Confound It.

By: BloodyChaosDragonKnight

A/N: Dedicated to Sesshy is Sexii for being my hundredth reviewer. Long time no see... Almost forgot about this...

Warnings: Random kidnappings, use of strong language, insanity and shonen ai. Zack bashing.

Pairings: Cid/Vincent, Sephiroth/Cloud (only cause it amuses me.) implied Reno/Tseng,

"She's where?!" Sephiroth shouts, eye twitching as he glares at the martial artist. Tifa just smirks, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"She's in your basement..." Tifa states smugly, calmly cleaning a glass as she leans against the counter. Reno has a very bad feeling about this and Zack... well

"Oh I see how it is, you let Yuffie have a secret base in your basement and you won't let me." Zack pouts. Sephiroth stares at him for a second, then shakes his head.

"You know, this explains a lot." He says, thinking back on all the strange things that had been happening. His socks would go missing then turn up weeks later tied around some guy's wrists, his cat would randomly hiss at the walls and someone had once painted the laundry room orange, but he was quite sure the last was Zack.

He had thought it was just Zack being stupid. Now he knew better.

"To Sephy's house." Zack declares, standing in a dramatic pose with his finger pointing at the door.

"Zack, my house is that way." Sephiroth sighs, pointing to the front door. "And what did I tell you about calling me that." He snaps, making Zack pout.

Reno raises his hand, swinging it back and forth in the air and almost hitting Tifa who glares.

"Could we hold on a sec, I have to make a phone call." Reno says, grinning mischievously. Sephiroth contemplates, mentally running through a list of people the redheaded Turk knew and would call. Alarm bells went off in his head, Vincent was a sometimes Turk.

"As long as you don't call Vincent." Sephiroth was relieved when Reno shook his head.

"Nah, just Tseng..." Sephiroth didn't even blink, everyone and their brother knew the two were involved in someway.

----With Vincent----

Tseng's PHS rings as the trio follows Yuffie's blaringly obvious trail to Midgar. He pulls it out of his pocket and upon seeing Reno's name blazing across the cover, flipped it open.

"Is there a problem with Sephiroth?" He asks, ignoring the shocked and wary looks on his companions faces. Reno's voice buzzes in his ear, informing him that Yuffie had built a secret base in Sephiroth's basement of all places and that Cid had been kidnapped.

He shoots a carefully guarded look in Vincent's direction before continuing. "Alright, we'll be there shortly. Try to keep him from finding out about Cloud." An affirmative hum, Tseng could almost feel Reno's gaze as the redhead studied Sephiroth. A declaration of love and then the phone went dead.

"Love you too." Tseng repeats, rolling his eyes skyward as he snapped the phone shut. He looks at Vincent and Rufus. "Yuffie's in Sephiroth's basement... Let's not ask why, let's just get Cloud before Sephiroth finds him and goes on a killing rampage because nobody has bothered to inform him."

"That... sounds like a plan." Rufus says, nodding once. Vincent hmms, making a sound that could pass for an affirmative.

"To Sephiroth's house then." Tseng sighs, not looking happy. Why must things always be so complicated?

---With Cid and Cloud---

"Where the hell are we anyways?" Cid demands, wishing he could smoke. Sadly his hands were taped and he had no choice but to sit here without a cigarette in his mouth and smoke billowing into his lungs.

"Sephiroth's basement." Comes Cloud's snappy reply, the blonde deciding that maybe sleep was best. Cid sneers in Cloud's general direction.

"I suppose you would know." He grumbles.

"Yes, yes I would. Now shut up and let me sleep."

---Back with Zack, Reno and Sephiroth.---

"Ok Seph, you're the distraction." Sephiroth stares at Reno like he's lost his mind and looks at Zack who has climbed on top of several boxes that look like they're about to fall.

"We have a perfectly good distraction right there." Sephiroth points to Zack and his about-to-be-a-large-accident. Reno looks at Zack and then back to Sephiroth.

"Zack is in your basement all the time... He painted your laundry room orange last week." Reno says, surprising Sephiroth with his knowledge.

"How did you know about that?" Sephiroth's eyes narrow. "And how did you know he did it?" Reno coughs as Zack and the boxes come tumbling down into Yuffie's secret base.

"Hey look, it's Cloud!! Hello Cloud!!" Zack waves cheerily at the blonde hidden behind the boxes. Reno sweatdrops and grows pale as Sephiroth's body twitches with Rage.

"SHIVA FREEZE YOUR BALLS ZACK!!" Reno shouts, twisting away from the silver-haired general as he lunges at him. He runs away, praying that Tseng arrives before he gets hurt.

"Looks like I just made 5,000 gil." Cloud says, rather smug for a man wrapped up in duct-tape. Cid glares at him.

"Oh shut up." Cid grumbles, muttering profanity under his breath as Tseng and the .

And so Cid and Cloud were rescued from the clutches of the evil Yuffie, Reno was rescued from the clutches of an insane Sephiroth and Zack was shot in the groin for allowing Cid to be kidnapped.

As they say, all's well that ends well.

The End.

Thanks to all who read and review.

Apologies for the wait, reviews would be loved.