Okay, peoples. Short, quick ficcie that is COMPLETE HUMOR. And it gets better, coz this is ROCK LEE HUMOR! WEEE! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
Rock Lee's Dating Service
(Note: SSasuke and LLee)
S: Uhm... hi, Lee.
L: Hello, Sasuke!
S: Look, I... I need... I NEED SOME ADVICE!
L: Will the fountain of youth allow this information to be given off?
S: Well, I guess. Proba- wait, of course! Look, can we just get on with it?
L: Okay! What sort of advice do you need?
S: Um... well, it's, um... (quietly) dating advice...
L: HAHAHAHAHAHA! My friend, you have come to the right place! Welcome to Rock Lee's dating service! (Puts an arm around Sasuke. Sasuke looks uncomfortable.)
S: er...
L: Now, who's the girl?
S: ...I don't want to say.
L: Alright, then describe her.
S: Well, she's a kunoichi, has beautiful eyes; I think I could stare into them all day. She's average height, got really soft hair that blows in the wind, and a smooth complexion.
L: Sounds like a looker!
S: Yeah, and that's not all! Her personality's great, too. She's smart, funny, kind...
L: And you want to ask this girl out on a date?
S: Yeah, I guess. But the problem is, in the manga I run off to Orochimaru's place to become stronger, even though, I could just take a gun and shoot Itachi, but apparently I'm supposed to be too stupid and conceited to think of that option, even though I'm at the risk of Orochimaru taking over my body any second. And I can't go out with her while Itachi's still alive, because he might kill her to make me suffer!
L: Owch.
S: Yeah, no kidding.
L: What you need is to make the girl feel special without anybody knowing. If she knows it's you, so will Itachi. Drop off some beef stroganoff at her house for dinner one night!
S: Why beef stroganoff?
L: Because it's yummy and tasty and warm...
S: (slowly stepping away from Lee) Right... anything else?
L: Yes! Kiss her as soon as you finish your youthful training! Take her on a date! Propose marriage!
S: But that's all way too obvious!
L: So? This is a fanfic, right? About a million miles away from here, Itachi could be getting blown up from saying the Zeeky words!
S: What the hell are the Zeeky words? And why would Itachi blow up from saying them?
One million miles away... (IItachi and RARandom Akasuki)
I: Yes! We have finally learned the Zeeky words that make nuculear explosions happen! Muahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
RA: It's pronounced nuclear.
I: That's what I said. Nuculear.
RA: Riiiight... And what are the Zeeky words again?
I: Zeeky Boogy Doog! (Nuclear explosion, screams)
Back at Konoha...
S: Well, that was stupid.
L: Yes! Now that this Itachi person is gone, all we need to do is take care of Orochimaru!
S: But the only way we can do that is if something really stupid happened, like if he said "Blah," and then his head popped off! Or if he saw Naruto in the shower!
At a random fitness club... (OOrochimaru and NNaruto)
O: Now, all I need is a nice shower. (Opens shower curtain, sees naked Naruto showering)
N: What the hell! Pervert! Are you working for Jiraya, you asshole!
O: Sorry, sorry!
N: I'll forgive you if you read that sign over there.
O: You mean the one that says Dating tip: Drop off beef stroganoff at your girlfriend's house!, right?
N: Uh, no, the other one.
O: Oh, you mean the one that says blah. (Orochimaru's head pops off, Naruto cheers)
Back at Konoha (again)...
S: This just keeps getting weirder and weirder.
L: Now, why don't you go to the Yamanaka flower shop and buy this girl some flowers, then drop them off at her door?
S: That's the first good idea I've heard all day. What kind of flowers should I get?
L: Make them match her personality, or maybe her name. What's her name?
S: (incoherent mumbling)
L: What?
S: (very quietly) S'ur'ka.
L: What?
S: Sakura, okay!
L: TT But I am in love with Sakura!
S: Thanks for the advice, Lee. Uh, later! (runs away, Lee hot on his heels)
Unknown to them, someone was sitting up in a tree with her journal, having just heard everything that had gone on.
Guess who.
Sakura: Sasuke-kun... is in love with me? Dear Diary...
THE END.
...or is it? If the little innocent peoples would like there to be multiple chapters with Lee giving advice to Naruto, Neji, Shikamaru, Gaara, Kankuro, and Kakashi (LOL), review!