Disclaimer: I no own. You no sue.
Author's Notes: I wrote this with no plot in mind. It came out with no plot. The end.
I wrote this to prove several points out to myself. Unfortunately for me, I forgot what they were. Fortunately for you, I'm posting this anyways.
Don't read if you don't like limey goodness. Fragmented and randomly strewn, of course.
Enjoy!
Commitment
by Rin
Ban Midou does not believe in marriage. Which is kind of hypocritical, given what he's doing right now. With hands slipping over flesh, feverish movements and gasping breaths. Legs entwined and mouths searching.
Ban doesn't believe in marriage, because those vows no longer mean anything, with today's divorce laws. It's stupid really, that people think they need to put their commitments to each other in writing. Marriage is a trap, which can hold together a couple no longer 'in love.' Just like his mother and father.
Hands clutch at his shoulders as the room blurs with the golden-hot rhythm, and the soft noises coming from that mouth only fans the fire. Time aches, seconds stretching into hours and yet somehow more fleeting than before.
He can't give Himiko what she wants from him, because it isn't his to give. She tries to hide it, but Ban isn't stupid, and he certainly isn't blind. He can see want in her eyes, as easily as he can see regret in Ginji's. His cold heart isn't his to give, and he's not sure he wants to. It's safe enough where it is now. It's just a girlish crush, really. If he wasn't honest with himself, he too might be confused, of their close familial relationship without biological ties. He too might mistake brotherly affection, guilt and regret with something more.
He'll keep his promise and looks after her, but he's not going to do things he may not mean. It'll hurt less in the long run.
Their movements together falter as the heat turns blinding white now, overwhelming and infinitely familiar. Terrifyingly intimate, sharing this with someone, but he hasn't regretted it yet.
Being with Himiko would be more wrong than Ginji being with Natsumi. It's surprising, that the cute waitress is older than Himiko, but then he remembers that maturity, hiding in her black mirror eyes, behind exuberance and energy. Five years is too large a time span, though the gap between eighteen and twenty-three is smaller than two years ago. She's still a child in many ways, in the way she bites off more than she can chew, and insists she was doing just fine when she was plainly losing. And however much she's grown, he can't think of her as a woman when he's seen her at twelve, through the eyes of a teenager.
It's good, perfect, but looking down at that flushed face, breaths slowing and eyes glazed, he can't help but feel a twinge of something. Wondering if he's done something wrong again, somehow. Of what, he can't be sure. Wonders if he's just deluding himself into thinking that he has changed, since that cold night.
Just as Yamato's blood stains his hands, and his curse and family mark him, his time with Fudou is another blemish he can never escape from. Ban has said to the others that Takama Fudou is a sick man. He doesn't, won't tell them the depths of that man's insanity. Because Ban Midou is a proud man, and he doesn't want pity. He was only fifteen, Fudou was still old, and Ban didn't want it. He doesn't dwell on it though, he's moved on. There are worse things to dwell on. Nevertheless, it makes him question himself at times. The Kudous took him in after he left Fudou, and would he have agreed to Yamato's request, if he'd never met the Seer? He has no answer for it.
It doesn't matter. Indelible stains and a misled sister have no importance, not here. Right now is utter acceptance, affection, and a wistfulness because good things only last so long. He can see mirrored in dark eyes the same fear of abandonment.
He finds himself tracing Ginji face, slowly, basking lazy and content in more than just the afterglow. His partner nips at his fingertips, wraps an arm around his waist to pull Ban closer.
"I like this Ban-chan." The words are muffled against his neck.
"What do you like?" Teasing.
"This. Us." A pause, as if considering, "An' not living in the car."
"I told you we'd get a place to stay."
"Mmm. When did Hana-san want rent?"
"Next week, I think."
"Hey, Ban-chan?"
"What?"
"Do you think we could ever have kids?" Ban blinked, at the unexpected question.
"You mean adopting?" Ginji frowned,
"Isn't that the only option?"
"Yes. But do you really think we'll live that long?" He felt his partner sigh into his shoulder, breath gusting over the scar from Dr. Jackal's sword. Their jobs were too dangerous, and they'd flirted with death more times than he would have liked. Retrievers often died young. Starting a family would only cause more pain if that happened.
"I guess not." There was silence, each contemplating the future in their own way.
"I love you though." Ban smiled.
"I know." And he leaned over and kissed him.
OWARI
Somehow I don't think the conversation fit in with the rest of the fic. Oh well! One can't be a perfectionist 24-7, no one can not.
Bits with Fudou refers to a fic of mine - "Claimed."
Take this fic however you want, but let me make this clear: I don't believe in BanxHimiko. It feels like incest.
Blah blah. Merrily I march off to do my Creative Writing homework.
See y'all!
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………Thank you.