Author: loonyluna9
Title: Sadistic Torture
Rating: T (because of Harry's potty mouth excessively making an appearance and for minimal sexual references)
Pairing: Harry/Draco, who else would I write?
Dedication:(1) To Alyse, who kept complimenting me today and made me feel good about my writing skills. Thanks! (2)And for the people who keep reviewing my fics, have me on alerts/favorites,or even just click on the link to my stories out of curiosity and read.
Disclaimer: You think...-sniggers- that I, actually own...-collapses with laughter- Oh my God! That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time! Thanks for the laugh!
Warning: Alert! Alert! Boy/boy relationship contained on this page! If this is not your ship, I repeat, IF THIS IS NOT YOUR SHIP, get the hell off my boat! (Also, I really have no earthly idea what made me write this in the first place.I won't balme you if you think it's crap and not even funny.I probably should have taken more time on this too. Oh well.And Characters may be slightly OOC. My apologies.)
Quick Ramble: I'm a sucker for constuctive critcism...flames make me cry...if you have a heart you'll review and make my day...Chris Duzak has become the bane of my existence without his knowledge or consent...the usual blah-stuff ya know.
Sadistic Torture
by loonyluna9
"I'm bored Harry."
"Mmhm."
"What do you mean 'mmhm'?"
"I mean 'mmhm' as in I'm acknowledging your boredom."
"You're not supposed to acknowledge it. You're supposed to cure it!"
"Cure it?"
"Yes Harry, cure it. As in, putting down that paper, getting off your lazy arse, and entertaining me."
"Entertain you."
"Yes."
"Okay."
"…"
"…"
"Well…"
"Well what Draco?"
"Aren't you going to do something?"
"What for?"
"Potter…"
"Malfoy…"
"Stop mocking me!"
"Sure, love."
"And stop patronizing me dammit!"
"Sure, love."
"…"
"Hey, what are you doing…"
"…"
"Draco, stop. That's not funny."
"…"
"I was just kidding love. Put the wand down."
"…"
"DRACO! PUT IT DOWN DAMMIT!"
"Say goodbye to— "
"AAHHHHHH!"
"…"
"…"
"You can open your eyes now."
"What the bleeding fuck did you just do!"
"I put a flattening charm on your hair, it's been bugging me like crazy all week."
"…Oh. Um…thanks."
"No problem."
"Hehe, I thought you were actually going to hex me or something."
"What made you think that, love?"
"Well, the way you started to-"
"Incarcerous!"
"What the fuck are you doing Draco!Get these ropes off me!"
"No."
"No?"
"No. You've pissed me off Potter, and now you're going to pay…"
"No, it was a joke Dray! You know, haha funny?"
"Shut up. You've pushed me around for three days, 12 hours, 23 minutes, and 47 seconds too long. And you're going to be sorry."
"What the hell are you going to do to me! Let me go! I'm sorry!"
"Oh no you're not mister. But you will be once I'm done with you…"
Two hours later…
"Having fun in there love?"
"Nooo…make it stop. Please."
"Maybe in another hour."
"You said that exactly an hour ago!"
"Well, I changed my mind."
"Please sugar bear, turn it off. I'm sorry."
"Nope, overly sentimental and sickeningly sweet pet names will get you no where my darling."
"Where the hell did you get this shit!"
"Kreacher. Found it in his cubby while he was still owned by my family."
"Oh Merlin, I think I'm going to vomit!"
"Oh take it like a man, it's just a bit of harmless soft-core elf porn."
"HARMLESS? Any kind of pornography with any kind of creature in it isextremelydisturbing! I'm going to have brain damage after this!"
"If you be a good little boy in the next five minutes, I'll take off that eyelid-sticking charm and turn the video off."
"Aren't you going to untie me too?"
"Of course not. I can't have you squirming around or trying to escape while I paint your toenails."
"While you WHAT?"
"Umm…paint your toenails?"
"You are not painting my toes Draco! N-O. NO!"
"Right...well, I'm still doing it."
"God, no! Have mercy!"
"And after that we're going to listen to Celestina Warbeck's CD over and over and over and over and over…"
"NOOOO! Stop it!"
"And then, if you don't whine or fall asleep through that, I'll consider shortening our 'no sex' ban from six months to three. How about that?"
"NO SEX? Are you off your damn rocker!"
"Nope, but I am a sick, twisted bastard who shagged Voldemort."
"What do mean no sex? When did you—what?"
"And I also work a street corner in Southern London giving free blowjobs to hard-working boy scouts."
"What the hell are you talking about?...And why is your hair turning into snakes!"
"It's my new shampoo. Here, come smell the fresh, reptile scent."
…
"NOOOOO!"
Covered in a fine sheen of cold sweat, Harry snapped his eyes open, his lone cry reverberating through the room. He peered into the darkness, vaguely confused and horror-stricken until reality finallyhit him square in the face.
"Oh…hehe. It was just…a dream. A silly, incredibly stupid...dream."
Suddenly feeling extremely thick and relieved at the same time, Harry's face broke out into a broad grin. And before he could control it, loud, raucous laughter rumbled from his throat.
"Shup fir Merln's sake. I'm tryin' ter shcleep." Draco mumbled incoherently, his mind foggy from a dreamy haze.
"Oh, sorry love."
Harry tried to reach over to stoke his lover's hair and coax him back into slumber, but found himself severely restricted…
"What the…?"
Mumbling something about doxy droppings, Draco pulled the rest of theblanket to his side of the bed, eliciting a gasp of horror from Harry at what was revealed.
There, visible by the pale moonlight leaking through the window, were ropes. Meter after meter endlessly wrapped around his limp body, tightly binding his limbs together…
"AHHHHHHHHH!"
…
Covered in a fine sheen of cold sweat, Harry snapped his eyes open, his lone cry reverberating through the room. He peered into the darkness, vaguely confused and horror-stricken until reality finallyhit him square in the face…and then skepticism.
Like a madman, he whipped the duvet off the bed. Upon finding no ropes binding his torso and double-checking to see that there were no snakes slithering in Draco's hair, he let out a shaky chuckle of relief.
"Oh god, I hate those double dreams." Harry muttered, running a trembling hand through his unruly raven locks."Good thing it was dream now that I think I about it. Ha."
"Whad jou do wit the cover? Iss cold, you asss." Draco slurred, drunk with interrupted sleep.
"Sorry love. I love you so much. I would never back-sass you, you know. And isn't Celestina Warbeck just dreadful? I can't stand her and what about house elves? Nasty little things they are—"
"Will you shut up!" Draco half-shouted, interrupting Harry's ceaseless stream of babble. "See, now you've woken me up." Draco emitted an exasperated sigh, followed by a brief yawn. "Just get the blanket off the floor and go back to sleep."
"Sorry. Just had a bad dream is all." Harry sheepishly replied, gathering the thickblue, cotton comforter from the cold floor. "Guess I better lay off the chocolate frogs before bed."
"Yeah. Good idea." Draco muttered, already drifting off into a peaceful sleep.
"Yep," Harry contemplated, rapidly succumbing to slumber himself. "Definitely gotta lay off the chocolate frogs."
-End-
Author's Note:Not much to say in this author's note.Sorry if the narrative is a bit scratchy and under par than my usual stuff. After writing all that dialogue, the 3rd personwriting came out a bit strange.
Now...I think you know what to do. -points indiscreetly to the 'Go' button next to the 'Submit Review' dialouge box-