If I'm going to get pull through this then why do I feel like shit? Like fuck? Like a fucking worthless piece of shit?

Stop thought, stop thought, stop thought, stop thought, stop thought.

That's what he suggested I to do every time I thought about something I didn't want to think about. It works sometimes, but mostly it just makes me think more about them. And I definitely didn't want to think about them. Not about him, and definitely not about her.

It's cool. It's all cool just chilling out in my apartment, staring at the wall and thinking about what could have happened if I had gotten there first. Not gotten there, but gotten her. I could have gotten her if I had done something but no. I was always taking it slow.

And neither of them knew. He said, "We're getting married." I said, "Great." He said, "You're my best friend. Do you want to be the best man at the wedding?" I said, "Sure, why not?" He said, "Awesome."

If I had been getting married, he would be my best man. And if I had been getting married to her, I bet he would be just as bitter as I am.

Stop thought, stop thought, stop thought, stop thought, stop thought.

"You're moping a lot lately." He said.

"Me? Uh-uh. Not moping, I'm just thinking. What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be at home with your pregnant wife?"

"Haha. Yeah. What a handful."

"It's tough, but she's not gonna stay little like that forever. Just a few more months, and then you'll have a new baby."

"I know, I know."

He stood up and started to leave.

I bit my lip.

I love her.

I wanted to scream that at him.

I'm in love with your wife! I love your wife!

I thought maybe just thinking about it would make me feel better, but it just made me feel worse. A knot in my stomach pulled so tightly that I was going to be ripped into shreds if I didn't say anything.

Stop thought, stop thought, stop thought, stop thought, stop thought.

What was I supposed to say though? What right did I have to tell him that I loved his wife?

"Naruto," I called.

He stopped, almost as if he was expecting it.

"Uh-huh?" he urged.

I smiled. "Tell Hinata I said hi." I paused. "And I miss training with her."

"Yessir."

He was gone, and one more time her image popped into my head. I stared at the ground and shook my head.

Stop thought, stop thought, stop that fucking thought.