A/N: I heard this song, "That's As Close As I'll Get To Loving You" by Aaron Tippin, and it had TATE written all over it. As always, please review!
Disclaimer: the show and the characters belong to DPB. If they belonged to me season 3 would be completely full of TATEness and Ziva wouldn't exist.
As Close As I'll Get
Tony was in Hell. He'd paused outside the lab when he'd heard Kate gushing to Abby about her amazing new boyfriend. They were doing that girly giggling thing which was completely unusual for Kate. Something had to be up, so he stopped to eavesdropped and then wished he hadn't. He really didn't want to hear this.
"…and after dinner we went back to my place. We were snuggling on the couch and looking for something good to watch when I saw that Pretty Woman was on." Kate continued to gush.
"I love that movie!" Abby interrupted excitedly. "There's something vaguely ironic about a hooker having the perfect romance every girl dreams of." They both laughed and Tony made a mental note to watch Pretty Woman next time it was on. He wanted to know what was so damn great about that movie that practically every woman fell in love with it.
"Anyway, I told him that I loved that movie and he said to put it on. I told him we didn't have to because it's a total chick flick but he insisted. And then he actually watched it. He paid attention and everything. I have to say, that movie is even better when you're wrapped in someone's arms." Tony could hear the smile in Kate's voice and he felt a pang of longing. It should have been his arms around her, not anybody else's.
"Ooh…so what happened after the movie?" Tony could picture Abby wagging her eyebrows and he knew without a doubt that he didn't want to hear what was coming next, but he couldn't pull himself away. It was like knowing you were about to slam head first into a brick wall but there was nothing you could do to stop it. He just had to face his fate.
"I don't kiss and tell, like some people." He knew she was referring to him and he kicked himself for making up all of those conquests to cover up his feelings. Not that he'd ever been a choir boy, but women hadn't held the same allure since he'd met Kate. But everyone expected the stories so he couldn't just stop without looking suspicious. Still, maybe he should have toned it down a little.
Abby made a disgusted sound. "C'mon Kate, give me something here."
"Let's just say he looks great first thing in the morning." Both girls squealed and Tony's heart dropped. He had to get out of here. He turned to leave but remembered the evidence bag he had in his hand, the reason he was in the situation in the first place. Frustrated, he tried to pretend he wasn't dying inside as he strode through the door and shocked both women into a guilty silence as they tried to hide their giggles.
"Hey Abs, Gibbs wants you to see if you can get some prints off of this, ASAP." He hadn't planned on ignoring Kate but he wasn't sure what to say, and he was afraid that he might give himself away if he tried to talk to her. He handed the bag to Abby and quickly left the room before one of them could realize something was wrong.
The day couldn't pass fast enough for Tony after what he'd heard in the lab. He spent the rest of the day sulking, enough that even Gibbs had asked him what was wrong. He told Gibbs the same thing he'd told Kate, "Nothing." Luckily, they didn't get a new case and he was out the door the minute the clock struck 5.
Not that home was much better, other than the fact that he didn't have to hide his feelings. He paced as he considered his options. He was royally screwed and he knew it. If he told Kate there was a pretty good chance she'd reject him, especially now that she'd found Mr. Amazing. That would ruin not only their friendship but their partnership as well, and he wouldn't be able to steal his little moments with her. Of course, there was a slim chance she'd say that she felt the same way. That would be the most amazing thing ever, even if it cost him his job.
His other choice was keeping silent, which would protect him from heartache and keep him from ruining their friendship or their careers. It definitely made more sense to keep quiet, even though it killed him inside. It meant that there would never be any chance at a happy ending, but he'd have to find a way to live with that. There was just too much to lose.
Far from content with his choice, he stalked off to his bedroom to try and get some sleep. At least that was one place where she would always be his. He stripped down to his boxers, turned out the light, and slipped into his lonely bed wishing that Kate could be beside him.
After an hour of tossing and turning he finally gave up. He knew the only way he'd get any sleep tonight was to drink away the memory of Kate's chat with Abby. There wasn't enough alcohol in the world to erase that memory so he settled for the next best thing, the college solution to all of life's problems. He'd drink until he passed out.
3 beers and 8 shots of tequila later, he sat at his favorite bar contemplating his problems while another horrible attempt at karaoke crooned in the background. The simple fact was, as he kept telling the bartender, that he was in love with Kate. He lived for the random moments when he got to accidentally brush against her and he loved watching her while she slept on the rare occasions when they had to work all night. Too bad those stolen moments were as close as he'd ever get. That reminded him of a song, and he was drunk enough that he stumbled off his bar stool and made a beeline for the mike.
Kate was enjoying another amazing night with David. After dinner they'd decided to grab a drink at the bar across the street. It was karaoke night so the entertainment was very interesting, to say the least. They were having fun laughing at drunks stumbling over the words and thoroughly butchering songs. David was in the middle of telling her about the dream house he was in the middle of remodeling when Kate froze and forgot that David even existed. A very familiar face had just taken the stage, and her heart skipped a beat as it always did when she saw him.
She completely tuned David out and focused all of her attention on Tony. Damn, he looked good even when he was totally wasted and probably about to make a fool of himself. Then he started singing and his voice blew her away. He was actually good, even if he was drunk, and she could feel the emotion behind his words.
Maybe
we'll never be seen together
At night on a crowded street
I may
never reach across your body
And kill the light when you're
asleep
She could see the truth of his words in his eyes and she leaned forward slightly so she wouldn't miss anything.
Maybe
I'll never watch you dressing
I won't sound too familiar on the
phone
But I can touch your hand accidentally
And take that
moment home
Then his words began to make sense, and all she could do was stare into his eyes totally transfixed. His gaze met hers as he saw her for the first time. She saw the shock register in his eyes, but he didn't miss a beat. He kept his eyes locked on hers as he continued to sing. The rest of the world melted away and he was singing just for her.
That's
as close as I'll get to loving you I won't be
there when you need holding That's as close as I'll get to loving you That's as close as I'll get to loving you
Even though there's nothing
else I'd rather do
I can dream, I can hope, I can scheme but still
I know
That's as close as I'll get to loving you
But I'm sure that he can pull you
through
But I can sing this song to everybody
And pretend it's
not about you
Even
though there's nothing else I'd rather do
I can dream, I can hope,
I can scheme but still I know
That's as close as I'll get to
loving you
Even
though there's nothing else I'd rather do
I can dream, I can hope,
I can scheme but still I know
That's as close as I'll get to
Yeah
that's as close as I'll get to
That's as close as I'll get to
loving you
The song ended but Tony couldn't move. He didn't want to take his eyes off Kate. He'd just made a fool of himself in front of her and Mr. Amazing, and there was no taking it back. She knew that song was meant for her, that it almost perfectly described their situations.
Shit, he had to get out of here. He dropped Kate's gaze and hurried off the stage, heading straight for the exit. It took every ounce of his strength to not look back, but he told himself he'd been humiliated enough for one night. So much for drinking his problems away.