Everyone always wonders why I sit alone.

They sit and stare and point and whisper and think I don't notice. But I do. They wonder why I'm so angry and why I reject people who try to be nice to me. Why I seem to drive myself further into the seclusion I already occupy. But they don't think about it hard enough obviously.

People's preconceptions.

That's what I hate. Why I sit alone, not speaking to anyone, not trying to make conversation and it's why I reject the people who talk to me. They're just trying to prove something to their mates more often than not, or settle a bet or something. But people don't realise that even though I appear hard, tough and angry on the outside, settled in my isolation, like that's the way I want it.

But they're wrong. Inside I'm lonely. I want friends. I see them all around me. Groups, clicks, duos, trios, it's all the same to me. And I want to know them, and want them to know me. But more than that I don't. I want to keep hidden away, keep myself to myself. Cut others out before they can do the same to me. I suppose it's a survival thing really. Don't let others in because they can hurt you more than you can hurt yourself.

And, despite all the rumours, I do have a heart and on occasion it does cry out to love someone and be loved in return. They say it's the greatest thing you'll ever know. But no one will come near me or the ones that do are weird. Either over-bearingly self-deprecating trying to be something they're not or the ones who are more stupid than brave and have the attractiveness of a rat's ass.

Like every guy I just want someone who will take care of me and someone I can protect and hold. Like a kitten almost, someone you can hold in your arms and just feel the connection. The kind of love you see on the TV. And I know that that love is idealised, made up and impossibly perfect but still you yearn for it. That one person who completes you, you can't live without and when you're with them the world seems a brighter, more inhabitable place.

At night I see my perfect person, but never a face. We do stuff couples do. I hold her hand, she rests her head on my shoulder, we dance, holding each other so close we look like one person. When we kiss it's so delicate yet so intense you can't help but smile down at her. You hold her up when she's falling and she does the same for you.

Like two jigsaw pieces floating until they find each other and become one piece.

And people may think it's impossible for me to feel this stuff but after it all, I'm still a human being. I may seem like the type of guy to pick up girls in a sleazy bar, ones who have numerous piercings, tattoos and a life history as long as your arm but really, a girl with a simple life would do. One who's smart, sweet, funny and kind will do. Who understands me and doesn't ask questions. Who just lets me be when I need to be alone but who will be there when I need her. I know, I'm asking for a miracle woman but I hope she's out there somewhere, waiting.

So until I find her I guess I'll just wait. Still alone, avoided and the subject of regular gossip. But maybe I won't mind so much. Because I know she's there somewhere. It's just a question of patience.

A/N: I don't know what I think of this. I think I was trying to write myself out of a mood and I think it's worked. So yay :D! As always R&R!