From The Shadows

by: Eyes-of-Pearl

Rating: K+

Author's Note and Synopsis: First of all, I would like to thank Lilya for letting me borrow her storyline. This is a sequel of sorts to her previous two stories Replacement (id 2741555) and Unsaid (id:2746357). She had changed the ages of the Pevensie's ages – Peter is four years older then Susan, while she's three years older than Edmund. I have kept true to the original two storylines, so I hope this will give a satisfactory ending. Does Peter and Susan ever had a chance for reconciliation?

Also note, I have only seen the movie, so consider the events to be slightly AU.

From The Shadows

She lived in the shadows for most of her life. It was rather ironic. Day after day, night after night, she found herself dressing up for parties and galas. Her face adorned with makeup and her clothes beautifully accentuated her figure. She stood out at every social setting that she attended. She shook hands and gave charming smiles, nodded in all the right places without batting an eyelash. Yet, these people never understood her nor do they see the shroud that had she carefully enveloped around herself. She had lost everything the day that she had received that fateful telegram.

Then again, she did not have much to begin with. She grew up behind the shadows of Anne - the girl with playful brown eyes and silky blonde hair. She held the heart of Peter Pevensie even after her death. She had been his favourite companion and his best friend. Susan was an intruder to this perfect harmony. Peter hated Susan, once calling her a thief and a murderer.

After the births of Edmund and Lucy, the remnants of Anne still remained. Whenever Susan unexpectedly caught Peter's eye, he would scowl at her interruption upon his thoughts. She remained silent and rationalized in her mind that Peter had never forgotten Anne. Then, she resolutely focused on what was in front of her: her younger brother and sister.

Lucy made things easier to bear, the girl was affectionate and unconditionally showered her older sister with love that Susan could not help but reciprocate. On the other hand, Edmund had always been troublesome, even from his youth. He was awkward and fought her at every turn, yet when the need arose, he would zealously defend her. She was after all still his big sister.

A certain wardrobe changed her entire existence. Narnia was the one memory that she forced out of her consciousness. Even as Queen, she had been in the shadows of King Peter the Magnificent, Queen Lucy the Valiant and King Edmund the Just. She was just Susan the Gentle - like the wind that caresses the cheek but never leaves a mark. Though she knew that the Narnians adored their Queen, some things did not change - Peter's heart remained steadfastly forbidden to her. Perhaps, she wasn't meant to be here upon the golden dias of Cair Paravel: Anne was ...

Nobody knew of her heart's utter devastation when she heard from Aslan: she could never return. She hid those scars by clinging onto logic. To her, that was the only thing that was still tangible. She dismissed Lucy and Edmund's tales of Narnia - a place that was liked Peter's love, always unattainable. Instead, she turned her attentions to society who idolized her when she wore fancy dresses and complementing makeup.

At the funeral, she paid no heed to their condolences and superficial best wishes. Their love meant nothing to her. The only thing that she was certain was the fact that the others had returned to Narnia. She alone remained to retreat further into solitude, the shadows in her world deepened.

-o-o-

"You're not happy."

The words were not spoken as a mere suggestion but a very acute observation from King Edmund the Just. Beside the dark-haired monarch, was the fair and magnificent King Peter. They had been admiring the view of the beach from one of uppermost balconies in Cair Paravel.

"Of course, I am happy," the older King remarked but his words lacked conviction. Both brothers knew this.

"You have not been happy since returning to Narnia, even Lucy is worried."

"Lucy will always worry, no matter how minor something is. She is just like Sus-"

Peter caught himself and bit his bottom lip. His eyes adverted back to the scenery in front of him, avoiding his younger brother's gaze. Edmund wisely kept silent. 'Susan,' Peter thought. Her absence had been acutely felt since their latest return to "True" Narnia. Whenever dignitaries and ambassadors came to court, their eyes would flicker at the empty throne of the former Queen. Any comment that they had was silenced by the glare from the three monarchs.

Lucy had fought most vehemently at the mere suggestion of pushing the three thrones closer together to avoid similar incidents. "It just wouldn't be the same!"

Peter shot back, "Susan made her choice! She's Miss Logic, the unbeliever, don't you remember?"

"I don't care about that! I hate the way that we pretend that she never existed. She is and always will be my sister."

Lucy glared at him once before retreating down the halls. She too had grown since her first visit into this magical place. She missed Susan. Yes, Lucy had been angry and disappointed at Susan's dismissal after they were banned from Narnia. Seeing the situation in a different light, Lucy realized how much it hurt for Susan to remember and to hear the others talk about it. Lucy often saw Susan in a motherly role, always there with loving hands and kind smiles. Everybody turned to Susan for her kindness and she gave it fully while expecting little in return. Narnians loved their Gentle Queen to the extent that Susan herself failed to realize.

Lucy remembered a time, when Susan had timidly asked her, "Do you love me, Lucy?"

She was shock at the solemnity of the question, but did not hesitate to say, "Of course, I do! How can you ever doubt that?"

Susan merely smiled in response before enveloping her younger sister in a hug, "Thanks Lulu."

A later conversation with Edmund revealed that Susan had asked him the same thing. "She was in one of her party dresses. It was really odd - not just the question itself but the way she asked me. It was like everything depended on it."

"What did you say?"

"What do you mean by that? I told her that it was a stupid question to ask in the first place, but yes, I do love her."

That was Lucy and Edmund, but Peter rarely talked about Susan. After the argument with Lucy about the placement of the thrones, he stared unseeingly at the retreating back of his youngest sister before existing at a side door. Edmund decided to follow his older brother to the uppermost balcony of the palace.

A full minute of silence ensued, after Peter had unwillingly mentioned Susan's name. Edmund decided to fill the silence. "It's funny though, I don't think you were really happy even when Susan was around."

Peter was startled at this bold statement from his younger brother. True to his title of being just, Edmund raised his hand in defence, "I'll admit there are times when I think that Susan is too pushy, too motherly. Those are times when I'm not very happy that she's around. I remember hating her after finding out that we can't return to Narnia. How can she pretend that none of this (gesturing around him) existed? How can she say that it means nothing to her?"

He paused to make sure that he still had Peter's attention before continuing, "Then with just the three of us returning here, I realize something. How can Susan possibly know how much the people love her? Knowing Susan, she probably thinks that Narnians love her simply because she is their queen. You're right, Peter, she is Miss Logic. It is logic that she holds onto, because she needs something tangible in order to understand. When we are banned from Narnia, how can we expect her to cling onto memories and hope that someday she can return? How can we expect her to know how much she means to us without ever telling her?"

Not really expecting an answer, Edmund turned to go. However he was surprised at Peter's next admission, "You know I once told her that I hated her. I hated her because she was a thief and a murderer. At one point, I foolishly thought that she was here to take Anne's place."

Reading Edmund's silent question, he said, "Anne was my sister, rather our sister. She was a year younger than me but she died soon after, before Susan came along."

There was a gasp and both Kings turned to see Lucy who had been standing in the far corner. Peter silently offered his apologies before continuing, "I never mentioned her because it just hurt too much. When Susan was born and I just never saw past my hurt and sadness to give her a chance. It became a habit but Susan never complained. Then the two of you were born and I thought she had forgotten about everything. She was Susan; she was always just there. So when she asked me whether or not I loved her, I couldn't tell her."

"So you said nothing?" Lucy cried out incredulously before dissolving to open tears. Edmund moved to envelop his arms around her, offering his shoulder so she could dry her tears. Peter seeing her distress, moved to surround them both. Lucy fought back and angrily shot back, "How could you? She loves us so much!"

All the while, he murmured, "I know this now. Please ..."

In between tears and struggles, Lucy finally relented to allow both her brothers to comfort her. The three of them just let the serenity of the moment that was only interrupted by the sounds of Lucy sobbing, settled upon them. Edmund was only partially right when he said that Peter had not been happy since returning to Narnia. Without Susan, a shadow of gray had descended upon the four corners of their world.

-o-o-

After the death of her family, Susan devoted herself to charity - education for children and better health care for the sick and poor. The former shadows of Queen Susan the Gentle intricately became a part of Susan, the Belle of every Social Circle. She held fundraisers and auctions and saw fruitation in her work that spanned over twenty years.

She was now woman of forty, but still she was alone; nothing and nobody could truly penetrate her world. She had retained her classic beauty and compassionate personality. This winter, her doctors had urged her not to go out into the cold for fear of aggravating the inflammation in her chest. Susan merely waved off the comments, and was insistent that she would visit, as she did at every anniversary, the graves of her beloved family.

She coughed intermittently as she made her way through the graveyard. It was cold outside and she really shouldn't be out. Still she stayed. She traced the carvings on their stones and laid down bouquets of flowers in the spaces that she had cleared out. Then slowly, brushing away tears, she sought sanctuary at the nearby church adjacent to the cemetery.

If Susan was paying attention, then she would have noticed the twin lion carvings on the churches' double doors but she didn't. Kneeling by the pulpit, she lit a few candles of remembrance and indulged in the memories of the past. 'Deep in my heart, I never stopped believing. I never stopped loving you. Through all these years, everything that I did was to keep your memories alive. I only wish to see all of you once more, then I'll be happy. '

Susan knew that her end was coming. She was too weary in both body and soul. She closed her eyes and allowed herself to think about Narnia, of Lucy and Edmund ... and finally her thoughts rested on Peter.

A voice called from the distance, "Come home, Daughter of Eve ... emerge from the shadows."

-o-o-

They did not know how long they stood liked this. Peter with his arms around Edmund and Lucy. However, they quickly broke apart when they heard the faint roar of a lion. They knew this sound. They sprang apart and looked in the direction of the ocean. There was a bright beacon of light that shone brightly with the illuminations of the waters. The three monarchs needed no further prompting as they raced down to the courtyard. Within a minute, Edmund astride upon Philip was racing towards the beach. Peter pursued upon his own mount with Lucy drawing close in the rear. The siblings took the most direct route towards the bright light. They came to an abrupt stop when they neared the open beach.

Aslan. He was not alone for walking beside him was a woman - a graceful brunette with azure eyes. Upon seeing them on the beach, she stopped abruptly, causing the lion to turn. The two exchanged words and if anybody was close enough to hear, they would have known that she was voicing her uncertainties.

"After all this time, I don't think ..."

"Do you believe? Have you yourself forgotten them?"

"No, I have not stopped remembering."

"I know the years have been long for you. The shadows never left your soul. Yet despite this trial, you have emerged stronger and retained the purity of your heart. You will see that there are many who love you for that very virtue alone. You are the rightful queen, Gentle Susan. Now go to them, for they love you for just being Susan, their beloved sister."

Aslan disappeared, and Susan was alone standing in the water. The level was rather shallow, reaching up to her ankles. The winds weave through her dark tresses as if in welcome, but they did nothing to calm her pounding heart.

On the beach, the three siblings were just overcoming the shock of seeing Susan with Aslan. Susan in Narnia! Their sister was different, she had grown, older and more mature but she had never lost the true essence of her beauty. No matter how old she looked, Lucy was just glad that her sister was home.

"Susan!" Throwing all caution to the wind, the youngest sister jumped from her horse and ran as fast as she could on the sand and into the waters. The girls paid no heed to how their dresses were getting wet or the fact that Edmund had nearly drowned them when he came into their sisterly embrace. If Susan had but asked him, he would have gladly abdicated the throne.

Peter remained on the shore, though he had dismounted. When he stepped forward, Edmund and Lucy reluctantly let go of Susan. Both of the younger ones watched the scene warily but did not interfere. This was between the two older siblings. Into the waters, the High King came. However, at the moment, he would gladly settle for Peter Pevensie, formerly of Finchely. Locking eyes with the woman in front of him, he said, "Forgive me."

Susan had been disappointed when Peter didn't come into the water. She didn't know what kind of welcome she would receive from him, but seeing him now coming towards her, she wanted to run and hide. Then hearing those two words coming from him, she could not help but cry.

Seeing her tears, Peter stopped short. Unsure of what he should do, he spoke the words that he regretted not saying before, "I love you, Susan. I regret not telling you before and I regret all the times that I said I hated you. It was the worst thing that I could have said to anybody and I said it to my own sister. You're not Anne and I don't need you to be. You're Susan, and I let you down. For that, I'm sorry."

When she turned away from him at that point, Peter felt his world crashing down. He had hoped ... so he turned back to remount his horse, only to be halted by her calling his name. He turned, startled at her transformation. Emerging from the waters, she had regained her youthful appearance. No longer did she looked like a forty-year old woman but rather a young woman of twenty-two. He did not care for her age because he saw her for the gentle heart that she was. All the times, she stood faithfully by his side, no matter how his cruel words had hurt her. Time and distance would not change the fact that he had truly missed his sister.

Susan only looked away because she was crying too hard. All those years, she lived in the shadows of Anne's memory. Now secured of Peter's love for her, she could not possibly let him go. She called him back and missing the startled expression on his face when she wrapped her arms around him. Her head settled comfortably on his chest. She felt him inhaling slowly before drawing her closer. Then at the sounds of Lucy's cheerful cries, she looked up. Her younger sister had taken out a mirror from her saddlebag and said, "Look Susan!"

And she did, Susan touched her own reflection before reaching for her own face. She knew that this was Aslan's way of giving her a second chance to cast away her shadows and doubts. She was not some replacement of a former memory, her siblings loved her because she was Susan. At the thought, an incredible calm settled upon her heart. She was ready to live again.

She had always been the logical one of the group, but in her practicality, she never lost her compassion for those around her. She never expect much in return - that was the quintessential component of her character. As she allowed her siblings to guide her back to palace, Cair Paravel stood above the mist, its people stood waiting to welcome back their Queen.

The End

AN: Again, thanks Lilya for letting me borrow her storyline. This is my first C. S. Lewis fic so I hoped that you guys enjoyed. Let me know what you think!