Lights and Sounds, a scrubs fanfic

Hey. Pink Charmed One here. Just decided I'd try my luck with a one-shot today. Sorta got in the mood because I had to justify why somebody would be mean to my J.D. lol.

Anyway, for the purpose of this fic, the janitor's gonna be in his late 40s. I know he's supposed to be like 35ish (just guessing), but I can't have him be that old or...wellllll...you'll see!

Lights and Sounds

"Good morning, scooter. You want some help with all those papers?"

The intern's eyes widen in fear. "Um, no thanks."

"Gee. That's too bad. You can't even trust Sacred Heart's maintenance staff. How terrible is that?" I call after him as he hurries away. Then I sigh. He's gone again, I've attempted to make his life a living hell again, and the memories come back. Again.

I remember that night. Who wouldn't remember a night like that? It's been years and years but that woman still pops up in my head. I was in college, I was stressed out; I needed a release. I ended up in a bar, talking to some woman I hardly knew. She was young. She was married. But did that stop us?

"You get that kid pretty good these days," one of the other janitors congratulates me with a smile. We high five.

"That's my job," I say proudly. "Besides, all you have to do is breathe to scare the crap outta that girl."

The other janitor snickers. "I hear that he's giving some sort of presentation. Just a head's up. Thought you might need some dirt on him to get some, er, inspiration, so to speak."

"Frank, I don't know how to thank you."

"Don't. Just use it well."

He walks away, leaving me with these mixed up memories that still make no sense to me. These awful feelings I get in my gut when I look in that intern's face and see what's haunted me for all of these years.

Hello, you, how was the rest?
You made it through, but nevertheless
I got you out on a wire.
You be love and I'll be a liar.

"My husband's a traveling salesman," the woman told me that night. "I put my foot down at moving again. My son…"

I froze then. How could I hit on someone with a kid? This was getting awkward. She hadn't seemed quite that old to me.

She trailed off. "Sometimes I wonder why I'm even in that marriage. He's never home," she explained with a vague stare. "We were so young when we met. When I became pregnant, we both quit college. Then it seemed that getting married was the only thing we could do to get our parents' acceptance again."

"I'm so sorry," I expressed to her at the time. But inside my heart was racing. Here I was, newly 21, sitting with a hot woman in a bar with drinks everywhere. It was a college kid's dream come true.

I snap back into the present and resume mopping, "accidentally" tripping one of the nurses. I have to say, the job has its perks.

"Hey!" she protests, standing up and brushing herself off. "What the hell is up your ass?"

"Maybe you just need to watch where you're going," I say with a shrug. "I'm just minding my own business over here, being a janitor and what not…it's not an easy life."

She mutters several obscenities under her breath and walks away. But it's all good. I've obviously won, as I tend to every day.

Tell it all and fill up the air,
But make it loud cause nobody's there
And nobody's there
And nobody's there

The day passes by. Lunch time comes around and I find myself in that same cafeteria that I'm in every afternoon, watching table after table of doctors and nurses. I was gonna be just like you, I think to myself. I never made it into medical school. I wasn't "serious" enough. My grades weren't as high as they should be. All these losers beat me to it.

"J.D., how's the presentation going?" I hear someone ask at a table nearby. I don't look up, but I listen anyway. Never miss an opportunity to further increase an intern's anxiousness—it's worth gold in the end.

"Oh—the presentation," the intern stutters. "Um, pretty good…I mean, still some kinks to work out…"

Another companion, the surgical freak, snorts at him. "Are you kidding? You've been up all night staring at a blank computer screen. That's some real presenting I see going on."

"Shut it, Turk! It's…it's all in my head!"

"What head?" I mutter.

The kid obviously hears me, but settles for ignoring it and sitting down instead. I turn around.

"Nervous, Scooter?"

He averts his gaze. "No, I'm peachy. Why do you ask?"

"I don't know. You have that gee-I'm-gonna-screw-up-big-time sorta look on your face."

"Why do you hate me so much?" he asks me.

"Well—"

"That was a rhetorical question," he sighs, standing up and dumping his lunch tray in the trash. "You know what, Turk? You're right. I'm gonna work on that paper, I only have till tomorrow."

Stop, turn, take a look around
At all the lights and sounds.
Let them bring you in.
Slow burn, let it all fade out,
Pull the curtain down.
I wonder where you've been?

I watch him leave. A part of me wants to call out to him, but I know he's going to be here tomorrow, same time, same place, so the universe can continue to mock me. So I do what I always do. Grin creepily at him until he shivers in fear and sit back, relax and try to enjoy life.

Scooping up poop and vomit, taking out the trash and doing generally the most disgusting job on the planet.

I was actually going to quit about a week after the interns arrived. But one look at that kid and I was scared out of my wits. All it took was about a minute of staring and thinking hard for me to trace back the years, calculate the exact age…

And realize the unthinkable.

"Dr. Dorian, would you care to tell us the symptoms of invasive Group A streptococcus?" that Kelso man that's in charge of the hospital (and constantly is throwing away insurance paper after insurance paper) asked the intern one day while I was sweeping nearby. I've always loved Newbie Day. July 1, when all the new interns come in…

Anyway, as soon as I heard "Dorian," an alarm system flared.

I almost called her once after that one night stand, but I was too nervous. Besides, I dropped out of college not soon after than. Med School was too intimidating for me, and I got cocky. I let it slip through my fingers.

I didn't know I had a son.

He doesn't really look much like me. He more resembles that lady, the woman I never knew the name of. I remember her, though.

It scares me that one man can hold onto a memory like that for so long.

Make it new, but stay in the lines.
Just let go, but keep it inside.
Smile big for everyone,
Even when you know what they've done.
They gave you the end but not where to start;
Not how to build, how to tear it apart.

Late nights like this are generally boring and tiresome. I offer to take the night shift a lot of the time because there's nothing better to do anyway. And everyone else on the maintenance staff is always grateful. Might as well guilt trip them and earn a few favors.

This place is an absolute dump, I think to myself as I collect the trash bins around the hospital. Patients and doctors and nurses and the cafeteria staff often produce a heck of a lot of garbage. Heck, so do the people down where they keep the bodies, eerily enough. I try not to look at the garbage there.

I walk into what seems to be the "employee lounge room" (I often linger around in here, though I'm sure I'm not considered an "employee"). The television is fuzzy and making a whirring noise, completely dead with a low murmur only hinting that it was on some sort of channel. The clock ticks and the hand turns to one in the morning, dinging loudly just to alert anyone that isn't aware. I roll my eyes. Damn clock.

"Huh?"

I hear a voice on the couch. I freeze. It's just as I feared.

"Holy…oh, shit." The intern jabs his wrist up and squints at his watch. "Oh, shit. How the hell did I…?" He jumps up from the couch, sees me standing there and emits what sounds like a squeak.

"Sorry, girlie. Geez, no need to fear the janitor. I'm only slaving away after you stupid doctors all day long…" Here I go again. Why can't I just spit it out and tell him? It's been nearly a year now. A fresh new round of interns will arrive in a month or so. It'll be too awkward then.

"W-why are you just standing there like that? Why didn't you wake me up? I have the biggest pres—" He sighs, remembering it's me, the evil janitor.

I shrug. "I know. I just wanted to see your reaction when you got up and realized it was due." I continue with lifting the trash bag and dumping it into the big wheelie I use to transport crap in bulk.

"Oh, great. Thanks for nothing."

"Thanks for nothing? I clean up after you all day long," I remind him as he walks out. "By the way, you scream like a girl!" I call after him.

He doesn't respond. He's gone. But I know he heard me—he always does.

So tell it all and fill up the air,
But make it loud cause nobody's there
And nobody's there
And nobody's there

That's it. It's now or never. I jog after him, cutting him off.

"What?" he asks me exasperatedly. He's slouching, half-awake with big bags under his eyes. "What can you possibly do to me right now to make this any worse?"

I take a deep breath. "A lot."

He hits the elevator button and it opens immediately. "Not tonight…please."

"This is important," I assert. "Not the normal stuff."

He narrows his eyes at me. "Promise?" he asks, walking into the elevator. I follow him.

"I promise."

The elevator doors close behind us.

"Scooter…I don't even know your first name," I tell him, looking down. Don't make eye contact. It'll only make everything worse. "I should have known a long time ago."

"Um, I'm J.D. I don't know your first name, either…" he says, looking a little confused.

"I'm Michael. But I meant your first name. I know you're last name is Dorian."

"Oh…I'm John Dorian, but I hate the name John. My dad named me that for some twisted reason." He snorts. "Completely unoriginal. Named my older brother Dave, though."

I wince. So he thinks the other man is his father. "Are you and your father…close?"

"Why are you asking me these questions?" he snaps. "It's a little weird, you know. Are you just going to turn around and completely blackmail me?"

"No. No, I'm not. I need to tell you this. Right now."

"Tell me what?"

"J.D…I knew your mother. Twenty-seven years ago. I didn't ever know her name, but I knew her well.

I've got a way to work this out,
I've got a way and you know how.

The elevator grows intensely silent. The intern stiffens. "Her name was Pamela. She's dead now, though. I'm sorry nobody told you."

"She…died?" I ask, flabbergasted. "When?"

"Three years ago. Car accident."

The doors open. "Well, bye, then," J.D. says, waving.

"No, wait, I haven't—"

He doesn't appear to be stopping. In a rush, I call out, "J.D., that man—the traveling salesman that named you John—he's not your father!"

That gets his attention. "Okay," he asks in an even tone, trying not to freak out in front of the waiting patients. "What the hell is wrong with you? You don't even know my father." A darkness flashes in his eyes dangerously.

"J.D., your mother and I had a one-night stand all those years ago while your father was away," I try to explain. "That man isn't your father. Don't you get it? Why I've picked on you all this time? I'm your father! You followed me here! Do you realize how hard it is for me to realize that after all these years, I've had a son? A son that got to do everything I ever wanted to?"

His eyes widen. "You're crazy. You're god damn crazy, aren't you?" he says, backing away from me. His papers slide out of his hands and hit the floor. "I'll go get you some help—"

"Kid. J.D. I'm serious, okay? I'm more serious than I've ever been in this waste of a life." I force myself to make eye contact. There are tears forming in his eyes.

"This isn't funny," he says quietly. "Now please just leave me alone."

"Your mom—she told me that she was deathly afraid of heights and being alone. She used to make you stay in her room with her at night, wouldn't she? She told me that your brother usually did. And she had auburn hair. Brown and red, all mixed together, and hazel-colored eyes—"

"Shut up!" he cries. "Just shut up!"

And then he's gone in a flash, out the front door, and I have no witty comment to follow up his absence. I'm just left there with the trash bag from the lounge, an empty man without any purpose anymore. I thought I could make him believe me. I thought wrong.

I've got a way to work this out,
I've got a way and you know how.

"What did you do to him?" asks that Cox guy conversationally. "Geez, he hasn't been that worked up since the first time he saw my face. What was that crap you were telling him?"

"I…" Suddenly it just pours out. It's been eleven months. I can't take this anymore. "That kid right there. I'm not even kidding—he's my son. I'm his dad. All these years and I just found out. And now…his mother's dead. He'll never believe me."

"You do realize that I am a doctor, and I'm pretty much licensed to refer you to whatever spongey-walled room I please?" he asks me sarcastically. "Because I'd do it if I really thought it'd help…but let's be serious. You're too far off the deep end for that. Now what did you just do to Newbie?"

"Scared the hell out of him," I admit. "That's exactly what I just did."

"I hate to sound like I actually give a damn, but please lay off my intern. I need his sanity. He's my humble slave and I'd rather miss my morning coffee if I couldn't have the satisfaction of ordering it out of him. Now if you can agree to that, there will be no further need for discussion."

"I'm serious, though," I say, starting to laugh bitterly. "This has been driving me mad for months. That kid is my son. His mother just never bothered to tell me before she decided to go off and get herself killed."

"You're actually being serious with me, then."

"Yes. I'm actually being serious."

"Then why have you waited so freaking long, idiot?"

I thought he was talking about telling the kid in general. I open my mouth to explain, but he interrupts and says, "I mean, what the hell are you doing here when he's about to leave?"

I nod, understanding, and run out the door.

Stop, turn, take a look around
At all the lights and sounds.
Let them bring you in.
Slow burn, let it all fade out,
Pull the curtain down.
I wonder where you've been?

He's still in the car. I know which one is his from watching him leave so many times. He's just staring straight ahead of him, tears running blindly down his face. He doesn't even realize I'm there until I tap on glass of his window.

"J.D. Please listen to me. You have no idea how hard it was to tell you all that."

"Leave me alone, damn it," he says, furiously wiping at his eyes and banging his fist on the steering wheel. "What's your problem? What did I ever do to you?"

"You didn't do anything. Your mother did."

"My mom was perfect," he argues. "How dare you…when she's dead!"

"I didn't say she wasn't…" I sigh. "Kid. I had a lot of respect for her."

"From the looks of it, you fucked her and left her there."

"She was married. We were drunk! We were completely—"

He flinches.

"Not that—" I stutter. "I mean—"

"No, no, I get it. I get it loud and clear. I was just an accident."

"You weren't—"

The engine revs up and he drives away. But it's alright. Because I know he's working tomorrow and the next day and the next day, and I'll always be waiting here.

You earned everything you found,
And painted faces frown.
I'll say I knew you when...

"I can't believe you're doing this to me. The most beautiful woman I ever met. First you're married, and then you give me the scariest thing in the world. A kid. Too bad you waited twenty-six years," I say up to the heavens, walking to my car. I throw the trash bag on the side of the road. Life's too short.

"Someday…" I mutter under my breath. But in a way, I figure that day has come. I feel like I've done something now. I may never be a doctor myself, but look at what I managed to put in this world.

He's a good kid, that J.D.

And that's a wrap! So, whaddaya think? Total crap or somewhat okay? Lol. Bring on the reviews, I really don't care if they're bad lol.