Okay folks I'm back with another new story. This one is based off the brief appearance of Cell, Freeza, Cooler and Goku in "Goten and Vegeta". Don't worry if you haven't read it because I'm going to summarise everything here. Basically Cooler, Cell and Freeza are "living" in hell/HIFL (which ever you prefer) between the Cell and Buu saga. The version of hell portrayed here is not quite the same as the one in the anime but all changes that have been made are for the sake of the story. Hell will be use as the places name for most of the story; HFIL was used in the title because it looked better.
Disclaimer: Sadly I don't own Dragonball Z or a villa in the south of France, but I'm working on it.
Law and Order: HFIL Department
Ram Raiding Home the Issue
There is a place in the universe whose horrors defy belief. It is cold, dark, and damp. The grey sky line is scared by the ugly run down buildings which block out the light plunging the streets in to eternal darkness. Among the stench and the rats people wonder in endless torment, receiving the eternal punishment for there actions in life. We are of course talking about the University of Bath campus. However believe it or not there is one place in the universe that is worse, and our story starts with three of its inhabitants trying to escape.
Cell stamped his feet in a desperate attempt to keep warm. It was another one of those days in Hell. The sky was grey and murky and the temperature was just above freezing. A howling wind made sure that it didn't even feel that warm. It was in fact perfect conditions for a gym lesson. Cell wasn't here to play sport however.
In front of him stood the gates of Hell. Infinitely tall and made form hundreds of tons of solid iron they were an impressive sight. No one had ever been though them with out the Kaio's permission. No one that is until today.
"Only a mad man would try to get though those!" said Freeza, standing next to the evil android. Cell looked around a gestured at Cooler sat in a car near by.
"Good job that we have him then isn't it," he said.
"Yeah I guess," said Freeza not sounding completely convinced, "I just wish he would tell us what his plan is."
"You know what your problem is?" said Cell accusingly, "You worry far too much."
"Hey!" snapped Freeza, "I was right about the Saiyans! One of them did become powerful enough to kill me!"
"Well he might have been more lenient had you not blown up his planet!" suggested Cell patronisingly.
"Don't lecture me on what I should and shouldn't have done!" snapped Freeza. "I had an empire to run when I made that decision; you have no idea how much pressure I was under."
"Yes having an entire army to do your work for you must be very tiring!" mocked Cell.
"Oh shut up android," retorted Freeza, "at least I managed to destroy a planet!"
"I destroyed a planet!" protested Cell quickly.
"Yes we were all very impressed about how you managed to blow up eight square feet of rock!" said Freeza sarcastically.
"Hey it was at least thirty two square feet!" declared Cell.
"Sure it was."
"Well at least I didn't…" Cell began desperately thinking of a way to get back at Freeza. However he was interrupted before he could come up with anything.
"Radio's tuned!" declared Cooler proudly. "What should we do now?" Cell and Freeza looked at him.
"I don't know!" said Cell angrily, "You were the one who dragged us all the way out here to escape! We assumed you would know what to do."
"Really," mused Cooler, "Well you should really know better than to make an assumption like that." Cell sighed. Cooler hadn't been quite right ever since he was forcefully separated from the Big Gete Star.
"You deal with him Freeza," he said, "You're much better at it then I am."
"Fine," said Freeza, "but I keep telling you, he's easy to deal with once you get the hang of the gentle approach." Freeza Calmly walked up to Cooler and put his hand on his brother's shoulder. Suddenly he grabbed Cooler by it and threw him to the ground. "Alright you insane clot," he growled, "What's the plan? You better tell me because I'm not coming all this way to freeze my butt off for nothing!"
Cooler, apparently in no pain what so ever, paused to think for a while. After about half a minute his face lit up.
"The plan!" he declared suddenly leaping to his feet, knocking Freeza to the floor in the process. "Oh yes the plan," he continued excitedly, "It's a great plan, it really is."
"Great," said Cell holding on to his temper, "and it is…"
"…Brilliant!" declared Cooler, "get in the car and I'll tell you."
Freeza and Cell did so, mainly because they thought it would be warmer inside. This however was not the case because Cooler had the air conditioning on full! Cell made several attempts to turn it off before giving up and putting on a pair of gloves.
"So what's the plan?" he asked as Cooler climbed into the drivers seat next to him.
"And why dose it smell of rat piss in the back here?" added Freeza.
"It smells of rat piss because of Bob," replied Cooler surprisingly promptly.
"Uh huh," said Freeza quickly scanning the back seats for the aforementioned Bob, "and the plan is?"
"Oh I thought we would just ram the gates," said Cooler seriously. Cell and Freeza laughed.
"Very funny," said Cell, "now what's the plan?"
Cooler ignored him and started the car. With a sequel of tires it accelerated rapidly towards, the gates.
"Yes we get it Cooler," said Cell holding on to the dash board, "you tricked us really well there, now what's the real plan."
"This is the real plan," said Cooler earnestly as the car crashed though the perimeter fencing that surrounded the gate.
"YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS!" said Freeza desperately looking for a seat belt, "YOU'LL KILL US ALL!"
"Don't worry," said Cooler, a line Cell always associated with being the signal to start panicking, "I've read a book about ramming things, it's quite simple really. All you have to do is go in slowly backwards, to protect the engine. The first collision should break the gate's lock, and then you can just drive against the gate to push it open. Simple and perfectly safe."
"Well if that's the case," said the still panicking Freeza, "How come we're going in forwards at FULL SPEED!"
"We're going at full speed because it's more fun!" declared Cooler happily, "and we're going in forwards because this is a Porsche 911 so the engines in the back."
"It's not a Porsche 911 you idiot," half snapped, half screamed Cell.
"Oh yeah and what makes you say that?" asked Cooler indignity.
"The fact that it says "Ford Escort" on the back!" the evil Android replied.
"It does?" said a perplexed Cooler. "I'll just go check."
Freeza and Cell watched in horror as Cooler, with out stopping or even slowing the car down, undid his safety belt and climbed out of the widow! He crawled along the side of the car for a few inches before it hit a bump, causing the Icea to fall off and tumble into a ditch. Freeza and Cell stared at the tumbling form behind them, which only a few seconds ago had been driving the car that they were currently occupying. A second later they turned around to look where they were going.
"Uh oh!" said Cell in a some what understated manor as they rapidly approached the gates.
"DO SOMETHING!" screamed Freeza. Cell scrabbled in to the driver's seat and applied the brakes; well actually he applied the clutch, as Cell didn't know how to drive. Not surprisingly this meant that the didn't slow down in time…
A dazed Cell sat up slowly after the crash. He felt like he had just gone another round with Gohan, only this time the kid had seen it fit to hit him with bits of car! Freeza seemed worse off however having taken a rather parabolic flight though the wind screen.
"Remind me never to listen to one of Cooler's plans again," the Icea groaned.
"Good idea," agreed Cell, "that was the stupidest plan ever."
"Yeah, it was…" began Freeza but he his tone of voice changed suddenly, "except that it worked, look!"
Cell, suddenly invigorated with renewed enthusiasm, looked up. Freeza was right, there was a small opening in the gate, a way out, Cell could feel the warmth of the rest of the other world already!
"We're free!" he declared delightedly, "Lets go."
His hopes were dashed before he could even get out of the car, for only moments after he finished speaking the gap was filled by Pikkon.
"Going somewhere?" he asked smugly. Cell and Freeza froze. The Evil Android knew that he only had seconds to respond and that when he did, it had to be good. Eventually he did.
"Thank goodness you're here!" he cried earnestly, "Someone is trying to kill me, they cut my brakes!"
Pikkon gave him an unimpressed look, but someone else squeezed past the green warrior.
"Let me have a look," said an all too familiar voice, "this could be really serious." Goku bent down and looked at the front of the car. "That's funny," he said, "the brakes are the only things that are still working!" he got up and gave Cell a suspicious look.
"Oh really you must be mista- LOOK OVER THERE!" said Cell quickly, amazingly the heroes did, and by the time they had turned round Cell and Freeza had legged it!
King Yemma banged a humongous hammer against an equally huge gravel. The court quickly fell to silence.
"The Jury has made there verdict very clear," he said, "Cell, Freeza and Cooler have all been found guilty of trying to escape from hell and resisting arrest. In addition Cell has been found guilty of driving with out a licence."
"Oh come on!" said Freeza angrily, "This court isn't fair, I've been involved in the deaths of half the people on that jury. There's no way that they could be impartial!"
"Well Freeza might I suggest that if you had killed less people you would be less like to have them sit on a jury against you!" said King Yemma angrily.
"Well I hardly expected to see them again!" muttered the unhappy Icea. King Yemma ignored him.
"Now I have to pass sentence and since I'm a busy enough ogre as it is with out having to judge you lot, I'm in a particular bad mood!" he said, causing Cell and Freeza to gulp (Coolers was too busy watching an imaginary butterfly to pay attention to what was being said). "Still I might be persuaded to give you three a relatively fair sentence if you can show me you've learn something from this." Cell stood up.
"Well I've learnt that you should never listen to an insane Icea," he said.
"I've learnt that once you have ran from the police you shouldn't try to hide at home, because it's not the last place they would expect you to be," said Freeza.
"And I've learnt that you shouldn't get out of a moving vehicle," said Cooler sounding rather proud of himself.
"I other words you have all you have learnt is how to refine your next escape attempt!" he said bluntly.
"You could say that," said Cell, "although rather disturbingly all those lessons probably could have been derived with a bit of common sense."
"Right that's it!" declared King Yemma angrily. "Since you three insist on being disruptive and make our deaths difficult however many times we put you in prison I have decided that prison is ineffective. Thus I shall punish you in a way that at least makes our deaths easier when you're not trying to escape. I sentence you to one billon hours of community service. Any comments?" He finished banging his hammer down again.
"Just one," said Cell standing up, "Is that a British Billion or an American Billon?"
Okay folks that's chapter one done. Hoped you liked it. If you did, or if you want to suggest a way that it could be improved, or you want to make a request just let me know by sending me a Review. I intend to update this story once or twice a week but that might vary as I am trying to write two stories at once! Bet with my brother and telling you how it started would lead to me writingthree stories at once and even I'm not that stupid, oh look a butterfly….