28th Day of Autumn, 979 AS
Guadosalam
When Xu opened her eyes and found herself in a beautiful flower field, with pyreflies drifting through the air, she panicked. Oh no. I'm dead, aren't I? I can't be dead! Please don't let me be dead... She was starting to cry when she heard a voice from behind her.
"It's okay, sweetheart. You're not dead." Xu spun around, and gasped in shock when she recognized her mother. Shaylie had died almost 10 years earlier, and although she had been 42 years old at the time of her death Xu thought she looked younger now, perhaps in her mid 30's. Xu and Karin both took after their father's side of the family, but if it weren't for the subtle differences Xu might have mistaken her mother for an older version of Lana, so strong was was the resemblance.
"Mom?" she asked uncertainly. "But you're dead—the pyreflies—isn't this the Farplane?"
Shaylie nodded, walking closer. "In a way, yes, it is. But you're only dreaming. You're not dead, not yet."
Far from reassuring Xu, her mother's words only made her feel worse. "But I'm close to it, aren't I," she muttered, looking down at her feet with her eyes full of tears. "I'm dying." She felt Shaylie's hands on her shoulders, and lost the last of her composure.
"Oh Xu... it's okay, sweetie..." Shaylie drew Xu into her arms as she started sobbing, holding her tight and smoothing the back of her hair with one hand as she had so many times in Xu's childhood.
Eventually, when Xu's sobs had subsided to silent weeping, her mother spoke. "You're not going to die, Xu. Look at me." Xu looked up, wiping her eyes, and saw a gentle-but-firm expression on her mother's face.
"Don't give up on yourself, Xu. You're not dying, you hear me?" She said it with such certainty that Xu felt her heart lift, if only a little. "You are not going to die. I certainly won't let you."
"Neither will I," came another voice. Xu jumped in surprise and looked around, searching for the owner of the voice, and when she found it she gasped in shock for the second time. In her early 20's, the young woman was beautiful, with long auburn hair and bright green eyes. It was Kaylie, Nida's former fiancée—she had been killed in a Sin Attack 11 years ago, barely a month after their engagement.
"Nida needs you," Kaylie continued, before Xu could do anything beyond stare, feeling completely lost for words. "I've been watching, and he's barely left your bedside. He's devastated." Xu could see the love in her eyes as she spoke of Nida, and the sadness at the thought of him being in pain, and instead of feeling jealous she felt a sudden, inexplicable kinship with the woman who had been Nida's first love, who still loved him just as much as Xu herself did.
"He used to be so depressed, after I died... even after a couple of years had passed, it was like... he was a shell of who he used to be." Sadness was now dominant in Kaylie's expression. "I hated myself for dying and leaving him to suffer like that. But then he found you, and he finally started to enjoy life again." She smiled slightly. "You brought him out of his depression when nobody else could."
Xu was stunned speechless. She had met Kaylie only a few times before her death and had never actually had a conversation with her, and she couldn't believe that Kaylie seemed to approve of her, and was talking to her without a hint of jealousy or resentment. Something of her thoughts must have shown on her face, because Kaylie gave her an understanding look and came close enough to reach out and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Anybody who makes Nida happy is a friend of mine," she said, looking right into Xu's eyes. "I love him and I'd much rather he be happy for the rest of his life than miserable. And you're a good person. I approved of you from the beginning." She smiled a little and added "And you can tell him I said that, too."
Xu felt her eyes fill with tears, unable to believe that she was actually getting Kaylie's blessing. "I... thank you," she whispered eventually, looking down as she brushed the tears away. "You have no idea how much that means to me."
Kaylie smiled. "You're welcome. Just promise you'll take good care of him." Xu nodded mutely, managing a small smile of her own, and Kaylie turned and walked away, disappearing into the mist. Xu turned to her mother, who also smiled at her.
"It's time for me to go, and for you to wake up," Shaylie said. "Tell your father and the kids that I love them?" Xu nodded. "And the grandkids, too," Shaylie added. "And tell Lana that I couldn't be more proud of her." Xu nodded again, and they hugged each other one last time before Shaylie stepped backwards and faded from sight.
Before she even opened her eyes, the first thing Xu became aware of was the pain. Her entire body seemed to hurt. And when she did open her eyes, she immediately regretted it as a bolt of pain shot through her head. She groaned and shut them again, and as she did so she felt someone grab her hand.
"Xu?" She opened her eyes again, blinking as she got used to the level of light in the room, and Lana's face came into focus, gold eyes looking down at her with a tentatively hopeful look, as though not quite able to believe that Xu was awake.
Xu managed a weak smile and a "Hi". Her voice was hoarse and very soft, but Lana's face still lit up as her shoulders sagged in relief. She looked down and put her hands over her face, and Xu heard her muttering "You're awake, oh thank Yevon you're awake..." When Lana looked up there were tears in her eyes, but at the same time she was beaming.
"Take these," Lana said suddenly, diving down to the floor and coming back up with two potion bottles. "This is a blood-replenishing potion, and this one's a pain reliever. Drink them both." Xu did as she was told, and when she'd finished she asked "What happened? When did you get here?"
"You remember that there was a Sin Attack, right?" Xu nodded. "I came to do the Sending, and since then I've been helping Murtagh and Sera watch over you. We've been taking shifts so that one of us is always here."
Xu frowned slightly as she processed this information. "You make it sound like I've been unconscious for a long time. What time—what day is it?"
"It's the 28th," Lana replied. "A little after 7 in the morning. You were in a coma for almost 4 days. Happy Birthday, by the way, seeing as you slept through it." She smiled and added "Congratulations on getting engaged, too."
The mention of her engagement suddenly reminded Xu of Nida, and she opened her mouth to ask where he was when Lana stopped her with a raised hand.
"Nida's asleep," she said. "He's barely been sleeping at all, but we persuaded him to go to bed at about one o'clock this morning, said we'd wake him up if anything changed. Speaking of which, I should go get him." She rose and went to the door, but Xu stopped her and asked her to wait.
"While I was... unconscious, Mom spoke to me," she said, and watched as Lana's eyes grew wide. "I think I was on the Farplane, but she said I was only dreaming."
Lana nodded slowly. "What did she say?"
Xu smiled slightly. "She said to tell Dad and the 6 of you and all the grandkids that she loved you, and she said to tell you specifically that she couldn't be more proud of you."
The tears returned to Lana's eyes as a small smile came onto on her face, and Xu heard a distinct sniff as she turned and left the room. After a few minutes she heard the soft noise of a door opening that signaled Lana's return, and she shifted so that she was in more of a sitting position just as Nida came into the room.
For a few moments Nida simply stared at her, with the same not-quite-able-to-believe-it expression that Lana had had a few minutes earlier. After ten seconds of this Xu eventually sighed and offered him a small smile as she said "I'm not going to disappear, you know. You can come here," and her voice seemed to break Nida out of his trance—he took two steps forward and dropped into the chair at her bedside, putting his head in his hands as he let out a noise somewhere between a deep sigh and a stifled sob.
"I thought you were going to die, I was so scared..." he muttered, speaking to his knees. Xu almost felt like crying herself at the sight of Nida's distress, and she reached over and grabbed one of his arms, pulling it away from his head as she waited for him to look at her.
"I'm okay," she said, taking his hand in both of hers. "I'm not going to die. It's alright now. Come here." She pulled him closer, and leaned forward until she could touch her lips to his. It was only a brief, chaste kiss—Nida was holding himself back, probably afraid of hurting her—but it had the desired effect. He had a small smile on his face when they separated, and had finally stopped looking like he was afraid to believe this was really happening.
"I guess this throws a wrench in the wedding plans, doesn't it?" Xu asked, her head cocked to one side as she looked at him. She had been aiming to lighten up the situation, and was rewarded when Nida gave her a quizzical look before he started chuckling, which soon turned into actual laughter as he released all of his pent-up stress and anxiety.
"You said that just to make me laugh, didn't you?" Nida asked, when he had calmed down. He was grinning, and Xu grinned too as she nodded.
"I figured you could use a little amusement. Seriously though-" her face resumed its normal expression. "I'm not going to be up and about for a Wedding any time soon, and we would have to rush to have it before the weather started getting cold. I think we're going to have to put it off until next year."
Nida nodded as he considered this. "You're probably right. Lana's not going to be done with her training until late Spring or early Summer, right?" Xu nodded. "So we could always have it then, either before you guys leave or maybe when you're half-way done, after you've gone to Kilika and Besaid and you're on your way back through here, you could take a break for a few days."
"That's a good idea," Xu said slowly, smiling as she contemplated it. "It would be a good excuse to take a break, I'm sure we would need one by then. I'll talk to Lana about it." They sat in companionable silence for a few moments before Xu remembered what else she wanted to tell him.
"Hey, Nida?" He looked at her curiously."While I was unconscious, I had this dream... well, it was kind of like a dream, I think it actually happened, but anyway... I was on the Farplane, and my Mom appeared and talked to me, and then..." she took a deep breath, watching his face carefully. "Kaylie appeared, too."
Nida suddenly froze, and his eyes went more wide and round than Xu had ever seen them go. "Did... did she talk to you, too?" he asked eventually, after recovering from his surprise. Xu nodded, seeing on his face a conflict between wanting to know what had been said, and apprehension that it had been something bad.
"It wasn't anything bad," she assured him. "Quite the opposite, actually... I was speechless almost the entire time, I was completely shocked..." a small smile came onto her face. "She gave us her blessing."
Nida blinked in surprise, his eyes widening again. "She—she did?" Xu nodded, and although Nida's brief smile was genuine, his eyes had the familiar bitter-sweet, far away look that she'd grown accustomed to seeing when he was thinking about Kaylie.
"She told me that anyone who made you happy was a friend of hers," Xu continued, watching Nida's face carefully. "She said that she had approved of me from the beginning, and that... that she loved you and she'd much rather you be happy for the rest of your life than miserable."
Nida smiled, even as his eyes filled with tears. "I... she... that's wonderful," he said, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. "I'll have to go to the Farplane and visit her soon."
"You can go now, if you want," Xu suggested. She nodded in the direction of the bedroom door and said "I just heard someone come in the front door, so I'm sure somebody can come in here to keep an eye on me." Sure enough, Ellimere's voice could now be heard from the living room, accompanied by Lana's as they carried on a quiet conversation.
"Go on," she said when Nida hesitated, looking reluctant to leave her. "I'm sure Sera's going to be awake soon, and Lana's out there too. I'll be fine for a little while." Nida finally nodded, and after another kiss he smoothed the hair back from her forehead with a small smile, promised he'd be back soon, and left the room.
After he left Xu fell back onto her pillow, letting out a long breath that was part relief, part exhaustion, and part fear—fear that they wouldn't be so lucky next time. She was alive, and nobody in her circle of family and friends had been killed, but she knew that the next time Sin came here, or to Domremy, or even Luca, that there was a very real possibility she would lose somebody close to her. It was a fact of life, but that didn't make it any less scary, nor did it make the loss any easier to bear. All she could do was pray, and hope that one day a Calm would come that would last forever.
(If only she knew that she only had 21 more years to wait... but even if she did, I plead the 5th on the question of whether she'll still be alive by then. If you've read "A Mentor, a Brother, and a Lover," you'll know which characters are going to be safe for a long while yet, but unfortunately I'm going to be killing off a fair number of people between now and when that story picks up the timeline. That doesn't mean that people who are't mentioned in the other story-like Xu-are definitely going to die, but a lot of them will. And if you haven't read the other story and are wondering how Siri could possibly be Shinra's mother, just hang in there. There is an explanation, but it will be a while before we get to that point. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter!)