Disclaimer: I do not own the characters from Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman. The rights to those characters and to the show belong to the creators of the show, to CBS, The Sullivan Company and to A&E.

What life has to offer

Prologue

Sully paced the yard in front of his homestead. Since the day his mother died and left him alone at the age of ten, all he ever wanted was a family and now it was about to happen. That is, he was married for five years already. Soon, however, this night or tomorrow morning, the family would be complete. He heard his wife´s screams from inside of the house and he and his father- in- law, Loren Bray, covered their ears simultaneously by a especially loud cry. Although Loren disapproved of his daughter´s choice and didn´t even speak with her since the wedding, today he was there. In his opinion, a miner wasn´t good enough for his little girl. But he didn´t know anything about him, Sully thought.

After his decision to build his own family one day, the ten year old Byron Sully left New York, left his life as a child behind and went West. His friend Daniel Simon, who was the same age and dreamed of becoming rich, went with him. Gradually moving away from the East they spent the warm seasons mostly in the woods and during the winters they took odd jobs in the towns they passed. When they were fourteen they started to work in different mines. The saved the money that they didn´t need for living. One day when they were around the age of sixteen, the men they worked with thought itwould do them some good to become aquainted with the saloons. The saloon ladies were thrilled when they saw the two of them and decided it was time to make them "men". For a while both reveled in this newly discovered feelings but after a terrible hangover Sully woke up and knew that this wasn´t the way to build a family. From this day on, he never stepped in a saloon again, at least not for entertainement.

At the age of twenty, they reached Colorado Springs and Sully met eighteen year old Abigail Bray. He knew it right from the start that she would be his wife. He found Abigail young and sweet and beautiful and full of fire. She fell in love with him right away. They married as soon as he had built the homestead on the land Abigail´s mother Maude had given them.

And now here he was waiting for the arrival of their first child. The screams came more frequently now and after an especially terrible one they heard a baby´s cry. The men looked at each other and waited impatiently for Maude or Charlotte Cooper, the midwife, to let them in or at least to show the child to them. But nothing happened. The quiet from inside the house seemed to penetrate the walls and started to choke them. Sully´s heart pounded wildly and when Maude finally came out with a little bundle in her arms he could hardly walk to her.

"It´s a girl!" For a short moment Sully´s face beamed but then he asked anxiously, "Abigail?"

Maude's expression was serious. "She is bleeding heavily, but Charlotte does all she can."

"No!" He rushed to the door .

"Sully, please, there is nothing you can do!" But he didn´t listen. He stormed into his house and stopped abruptly by the sight his eyes met. Abigail laid on their bed, white like the sheets, motionless. Everywhere, on the bed, on the floor, was blood. Charlotte turned to him. "You should wait outside, Sully."

"I want to be with my wife! At least I want to hold her hand!" He approached the women, more tentatively now.

"She is gone, Sully," Charlotte said quietly as she rose frome the edge of the bed and wiped her bloody hands on a towel.

"But that can´t be! We have a little girl now. She needs her, I need her! She can´t leave us alone just like that!" He wasn't ready to accept the truth.

"Sully, I´m so sorry…"

He didn´t listen to her, he knelt next to the bed and took Abigails hands in his.

"Abby, do you hear me? You have to be strong, Abby. I promise, I´ll do everything you want. But please, please don´t leave me! Do you hear me? Abby!"

Maude couldn´t hold back her tears any longer. After hearing Sully's pleading, Maude and Loren stepped into the room as well.

"What´s the matter?" Loren demanded.

Charlotte couldn´t look at them. "I´m terribly sorry, Loren, Maude: I couldn´t help her. She lost too much blood."

Maude swayed and the midwife quickly reached for the baby. Loren´s face was petrified with terror. He turned towards Sully, "This is all your fault. You knew perfectly well what the doctor in Denver had said. Her body wasn´t made for giving childbirth! She should never had married you!" Sully´s face drained all the colour that was left. He let go of his wife's hand and rose slowly. "Maybe I didn´t deserve her. But she longed for a baby so much, I couldn´t deny her that!"

Sully walked over to Charlotte to take his daughter from her. He desperately wanted to feel this little piece of his dream , he needed to keep it near by himself.

In the meantime, the infant cried with all its might. The little face was red and the teethless mouth was opened wide to let out all the anger about the lack of a soothing voice or a warm skin to lean on. Sully clumsily cradled the child and tried to calm it down but with no result.

"Maybe it is better Maude or I take care of her", Charlotte tentatively suggested.

Sully, however, instantly set her straight. "No! I´m the father, I will raise her."

"Sully, no one said you can´t raise her; but do you know how to take care of a newborn? We only want to help", the midwife tried to reason with him.

But the young father insisted, "This is my doughter, I'm gonna take care of her!"

"Like you took care of mine?" As Loren spoke his voice rose. "We all know what good it will do to this child."

Sully´s tone was low. "I think it's better you all leave now."

Nobody moved.

"Go! Don´t you understand? I want to be alone with my family!" Sully choked out the words.

Charlotte laid her hand on his shoulder. "We´ll talk to Jake and the reverend, so they can prepare the funeral."

Sully didn´t respond. He sat down on the floor next to the bed with his wife´s body on it, the newborn still in his arms. Their doughter´s cries and his desperate sobs mingled.

Two hours later Jake came to take Abigail´s body. Sully made only a weak attempt to stop him. The reverend tried to pray with the desperate new father but he received only an angry reply, "What kind of God can let this happen! Why should I speak to him? You better go, leave me alone."

At this moment the infant started to cry again.

"Did you already feed her?" the reverend asked.

"What?" Sully looked somewhat shocked at the clergyman.

The reverend took a closer look. "And you should diaper and dress her."

He hadn´t thought of that either. "I will."

After the two men had left, Sully searched for the clothes. There was a trunk full of them, neatly folded by his wife. It took his breath away and the tears came again. He found a bottle but he didn´t know how to prepare the content and for the first time he asked himself if he actually could take care of his daughter.

As if Charlotte Cooper had heard his thoughts, her knock came from the door and Sully was relieved to see her. She showed him what was necessary and asked him before she left: "Are you sure you want to do this alone?"

"I am." he answered sincerely.

Before she left, the midwife informed the young man, "The funeral will be the day after tomorrow at noon."

For the next fourty eight hours Sully was alone with his child. Every waking moment it cried. The cries only ceased when he fed her or exhaustion took over. He didn´t know what to do. Maybe this was the girl´s way of trying to tell him he didn´t deserve her.

At the funeral the cries became even worse. Before he took the shovel from the reverend, he handed his little girl to Maude. And now, for the first time, the infant became quiet. This quiet echoed through Sully´s head and was worse than the noise. He met the grandmother´s teary eyes and recognized the implore and he understood.

"Her name is Hannah."

The older woman nodded and Sully turned back to the grave, threw the soil on the casket, turned towards the woods and went away.

He hadn´t slept for three days now and he didn´t care. He walked. It was all he was able to do. He walked. He walked away from Abigail´s dead body, he walked away from his daughter´s cries, he walked away from his pain. After he couldn´t walk anymore, he lay down and closed his eyes. He couldn´t keep a family so he didn´t need to breath.

Since he couldn´t find a family to live with, his family found him. Sully didn´t realize it though.

At the same time in Boston, Massachusetts, Dr. Michaela Quinn´s world fell apart.