Confused Doesn't Even Begin To Describe It

By: Musical Enigma

Disclaimer: I don't own Harvest Moon or any of its creators

Chapter Nine: The Hokey Pokey

Note: Okay, the final chapter is here. I decided that Rock's last name is Inner because he lives at the Inner Inn and yeah, it kinda makes sense. I hope you enjoyed the story and a BIG thank you to all the reviewers! And if this seems kinda confusing…trust me I know. Just…go with it ok? (Because I made it long just for you!) Haha I'll be making a new Harvest Moon story soon so don't completely desert me either! And just so you know, I still love reviews (hint hint)

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"So…where did Tarin go?"

I asked once more, rather sheepishly. The Harvest Goddess looked down at me with a: you-have-to-be-kidding-me stare. Seeing that I obviously had no clue what was going on, she sighed and then took out a very glittery wand and pointed it towards her head. A small poof later, Tarin's head was on the Harvest Goddess' body.

"Oh, okay. Hey Tarin. When did the Harvest Goddess eat you?"

The head of Tarin frowned and then turned back into that of the Harvest Goddess. Confused as ever, I sat down on the dirt and picked up a stick. The Harvest Goddess stared for a minute, and then became angry.

"I AM TARIN YOU DOLT!"

"NO, Tarin had brown hair. You, obviously have purple."

I stated my logic simply and smiled, waiting to be rewarded for my awesome intelligence on this matter. I totally did not expect what was coming next.

"It was a test you idiot! You FAILED. MISERABLY! I can not believe that you, of all people, weren't the least suspicious. Hell, you RAN OVER a LEAF because you thought it was plotting world domination!"

I frowned slightly at this angry comeback and the remembrance of that evil little leaf.

"Hey, hold up a second. That was an EXTREMELY dangerous leaf! If I hadn't run it over with that stolen bicycle…--"

The Harvest Goddess stared for a minute, and then continued.

"Either way, Rock, you're pretty…how should I say this…ignorant."

"Why thank you"

I smiled brightly at the compliment.

"Yeah…anyhow, Tarin doesn't exist. She's…never mind this might be a bit confusing for you. Let's put it simply. I tested all of the townspeople to see how they would react to a new farmer so not everyone would have to depend on the stolen goods from Van. You were the last person to be quizzed, and you did a bad job. Does that make sense?"

"Sometimes, I wish I could fly too. I tried earlier this morning, but it didn't work."

I smiled once again, showing no traces what so ever that anything the Goddess just said made sense. The Goddess sighed, and then tried once more.

(Note: The following is dialogue between the Harvest Goddess and Rock, alternating and starting with the Goddess. Viewer discretion is advised, but not enforced, necessary, or even cared about. Have a nice day!)

"Stop me at any point if you have questions, okay? We're going to try this again."

"Okey-dokey!"

"Tarin is not real"

"Is she mud then?"

"No…"

"Oh, okay. Go on and continue."

"A new farmer is going to move in here."

"What's her name?"

"Jill."

"Does she own a dog?"

"Do you want her to?"

"No, not really."

"Then yes, she will have a dog."

"DAMNATION! Okay, please continue."

"Do NOT harass the new farmer."

"Okay…pssst! What does harass mean?"

"It means, do not stalk, attack, or invade her or her farm."

"So no more rolling in the mud?"

"No…and that's not real mud in the pasture."

"What is it then?"

"Fertilizer."

"Which is…?"

"Cow poo."

"Okay then. Go on."

"You're taking all of this quite well."

"Actually, I have no idea what we are talking about."

"…"

(Note: The dialogue in this manner is over. Viewer discretion is no longer advised or necessary. And it never was.)

"YOU MEAN THAT YOU STILL HAVE NO CLUE WHAT IS GOING ON!"

The Harvest Goddess looked very angry. I stood up, tired of being yelled at and talked down to, and threw my stick back onto the ground from whence it came. Then, as effectively as I could, I pointed my finger at the high floating lady to state my answer.

"NO!"

The Harvest Goddess sighed and then placed a hand over my head, then pointed her wand in my face. I smiled and leaned forward, only causing the wand to poke me in the eye. I yelled angrily at the object, but, as it was made of plastic and glitter, it obviously did not answer me back.

"Okay, let's make this simple. I'll erase your memory of this and then when the new farmer comes, just…don't be an ass, okay?"

"Sounds good to me!"

I smiled as the Goddess began to wave her wand, and right before she was about to cast the spell, I stopped her. There's still one thing bugging me about all of this…weirdness…

"Wait! I have a question!"

"What is it?"

The Goddess sure seemed moody…and frustrated…and…purple? I thought hard on how to make this into a good sentence…but my mind doesn't like it when I think this hard…but I'll try! You put your left foot in! You put your left foot out! You put your left foot in…and you shake it all about! You do the hokey-pokey…wait…it that really what I wanted to think about…oh well! That's what it's all about!

"Do you have a question or not?"

The Harvest Goddess asked impatiently. I looked up at her and smiled.

"Yeah, I just forgot for a minute. Okay, so does this, or does it not, mean that I am an alien?"

The Harvest Goddess whacked me in the head with her wand and everything started to go fuzzy and melt. Determined, I tried to fit in my last questions before I melted into a rock blob, known to some, as lava.

"Wait! Do I get my wallet back?"

The three harvest sprites laughed as I looked up to see the Harvest Goddess looking through it. I frowned, taking it as a no. It was confirmed more when she took out the nickels and stuffed them into her bra.

"Wait I have one more question! What if the hokey-pokey really is what it's all about?"

The Harvest Goddess looked up at me and smiled.

"You just never know!"

And then, I melted. I woke up in my bedroom, totally out of it. I fumbled around in my bed sheets for a minute, figuring it couldn't hurt to sleep just a bit more…

"Rock! Wake up darling! It's nearly noon!"

"Coming mom…in an hour or two…"

"Do I have to come up there and pull you out of bed?"

"….yeah…sure…whatever"

Loud thuds from downstairs immediately told me that the ever jolly salesman/retailer/actor/gymnast/robber Van was here. Suffering from a serious case of De-Ja-Vu, I ran downstairs and tripped, flinging myself to Van's feet.

"Hello there Rock!"

And, without further ado, he picked up the hard, inanimate object that had fallen from nearby pot with a tree occupying it. I scowled and stood up on my own, not realizing that the next few days would be lived in total obliviousness and that from a lake by a weird tree with glowing flowers, a lady with purple hair and three midgets had subscribed to a credit card under the name of Rock Inner.