My Dearest Winston,

Thank you for the picture you sent us, the house looks really lovely, and so pink! I cannot quite believe the size of your pool, and how wonderfully those Etruscan amphorae I fished out that time in the Aegean fit in the decorating scheme! And I must say I nearly shed a tear when I saw the replica of the fountain you have had built in your garden, complete with fish and all. I was so touched (illegible) still think about me –us- sometimes, and it brings back a lot of memories, since we had to have the original demolished (I hit it by mistake, I loved that fish, I really did, you know that)

We've had a drier than usual spring here, which is a true blessing considering (illegible) missing part of the roof. Perhaps with some luck a dry summer will follow so the west wing will be habitable again by the time winter arrives.

I've got myself a new butler, since (illegible) wasn't up to the job. Oh, I know I shouldn't hold it against him, minding the baby all day long isn't such an easy task, but after the initial difficulties he has quite grown into it.

The butler's name is Toby, but we've changed it to Winston (honestly, what kind of a name was that, for a butler? Toby, no less!) but sadly, that's where the comparison ends; he couldn't hold a candle to you. He is absolutely useless, even though he looks a little bit like Charlton Heston (or maybe his dumbness is to stay in tune with the looks?). So I've told him to just stand by the fireplace and try to look like a butler, for heaven's sake, and I know I should be more strict, but what can you do these days, with the shortage of properly trained staff and all that.

(illegible) sends his apologies that he cannot yet enclose the cheque for 947,97 pounds as promised, since babysitting isn't particularly well remunerated, and then, you wouldn't believe the price of the (censored) nappies here, it's a (censored) shame.

Give my regards to your gorgeous wife and see if you can hop over to a place called Paraiso in a couple of weeks. I'll let you know exactly when. According to my new researcher team, that's in Peru, although it looks more like Mexico, judging by the pictures. Maybe geography has changed since I last checked. Wherever it may be, we could still knock back a couple of tequilas and reminisce the good old times.

All my love, L.

PS: Would you mind terribly returning the Iris? I know I said you could take anything you wanted as a farewell present but (rest is illegible)

"Hear it not Duncan; for it is a knell

that summons thee to Heaven or Hell!"

(curtain falls...)