Were We Honestly Trying to Catch That?

Part 3

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By Mieren

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This is still a complete spoof. Nothing to do with the real series at all, but I'm having fun. And, yes, I know that Kakashi would never be such a pushover.

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"And I have him why?" Kakashi asked, dumbfounded. Under one arm was a pissed off blond teenager.

"Sakura was tired of playing with him," Tsunade replied.

"Why did Sakura have him?"

"She was poking me with sharp shit!"

"Sakura has reached a stage in her training that she needs to practice healing on real people…"

"Ha! Hear that pervert! I'm a real person, NOT a gibbon's left testicle!"

"You were cutting him?" Kakashi asked, stunned.

"No, I just waited for him to get hurt…"

"No, you lied to Sasuke to make him mad!"

"Really?" Now this had teasing material written all over it.

"She told him that I said he had a big fat ass."

"Did you?"

"No! She said he had a big fat ass! I said we should paint nipples on his butt so he could pose for the Hokage monument!"

"No wonder he hit you," Kakashi commented drolly.

"And you can see why I didn't take him to Jiraiya."

"He thought it was funny!"

"Uh huh," Kakashi said noncommittally. "And I have him why?"

"Wear him out and then beat him up and bring him back to the hospital!"

"Have Sasuke beat him up."

"Sasuke would kill him right now…"

"Oh God, what'd he do?"

"While they fighting, Naruto managed to get one of his clones to sneak in with a camera. He pantsed Sasuke, snapped a photo and then ran off laughing like a lunatic…"

"Can this get worse?"

"He gave the camera to Ino and told her what was on it…"

"And she took it to make copies!" Naruto hiccupped. "There are more than four thousand copies of Sasuke's butt all over Kohana!"

"And you're still alive?"

"He's too busy collecting them to worry about me."

"Not entirely. Why do you think you were in the hospital with Sakura working on you?" Tsunade said, rolling her eyes. "By the way, wait at least a few hours before you return him to the hospital. Quite a few people are still mad."

"I'm not sure I want to ask why."

"Dipped the catheters in lemon juice," Naruto announced proudly. "It caused the orderlies to get peed on."

"Kakashi…"

"Inflicting pain on injured people…"

"I didn't hurt them, just pissed them off."

"Kakashi…"

"And if you can't get this photo thing cleared up with Sasuke in time for our next mission…"

"KAKASHI!"

"WHAT?"

"That's not Naruto! You have a clone!"

Blond eyebrows waggled and the teenager vanished in a puff of smoke.

"Great," the jounin groused. "When did he do that?"

"When I told you that the hospital was still mad."

"Ooh… hot glue gun…" echoed from somewhere in Kakashi's house.

"Have to go," Tsunade said quickly, vanishing in a blast of smoke.

"Great," Kakashi muttered.

-.-.-.

"Here foxy, foxy, foxy…" Kakashi chanted, cast-iron skillet in hand. It was the only non-lethal thing that he could find in his house in his state of mind.

FWING! SPLUT!

"Damn it!" he growled, hit again.

Some how, some way, Naruto had managed to Crisco an enormous rubber band so that he could fill the inner curve with hot glue and send hot crap flying everywhere at almost mach speeds. If Kakashi's hair hadn't stood on end before, it did now, and this time not intentionally.

JINGLE-JINGLE! FWING! SPLUT!

Seventeen coins were now glued to Kakashi's face, mask long gone when a mega load of glue had succeeded in plastering the poor fabric to the wall.

"What in the hell have you been eating!" he roared.

"Iruka-sensei's double mocha java chip ice cream!"

"Naruto…" Twitch. "Caffeine." Twitch.

Desperate to get the brat out of his house before more damage was done, the jounin charged down the hall to his room where he'd last heard the menace's voice. What on earth…

It was amazing what one could do with twelve rolls of duct tape and no sanity whatsoever. The entire room was gray, sticky side up. To make matters worse, both of his feet were touching the stickiness, locking him in place. Oh, he could move, but that would bring down the entire lattice of the psycho's web. Even if he teleported, the mess would follow, already being attached to his feet.

FWING!

"Shit…"

SPLUT!

The slight impact was all it took to bring down the conglomerate of tape down on the frustrated jounin. A new sticky spot adorned the back of his skull. He was tied up and above all, sticky. His red eye ticked.

BONG!

"Now you're going back to the hospital," he growled.

-.-.-.

"YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ICE CREAM AGAIN!" a voice roared over the phone before the connection went dead.

"What was that about?" Iruka wondered.

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OWARI (maybe)

Review! You know you liked it!

Mieren