The sickness swelled within him—a constant and grotesque bodily plague. This pain was his curse; it was the suffering he endured rather than the transformative suffering shared by the zodiac members. He would never heal, never be rid of it. For him, there was no hope; no moment of release to look forward to except his own passing.
Most days were struggles. He struggled to get out of bed, to walk around the dull, empty rooms of the main house. He struggled to continue, rather than give in to his dark thoughts that echoed the image of his lifeless body. Even though he had become accustomed to his burden, it still weighed heavily on him, perhaps more so now that his nineteenth year was drawing to a close.
Akito's face twitched slightly. He was lying on the floor beneath the window, his arms lax as they dripped across his stomach. Light flooded suddenly into the moonlit room, and Hatori held open the door before shutting it gently behind him. "They tell me it's been a bad day," he said quietly, walking forward through the darkness.
Akito made no move to push away his doctor's hand, which rested on his sweat stained brow. "You have a fever," he said simply. "You need to lie down in your bed."
In response, the younger man turned away, his eyes indifferent.
"You'll never feel any better if you continue to cripple yourself on this hard wood floor. Grab onto my shoulder." Akito grimaced, slowly turning his head to face Hatori. The man grabbed onto his pale pink robes and held him up between his side and upper arm. Akito glared, but obliged by walking the few feet to the familiar and dreaded mattress where he would undoubtedly have to remain for the next few days. As he sat down, Akito shoved his doctor's helping hand away, and sneered painfully before settling back.
Once he was lying atop of the covers, his breathing more of a pant, Hatori took up a fresh cloth and dripped the wrung out material over Akito's brow. Then he opened his suitcase and fingered through various pill bottles.
"I'll need you to take two of these before the hour is up," he said.
Again, Akito turned away.
Hatori watched him, eyes searching and lips parted hesitantly. "We have a guest," he said finally. Akito glanced sideways at him, eyebrows raised just slightly in warning.
"And who… might that be?" he asked in a quiet, strained voice.
"Tohru Honda." As soon as the words fell from his determined mouth, Akito's arm shot out, grabbing him by his tie and bringing him forward. The older man allowed it. "She came by to give me something from Shigure. But she's heard how sick you are. She's asked more than once if she can help…if she can see you." Hatori's calm demeanor and voice did not change, although Akito was glaring fiercely at him, his face only inches away.
Then, suddenly, his features softened. Akito smiled playfully before releasing his grip on Hatori, and letting his fingers slip down the simple red tie. His panting had ceased. "If she wants to see me, then you mustn't keep her waiting. Yes, that's right, send her in."
"I'm not sure—"
"If you're having doubts," Akito cut him off, "then you shouldn't have opened your mouth."
Hatori got up and grabbed his suitcase. "Don't forget to take your pills," he said, something like concern mixed within the words. Then he tipped his head slightly and left. Akito, utterly alone again in the consuming darkness, closed his eyes.
Tohru's small, slender hand rested on the door knob. Hatori gestured for her to enter, but she just stood still, eyes on the dark wood. "Don't worry," he murmured close to her ear, "I'll be right outside, and if I hear anything, I won't hesitate." Tohru nodded, managing a small smile. Determinedly, she put on her strongest face and turned the knob.
Inside, all was black.
Tohru put one hesitant foot in front of the other. "Akito?" she questioned quietly. No reply came, and after a moment she forced herself to walk on. Her eyes slowly adjusted to darkness, and through the open window faint moonlight streamed in. She blinked a few times, standing in the middle of the room, and turned around. He was lying, barely visible, in a satin covered bed. His face was blank, and his eyes were gently shut.
Tohru hurriedly knelt beside his bed, bowing her head as she waited for movement from him. With her eyes she traced the shadows her outline created on the wood. For a few long and heavy minutes nothing stirred above her, but she was afraid to move from her reverent state.
The moments trickled by, and soon Tohru narrowed her eyes in confusion. He must really be asleep, she thought. She glanced up nervously and saw that the only emulation of life was the rise and fall of his chest. Quietly, she pushed herself up on the backs of her feet and stood up slowly.
Tohru's eyes softened sympathetically. He looks so sick, she thought. The wet cloth that relaxed against his forehead was dripping its contents down the sides of his face. She reached out instinctively but stopped suddenly, remembering the last time he had lashed out at her. Her scalp ached.
Tohru shook off her fear. She had forgiven him that day, for everything. The pain he had caused her shouldn't matter anymore.
She stretched out her arm and felt the tip of the cloth against her slim fingers. It's so warm. His fever must be unbearable.
She slid the cloth from his forehead, tears brimming in her eyes and fluttering against her lashes. She turned away for only a moment to wring the material out, and dip it in the cool bowl of water next to his bed. When she turned back, his watery blue-gray eyes were staring coldly into her fragile crystalline ones. Tohru gasped, a shiver starting up her spine and ending at her fingertips.
"I'm so sorry!" she gushed out. "I just saw that you were asleep—I thought you were, and you looked really sick, and your cloth was warm! It shouldn't be warm if you have a fever, that's really bad, so I was just going to—" Akito held up his hand and she shut her lips instantly. Her cheeks were flushed with embarrassment and she crumpled to the floor, head bowed. In her right hand she shakily squeezed the cloth.
"I didn't tell you to bow, Miss Honda," Akito said informatively. Tohru winced as she looked up at him. "Continue what you were doing."
"What I was…" she trailed off in confusion. She felt water drip in trails down her fingertips. "Oh!" She unfisted her hand quickly and smoothed out the cloth. Admittedly, Tohru was frightened as she inched closer, both hands holding the ends of the material. But he made no move to harm her as the cool object fell softly against his pale brow.
"Thank you," he said simply, his face making no attempt to mirror the sentiment.
"Oh, no, I'm just glad I could help!" she nervously replied. "Is…is there anything else I can get you?"
He smirked, an expression that, along with his twitching features, made him look mad. "Do you see that window there? You can stand on its rim and jump."
Panic flashed briefly in Tohru's eyes. She looked to the window with a shudder before turning back to Akito. He grinned in return. "You know, you're not so unattractive when you're trembling; almost... but no. Not that I know all that much about girls outside the Sohma house. I can't have many dates in this condition, now can I?"
Tohru didn't know what to say; she settled for an uncomfortable "I'm sorry."
"So you've said," he replied, eyebrows slightly raised.
"I'm sorry, I just—" Tohru brought both hands up to her mouth, eyes slightly wide as she realized her mistake. She took in a deep breath. "What I mean to say is that I'm sorry you're so sick. But you're not always this ill, or you at least didn't seem like it when you came to our school. Couldn't you go out on those days? Without Hatori or Shigure?"
Akito continued to stare at her. "I could."
"But you don't want to?" Tohru guessed.
"I'm nineteen years old, Miss Honda. Of course I've been out, and yes, on my own. I regret to tell you, though, that I find little more comfort outside of the Sohma house than I do in it."
"Maybe you just haven't been to the right places," Tohru said, attempting to smile. "And some places are more enjoyable if you have friends to share the experience with."
Akito's eyes narrowed, and he sneered. "You must have many friends, Miss Honda."
"I have a few, and I'm very grateful for them. Good friends, like Hatori, are hard to find."
Akito's expression did not change. "Hatori is not my friend. He oversees my sicknesses, gives me pills to take."
"He cares about you, Akito," Tohru said with a sweet smile. "What better friend is there than one who would worry about you like he does?" Akito turned his face, looking upward rather than at her. "I worry about you, too, Akito."
He smiled unkindly. Tohru continued. "I've thought a lot about you lately. I… I want to know you, Akito. I really do, even if it's only for a little while, even if you don't want to know me at all."
Akito turned away. "To know me is to suffer," he said bitterly.
"I don't believe that," Tohru protested. "I believe the suffering would be in letting you go."
"Stop it," Akito cut her off coldly, "or you can get out."
Tohru hung her head after a slight nod. She could feel tears beginning to form in the corners of her eyes. A moment of silence passed. "Are you sure I can't get you anything? Hatori said there were pills you needed to take." Her helping spirit seemed genuine, even to Akito.
"Yes, on the table. Bring two of them to me."
Tohru fumbled with the lid for a moment, then popped it up and poured the desired pills into the palm of her hand. "Can I get you some water?" she asked.
"They dissolve, Miss Honda. Just bring them here."
"Oh," she said quietly. She handed the pills over, and turned away as he put them into his mouth.
He watched her as she turned away, eyes downcast and sad, her brown hair covering most of her face. Even in this state there was a sort of glow about her, something innate and pure. It was lovely, the way it radiated from her, and Akito caught himself staring again.
"I can't get better lying here," he said. Tohru turned back around with an eager-to-help expression, lips parted. "Walk with me outside."
"Okay," she nodded.
Akito grimaced as he sat up. His robes slid off his arms, but he made no move to straighten them until he had stood up completely. He walked as well as he could, with Tohru at his side, never giving her the notion that he was in need of help he wouldn't humble himself to ask for.
He slumped down onto the deck, reveling in the cool night air and faint light. Tohru kneeled politely next to him. "Is this better?" she asked. Akito chose not to reply, instead running a shaky hand through his hair.
"It's very pretty," Tohru commented. "You must sit out here a lot."
"Yes, well, I don't have much of a choice."
"Even so, it's still nice," Tohru protested softly. "Oh!" her face lit up. "Did you plant those yourself?"
Akito smirked as his eyes traveled to the wooden planter box off to the side; a row of home grown leaks was sprouting out of the soil. "Hatori insisted on it, since I have to eat them so often. They build up any normal person's immunity, help them getter better at a faster rate."
"Kyo made me leak soup once, when I had a cold," she smiled. "It's really very funny, since he hates them so much. Have they been helping you?"
Akito glared momentarily at the mention of Kyo. He breathed out. "They used to, when I was younger. Now, eating them is almost routine."
Tohru tipped her head to the side, a smile still formed on her lips. "Well, if you like them, and they've helped you, then that's all that matters."
A silence passed between them; their soft breaths deafened to the sounds of crickets, falling leaves, and the rustling wind. Akito glanced over to her every now and then, but she was staring up at the stars.
"Do you ever get that feeling when you look up at the sky? Like… like you're meant for something more?" Tohru looked intently at him now, and he met her gaze.
"That you have a purpose?" he asked, and she nodded eagerly. "I don't need the stars to tell me that. This is my purpose," he answered bitterly.
"Oh, no," Tohru said sadly, shaking her head. "This may have been decided for you, but it's not your purpose." The intensity in her eyes was startling, though not unexpected, and she scooted closer to him. "You can do anything you want, Akito. Anything. No one can decide the purpose of your life! That's something only you can discover, only you can choose. Look at how many years you've had already; you could have done so much with that time, and you still can! You just have to decide what," she finished.
Akito stared back at her, no skepticism or unkind expression in his eyes. In a way, he looked genuinely shaken. The young man turned away, focusing instead on the way his robe flowed over his knees. "I don't know what," he said softly.
"You spent so much time believing that you weren't truly alive. I'm not surprised that this is difficult." She paused. "I could help you, if you'd let me."
"Oh? And how is that?" he quipped.
"Well, I don't know, to be honest. But I've always found that friends have a way of finding our hidden qualities. They see the things that we sometimes don't." Tohru smiled brightly and put her pointer finger up. "For example, you're authoritative. You're a leader, and even though a lot of people seem scared of you…well, maybe they don't have to be. Maybe you could give them more reasons to like you for who you are, for who you could be if you just went easier on them. They answer to you because they're afraid of you, but if you let them really see you, if you made more of an effort, maybe they would listen to you the way Hatori does. He respects you, and he cares about you. I'm sure all of the other zodiac members would, too."
Akito remained silent. Tohru continued. "It's things like that, Akito. I think that when we look back on our life we want to remember the meaningful things, how we helped or contributed. It's not the same for everyone, but I don't think you want to be hated. Not really."
There was a momentary pause. "I don't know," Akito repeated.
Tohru let another silence to fall over them; he was thinking, or remembering, or both, and she wanted to allow him that uninterrupted time. Kyo and Yuki must be worried, she thought suddenly. I wonder what I should tell them when I get home…
Just then, a small white-feathered bird landed lightly onto the deck. "Oh, how adorable!" Tohru beamed. "He's yours, isn't he?"
Akito's lips moved barely upward. "Yes, she is."
"Oh, I'm sorry," Tohru apologized sheepishly. "Can I hold her?"
"Hold out your hand," Akito instructed. She held out her flat palm, and he shook his head.
"No, like this." Akito's arm shot out and he slowly but firmly took her hand in his, molding it into position just above the bird. Tohru's eyes widened at the contact, but she slowly relaxed, a warm blush spreading over her cheeks. His hand retracted from hers, and he watched her from the corners of his eyes as he let go.
"Thank you," Tohru said quietly.
The bird came quickly, hopping along the deck and then fluttering up to her outstretched pointer finger. "Oh!" she smiled in delight. "How sweet!"
"He's a loyal thing," Akito said, agreeing in his own way.
"Loyalty is an important quality; animals especially seem to have it," Tohru agreed, and turned her hand to watch the bird move along her finger.
"Not all animals," he spat quietly. "You know, you are a very kind person. I have to wonder, though, just how your attitude would change if you knew what I had done."
"Are you talking about Hatori's eye?" she wondered, her face falling into a sad expression.
Anger flashed in Akito's eyes. "That was not my fault," he glared. "And no, I was talking about your precious Yuki. Do you know what I used to do to him when we were younger? Hmm?"
Tohru's lips parted. "I…"
"I used to lock him up in the darkest room of the estate. He'd back himself into a corner, whimpering and crying like the frightened mouse he is. Then I would beat him; I'd whip him and yell at him, curse him for ever going against me. It was my way of retaliating, and I can't say I regret it or that I was too severe. He got what he deserved."
Akito looked coldly into Tohru tear filled eyes, tracing the droplets as they fled down her warm cheeks. "Every Sohma needs to be submissive to me, and they are. Yuki was my example, and because of him every member of this family knew exactly what the consequences of going against me would be.
"Do you feel terribly for him? Does this information just tear you apart? Do you hate me now?" he asked in his slow, effortless way of speaking. "It wouldn't surprise me. But you don't have to speak."
Akito took up his slender hand, and placed his fingertips against her hair, just above her right ear. Tohru's eyes widened. Every emotion towards him, every thought, was pouring out of her in a rapid procession.
Oh, Akito…
He looks so beautiful. So cold, but still…
How could he? But no… he was in pain himself.
A flurry of images passed from her to him, of their first introduction, the confrontation in the main house, here and now. But nothing he saw, nothing he heard, projected any anger, any hated. Nothing but kindness, charity, and pity.
Akito's gaze wavered as he searched her face. His eyes were wide and skeptical. He slowly let his shaking hand drop, feeling the silky strands of her hair brush against his fingertips as he did so.
"I've threatened you, and yet you're not afraid of me. I've hurt you, but you've forgiven me," he began in astonishment.
"Akito…"
"You're unearthly," he finished.
Tohru's tear stained face became fresh with the appearance of new droplets. "Is it so strange that someone should like you despite your faults?"
"Yes," he whispered. He then seemed to shake himself of whatever emotion he was feeling, because in a moment his anger was frighteningly visible in the moonlight. "Damn you!" he spat at her suddenly. He grabbed Tohru by the top of her hair, bringing her down and forward in order to face him. She breathed in sharply, shutting her eyes at the surprising pain.
"I want you to hate me!" he growled at her. "Do you understand me? I should have your memories erased right now! I should make you forget we ever met!"
Tohru looked up suddenly. "Why are you so afraid?" she asked tearfully. "I want us to be friends, and you're terrified that you feel the same way. What is so bad about letting someone in? I only want to help you, Akito. Because… because I think you need someone, and deep down inside you know that what I'm saying is the truth."
"I don't need you!" he cried, but his voice had changed. "I'm going to die alone, that's what I want!" He flung her away from him, watching as she fell on her side. Tohru made no noise of pain, not even as she began picking herself up. She turned her face, so soft and sad, upward to meet his gaze.
Akito Sohma was crying.
The shock registered on Tohru's face, and a deep sympathy and uncontrollable need to comfort swelled within her. Before she knew what she was doing, Tohru had sprung forward, and wrapped her small arms around Akito's neck. He stumbled backward on his knees, his lips parted, his eyes wide.
"Get off me!" he cried, but his voice faltered. "Get away!" He struggled, although not with complete force, and all in vain. The more he tried to push her away, the tighter she held to him.
Akito's breathing became short and fast, his body slowly submissive. She refused to relax her hold on him, or even open her tightly shut eyes. The moments that passed were quiet, filled only with them as they listened to the silence the other emitted. Surprising even himself, Akito took his shaking hand away from the patio top and brought it up to feel the long strands of her hair.
Tohru opened her eyes in the moment that he accepted her action, bringing his heavily robed arms around her slim waist. His hold on her was barely felt, but it was there. He scooted gradually backward, bringing her with him, until he could relax against the wall.
He turned away, his eyes clouded, as she rested her head on the front of his shoulder. "You're right," he acknowledged. "What you said before. I don't want to die alone."
"You won't," she promised quietly, snuggling gently into his embrace. She wasn't embarrassed anymore; he needed this, and it was her choice to comfort him.
Heavy eyelids fell slowly shut, and they remained unmoving, even as the cool night air grew cold. Everything but their exhaustion was forgotten.
Once again, Hatori checked his watch, allowing a new wave of nervousness to wash over him. She had been in there for hours, and while he hadn't heard the usual sounds of Akito's cruelty, he had every right to be worried. Hatori breathed out in a low growl, one hand on the door handle. He told himself he had to do this. He had gotten Tohru into this mess, and if something were to go wrong, he would stand completely at fault.
The darkness that still overpowered the room startled him. He walked hesitantly over to Akito's bedside; neither was present. Where are they? his mind asked frantically. And then he saw the door to the patio, wide open and looming before him.
His steps were quiet as he walked outside. The faint light that fell over the scenery showed no signs of either of them, but he continued to search with his eyes. One look to the right ended his search.
Hatori gasped, the sight before him sending a jolt through his entire body. He had never expected, not in all the time he was waiting by the door… he had never thought it possible.
Tohru Honda, sleeping soundly in the arms of an unusually calm Akito Sohma. It perturbed him, the way she didn't mind, and yet he understood her action without even knowing the circumstances. He knew because he understood Akito far better than the young man supposed.
Hatori backed out of the room more quietly than he had entered. What was he going to tell Shigure?
A/N: Well there you have it! My first attempt at a Fruits Basket fic. I hope it wasn't too out of character, I didn't want to make it blatantly A/T, because this isn't really a romance fic. He just needs someone, and after finishing the series I really wantedTohruto be the person who he needed most, even though I believe firmlythat she should be with Kyo, lol.Thanks for reading, and if you'd let me know what you think I'd really appreciate it. Thanks again!