Disclaimer: Alright, get it straight for once. However much my life's dream is to own Harry Potter and/or Pirates of the Caribbean and/or Underworld (which has nothing to do with this particular fiction but holds drool-worthy characters either way), I know that I could never do that because, a, my lawyer sucks, and b, I don't know what I would do with them.

As a side note, I have absolutely no clue as to how the pirates really talk nor do I have any idea whatsoever how a ship is worked, so please forgive me.

And I have issues with characters acting dumb. I don't know why, but I know that I can't bear the thought of Harry being oblivious. I think it's because I can't seem to include the obvious in explanations and stuff… so I can get to the generalizations faster than the average idiot. Thusly, Harry will probably be OOC in that way. Please forgive me. And I'm trying to work on that, I swear, but for now, please put up with me.

Oh, there is some alcohol consumption in this chapter, so just warning you. Hell, it's not even well written alcohol consumption.

I have to thank DeAtHsTeNsHi a lot for this chapter though. She helped me write the later half of it, and also read it over for me since I wanted to get it out immediately. Praise her!

And I also thank Rius for pointing out the plot hole; I've decided I love you. :)

-Aboard the Black Pearl-
-Chapter 4: The Boredom Hits-

After nearly a week of living alternately in Jack and Will's quarters and sneaking around the ship at night to get a feel of it, he'd finally been kicked out to live on his own… in the large cabin just below deck that was the crew's living space.

Harry lazed around the crew's quarters ("Because we can't have them thinking you're special, now can we?"), thinking about his current predicament. I know what you're thinking: What'd the brat do this time? That's precisely what Harry himself would like to know.

It had been almost a full week since he'd come from the almost-perfect Potions class and he was starting to get overly-nervous. Wasn't he supposed to be back at least six days ago? He had read the instructions and information about the potion over at least five times! There had been nothing about the exact length of the 'encounter' but it was clear that the longest trip ever recorded was a few hours. Plus, it was supposed to be 'dream like' and, frankly, he couldn't see any fluffy clouds, erotic strippers, candy, or even Jack and Will getting together as was predictable any time soon. Which sucked. He could practically cut the sexual tension with a knife.

Not to mention that there wasn't a sane moment on the ship. He hadn't even been graced with a warning! Come sundown, the rum would be taken out… especially since it was the captain's orders that every crewmember on the ship sing his theme song at dinner in a mockery of a national anthem, since they apparently didn't need to follow a government, accompanied by a flask of rum. Luckily, Harry was able to avoid this by claiming that he was a guest, a minor, and could also hex the ass of one Jack Sparrow to hell. The later rang through the captain's mind the loudest. Well, at least, his bartering worked most of the time.

Most of the crew knew better than to drink more of the drink than necessary for the sake of the running order of the ship and Will always tried in vain to refrain from drinking the maximum… but Harry could practically see the efforts crumbling when Jack would pout at him. At times, it was all he could do to restrain himself from shoving the two in their quarters, warding the rooms, and not letting them out until either they killed each other – highly unlikely – or 'fessed up and shagged like rabbits. (Well. Not rabbits, because bunnies scared him, but let's just go with that.) But, if that were to happen, the ship could possibly crash or something because it had gone without command. Or something.

And to think, this was only after a week.

At the present though, he neither wanted to tear his hair out for frustration of the two nor sulk out of loss of the world he had left behind. At the present, he was bored out of his cute little skull. It was just one of those afternoons. Lazy and lethargic. Most normal people would enjoy the calm, but being a teenager, Harry didn't have the patience for that. Neither, it seemed, did the crew.

That was why he found them all sitting around the 'dinner table' gossiping and absently playing rounds of poker. What they had to gossip about and how they got their hands on that much gold, he had absolutely no idea, but he was looking for anything to appease his chronic boredom. In other words, he was desperate.

"-got to get them together. I swear it's gonna drive me insane!"

"Wind in the sails!"

"Ah, shut up ya worthless bird!

"Like I was saying, we've gotta get them to admit their 'feelings' and fuck alre-"

"Wind in the sails!"

"SHUT UP!"

Vaguely, he heard the impact of something on the floor. He assumed it was the bird because it was quiet.

"Maybe we should lock them in the captain's quarters."

Harry decided this was about the time that he stepped out of the shadows he had been using to listen in on the pirates' conversation without being spotted.

"I've thought about it, but I think they'd be too angry at us for locking them up in the first place to focus on each other."

He could see the majority of the table jump, and not just from the wave the ship had undoubtedly hit.

Mr. Gibbs was the first to speak to him after this, and asked dangerously, "Who are you and why are you on the Pearl?"

Apparently, our dear Harry didn't expect this kind of a welcome. Harry was, by no means, afraid of sword fights and the like; he just wasn't ready to expose his advantage yet. Thus, he stared at the point of the sword blankly before pretending to stutter (which he did well enough).

"Harry Potter," he introduced steadily enough, throwing in one of those charming what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-please-don't-hurt-me smiles that Jack was famous for. "Um, well, see, I'm uh…"

"He's my cousin twice removed on my mother's aunt's ex-husband's son's half-brother's side," Jack interjected helpfully as he stepped through the door. The man had this innate sense of when he was needed… but he ignored it most of the time.

Beside him, Will rolled his eyes and muttered mockingly, "Oh yeah, he doesn't get the gracious compliments on his voice and his functionality. I feel so special!"

Jack decided to ignore the comment and instead sent him a smirk.

"What is it that you gents are doing down here instead of WORKING up on deck?"

Most of the crew looked slightly guilty but Annamaria (1) only rolled her eyes. "Captain, you gave us the day off as soon as we finished swabbing the deck, shining your steering wheel, and whatever else you told them to do! We've got someone up on lookout duty as you ordered."

"Oh. Right then. Who's winning in the game, by the way?" Jack queried while motioning at the card game going on at the moment.

The crew was relieved that their captain showed no signs of being aware of the nature their previous conversation had been prior to their entrance.

And so the day continued on, until dinner a few hours later.

"But, Harry, you have to have some rum!"

"No. I refuse. There is no way on the face of the Earth and ocean that you're going to get me anywhere near that stuff."

"And what are ye gonna do, boy?" Gibbs spoke up, motioning to the sword on the captain's hip.

Swallowing his threat to the captain about fixing his hair to be just like Snape's because it'd be too difficult to mess with the memories of the whole crew, he growled. "Fine. But you'll be sorry."

That was why, a few hours later, Harry was telling all of his whims, dreams, and woes to the whole crew who watched on in morbid fascination. All of them were very confused and didn't know what the hell he was talking about ninety-nine percent of the time, but still looked worriedly. A boy that age really shouldn't have aspirations to take over the world and still be 'innocent' and/or virginal enough to be a total lightweight drinker. Though, a few months on the ship should fix that.

"I'mzgonna join Voldy" Harry spontaneously announced in a slur, standing up on the rickety table recklessly. "Jusssst to sssspite Du'bly-door, and I'd be Jack the Pumpkin KING!" here he threw up his arms in a big exaggerated motion and tipped over slightly before regaining his balance.

An angry Jack Sparrow decided that this just could not be and piped in: "But I"M Jack! Stop the identity theft...was 'nuff wi th'monkey..." He trailed off at the end though to glare at the crooked table in front of him with an adorable pout on his face.

Harry brandished his wand sloppily at Jack, laughing gaily as it emitted sparks. "Sssshut up, no you're not! I am! And… Voldy'd be Ssssandy Clawsss, and, and we'd be the sssstarssss for de Nigh'mare Before Chrissstmasssz and we'd ruin Chrisssstmassss for everyone!" Maniacally, Harry cackled as he glared around the room, accompanied by another motion, the bottle of rum moving around in his hand unsteadily and spraying rum every once in awhile. "And we'd haveded the most eeeevilesssst planssss, EVER!" he looked toward one of the crew with a pointed glare, but it only made him look cross-eyed and gave the crew member the urge to point in his face and laugh mockingly. Then he took another drink. "And we woulded be declared zhe Lord Chrisssstmassss'esssssesssz and Voldy would havessss a compet..t.." Harry stuttered, trying to find the right word. (2)

"Competion?" the youngest of the crew (besides Harry) suggested helpfully.

Harry took another swig of his drink after nodding compulsively and leaning over to pat the man on the head. "Yessssh! That be it! Voldy'd have a competioned, and he'd have a beard bedder dan Dumblessss…ssss..."

Somewhere in the middle of the declaration to 'ruin Chrisssstmassss for everyone', Will had put his head hopelessly in his hands.

Next to him, Jack was nodding at his descendant drunkenly.

Will groaned. It was going to be a looooong night.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Back at Hogwarts, Snape rolled his eyes and once again declined the offered sweet candy from Dumbledore.

"So Severus, how have you been?" A tea tray appeared before the Potions' Master could answer with a dour comment. "Tea?"

"Damnit Albus! It's been a week already!"

Albus just looked at him over his half moon spectacles. "Actually, my dear fellow it's been a week and two days!" he declared joyfully.

Severus rubbed his temple and glared. "No, Headmaster, it's only been a week since Harry Potter disappeared. What if the Dark Lord has him?" Severus asked angrily of the Headmaster who just frowned but continued to twinkle away.

"We don't know if Voldemort has him, or even if he's in this time era. You know the potion deals with time. Chances are he's a few hundred years behind in the timeline. So don't worry Severus, he'll be fine, he's a strong boy!"

"But you know as well as everyone else that if he disappears forever then we are doomed! He's our only chance against You-Know-Who!"

Without a word, the professor stalked out of the room, furious at how Dumbledore could just ignore the budding controversy that was Potter's disappearance.

-0-0-0-0-0-

"'eah, really miss m'father. Wish I could see 'im again," Will sadly slurred as he poured his woes out to Harry.

Drunk as they were, they didn't notice Jack glaring at Harry for snuggling up to Will so he could comfort him better. Of course, it was Jack's own fault he wasn't there since Harry had originally motioned for him to do so, but he was also afraid of the effects the close proximity would have on his alcohol laden brain. So often was he this pissed (and often more so) that he became aware of these things through the alcohol.

"'m sssso ssssorry Willy. But 'm ssssure there'ssss ssssome'in' I can do."

Unknown to them, Jack growled in jealousy at the possible connotations of that. Was Harry propositioning his Will? His eyes narrowed.

Randomly, Harry shot up out of his seat, shouted 'Eureka!' and raised his wand. "Accio 'Bootstrap' Bill Turner!" Bones began to rush in through the door from above deck and Harry frowned before whispering a "reparocorpus maximus." He then slumped back in his seat as the alcohol was incinerated by the magic rushing through his veins. The actions he had performed then rushed back to him, making him realize that he would have to cast an incredibly powerful memory charm on the whole crew when it came morning. He sighed.

The crew stood and/or sat stupefied at the act. 'What the hell is going on?' was the thought that rushed through all of their heads.

Jack saw the disbelief and joy rush across Will's features and was filled with the greatest joy himself, both for regaining a lost comrade and for Will being happy. But mostly because Will was happy. Then he realized that without Harry, Will wouldn't exactly be happy for this reason. He also realized that it was simply his duty to thank him properly.

He walked over to Harry, intending to give him a hug and maybe a goofy kiss on the cheek. All went along with 'plan' until Harry turned his head. They both froze in shock at the unexpected contact until Will, coming to his senses, ripped Harry away from Jack and took his place. Everyone in the room was shocked at his bold move since he was normally shy, if not a bit impulsive. Even Jack was surprised. But soon enough the rest of the crew burst out into applause and Jack had his arms wrapped around Will's shoulders.

The less drunk ones hoped that neither Jack nor Will did something stupid to break the other's heart.

Bootstrap Bill just watched everything in confusion. Who were these people? Why was he here? The last thing he remembered was being blown apart painlessly since he was cursed… but now he felt the ache in his bones, and the shiver at being naked and wet.

Harry looked over to see how the older Turner was only to see him shivering. Figuring that he could still just 'obliviate' this memory from everyone's mind, he conjured a thick wool blanket and hurriedly moved to wrap it around Will Sr.

"Are you all right, sir?" Harry asked quietly and politely so as not to startle the man. After all, it wouldn't do to have the man to fee threatened by everyone here, even though he was close to them before his 'death'.

"Who are you? Where am I?" he asked, panicked.

"I'm Harry Potter and you'd be on the Black Pearl."

The man looked around, trying to affirm that this was indeed his old haunt. Apparently, he saw that it was, and asked "Who is everyone else?"

God, he thought, I'm even more brash and impulsive than normal when I'm drunk! How am I supposed to explain this to him? And to everyone else? Oh yeah, the famous Bootstrap Bill Turner, back from the dead and now a proud part of the crew!

"What have I gotten myself into?" he mumbled under his breath, making Bill look at him oddly.

He groaned and rubbed his temples.

"The world is doomed if I'm the only thing standing between survival and utter chaos…"

-0-0-0-0-0-

1 – Even though I feel terrible about it, I'm not sure how her name is spelled and I'm too lazy to put the movie in and look at the captions.

2 – Stolen (with permission, so borrowed really) from Chapter 5 of Save Me, by Ariande.

Sorry if Harry's drunken-ness was totally off, but I have no clue how to write it. (The part up there was originally written by my good friend DeAtHsTeNsHi and modified by me.) And I made Harry have a Parseltongue lisp when drunk. Thought it'd be a funny quirk.

Who should I pair Harry up with? I want this to be one of the lesser/totally new pairings, so let's make this a poll:

Charlie Weasley
Bill Weasley
Fred or George Weasley (or both)
Bootstrap Bill (probably not, but it's worth a try, yeah?)
Seamus Finnigan (he's a fun drunk, yeah?)

I just wanted to get the chapter up before PotC2 came out Friday.

Replies to anonymous reviews in my livejournal onlygray, which can be found as my homepage, along with other various ramblings that have absolutely nothing to do with fanfiction most of the time.

Love a pessimist, yeah?

-Cher aka Fear of Apathy