A/N: a ridiculously absurd and twisted idea I got while trolling around for Sakura yuri fics that didn't deal with her and Ino. According to my search, she only ends up with Hinata once, Tsunade not at all, among other depressing statistics. There is obviously more Yaoi going on in Narutoland-fandom. It's sexist, I tell you!
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Sakura's Harem
by Shadow Crystal Mage
Chapter 1: The Highly Unlikely Plot Gimmick
Disclaimer: I don't own Sakura, although I wouldn't like one of those cute anime statuettes of her
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Whenever Desire of the Endless walks on Earth, it leaves chaos in it's wake. All it did was have a casual conversation with one Ranma when the boy was six and completely messed up his life. It walked within two feet of one Tenchi, and suddenly… well, you know what happened. There have been other suspected Desire interventions, such as at the Hinata Sou and Mahora Academy. And you wanna know what the worst part is?
It didn't plan on any of those things happening. It just felt like taking a walk and maybe getting some take-out.
So when one day, Desire decided it wanted to stretch it's legs and maybe have some ramen, you can bet there was trouble brewing on the horizon.
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Young Sakura peeked around the corner, watching her crush as he bought some ice-cream for him and his sister. The pink-haired girl was kind of new at this 'attraction to the opposite sex' business. She knew that she should probably go to Ino to ask for help, but not right now. Now, she just wanted to get a better look at the cute boy.
It was into that scene that Desire walked in. Coming up the street to where Sakura was, Desire was mildly puzzled as to why a little girl was looking around the corner with a blush on her face. Peeking around the corner opposite Sakura, Desire's angle of view kept it from seeing Sasuke. All it saw was Sasuke's sister. Putting the incomplete elements of this equation together, Desire jumped to absolutely the wrong conclusion.
Chuckling, it walked up to Sakura and patted her on the shoulder. "Ah, I see you thinks it's never too early to broaden your horizons. Well, best of luck to you kid."
With that blessing, Desire walked off, ignoring the confused on young Sakura's face, and definitely not noticing that from Sakura's angle, it had been Sasuke she'd been looking at and not his sister. Unfortunately for the rest of Sakura's natural life and probably beyond, it was too late.
After Desire had a bowl of Ichiraku ramen, it went back to the Threshold, hopefully never to be seen again.
As for Sakura… well, she didn't notice it, but on her way home, she started garnering looks. You know, look looks.
Quite unfortunately for her, it was all blessed with Desire's wrong conclusion.
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Sakura never heard about the Uchiha Massacre a few days later, or about how there were only two survivors, twin siblings who were likely on their way to being scarred for life. She had more pressing things to worry about.
Like how almost over night, she seemed to become the most popular girl in the village.
Whenever her mother had to leave the house for an extended period of time and needed to have Sakura babysat, people would always fight about whose team would get the mission… literally! Everyone seemed to want a piece of Sakura, or failing that, a moment of her time and the acknowledgement of their existence. She'd be given little gifts or snacks, and someone would always be willing to do her chores in school, or carry her bag, or any little thing she needed doing. When she walked down the street, at least three people would call out to her and walk with her within the first three feet of her front door.
And Sakura, being the innocent, naïve girl she was then, didn't notice anything unusual about this. In her mind, she was making a lot of friends, was well liked, and everything was perfectly ordinary.
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Somewhere, a mother stared down in disappointment, anger and disgust at her nine year old daughter, who had her head bowed down in shame. "My only daughter! How could you? How could you sink so low into this… perversion?"
The girl grit her teeth, trying not to cry and failing miserably. Tears stared to leak from her eyes as she wringed her hands before her.
"Who?" her mother demanded, fists clenched. "Who is it?"
The girl swallowed, not looking up. "H-haruno S-saku-r-ra," she whispered, hoping her mother wouldn't hear.
She didn't see her mother blink in surprise. "Oh…" her mother said, looking deflated all of a sudden. "I see…"
The girl blinked at her mother's too calm and surprised voice. She looked up, and was confused to see her mother was now looking pensive.
"Well," her mother eventually said, "I suppose she's a good choice as any… alright, I won't say anything to your father."
With that, the subject was dropped, leaving a little girl very much confused.
Had she been paying attention, she'd have noticed her mother was blushing.
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"Here, Sakura," a lightly blushing girl with blue hair said as she held out her food. "I thought you'd like some chocolate."
Sakura smiled widely, reaching for the sweets. "Thanks, Ami-chan!" she said, closing her eyes in bliss as she chewed, completely oblivious to the stars and hearts in the girl's eyes.
"Sakura-chan!" a blonde girl with her long hair tied back with a red ribbon said, skidding to a stop in front of pink-haired girl. "Could you help me finish my lunch? I made a little too much this morning."
"Well…" Sakura said, musing.
"It's curry," the blonde supplied helpfully.
That did it. "Sure, Minako-chan!" Sakura exclaimed. Minako made the best curry ever.
She didn't notice the jealous looks the rest of the girls were directing at Minako as she sat down next to her and helped her finish off her food…
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"You're pretty lucky, Ino-chan," the short-haired blonde girl commented with not a little jealousy as she watched Sakura sitting down to eat with Minako. "Everyone has to try and get Sakura-hime's attention for her to even notice them. But you're her best friend, so all you have to do is walk up to her and she'll talk to you."
"We're so jealous, Ino-chan!" the girls friend said next to her, pouting cutely.
Ino frowned. "I don't see what's the big deal," she said, putting her hands on her hips as she looked at the two. "I mean, she's my best friend and all, but there's really nothing that special about Sakura."
The two gasped, scandalized. "How can you say that about Sakura-hime?" the blonde Haruka exclaimed, while the other girl, Michiru, was looking at Ino like she'd just said a disgusting swear word.
Ino pretended to roll her eyes at the two. In truth, she knew exactly what was so special about Sakura. She'd have been blind not to. Whenever ever her eyes fell on Sakura, her heart clenched, her breath caught, and she started to tremble. A tingling feeling ran through her skin, and she started feeling warm all over– a feeling that went through the roof if Sakura was actually touching her!
She realized that this was all happening in real time and frantically tried to clear her head. Oh, she so did not need this…!
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Somewhere, Desire was busy turning another person's life into a harem anime. Robin could not for the life of him understand why Batgirl, Supergirl, Stargirl, Mary Marvel, Wondergirl, Raven, Starfire, and a ton of other female heroes suddenly had the hots for him. On the other hand, he knew why a lot of superheroes were suddenly out for his blood. All that snickering Batman and Alfred were making wasn't helping…
And since when did he have a gender-change curse?
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- To be continued...
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A/N: Desire of the Endless is a very convenient plot device for irrational attraction. It should be used more often.
And before anyone gets confused, I decided to give Sas a twin sister in this fic.
I have yet to see a Robinharem story, in either the Teen Titans cartoon or the DC continuity sections of ffnet. Or is it just I can't find them?
Please review, C&C welcome. Reviews more informative than 'it's good', or variations thereof would be nice…
Until next time, this is Shadow, signing off.