Chapter 1
Bam stood and stared at the reflected image that was mocking him. He frowned and tried to tear his gaze away from what he saw.

Taking his hands up to the sides of his face as if to scrub the appalling mess away, he paused and then lowered them again with a heavy sigh. He knew that he wouldn't be able to simply wash away the things that were bothering him.

"I can't stand it." He said softly to himself.

"What's that?" Jenn asked from the next room.
Bam was stunned for he didn't think that she would be able to hear what he said.

"I… nothing. It's nothing." He shook his head and looked into the mirror again before turning away.

He slowly made his way back into his bedroom, shuffling his feet over the floor as he moved. Jenn stood up from the bed and went up to him, then paused in her spot when she caught sight of the look on his face.

"What's the matter?"

"I said… it was nothing." He brought his hands up to cover his eyes.

Then he pushed his hands back further, causing them to go up under his hat.

"You know you're the worst liar I've ever known, Bam. What gives?"

Bam sighed. "I don't…" He opened his eyes and tried not to look at her. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

He looked at her slightly gape-mouthed and tried to find the words to describe the way he was feeling.

"I don't… I… it's everything." He stammered.

"What do you mean?"

"Everything in my life, Jenn. I just… I don't like anything. Nothing feels right to me. And I don't even… I look in the mirror and I just can't see what everyone else sees."

"Oh Bam." She brought him into a hug.

Then when she realized that he wasn't going to hug back, she dropped her arms and stepped away from him.

"Ok. Ok then. Come sit on the bed with me and we'll talk about it."

She took Bam loosely by the hand and led him over to the bed. She sat down nicely on the edge while Bam collapsed all his weight into the mattress and melted into the bed.

He hadn't been acting like himself for a while and this was this first time Jenn actually spoke to him about it. Normally he wouldn't give into spewing forth his deepest feelings and thoughts, but since Jenn didn't pounce right away on him, this conversation came out easily.

"I don't know what it is Jenn. I don't know why I'm feeling like this… where nothing seems right to me, nothing appeals to me… I don't even like the way I look or anything. Well I never really did like my looks. But everyone has always told me how good looking I am, and how handsome I am, and how cute I am. I just never bought it." He paused and laid his head in Jenn's lap.

"How could everyone look at me, and see this and say 'oh how cute!' I don't get it. I mean come on. I have this fat face that looks like I'm storing food for the winter. And I have this oddly shaped nose that looks worse at profile. Then there's the haggard mole on my cheek. I've always hated it being there. I know it's not that big but it's still there bugging the hell out of me. And don't tell me that I can just get plastic surgery to fix these things either. I know I can, but it still won't fix anything. It will just be like putting a band-aid over a bullet wound."

"Bam how can you be saying these things about yourself?"

"Because it's true! I hate everything about myself. I hate the life I live. It started out fine, but now I feel like I don't even deserve it all. How did I get where I am Jenn? By acting stupid in front of the cameras. It wasn't my skateboarding. Now whenever I go out people are expecting this crazy personality, and I can't always give it to them. There's more to me than being a lunatic and they can't accept that for some reason."

Jenn plucked Bam's hat off of his head and dropped it to the floor. Then she began to run her hands over his flattened out brown curls.

She knew that there wasn't anything that she could have said to make him feel better. Instead she let him rest in her lap and continue explaining his feelings of self-pity to her. He just needed a kind ear listening to his words for a while, and she was the one to provide it.

Though the whole time he spoke to her, she couldn't help worrying about him, and wondering how anyone could possess such an image that he carried of himself.