A/N: I know this is going to be extremely bad, but my cousin wrote it and asked me to post it. Enjoy…put down the pitchforks!

House, who was avoiding Cuddy and skipping clinic duty , was taking a stroll around the hospital and came across the door leading to the basement. He thought, Hey, I haven't hid down here for awhile. As he opened the door and walked down the stairs, he thought Ha, Cuddy will never think to look for me here. He reached the bottom of the stairs and heard very strange sounds. Hearing such, he decided to investigate thinking his life could use a little action and excitement. He followed the sounds to the closed door of the boiler room.

Then, he heard a high pitched voice say, "Ohhhh, Foreman don't touch me there." House decided to pause to listen more for some interesting blackmail. After listening to very disturbing noises for about five minutes, he thought well its now or never and he opened the door. He saw Foreman on top of Chase. They didn't see or hear him.

House comments, "Thanks guys, this is the perfect blackmail."

Foreman and Chase jump up acting like the penguins of Madagascar, saying, "You didn't see anything."

Laughing House says, "Of course I did. I'm sure Cuddy would love to hear about this."

"But aren't you hiding from her," they replied as they were getting dressed.

"So, clinic duty, wait no spending a week locked up with Cuddy alone, would be worth this."

"Please don't tell on us, we'll let you in on the action," Chase said as they were standing by House's office.

House replied, "What the hell kind of perverse world do you live in that you think I am gay?"

Then, Wilson walked around the corner, spotted House, and asked him, "Are we still on for tonight?"

"Ha, "Chase yelled, "now I have blackmail on you guys!"

"Hey, Foreman why do you have a condom on your shoe, and why does Chase have so many fresh hickeys?" Wilson questioned.

"Um…Um…Um…Hey Chase you answer this question," Foreman yelling as he ran down the hall, "I'm sorry, babycakes."

"Who in the hell is babycakes," questioned House. Then, Wilson turned bright red. "OH MY GOD, WILSON IS GAY TOO!"

Foreman came running back. Holding Wilson's hand, he asked him, "Do you love me?"

"What? No! I'm just in this for the sex."

"Oh. OK. Good. I think."

"But what about me?" whined Chase.

"OK Chase, you can have the next person that walks around that corner," House stated.

"Alright," he agreed.

Then, Cuddy came around the corner. "I heard your little agreement and I want Chase bad. Chase be at my house at 8:00 sharp, and bring the chains, whips, leashes, and when you show up don't be wearing anything but a smile and a trench coat. Oh, yeah. I will provide the leather outfits, the toys, whip cream, candles, flavored condoms, and handcuffs."

Then, Chase asks "Do you like it doggy style or regular?"

"Both and many other ways," replied Cuddy.

"Such as," asked Chase.

"Use your imagination, remember House says I'm very anal and I like to use my mouth,"

replied Cuddy.

"Kinky," said Chase.

House, covering his ears and rocking on the floor crying, "Too much! Make it stop! Make it stop!"

Then, Cuddy announced, " Screw it, everyone go home and do each other, and Chase you come with me."

Then, Chase whispered in Cuddy's ear, "I have my pink thong hidden in Houses desk drawer."

"Great, go get it," Cuddy commanded.

After everyone left, House continued to sit on the floor pouting,

Cameron walked around the corner, and said, "House I'm horney, come home with me. I'm commanding not asking, but let me grab something out of your desk."

"Not complaining or anything, but why does everyone have to get something out of my desk? What are you getting anyway?" he asks as he followed her into his office.

"I'm getting my pink thong," replied Cameron.

"Wait, Chase took a pink thong out of my desk drawer a few minutes ago."

"OK… I don't want that back now, lets go to my house and get my see through one."

"Yeah," yelled House, "I'll drive."