning while you're in bed with their underage son, for example."

Butler froze, his eyes widening. "Mr. and Mrs. Fowl are back?"

"Yes! They arrived last night. It's lucky I was able to convince them that Artemis was too tired to see them."

Butler nodded. "Thank you, Juliet. I will go tell Arte…"

"No. You will go get dressed and serve your employers breakfast." She snapped. It was amazing how controlling she could be when in a bad mood. "And take a shower! You smell like a prostitute."

Sighing softly, Butler made his way downstairs to his room, quickly showering and finding more appropriate clothes than the tight shirt Artemis enjoyed. He then greeted Angeline and Artemis Sr. in the Dining room, before pushing through the door that connected it to the Kitchen, and began cooking.

It wasn't long, however, until he heard footsteps behind him, and Artemis' voice whispering his name.

"Yes? What is it, Master Artemis?" He asked, with as much coldness as he could muster. Surely Artemis remembered that his parents were home. This would no doubt warn him that they were in the next room.

The hesitation in Artemis' voice when he spoke again was enough to tell him that he hadn't understood the warning. "I just…wanted to know where you went this morning."

"Here, of course, Sir. To make breakfast." Butler persisted, internally begging the boy to receive the message. Did he even remember his parents were home?

"Oh…" And suddenly, to Butler's mingling pleasure and horror, he felt thin arms wrapping themselves around his waist. "Well…couldn't we go back to bed for a few hours? I'm not hungry…for food."

Butler forced back a shudder of delight at the words, using all his self-control to wrench himself away from the boy. "You are welcome to go back to bed, Sir. When should I wake you?"

There was silence now. Butler let out a silent sigh of relief, praying this meant Artemis had gotten the message.

"Oh…I…I just thought…" The boy's voice broke, letting out a sob, the sound like a knife running down Butler's spine. "I'm sorry…I just didn't think you'd do something like this."

"What do you mean, Sir?" He asked, dropping the knife hurridly, reaching for the rag to wipe his hands. Fine, Artemis was being stubborn. He could just wrap his arms around the boy and whisper it to him. It would warn him, and hopefully calm him down.

But, as he turned towards the boy, all he saw was the kitchen door swinging shut. He gazed at it blankly and sighed, the feeling of guilt deeply imbedded within him as he turned back to chopping fruit. He wanted to go after Artemis, but knew it would only arouse suspicion. Juliet was in the hall cleaning, and so she would catch him and explain. Everything would be fine.

A/N: Dun dun dun! A twist in our non-existent plot! I know, I know, there wasn't any smut. I'm sorry about that. But my left palm is twice the size as my right one, so be happy I finished this chapter. It's kinda long too, considering the length of the other ones.

So yeah…Don't forget the game, and give me lots and lots of reviews. Otherwise, I don't know if you like it. Until next time, Kittens!