Title:
Monkey Brains
Disclaimer:
Don't own nothing, not being paid.
Genre: General
Length: 951 words
Rating: K+
Spoilers: General, start of season 9.
Summary: He'd experienced a lot of things over the past eight years because of the Stargate program. A monkey-like creature sucking his head had not been one of them. Before now, anyway.
Authors Notes: This story is the result of a request from Freelance for a story based on the quote above, involving Daniel and Cameron, or Jack and Teal'c. I managed the first two. Oh, and keep your thoughts in the gen. direction. If characters seem OOC at the start, just go with it.
Also, thanks to kate98 and Annieohs for the beta.
"Woah! Nice hat, Jackson! Where'd you get it, Cheyenne Mountain Zoo?"
He'd experienced a lot of things over the past eight years because of the Stargate program. A monkey-like creature sucking his head had not been one of them. Before now, anyway. Luckily it hadn't broken skin.
"Ha, ha, ha," Daniel said sarcastically. "You know, Jack would have come up with something better than that."
Cameron threw his hands in the air. "Here we go again! I am not going to spend the next however many years with you treating me like your mother's unwanted boyfriend! The band is back together and that is that. Deal with it."
"For the 'band'," Daniel emphasised the word with wiggles of the index finger from each hand, "to be back together, it implies that you were part of it to begin with. And you are no Jack, he would have been trying to figure out a way to get this off me five minutes ago!" He finished at a yell.
"Oh, wait." Cameron held up a finger in a parody of Daniel. "I just thought of a good one." He clapped his hands together and jiggled excitedly. "Oh, it's good, you'll like this one. Might even be up to O'Neill's standard. What's that?" He pointed at the monkey-like creature still sucking on Daniel's head. "A brain sucker. What's it doing? Dying of boredom, like I have been since the day I met you." He leant forward and taunted Daniel with the words.
The monkey-like creature looked up briefly, before leaning back down to continue sucking. Daniel studied Cameron for a minute. "Do you get the feeling we're acting a little..." He shook his hands.
"Off?"
"-off here?"
"Let me guess," Cameron said, "you and Jack did this better?"
"What, being off?" Daniel asked. Cameron nodded, eyeing the creature, who stared boldly back at him. Daniel started to shake his head and glanced up at the monkey-like creature before replying, "No, actually, we," he gestured to them both, "did this better."
Cameron let out a whoop and did a victory dance. "Awesome! We have a thing! I've always wanted a thing." He stopped at Daniel's raised eyebrow and scrunched forehead. "Still acting off?"
"Uh huh," Daniel agreed. "Uh, oh." He made a face as warm liquid streamed down his back. "Please tell me it didn't just do what I think it did?"
"I think he likes you." Cameron smiled, before pinching his nose at the smell.
"So great, now I don't just have monkey saliva in my hair, I also have monkey pee down my back. That's just peachy."
Cameron sniggered. "Don't forget the monkey hickey. Hey! Maybe we should call Sam, she might be able to figure out how to get that space monkey off your head!"
"Why didn't I think of that?" Daniel sounded puzzled. Cameron opened his mouth, but Daniel beat him to it. "Don't even think of saying anything that involves the words monkey and brain suckers."
He reached to run a hand through his hair, and stopped when the monkey-like creature started playing with his hand. "If it was Jack here," he muttered, "we'd both just have said 'off'. We wouldn't have needed to say anything else. Communicating was much easier with Jack."
Cameron gave Daniel a dirty look and clicked his radio on. "Carter, can you meet me back at the big tree? Daniel has a monkey-like creature on his head sucking his brain out." He grinned evilly at Daniel's horrified expression.
"He what? Okay, wait there, I'll be there in five minutes. Just don't let him wander off. Carter out."
"What?" Cameron asked innocently. "I had to give her a sit. rep." Daniel stuck his tongue out. "Real mature, Jackson. Did you do that to Jack too?"
Daniel cocked his head and the monkey-like creature moved with it. "No, not really." He swatted the hand that descended to his ear. "Well, I did try it once," he amended. "Jack threatened to rip my tongue out and feed it to me. He said it would taste like chicken." Daniel smiled fondly at the memory while Cameron looked at him with wide eyes.
"Good times, huh?"
"The best," Daniel said dreamily.
"Daniel, are you okay?" Sam's voice came from behind them. "Wow! I didn't know that real fur was back in fashion!"
"See." Cameron pointed at Daniel and nodded knowingly.
"I never said that Sam would have come up with something better," Daniel wryly said. His face swiftly changed to one of abject misery. "Sam, Cameron's been mean to me."
Cameron huffed for a few seconds, before finding his voice. "Was not!"
Daniel stuck his lip out in a pout. "Was too!"
"Was not!"
"Oh, for crying out loud!" Sam shouted, thrusting her chest out and putting her hands on her hips. "Men! You never grow up!"
Daniel and Cameron looked at Sam before looking at each other.
"Was too," Daniel offered quietly.
"Was not!"
"Was too... Hey! Where are you going? That's right, abandon me, you evil little brain-sucking monkey-like creature! I didn't like you anyway." The monkey-like creature climbed off his head, down his shoulder and to the ground, before scampering away behind him. "What?" he said, with a frown, as the others looked at him. "I'm a bit off."
"Teal'c," Sam called in relief as she spotted the Jaffa rapidly approaching them. "Something weird is going on..." She trailed off.
Teal'c strode up to Daniel and stood beside him. "It appears that the brain-sucking mammal-like creature has taste." His lips turned up in a smug Jaffa smile as the monkey-like creature poked its tongue out at Daniel from its perch atop Teal'c's head.
Then it started sucking.