"Over that Edge"

He closed the door and locked it quickly, his hands shaking. He almost hadn't made it, springing up from the diner table, aware of the worried looks of the others. The second the door latched into place, the tears started, slowly at first, the faster, until he was sobbing, gasping for breath

What the fuck was wrong with him? He never cried, not in all those years, not even when the thing he valued most was taken from him. Through his tears he found his way to the bed, and sat on the edge clutching his bowed head with both hands.

Two days ago he had felt something inside snap; it was the breaking of the last of his sanity. Two days ago it had been raining….And he had been alone while the others were out. From out of nowhere the tears had come, leaving him weak and vulnerable, unable to live in the present, yet unwilling to face the past.

--------------------------------------------------------------

Sanzo changed two days ago: the familiar anger had left him, and replaced itself with a dangerous new mood.

Hakkai and Gojyo shot worried glances at each other over breakfast, where Sanzo picked at his food, and didn't look up from his plate to tell anyone "Shut up", or "You will die". They kept Goku away, distracting him with food and fun, afraid to upset a grieving Sanzo, afraid to push him over that edge, he so stubbornly clung too.

Now, alone once again in his room, Sanzo lay down on the bed the tears gone, unable to process what he was crying about. Sanzo felt numb all over, numb and heavy, and Sanzo had a crazy feeling that he was'nt human any more.

How many people had he killed?

Sanzo had to find out if he could feel anything, if he was still living.

Sanzo wanted to see if he could bleed.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

So he takes a razorblade and cuts the surface of his skin…just a nic, just enough to be rewarded with a droplet of blood. His purple eyes gleam with dangerous intensity. He cuts harder, deeper, still numb, still unable to get the satisfaction he craved. He just wanted to feel something.