Title: Discovery Museums

Author: Nemesis

Feedback: Please! or just post a comment

Pairing: HP/SS

Rating: PG

Summary: Harry and Severus take their fifteen kids to a discovery musem. Third in the "Children Series." It will not make much sense if you haven't read those first.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter et al does not actually belong to me. Phooey.

"Hey, Sev, look at this!" Harry called.

Severus poked his head out of the kitchen. "What?" he demanded, a wooden spoon in one hand and a hand towel in the other. He was wearing Muggle clothes and an apron.

Harry stood up and showed Severus. "It's a Muggle thing," he said by way of explanation.

"Yes, I figured as much. Only Muggles would be stupid enough to try to explain away the world. So, what are you trying to tell me?"

"That we should most definitely take the kids there."

"Right, and teach them what exactly? You know perfectly well that half this shit isn't even necessarily true."

"Yes, but they will learn it in school anyway, not to mention that they will definitely have fun. And the other half is true."

Severus sighed and tucked the towel into the apron. He took the magazine from his husband and skimmed the pages. A timer went off in the kitchen. "Bloody hell. Come, I gotta go check on my cooking."

Harry followed Severus into the kitchen, smiling slightly. "Sit down," Severus commanded, pointing at a stool with his spoon. Harry sat down and waited.

"Now, you want to take them to a Discovery Museum?" Severus demanded.

Harry nodded.

"Are you out of your bloody mind!" Severus cried.

"Not at all," Harry answered crossly. "I'm perfectly sane. I simply want to take them somewhere during this summer that they can enjoy. Sev, love, they don't exactly enjoy art museums, history museums, classical concerts, operas, and the like. They enjoy movement, rapidity, anything that's hands-on."

Severus smiled slightly. "Very well. You should call them to make a reservation, you know."

"Why?" Harry asked mildly. "The ad here does say that walk-ins are welcome."

Severus snorted. "What they're saying is that they don't mind the two-parent, two-kid family walking in. Ours does not quite fit that standard."

Harry chuckled. "Well, let's read this fully." He glanced out the window to see the kids playing happily in a fenced-off area Severus had created.

"Read it to me so that I can still cook," Severus called. Harry nodded.

"'Special-rates for mothers and their new-borns –"

"And what about fathers and their new-borns?" Severus demanded.

Harry laughed. "It's a bonding program. Something about learning to take care of them properly. There's also one for pregnant women."

"Hell, we could run that one," Severus joked.

"Definitely," Harry answered, remembering his two pregnancies. "Anyway, there's another program for mothers and their toddlers: 'Learning to live through the Terrible Twos.'"

"I love how they portray the image that fathers have absolutely nothing to do with raising children. It's all the mother."

"Well, in Muggle society, that's exactly what they think. The mother is always the primary caregiver unless she is incapacitated for whatever reason."

"Do they make allowances for idiots?" Severus asked.

Harry shook his head. "Nope. In a Muggle custody disagreement, the mother is most likely to win custody of the child unless the father can prove without a shadow of a doubt not that he is better but that the mother is abusive, terrible, insane, or something along that line."

Severus rolled his eyes. "Stupid idiots," he muttered. "In any Wizarding custody disagreement – not that there are many, just because divorce rates are much lower – the judge awards custody to whoever is the better suited to take care of the child."

"Anyway," Harry continued, "There's more. Another program for mothers: 'Communicating with your school-age son.' And guess what – another program for mothers: 'Helping your daughter through her teenage years.'"

"Hm," Severus said mock-speculatively. "Maybe we should attend that one in a few years and learn how to properly take care of all nine girls when they hit that age."

Harry paled slightly. "Dear Merlin, I forgot that we actually had to go through that age with them." He banged his head on the counter.

"Who's going to give them the classic mother-daughter talks?" he asked.

Severus rolled his eyes again. "Sweet Circe, you are so melodramatic. Don't you remember that Mrs. Granger-Weasley already volunteered to do all that?"

Harry nodded, visibly relieved. "Thank Merlin for Hermione."

"Besides," Severus added. "Elena's only eight. She's got another few years before we have to worry about any of that. Now, go on. And skip all of the bloody programs that don't apply."

"'Museum is open only to groups during the morning, afternoon anyone welcome.' A group is defined as ten children or more."

Severus chuckled. "In other words, our family is immediately classified as a group."

"'For groups of ten to thirteen children, two chaperones are required. From thirteen to seventeen children, three chaperones are required, and an additional chaperone for every additional four children."

Severus' eyes darkened. "So basically, we need to find someone else to go with us."

"Well," Harry answered pensively. "Hermione and Ron have three kids. Eighteen kids and four chaperones. It works, doesn't it?"

Severus smiled. "Well, now, it seems that you are quite capable of thinking for yourself."

"Git," Harry responded fondly, swatting his husband on the arm. "I'm going to Ron and Hermione's now to suggest this idea."

Severus nodded. "Lunch is going to be ready soon, so try to hurry back. Or Floo me if you're going to have lunch there."

"Sure." Harry disapparated with a faint pop and reapparated in Ron and Hermione's kitchen.

Hermione looked up from her cooking. "Oh, hi, Harry. How are you doing?"

"Well. Where are Sebastian, Nicole, and Rick?"

"Outside. What brings you here?"

"Sev and I have an idea."

Hermione suppressed an involuntary giggle that bubbled every time she heard her best friend refer to the stern Potions Master as 'Sev.'

"What?"

"You're familiar with the concept of a Discovery Museum, right?"

Hermione nodded slowly, not quite seeing yet where it was going.

"Sev and I were wondering if you, Ron, and your kids wanted to come with us to the museum."

Hermione raised an eyebrow. "I'd love to, although I'm not positive I see exactly why you're asking us."

Harry chuckled. "Sev and I have a bit of a dilemma."

Hermione starting laughing. Harry glared at her, arms folded. In response, Hermione laughed harder. Harry raised an eyebrow, and Hermione laughed even harder.

"What, pray tell, is so bloody funny?" Harry demanded.

"First of all, how you call Snape 'Sev.' Second, how you look and sound just like him when annoyed. Anyway, I'm sorry. What's the dilemma?"

"Ten kids or more is immediately classified as a group. And to have over thirteen kids, they need three chaperones."

"Oh," Hermione answered. "That would be quite a problem in your case."

Harry nodded. "For over seventeen kids, they want four chaperones, so we came up with the idea of having you guys come along. Problem solved."

Hermione chuckled. "You and your fifteen kids. Sweet Circe, you do know how to cause problems."

Harry scowled. "Sev's fault. He made the bloody potion. It's a miracle we don't have more kids."

Hermione's eyes widened. "No way. Tell me that Snape isn't fooling around with that potion anymore."

Harry shook his head. "I threatened to castrate him if he ever dared to try to perfect that potion again. He hasn't, thank Merlin."

Hermione laughed. "I can see him being rather put out about not being able to finish that potion."

Harry nodded. "He was. I just told him I didn't care what he thought; I wasn't going through another bloody pregnancy or having any more kids. Dear Merlin, doesn't he think fifteen is enough?"

"I think he does. Anyway, I'll tell Ron, and we'll coordinate this sometime."

Harry smiled. "Sure. I gotta go home now. Sev wants me back in time for lunch."

Hermione nodded. "See you later."

Harry disappeared and reappeared in their kitchen. Severus looked up. "So, what did Mrs. Granger-Weasley say?"

"Her name's Hermione, Sev. She wants to come, so we're all set. We just have to set a date."

Two weeks later, they were ready. Hermione got the tickets and their hands stamped. Severus and Harry had discussed the expected behavior with their children the night before, and they stood apprehensively in front of the door.

Hermione smiled and opened it, shooing everyone in.

"Wow," all eighteen kids said at once.

Severus raised an eyebrow, something that the secretary didn't miss.

"Are you displeased or unsatisfied in any way, sir?" she asked.

Harry quickly stepped in. "No, we're not. It's a beautiful place, honestly. Severus is just slightly unused to hands-on museums."

The woman nodded and turned back to her work, keeping a wary eye on Severus.

Severus slipped away from the group a few seconds later. "Exactly how accurate is this?" he asked suspiciously.

"Well, now, sir," the woman began, only to be cut off by Harry, who had followed his husband and was glaring fiercely at him.

"Severus, you promised you wouldn't make any trouble," Harry said exasperatedly.

"I just want to know how accurate all of this stuff is. Our kids are learning about it." He palmed his wand inconspicuously, attempting to send a message to Harry. Harry immediately understood.

"Not here, Severus! We already talked about this at home."

The woman stood up. "Excuse me, sirs, but we strongly discourage arguing in this museum. If you cannot control yourselves, I will ask you to leave. This is a tranquil and happy learning environment."

Harry and Severus looked at her. "She's right, Severus," Harry said. "Listen, I just think you're being irrational."

Severus sighed. "Very well." He turned and walked back to the group.

Harry turned to the woman. "Thank you," he said quietly. "I really appreciate it that the museum has a policy against arguing. I can't tell you how much that means to me."

The woman smiled tightly. "Then perhaps you should consider not arguing. That is the reason we have such a policy."

Harry nodded serenely and left, returning to the group.

"Hey, Dad," Avidius said. "Did you know tornados are made by winds swirling…"

Harry and Severus looked at each other and shrugged helplessly. Tornados, along with many other different so-called natural disasters, were conjured by wizards.

"Well, we can talk about all of this at home tonight," Hermione quipped.

Harry smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Hermione. I'll help you cook dinner for all of us."

"Same here," Severus said.

"So who watches all eighteen kids?" Ron asked.

"They can play out in the back at our house," Harry answered. "We can eat there, too, our dining room, by necessity, is bigger."

They all nodded.

Sebastian, Ron and Hermione's eldest, shouted excitedly. "Look at this!" he cried.

Severus bit his tongue as he watched some of his kids run off to see the exciting thing that had just been discovered.

"How bad can it be, Severus?" Harry asked. "I learned this stuff, too. And guess what? I unlearned it."

Severus shrugged. "I just don't think they should learn it in the first place."

"I know you don't agree with me. But I really think they should learn to live in both worlds. How are they ever going to be able to deal with Muggles if they have no idea what they believe? Muggles are positive that tornados are caused by winds swirling, and we aren't going to tell them otherwise. It wouldn't do to have them say in school that wizards create them," Harry whispered quietly to Severus.

Severus nodded reluctantly. He saw that Harry had a point.

Harry continued, "I know you don't like this, Severus. But I know you want them to succeed, and that involves knowing as much as they can about any lifestyle."

Severus nodded again.

Hermione smiled slightly. "Sir, I had the same trouble convincing Ron that this wasn't that terrible. I can understand your hesitation. But I grew up learning these things, and I think I've turned out okay."

"Same here," Harry added.

Severus smiled tentatively. "Very well. I will make no further protests, if only for your sake," he declared formally, looking his husband in the eye.

Sitting at the dinner table that night, Hermione started the conversation.

"So, what were the coolest things you saw? Let's go around the table and everyone can say one thing."

Elena started, since she was sitting on Hermione's right. "I liked the magnets the best. It's really cool how the magnetic pole flips randomly."

Hermione locked eyes with Severus, who nodded subtly and let the conversation continue.

"I thought that was really interesting, too," Ron added. "I never knew that before. I always thought North was North and South was South."

"It would be kind of difficult to find your way around as a Medieval traveler if the poles switched on you, wouldn't it?" Hermione mused.

They all laughed.

"What about you, Marc?" Harry asked. Marc was sitting next to Elena, who turned to her twin and smiled encouragingly.

They continued going around until they reached Avidius, who promptly answered, "I thought it was really cool to learn about how tornados were made."

Harry answered quickly, preventing Severus from saying a word. "And what did you learn?"

"I learned tornados were made by winds swirling really fast."

"Well," Hermione began. "That's what Muggles think."

"In reality, tornados, hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, and other so-called natural disasters are made by wizards," Severus finished.

"But why would they do that?"

"Usually it's just an accidental magic leak," Harry explained. "Sometimes just to be malicious."

"Oh," Avidius sighed. "I didn't know that."

"Remember, you can't tell anyone at school that," Severus reminded strictly.

All fifteen of his kids nodded obediently.

Later that night, Severus cuddled up to Harry in bed.

"Was it really that bad?" Harry asked, nudging Severus' head gently with his own.

"Not really," Severus purred in Harry's ear. "But it could have been so much better," he finished.

"Everything could always be better," Harry sighed.

"Everything except for you," Severus murmured.

-- End