The Noviciate
Part II
Robin was graceful. Whether it was natural or it had been trained into her, it remained fact. He liked to watch her. She slinked, almost floated when she walked. Maybe it was the dress or the serene look upon her face. It was very likely all those things together.
When she battled, she remained graceful. There were no jerky movements or awkward shifts in her. She held her head up with perfect regal elegance. He'd gone back and forth with himself about the reasons why he watched her, but he did watch her. He'd watched her from the very moment he laid eyes upon her in Harry's.
He followed her.
He spied on her.
Maybe he was obsessed with her, maybe he was following orders. It was one; it was both. He had long ceased to care which it was as long as he was able to continue watching her. She was strange, beautiful, and simply haunting.
Sitting at her desk, he watched her read. Something was scrolling on her screen, likely the newest case file; perhaps it was an old one. She liked to read. He assumed she liked to read. During down time she often sat at her console and read mission files sipping coffee or tea. Once she'd brought in some kind of juice, orange from the color of it and drank that. Most times, she had something to drink in her hand while she sat at her desk.
Activity that morning was lacking as they were waiting on information. Sitting about the station, they were all chatting. Robin was still reading but she seemed to be listening if the way her eyes kept drifting from her screen toward the group was any indication.
"If you could do anything in life, what would it be?" Dojima asked suddenly. "I mean, just anything."
"I'd go skiing," Sakaki commented leaning back in his chair, propping his feet up on the desk.
"That sounds fun, I'd do that," Michael answered. "Or go to one of those computer conventions that would also be cool."
"What do you think Karasuma?"
The woman turned her chair and smiled. "I've always wanted to go on a cruise and just relax."
Dojima smiled and they exchanged a few comments about sunbathing and deck activities. Amon listened and watched discreetly.
"What about you, Robin?"
"Anything?" the girl asked without turning.
"Anything," Dojima replied. "Without thinking about your convent rules."
Her convent rules? Amon wondered about that. Was Robin still living by her convent rules?
"I would like to go dancing. We weren't allowed to dance," she answered softly.
He could see her dancing. She would be graceful and perfect, movements slow and flowing.
Sakaki scoffed. "Convents suck, man. You can't do anything in a convent."
Someone slapped Sakaki's arm for the comment, but Amon didn't see who. He suspected it was Dojima.
"That's an easy one, Robin. You should go. It's not like its anything that would get you into a lot of trouble, right? It's only dancing," Dojima pondered. "Or… would you get into trouble for it?"
The girl shrugged absently. "It's considered behavior unfitting of a young lady."
How so like her, he thought. Never to be guilty of that, behavior unfitting of a young lady…
"Totally, man. I'll teach you how to dance. I'm not great at it or anything, but I can do it," Sakaki offered and Robin turned.
"Really?"
She sounded hopeful. Amon watched their expressions carefully. He thought of it. Sakaki's hands on Robin's narrow waist and she would allow it. She, a girl a few skips from becoming a nun, a woman of God. When Sakaki touched her would he leave marks on her?
Sakaki stood. "Yo, Michael, you got some dancing music?"
The young hacker's rapid fingers stopped their typing. "Uh…" he tilted his head back. "You mean like… slow music?"
"Yeah, slow music. I don't think she wants to learn club dancing. You want to slow dance, right?"
She blinked and seemed hesitant. "What's club dancing?"
He shook his head. "Nothing you want to learn, come on, Michael! Break out the slow music."
The boy unhooked his headphones and turned up the music of a blaring rock song before he hurriedly pressed the stop button. "Hold on a second while I find a radio station or something."
The others waited and Robin stood nervously approaching where Sakaki was standing on the opposite side of the computer station. "This is easy," he reassured her. "Just takes a little practice."
When the soft melodic bars of a love song began to play, Amon felt dread fill his stomach. It felt so colossally wrong for her to dance to such a sound. He thought again of corruption. He turned his eyes back toward her having looked away. Sakaki had slid an arm around her, one hand resting on her hip, his other hand taking hers. It was chaste and awkward. It reminded him of Robin's age and for that reminder, he was not pleased. It also reminded him that both Sakaki and Michael were closer to Robin's age.
Amon watched them twirl around for several minutes before snapping at everyone to return to work. Chief Kosaka would have put an end to the nonsense much sooner if he hadn't up there volunteering to teach Robin to dance himself claiming "much more experience".
"Let's go."
His voice seemed to catch her off guard as she sat at her desk flipping through the pages of a file. She looked up, her eyes curious.
"Go?" she asked.
"We're done for the day. I'll take you home." It wasn't an offer and she recognized the tone and obeyed without a word of protest. She closed the file and set it aside leaving her desk neat. Always neat. Her room was neat too. Everything about her was neat.
He waited for her by the elevator. He heard her footsteps behind him, light and even. Her coat was held over her arm, her gaze toward the floor, the same serene expression she always wore.
They rode downstairs in silence and slipped into his car. After buckling her seatbelt she leaned toward the window and sighed. He watched her a moment and then started the car.
"Were you disappointed?"
He surprised even himself by asking.
"Disappointed?" She didn't look toward him; she continued to stare out the window.
"Dancing with Sakaki," he clarified.
For a moment she was silent and then she turned her eyes toward the dashboard and stared at it determinately. "Yes. I was expecting something different."
Different? Different how?
He needn't have wondered very long as Robin answered his unspoken thought. "Touko has these books around the apartment. I didn't mean to start reading them; I think I'm sorry that I did. Everything seems a little different now."
Books? To his knowledge Touko had a preference for romance novels if the few he'd seen on her shelf was any indication.
Was Robin reading Touko's novels full of passion and… well… sex? What exactly had she been expecting when she said she wanted to dance?
"Doesn't Touko read romance novels?" he asked.
Robin nodded, a reaction he had to turn to see. His working knowledge of romance novels was scant. He knew they existed and what they consisted of, but he had not ever read one so he wasn't exactly sure what her expectations could've consisted of.
"What were you expecting?"
"I don't know, just… A feeling, I think."
A feeling? He didn't have any feelings when he danced, however rare an occasion it was. What kind of feelings did women, or in this case, young women have when they danced? He didn't understand.
When they reached her apartment, he pulled over and pulled his keys from the ignition. Robin didn't hesitate. She thanked him and slipped out. When he stepped out of the car she was already at the top of the steps and inside the building. She was preoccupied with her thoughts. He followed her to her door and caught it just before she closed it behind her.
What was he doing? He stepped in after her. It was evident the moment she realized he'd followed her. Her entire spine tensed and she turned.
"Amon?" There was that same soft, curious tone in her voice. He heard it most often when she said his name. No one said his name like that but her. The fact that he liked hearing her say it should've bothered him, but didn't.
He didn't say anything. He stepped forward and reached for her wrist pulling her to him. She had discarded her shoes at the door but he hadn't bothered. He pulled her close, closer than Sakaki had. His jacket touched her pinafore. One hand swept around her tiny waist and the other took her hand in his.
Without music, he guided her into a slow dance. He felt her breathing shift, quicken… Her body moved against his.
They were too close. It was not the chaste dance Sakaki had shown her. Their bodies touched and she noticed.
He wanted her to notice him.
Her bare hands were warm against his gloves. When she miss-stepped she pushed herself inadvertently against his chest, he felt the swell of her breast.
Leaning down, his nose was a breath from hers. "Do you want to be a nun, Robin?" he breathed.
He had to know. What were her intentions?
"I… I don't know," she answered.
She didn't know. Had she ever been sure of her future? Did she want to be a nun or had it been pressed upon her by those she had grown up with? Brushing his nose once to hers, he slowed and stepped back, sliding from her touch.
"Goodnight."
Was one supposed to get a feeling from dancing? He exited the building, retreated to his car and pulled away. He did not want to be there when Touko arrived. He didn't want her to know he'd been there at all. He was blocks away before he felt that feeling fade away.
Who, before her, had ever given him a feeling by just dancing?
Better yet, what kind of feeling was it and what was he supposed to do with her answer? She wasn't sure if she wanted to become a nun.