I had a couple of threats to make a sequel, so I thought about it... and thought about it... and thought about it... and finally decided I would try it. It won't be as long, and it probably not as good either, but that doesn't matter. Please tell me what you honestly think. If you haven't read "A Glimpse Behind the Scenes," I suggest you do that beforehand in order to prevent any confusion. ^_^
Disclaimer: Sailormoon and all its respective characters belong to Takeuchi Naoko-sama, Kodansha, Toei, and DiC... hey, wait a minute... cross that last one off.... ^_~
What Might Have Been
a sequel to A Glimpse Behind the Scenes
by Elysia [[email protected]]
Try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
There's no use giving in
We can't go back again
And we'll never know
What might have been.
...life will go on, but not without leaving a little bit of your heart behind...
If I had only known how true those words would turn out to be, I would have penned them a long time ago. Even though it was nearly two years ago, I still remember everything like it happened yesterday.
Only two months after graduating from high school, I started college. Yeah, I know, why in the world would I cut my summer short? Well, at first I didn't want to, but I was coerced into believing it would give me a head start. And it did in the end. But I was still against it, especially because it was so far away from home.
But I went anyway, and ended up having a wonderful time in the process. Curse it all, my mother was always right, and she enjoyed it. Let me tell you, living away from home is a blast--except for the homework. College life would be perfect if it hadn't been for that.
When the fall semester of my freshman year began, I immediately joined the stage crew again because I couldn't stay away from what I loved the most. And on a college level, it would be even better because we were allowed to do so many more things that we couldn't in high school.
I loved every minute of that class held three times a week in the basement of the Performing Arts building. Every free moment I had that semester was spent around or on backstage. I'm sure the scene shop crew just *loved* having me around that much. Heh, it was really easy to annoy them.
Oh, I have to tell you about the actual crew. Before it had been just Lita and me as the only girls on crew. I was in for another shock. This time, there were about 12 people in the class--and only two of them were guys. Big surprise, ne? We were back in the majority, and boy, did it feel good!
When we took the tour around the stage, it actually took us to half the buildings on campus. This time, there were two different stages, numerous prop closets, costumes, you name it, they had it. I couldn't believe how much there was. Then we walked up to the catwalks and the grid, and that brought back the memory of the first time I went up on the grid.
Talk about opening up a floodgate. For weeks after that, I couldn't think about anything that had to do with the stage without thinking about Darien. It's amazing how fresh his presence was in my mind, considering I hadn't seen him since the night me and Lita crashed their graduation party.
Oh, did I forget to mention that little detail? Sorry, sometimes these things just slip right past me. Anyway, to make a long story short, Lita and I found out the other guys on the crew were having a party to celebrate graduation, but they forgot one little thing--us. Apparently the girl that was hanging around Darien (yep, you guessed it, the prom chick, or as we liked to call her, the crew wench) and her harpy friend didn't like me and Lita, and somehow convinced the guys to exclude us.
But that didn't stop us. We went anyway, much to the disappointment of the two other girls. The look on their faces when we showed up unexpectedly was worth it, though. It was just too bad that she managed to monopolize all of Darien's time while we were there. Once I almost tickled his foot, but at the last moment, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
********
Anyway, back to the present. The plan was to put on two big shows during the semester, and I chose to work on the second one, a comedy called 'You Can't Take It With You.' This was yet another show I hadn't heard of, but since it was a comedy, I knew it would be fun.
My job this time--along with one of the two guys from the class--was to be in charge of props. That sounded easy enough. But then we found out that the director wanted authentic objects, and suddenly that made our job a little harder. There weren't many places near the college to find antiques from the 1930's, but we did what we could. I remember one scene called for an erector set, and to our surprise, we found a real set from the thirties and joyfully showed it to our director. It's a very good thing when a director is pleased with a techie's work, trust me.
Then one day, the director mentioned to us that some fireworks needed to be set off during the course of the play, and he needed someone to sit backstage and take care of it. Naturally, he offered the job to the guy first (that ticked me off) but when he turned it down, I eagerly raised my hand and the director reluctantly told me I could do it.
Yes, you read that right. I was going to be the one to set off all the fireworks for all the performances. And I know what you're thinking. They were going to put gunpowder and matches into my hands and trust me with it? Hey, don't laugh so easily! Just because I'm sort of a klutz, doesn't mean I can't take my job seriously.
Everything went fine during the rehearsal and performance runs. Nothing caught on fire (well, only once, but no damage was done...) and a few things fell off the walls a couple of times from the shock of the blasts. All in all, it was pretty successful.
*******
So much for pretending.
After all that I had gone though to forget Darien and the memories of senior year, it all came flooding back every time I stepped backstage again. All I wanted was to move on with my life, to make new memories instead of dwelling on the old.
When I went home for Thanksgiving, I hung out with my old group of friends the entire time--but I didn't see Darien once. He didn't hang out with our group, and I'm sure he had his own things to do during the break. Why couldn't I leave him behind?
I went back to school, and tried to forget all over again. It was difficult when my roommates were asked out, went to formal dances, and got their first kisses while I sat in my room night after night. Homework wasn't enough to keep my mind from wandering, it only made it worse.
One day I wrote an email to Andrew, casually asking him what had gone on those days before the prom. I admitted to him that I liked Darien, and Andrew, being the typical guy he was, said that he knew about it. That didn't shock me as much as the answer to my next question.
I again asked Andrew about the details, specifically if Darien would have ever asked me to go with him. He wrote back saying that he asked Darien himself why he didn't ask me, and his reply was "I would never take someone like her."
That revelation ripped through my heart. Whether or not those were really Darien's words, I now had an inkling of what the kid had ever felt for me. Nothing. And that hurt the most. I held the pain inside as long as I could, but it ate away at me, goading me and chipping away the precious little self-esteem I had left.
Finally I poured everything out to my roommates, and I think they listened and understood. Even if they didn't, it helped to get it in the open. I felt better about myself after that, and I was able to concentrate on more important things.
One night I couldn't sleep so I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about high school again. When I got to my memories of Darien, however, the heartache didn't come like it had before.
The pain was gone.
I never imagined how good it would feel, but as I laid there, it was like I had become a whole new person. Whether or not Darien knew of my feelings didn't seem to matter anymore. And I thought I could finally get on with my life.
*******
Finals and Winter break came and went, as well as the beginning of a new semester. I never liked change, and the biggest one of all was that I wasn't on stage crew anymore. I aced the class, and I couldn't take it over again, so I accepted the fact that I would now be an outsider. Some of the members of my class managed to get jobs in the theatre department, so I still had a few "connections."
But it wasn't the same. Not going to the drama theatre every night for rehearsals and performances was a very strange feeling, and I'm sure my roommates found it weird to have me home every night at a reasonable hour. I stayed in my room most nights, reading or writing things but hardly ever talking. It was if my purpose for life had been taken away from me.
So I filled up my nights with other things, namely finding out what my roommates were up to when I wasn't there. With the arrival of a brand new roommate and her interesting habits, the three of us who remained stuck together like never before.
Second semester also brought another new feeling: homesickness. Before I had been so excited to get away from home, away from my overprotective parents, but now, all I wanted was to sleep in my very own bed, without the worries of homework and tests haunting me. But I still had two more months to go before that dream would be reality.
I got another chance to go backstage again. When one of the lightboard operators couldn't make it to a performance night, she asked me to fill in for her. Running lights for 'The Secret Garden' was truly a memorable experience, and that wasn't just because I hadn't run lights before. Music can do funny things to a person, and this was no exception. Some nights I found myself almost crying because the music during the scene was so intense.
It became a part of me.
*******
The last month of school was boring. My social life had always consisted of stage work, and with that gone, I had nothing to do. No one to keep me company like all my other roommates, no place to go, and no way to get there if I had.
Then one day, I got a call from one of my friends, who just happened to also be the prop master. He begged (and I'm not exaggerating) for my help on the last play of the semester, because the new crew slacked off at the last minute. I couldn't say no to something like that! It was just what I needed to boost my spirits.
Back to my second home, the dark corners of the drama stage. Yeah, sounds real inviting, I know, but once you've spent part of your life there, it becomes an addiction. You can't stay away.
No fireworks this time (yeah, I was disappointed too) but I did get to run the fly system quite a bit. This was where we get the affectionate little term of 'Lord of the Flies.' It was a hard job, because I had to put all my weight and strength into pulling a ton of curtain up and down every act.
Being behind the scenes again reminded why I did all this in the first place. When I was there, I could be whatever I wanted to be and no one would shun me for it. The way actors felt on stage was the way I felt backstage.
I used to say that I would rather be running spotlight than be in it. And it was true in a way. My life was like a backstage; I became someone else with my own secrets to keep. Here I didn't have to worry about the outside world. It was so easy to leave all the pain behind.
*******
You're probably thinking, what happened to Darien after all this time? The truth is, I don't know. After my first year of college ended, I saw him once that summer, and some of those old feelings came flying back. But what came back so quickly left just as fast. Before I knew it, I went back to college and Darien went traveling abroad.
That was two years ago, and somewhere deep in my heart, I still wonder if something could happen. He's coming home this summer, and I want to see him again. Not because I want something to happen between us, but because I want to make sure we're still friends. That means more to me than anything else in the world.
I guess I'll never know what might have been.
Disclaimer: Sailormoon and all its respective characters belong to Takeuchi Naoko-sama, Kodansha, Toei, and DiC... hey, wait a minute... cross that last one off.... ^_~
What Might Have Been
a sequel to A Glimpse Behind the Scenes
by Elysia [[email protected]]
Try not to think about
What might have been
Cause that was then
And we have taken different roads
There's no use giving in
We can't go back again
And we'll never know
What might have been.
...life will go on, but not without leaving a little bit of your heart behind...
If I had only known how true those words would turn out to be, I would have penned them a long time ago. Even though it was nearly two years ago, I still remember everything like it happened yesterday.
Only two months after graduating from high school, I started college. Yeah, I know, why in the world would I cut my summer short? Well, at first I didn't want to, but I was coerced into believing it would give me a head start. And it did in the end. But I was still against it, especially because it was so far away from home.
But I went anyway, and ended up having a wonderful time in the process. Curse it all, my mother was always right, and she enjoyed it. Let me tell you, living away from home is a blast--except for the homework. College life would be perfect if it hadn't been for that.
When the fall semester of my freshman year began, I immediately joined the stage crew again because I couldn't stay away from what I loved the most. And on a college level, it would be even better because we were allowed to do so many more things that we couldn't in high school.
I loved every minute of that class held three times a week in the basement of the Performing Arts building. Every free moment I had that semester was spent around or on backstage. I'm sure the scene shop crew just *loved* having me around that much. Heh, it was really easy to annoy them.
Oh, I have to tell you about the actual crew. Before it had been just Lita and me as the only girls on crew. I was in for another shock. This time, there were about 12 people in the class--and only two of them were guys. Big surprise, ne? We were back in the majority, and boy, did it feel good!
When we took the tour around the stage, it actually took us to half the buildings on campus. This time, there were two different stages, numerous prop closets, costumes, you name it, they had it. I couldn't believe how much there was. Then we walked up to the catwalks and the grid, and that brought back the memory of the first time I went up on the grid.
Talk about opening up a floodgate. For weeks after that, I couldn't think about anything that had to do with the stage without thinking about Darien. It's amazing how fresh his presence was in my mind, considering I hadn't seen him since the night me and Lita crashed their graduation party.
Oh, did I forget to mention that little detail? Sorry, sometimes these things just slip right past me. Anyway, to make a long story short, Lita and I found out the other guys on the crew were having a party to celebrate graduation, but they forgot one little thing--us. Apparently the girl that was hanging around Darien (yep, you guessed it, the prom chick, or as we liked to call her, the crew wench) and her harpy friend didn't like me and Lita, and somehow convinced the guys to exclude us.
But that didn't stop us. We went anyway, much to the disappointment of the two other girls. The look on their faces when we showed up unexpectedly was worth it, though. It was just too bad that she managed to monopolize all of Darien's time while we were there. Once I almost tickled his foot, but at the last moment, I couldn't bring myself to do it.
********
Anyway, back to the present. The plan was to put on two big shows during the semester, and I chose to work on the second one, a comedy called 'You Can't Take It With You.' This was yet another show I hadn't heard of, but since it was a comedy, I knew it would be fun.
My job this time--along with one of the two guys from the class--was to be in charge of props. That sounded easy enough. But then we found out that the director wanted authentic objects, and suddenly that made our job a little harder. There weren't many places near the college to find antiques from the 1930's, but we did what we could. I remember one scene called for an erector set, and to our surprise, we found a real set from the thirties and joyfully showed it to our director. It's a very good thing when a director is pleased with a techie's work, trust me.
Then one day, the director mentioned to us that some fireworks needed to be set off during the course of the play, and he needed someone to sit backstage and take care of it. Naturally, he offered the job to the guy first (that ticked me off) but when he turned it down, I eagerly raised my hand and the director reluctantly told me I could do it.
Yes, you read that right. I was going to be the one to set off all the fireworks for all the performances. And I know what you're thinking. They were going to put gunpowder and matches into my hands and trust me with it? Hey, don't laugh so easily! Just because I'm sort of a klutz, doesn't mean I can't take my job seriously.
Everything went fine during the rehearsal and performance runs. Nothing caught on fire (well, only once, but no damage was done...) and a few things fell off the walls a couple of times from the shock of the blasts. All in all, it was pretty successful.
*******
So much for pretending.
After all that I had gone though to forget Darien and the memories of senior year, it all came flooding back every time I stepped backstage again. All I wanted was to move on with my life, to make new memories instead of dwelling on the old.
When I went home for Thanksgiving, I hung out with my old group of friends the entire time--but I didn't see Darien once. He didn't hang out with our group, and I'm sure he had his own things to do during the break. Why couldn't I leave him behind?
I went back to school, and tried to forget all over again. It was difficult when my roommates were asked out, went to formal dances, and got their first kisses while I sat in my room night after night. Homework wasn't enough to keep my mind from wandering, it only made it worse.
One day I wrote an email to Andrew, casually asking him what had gone on those days before the prom. I admitted to him that I liked Darien, and Andrew, being the typical guy he was, said that he knew about it. That didn't shock me as much as the answer to my next question.
I again asked Andrew about the details, specifically if Darien would have ever asked me to go with him. He wrote back saying that he asked Darien himself why he didn't ask me, and his reply was "I would never take someone like her."
That revelation ripped through my heart. Whether or not those were really Darien's words, I now had an inkling of what the kid had ever felt for me. Nothing. And that hurt the most. I held the pain inside as long as I could, but it ate away at me, goading me and chipping away the precious little self-esteem I had left.
Finally I poured everything out to my roommates, and I think they listened and understood. Even if they didn't, it helped to get it in the open. I felt better about myself after that, and I was able to concentrate on more important things.
One night I couldn't sleep so I laid in bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about high school again. When I got to my memories of Darien, however, the heartache didn't come like it had before.
The pain was gone.
I never imagined how good it would feel, but as I laid there, it was like I had become a whole new person. Whether or not Darien knew of my feelings didn't seem to matter anymore. And I thought I could finally get on with my life.
*******
Finals and Winter break came and went, as well as the beginning of a new semester. I never liked change, and the biggest one of all was that I wasn't on stage crew anymore. I aced the class, and I couldn't take it over again, so I accepted the fact that I would now be an outsider. Some of the members of my class managed to get jobs in the theatre department, so I still had a few "connections."
But it wasn't the same. Not going to the drama theatre every night for rehearsals and performances was a very strange feeling, and I'm sure my roommates found it weird to have me home every night at a reasonable hour. I stayed in my room most nights, reading or writing things but hardly ever talking. It was if my purpose for life had been taken away from me.
So I filled up my nights with other things, namely finding out what my roommates were up to when I wasn't there. With the arrival of a brand new roommate and her interesting habits, the three of us who remained stuck together like never before.
Second semester also brought another new feeling: homesickness. Before I had been so excited to get away from home, away from my overprotective parents, but now, all I wanted was to sleep in my very own bed, without the worries of homework and tests haunting me. But I still had two more months to go before that dream would be reality.
I got another chance to go backstage again. When one of the lightboard operators couldn't make it to a performance night, she asked me to fill in for her. Running lights for 'The Secret Garden' was truly a memorable experience, and that wasn't just because I hadn't run lights before. Music can do funny things to a person, and this was no exception. Some nights I found myself almost crying because the music during the scene was so intense.
It became a part of me.
*******
The last month of school was boring. My social life had always consisted of stage work, and with that gone, I had nothing to do. No one to keep me company like all my other roommates, no place to go, and no way to get there if I had.
Then one day, I got a call from one of my friends, who just happened to also be the prop master. He begged (and I'm not exaggerating) for my help on the last play of the semester, because the new crew slacked off at the last minute. I couldn't say no to something like that! It was just what I needed to boost my spirits.
Back to my second home, the dark corners of the drama stage. Yeah, sounds real inviting, I know, but once you've spent part of your life there, it becomes an addiction. You can't stay away.
No fireworks this time (yeah, I was disappointed too) but I did get to run the fly system quite a bit. This was where we get the affectionate little term of 'Lord of the Flies.' It was a hard job, because I had to put all my weight and strength into pulling a ton of curtain up and down every act.
Being behind the scenes again reminded why I did all this in the first place. When I was there, I could be whatever I wanted to be and no one would shun me for it. The way actors felt on stage was the way I felt backstage.
I used to say that I would rather be running spotlight than be in it. And it was true in a way. My life was like a backstage; I became someone else with my own secrets to keep. Here I didn't have to worry about the outside world. It was so easy to leave all the pain behind.
*******
You're probably thinking, what happened to Darien after all this time? The truth is, I don't know. After my first year of college ended, I saw him once that summer, and some of those old feelings came flying back. But what came back so quickly left just as fast. Before I knew it, I went back to college and Darien went traveling abroad.
That was two years ago, and somewhere deep in my heart, I still wonder if something could happen. He's coming home this summer, and I want to see him again. Not because I want something to happen between us, but because I want to make sure we're still friends. That means more to me than anything else in the world.
I guess I'll never know what might have been.