Drunken Escapades

"Did you thinkk I was going to give it up to youu? This tiheeiheeime? Did you think that it was something I was going to do? And cryheeii? Don't try t-"

"SIRIUS! KNOCK THAT THE BLOODY HELL OFF! I don't expect anything of you . . . except for silence when I have a fucking hangover, you bastard." James called to his friend with a frightening anger, which Sirius thought was very offending.

"Fine, if that's what I get when I try to be good to you! You can kiss this goodbye, it's over, James." Sirius cried out, pointing to himself. Then he turned on his heel and stormed out of the dormitory.

James merely groaned, and continued to cradle his head.

— – — — – — — – —

The night before was a wild one. The Gryffindor quidditch team had won, so a party was going on. James was drunk, drunker than those famed for their alky ways. So, James was extremely drunk and dancing on one of the tables in the common room. He was "Irish Jigging" and came very near to falling into the fire. He was singing to himself, while spinning around in a circle on one foot.

He, at least, thought it was a good idea.

And because James had told Remus to stay sober and write every little detail down, the night's events will never be forgotten.

November 14th

Remus reporting at 10:48 pm

Hog's Head

Won Quidditch

We are sitting in the Hog's Head. Soon walking back to castle will be impossible, but Sirius says, "We must forge on! Examples will be set for the younger children! We will be . . . um . . . ah! - Heroes! We will be heroes and all will love us, if only we get back to school."

That is where our story begins. And with James deciding we need to keep a log of our times with alcohol. Tonight, I, Remus J. Lupin, am the "Designated um . . . er . . . Delicacy! No, no, that's not right, the Designated Disher. Hmm. The Divulger. The Designated Divulger! Oh! I am a genius!" James slurred to everyone in the pub. Sirius and Peter seemed to enjoy this idea immensely.

"To the Designated Divulger!" The three toasted heartily. "Here, here."

I'm with incredibly idiotic sixth years and in incredible need of a drink right now, so I can drown out their drunken embarrassment. With Sirius slobber on my mouth and Peter adoringly stroking his feet, - and occasionally confusing his feet with mine - mumbling sweet nothings, our story starts. Oh, and James wants me to write that he is extremely handsome and knows for a fact that the entire quidditch team wants him . . . in bed.

Since nothing exciting will happen until we forge on into the common room, I decided to write quotes from the mouths of twats:

"Pass me that spoon, I need to brush my toes out a bit. That lassy over there is checking these beauts out."

-- Sirius

"Well, I can touch my ear with my tongue, see?" - muffled grunts - "Or - or I can't."

-- Peter

"When are we going back to the castle? Lily will be waiting for me, so we need to hurry."

-- James

November 14th

James Not-So-Designated Divulging at 11:54 am

Common Room

Quidditch has still been won

Remus is a complete prat. How dare he say those things about me! "What things?" he'll say. Well I'm not quite sure what he wrote, but I know it's offensive. Lily looks good. I think she wants me. I can see her looking my way, oh! Is that a smile? At me?

Things are looking good, sports fans.

Along with a Ms. Evan's. Ohh. SEXY. I think I will go dance. I can tell from her eyes that she is longing to dance with me. Look at her bite her lip seductively. Don't worry Lily! I'll save you from boredom! Just let me boogie on over there . . .

– — – — – — – — – — –

Lily stood watching James canter over to her, a look of bemusement on her face, but she was sympathetic all the same, how many times had she turned down the lovable James, and he kept at it! He was like a giant five-year-old – with hormones.

"Lilyyy." He called to her in a somewhat-sultry manner. His shoulder-wiggling dance style detracted from the sexy vibes, but otherwise he was a good-looking drunk.

Lily felt herself wishing to be held by his quidditch-toned arms.

"Uuoh! What is wrong with me? James Potter is not your friend. He is your number one enemy! Get you head in the game, Lily. Ignore him. Ignore him. Ignore him." She silently scolded herself.

He was coming closer, and those beautiful arms connected to that muscular chest! It was all she could do to turn away from the beautifully drunken, shoulder-wiggling, seductive-eyed James.

And how he wished she wouldn't have, as his lips brushed against her soft and perfumed fiery mane.

— – — – — – — – —

"GET ME HEADACHE MEDICINE! AND HEAL MY HEART. IT HAS SPILT INTO TWO PIECES," James called from his newly named "Bed of Doom." His pajamas were Teletubby patterned; he had only bought them as a dare during the summer, but they were the most comfortable thing James had ever felt.

Lily witnessed them full on as she came in to apologize for turning away the night before.

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A/N: I am writing about six stories right now. So many ideas! Sorry if this seemed a bit risque. It was me mainly trying to show my infinity for the teenage life. Ahaha, LOSER ALERT. But I hoped you enjoyed my little piece of fun. It will continue, no worries. And I'm working on a couple one shots. There's plenty to look forward to from me. And I bet if you encourage her, "Ohsnap its Potter" will update.

Peace, and thanks for reading this.

Please review.

Im outty.