Chapter Six: Dust in the Wind
"We're going to Japan?" Gou said incredoiusly, watching his father dump a whole bunch of clothes onto the bed (he had clearly hadn't picked the clothes out. There were purple pants in the pile), "Why?"
"Hurry up and pack," Kai said, avoiding Gou's question, "The flight leaves tonight."
Gou looked at his father contemplatively and decided against it, "All right. I'll get packed."
"You do that," Kai said, stuffing his clothes in a duffle bag, "Tell Makoto to get ready as well."
Gou nodded and closed the door. Kai wiped his brow and looked at his bag. He zipped it and glanced at the journal on the table. Should he take it with him? Kai approached it quietly and then, opened it once more. They say curiosity killed the cat, but Kai had a feeling curiosity could be a lot more harmful.
23rd April, 2005
I never told him I loved him. Even after marrying Hitomi, I never told him. I think he knew and he was hurt by it. Of course, he retaliated by marrying Jun. I suppose hate breeds hate, love bleeds hurt. I suppose now, we can have what we wanted the most; a family. But I guess we'll never share it.
2nd March, 2007
Hitomi is dead. Childbearing was too much for her. I had my doubts about it. I knew that she wouldn't make it, and yet it was I who pushed her forward. I remember what she said before she slipped away from me. "I hope you'll love this child more than you loved me". Hitomi was always smart. Can I do this? Can I love him as much as I love you? Perhaps I put too much hope in myself. I need him now, need this child of Hitomi's, child of mine. I will love him, but perhaps love isn't enough.
12th September, 2009
Jun is with child. Kai isn't looking me in the eye.
"Father, get ready!"
Kai slammed the journal immediately. He calmed down when he realized it was only Gou. Quickly, he unzipped his bag and slipped the journal in. Zipping it once more, he slung it over his shoulder and proceeded down the stairs. Max, Makoto and Gou were waiting for him. Max shot him a rueful grin before opening the doors and walking outside. Kai followed him with Makoto and Gou shooting each other curious looks.
The airport was quite empty during this time of year, so it took them no time at all to get through immigration and security check (though they gotten held up several times because of Kai arguing with the guards that beyblades are NOT lethal weapons).
They settled into their seats. Kai sat next to the window, contemplating pulling out the journal once more. Max lapsed into slumber almost immediately. Makoto and Gou looked like they were going to follow Max's example.
Kai tried to recall the conversation he had with Tyson concerning families.
"I want a family," Tyson said, "Wouldn't that be great?"
"If you like squealing infants and screaming women," Kai said nastily.
"I think you want one too Kai."
"You wish."
"Now you're being grumpy."
"…I suppose I wouldn't mind."
"Great!"
"…On one condition."
"Huh? What is it?"
"If I must have a family…then, it has to be with you."
"Kai…"
Kai shook his head slightly. It had been stupid obviously. Tyson married Hitomi and he, he married Jun. Tyson loved Hitomi, even though he read that journal entry. He saw their affection in public. It had hurt because for so long, Tyson held onto him and Kai… Kai was happy. Then Tyson moved to her and Kai felt betrayed. That hurt took a long time to fade. If it hadn't been for Gou, it might have never left.
And then there was…
Kai closed his eyes slightly and opened them. Below him lay rivers of golden stars intertwining with each other. They glowed with their own fire, a fire so like his own once upon a time. Kai closed his eyes and let his mind be carried off into dreamtime.
"I'm marrying Hitomi," Tyson said quietly on the phone, "I-I know you don't approve, but I—,"
The phone message was abruptly cut off as the phone was thrown against the wall. It collapsed onto the ground as Kai picked up a lamp and flung it against the window. He was angry. Break, crash, smash, crack, shatter, and melt into the floor. Everything was useless, he was useless and it was proven so! He had nothing, nothing, nothing!
He sank into the floor, beating his fists on the floor. Break, break, break! Where are the joys of life now? Where was he supposed to go? What was he supposed to do? Why couldn't he melt away and forget!
He was a loner. Now, he was another dependant soul attached to Tyson. Nothing more.
"You're sweating," Max said, shaking him gently, "Here; wipe your face."
Kai took it gratefully and wiped himself. His face felt feverish and his hands couldn't get a grip of the towel Max had given him. Kai gasped slightly and turned his head away from such weakness. Honestly, ten years, it's been ten years, and even now, he clings onto old hurts like it was a fresh wound.
"He never told you, did he?" Max said gently, "He never told you it was an arranged marriage."
Kai felt his body stumble, "A-Arranged?" He said faintly.
Max nodded, "Well, he could have called it off, but he didn't."
"Why didn't he?"
"I think it has something to do with you."
"He knew I loved him! He knew!" Kai said, knowing that his voice was rising and his hands won't stop shaking, "We never said it, but he knew!"
Max sighed, "Look, I don't know why he never told you. I don't know. I don't know why you two were stuck in this cycle of pain and confusion. Just don't drag your son into it. Tyson did that and look where that got him."
"Makoto?" Kai said, trying to switch the topic carefully, "What happened to him?"
"Let's just say Tyson's last moments weren't the most pleasant and memorable," Max said subtly, "You giving me back my towel or not?"
"Hey Gou?"
"Hmm?"
"…You don't hate me, right?"
"What? What made you think that?"
Makoto fidgeted, "Because of what I said when you left," He finished lamely.
Gou's eyebrows went up, "Like you said earlier, you were a kid right? We were ten. We thought forever lasts till dinnertime. I can't hate you for that."
"Ah," Makoto said weakly and turned to look at Kai discreetly, "He really loves you. You're really lucky."
Gou looked at his father mutely, "I don't know. He-He's difficult to please. But I think I have a piece of his heart and I'm scared I might break it accidentally."
Makoto shuffled his feet slightly and looked out of the window, "Otousan loved beyblading. He loved me. He would tell me stories; take me wherever I wanted to go. And yet, there was this faraway look on his face. Sometimes I think…that's the only place he wanted to be was with your father."
"Makoto."
Makoto turned to face Gou. Gou's eyes didn't seem empty anymore. There was a strange look in his garnet coloured eyes and Makoto resisted the urge to look away. Gou placed his hand on Makoto's right cheek. Gou's hand felt cold, but Makoto didn't move away.
"I think that the only place you need to be now is with me," Gou finally looked away, "I had really missed you. Father spent most of his time alone and there was no one else."
Makoto raised his hand and placed it on Gou's left cheek, "…Shall we make up for lost time then?"
Gou smirked slightly.
A/N: I deeply apologize for the long hiatus. It's hard to update when every minute of free time is consumed by school. TT