Disclaimer: I own nothing—except the story concept and original characters—just borrowing the Stargate universe to play in, not make money…please do not sue. Lyrics borrowed from Queen's Another One Bites The Dust no infringement intended.

Spoilers for season 2 up to The Tower.

THE NEGOTIATOR

Starring: Dr. Elizabeth Weir, Col. John Sheppard, Lt. Laura Cadman, OC's: Sgt. Sharon "Maddog" Fuller and Lord Treyhil

Special appearances by: Dr. Katriana Morgan, Dr. Lindsey Novak, Dr. Katie Brown, Teyla Emmagan, Ronon Dex, Dr. Rodney McKay, Major Lorne, Dr. Carson Beckett

ONE

Tension filled the air.

Sweat beaded on foreheads, dampening the equally fiery-red manes; one shoulder length, one pixie short.

Someone sniffed. Someone else hiccupped.

Lt. Laura Cadman locked bright blue eyes with her opponent's clear green ones and went in for the kill. She slowly lowered her hands, exposing…four queens.

Sgt. Sharon Fuller—aka Maddog—growled, she actually growled as she tossed her cards onto the table. "Fuckin' A!"

Sitting around the same table, doctor's Katriana Morgan, Lindsey Novak, Katie Brown and Elizabeth Weir laughed out loud as Laura collected her winnings. The lieutenant taunted the sergeant by singing off-key: "Another one bites the dust…and another one down and another one down…another one bites the dust!"

"Hey, I'm gonna get you too," Sharon joined in, pointing a stern finger at Laura.

"Another one bites the dust!" All the women chorused then laughed so hard they fell into each other and almost out of their chairs.

Elizabeth wiped tears from her eyes as she sat upright, her side hurting from all the giggling. She hadn't had this much fun in years. Silently she thanked Lt. Tabitha Forest for returning to Earth for the birth of her niece. Though the others clearly missed their friend, they were more than eager for Elizabeth to join them and extremely welcoming when she agreed to the rules. Especially when she showed up with her ante for the kitty: a two-pound can of good old Folgers coffee. She won the door prize—two bags of Hershey's kisses—which seemed like a fair trade.

Elizabeth downed the last drops of vodka from her mug, no longer shivering from the bite. She wasn't usually a vodka drinker, but Lindsey had smuggled in Grey Goose on her last trip from Earth. Elizabeth may be the expedition leader, but she wasn't a saint. And this was her night off…ordered by Carson, in fact.

The man actually threatened to pull rank on her and have her forcibly removed from her office if she didn't take two days off in a row—pending no emergencies. She'd had a few qualms about leaving John in charge, but decided it would be good for him to be city bound and overwhelmed with paperwork for a change. She could feel an evil smirk taking form, until she realized…he's probably going to ignore the paperwork and leave it for me.

Kat refilled Elizabeth's mug. Elizabeth shuffled the cards and started dealing. "You trying to get me drunk?"

"Y'all ready are, luv." Kat chuckled.

Elizabeth tilted her head to the left, realized it was actually her right and tilted the other way…definitely dizzies. Yep, she's probably right.

Kat's eyes danced around at the other women before landing on Elizabeth's again. She winked. "We're hoping to get you laid."

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "Excuse me?"

"You need to lose some of those inhibitions, Liz." This came from Katie, the quietest person on any planet. "You know…let your hair down and relax."

"I relax."

"You've been here two years running. When was the last time you had an orgasm induced by a member of the opposite sex?" Laura asked.

"Or the opposite sex's member," Katie giggled and everyone laughed.

Elizabeth blushed and downed half her mug. She had taken the oath at the door, which stated that no topic was off limits and no rank could be pulled to quell conversation. "Mmm…"

Lindsey shook her head. "If you have to think about it, it's been too long."

"Well, it's not like I can just 'do it' with anyone at anytime. I have responsibilities… protocol…"

"Ha!" Sharon huffed. "Protocol sucks."

"What we need is a planet where the men are specifically instructed in the arts of pleasuring women," Lindsey said and they all nodded.

"With no possibility of std or pregnant consequences," Kat said, wagging a finger.

"Maybe a little make-out session with an alien with eight hands would be okay…" Elizabeth muttered then clamped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide. Bad vodka…bad, evil vodka!

The other's giggled. "It's okay, Liz," Laura said. "Anything goes here. It's not like any of us will remember in the morning."

"Besides, why should the men have all the orgasmic fun," Kat said.

Katie gulped some vodka and coughed. "I hear he got another one off-world the same time he got the drones."

Elizabeth knew instantly who he was. They were always talking about him. Everyone talked about John Sheppard's exploits. The man couldn't seem to keep it in his pants when it came to women off-world.

For some reason, he'd told Elizabeth that he had turned that girl down. She knew it was a lie at the time because he refused to meet her eyes when they were on the balcony chatting. She still couldn't figure out why he had bothered to lie, though. It's not like she can't tell he's a hot-blooded, incredibly sexy male with…

"He's the slut of Atlantis," Katie said suddenly.

"Actually, off-Atlantis," Laura corrected. "He's surprisingly abstinent while here."

"Slut of the Pegasus Galaxy then," Sharon corrected.

Elizabeth studied the other women, looked at Laura. "How do you know…about the abstinence?"

They all pointed at Sharon and Laura; the two pointing at each other. Both women shrugged. "I've always been a good listener," Sharon said. "And you know how men love to brag," Laura added. "Military men are the worst." Sharon nodded. "But for him, there's no talk about women on Atlantis or even the main land. Only off-world."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I can't picture Col. Sheppard bragging about his conquests." John may be a playboy, or as Rodney called him: 'Kirk' in disguise, but he wasn't a heartless womanizer.

At least she hoped he wasn't.

Not that it mattered to her. Or more accurately, not that it was supposed to matter to her. Her heart always thumped a little harder when he entered a room and her recent fantasies had been very entertaining and filled with his face…and beautifully sculpted body. Peeks at that chest hair could ruin her for a whole day. Occasionally there was even drool.

Damn vodka! It's making her think about things she should be ignoring.

Laura poked Katie in the arm and motioned to Elizabeth. She probably wasn't supposed to see it. "Though, I'm sure the stories about him have been exaggerated," Katie added with a little hesitation.

Elizabeth felt her neck and face get hot. Could they tell she had a crush on John? That unrequited desire filled her thoughts at night? That she'd give anything to be one of his conquests just to get a T-shirt that reads: John Sheppard, slut of the Pegasus Galaxy, was here.

She glanced around the table, but no one would meet her gaze. "Crap. Is it that obvious?"

Laura patted her arm. "Only to those of us who are right there with you."

"Which are all the women of Atlantis and the Daedalus—even the non-hets…and some of the men too."

"Oh, well, then I'm in good company." She downed the remainder of her mug and sucked in a hot breath. "How should I deal with it?"

"Get sloshed and shag him but good," Kat said definitively.

"Naw, you'd want to be sober with him," Linsey said.

"You could order him," Laura offered with a sly grin.

"Yeah," Elizabeth chuckled. "That's going to happen."

"Make him jealous," Katie said softly and all eyes turned to her. She looked up from her cards and met each of their gazes in turn before resting her eyes on Elizabeth. "He's nuts about you."

"No--"

"Oh, it's so obvious," Sharon said and the other's 'ah huh's' resounded in the room. "He follows you around with those puppy dog eyes. Always trying to make you laugh, making sure you don't work too hard, that you get enough to eat…and the looks he gives you when your back is turned…mmm."

"Could melt polar ice caps," Laura said. "Guess it's a good thing you didn't know him in Antarctica."

"You all haven't been drinking outside the game have you?"

Katie held up a hand. "Trust us, Elizabeth. I'm dating his best friend. And Rodney may not be the most sensitive man…but being a scientist has made him very astute. He's certain that Sheppard's flings are his way of pushing his feelings for you aside."

"That's why it's only off-world hook-ups!" Laura smacked the table at the enlightenment.

Lindsey gasped. "Yes! That makes so much sense…for a man."

"So what am I supposed to do? Wait for him to run out of hot alien women?"

Laura shook her head. "No, Katie's right. You have to make him see the light. Show him that you're not gonna wait for him to wise up. That you have other options."

"Ronon options," Sharon growled huskily and licked her lips.

Elizabeth scoffed. "I'm not having sex with Ronon."

"Okay…" Lindsey spread her hands. "Ronon-like options. You need to find someone off-world like he does. Have a fling."

"I don't think I--"

"Or you can make it look like you're having a fling," Laura offered. "If he thinks you're gonna get the big O from some other guy…?"

"Still…if you should get the chance with that eight-handed alien…" Kat shrugged. "You are due."

"She's not the only one," Sharon grumbled.

Elizabeth looked at the gorgeous redhead who could probably bench press most of the scientist in the city. "You can't be serious." She had great arms and probably the most perfect breasts in the galaxy. Elizabeth would love to have arms and boobs like that. "I've heard stories about you."

"She starts the rumors herself," Laura scoffed.

Sharon rolled her eyes. "Well, they do happen…just…only…in my head."

"I don't buy that," Elizabeth said. "Have you seen you?"

She studied her cards. "Apparently I'm not as visually stimulating to the opposite sex. Especially the brainy ones. At least not here."

"Maybe it's the growl," Lindsey offered. "Could be a bit intimidating."

Sharon threw a handful of popcorn at the other woman. "I happen to know that men like doggy…things."

Kat chuckled. "Would this be knowledge you scoured from your own mind?"

"Considering how long it's been? That is a possibility." She tossed some poker chips into the pot. "I'm so horny I'd do a Wraith."

Elizabeth scrunched her nose then reconsidered. "They do have nice hair."

"Long flowing locks," Lindsey added.

"Very statuesque," Laura bobbed her head.

"Just have to make sure you get to the big finish before they…you know…suck the life out of you," Kat said.

Sharon's brows shot up. "And that would be different from a typical human male… how?"

More chuckles erupted as the game resumed.