When They Will Be Three
Written: 2-9-06
Notes: First Naruto fic.
"It wasn't your fault,"
That was what they told us, what we tried to tell ourselves, ever since they found me on that bench the morning after Sasuke left. It was what I told Naruto after he returned from chasing after the Sound, so sad and grave and bitter. And it was what Tsunade-sensei told me day after day when she wanted to conceal her real train of thought: that Sasuke's defection from Konoha was, in fact, his own fault.
Maybe it was. I'm not the same girl I was two years ago; I know Sasuke well enough now to realize that he's not invincible, not without flaws. I know that out of Team 7, he was the weakest in some ways, unable to let go of or accept any type of failure. Yeah, he was handsome in a way that perks up my fangirl side even after all this time; and yeah, compared to the rest of us genin, he was almost celestial in his power and dark maturity. In fact, now that I look back on it, I guess it was that intrigue and mystery that contributed to my insatiable crush on the boy. It was as though Sasuke existed in a completely different world from me; a world that I wanted to see. I wanted to be part of his world.
But now I know: Sasuke's world is narrow and dark and red, red, red, like the blood he must have tasted the day his family was murdered. Sasuke's world is messy and distorted, just a tiny bit crazy, and not at all appealing anymore. Sasuke's world has room only for death, power, and vengeance. That's it. And no matter how hard I coaxed or pushed or even begged, there was never any room for me, a pink-haired kunoichi who had never tasted death. Not like him.
I know that now.
Sometimes, the knowing hurts. I often want to be able to forget about his dark-small-red world and defend Sasuke with the same single-minded conviction that I possessed when I was twelve. I want to yell at Tsunade-shishou when she implies that he's just another villain in a cycle of good versus evil. I want to tell her I know that Sasuke isn't Orochimaru the Second and will never be Orochimaru the Second, because he has Naruto and he has me, and neither of us will let that happen.
We'll drag him away from that white-faced snake by his ankles. We'll knock him out if we have to. And while one of us pounds some sense into him, Naruto and I will take turns cleaning up Sasuke's world. Naruto will shine his special, golden light into its shadowy depths, and I'll use my hands and arms and back to scrub the bloody stains away even if it's hard and takes me the rest of my life. And both of us will smash the stone walls that separate Sasuke from the good things in the world. Together, we'll show him kindness and love and joy, all while saying, look, this is what you've been missing, this is what we can give you that Orochimaru and Itachi never could and it's so much more precious than power or revenge because we both love you in our own ways, even though you've always smelled more like metal than a boy ought to.
And we'll joke and laugh and maybe, just maybe, get him to smile for real.
Because, in a way, this is just another battle for us. Just another fight.
And Naruto and I hate to lose.
I know.