Chapter One
Sirius' POV
I love girls.
Of course I do. I mean, I'm a boy and boys tend to like girls. I've been chasing after them ever since these stupid hormones actually kicked in. And since I'm 17… They surely have kicked in.
But then why in all the blazes of Azkaban do I feel so bloody attracted to my best friend?
No, I am not in love with Remus Lupin. I obviously am not. It's appalling and disturbing… And just completely wrong.
So why does a part of me think it's so wrong that he doesn't even love me back, or even consider loving me?
Wait a minute. Who even said I loved him? No one said anything!
This is just stupid. I can't like Remus… It's Remus for Merlin's sake. He's my best friend. He's a boy. He's fucking gorgeous…
I did NOT just say that.
"Sirius… You're talking to yourself," interrupted a voice, gently breaking my train of thought. I looked up and met a pair of amber gold eyes that twinkled in amusement. Oh, for the love of Merlin…
"Huh? What are you talking about, Remus?" I managed to reply, forcing on a grin. Remus frowned slightly, his brow wrinkling deeply in thought. Crap, maybe I smiled too wide. I always give it away like that.
"You smiled too wide."
Ha, I knew it.
"So, what's wrong with smiling too wide?" I questioned, puffing out my chest in defiance. "Is there a law against smiling past a certain extent? If there was, you should probably tell me about it—"
"Siri, I've known you for seven years and shared a dorm with you for six Christmases in a row. Of course I know your habits well enough," said Remus Lupin as a retort, a wry smile curling at his lips.
I eventually found myself staring at them, which was definitely not the best thing to do at the moment. It was completely, absolutely, certainly, without question and undoubtedly wrong.
Yet why do I find it so wrong that my lips aren't against his?
Merlin's Beard, I'm going mad!
"Sirius!"
"I'm listening!" I blurted out, my eyes trailing towards Remus, who was giving me a strange look.
"Oh god, you're right, you are going mad." Remus rolled his eyes and looked back at his Transfiguration book.
I need to get out of here.
FAST.
I don't have a crush on him. That'd be insane. Why in hell would I like a boy? I AM a boy. Boys like girls. Not all, but they're supposed to! Besides… I am one of the most wanted boys in Hogwarts. All girls melt at my feet.
Yeah, that's it.
It's just sad that I don't want any of them.
Wait a goddamn second! I could want one of them! I've only dated half of them. They're only too flirty, too clingy, too apathetic, too insensitive… I just need to find the perfect one.
"Sirius, are you sure you're okay?" Remus offered me a soft smile that made my heart pump a bit faster than usual. Okay, this is lame and stupid. Remus is one of my best friends! Loving him would be declaring my insanity.
Then again, I'm talking to myself.
OH BLOODY HELL!
"Yeah, I'm fine, of course I'm okay, and why wouldn't I be?" I replied a bit too quickly for my own good. Remus raised his eyebrows and grinned. "Ah, I'm gonna go look for James, okay? You alright on your own?"
"Always," answered Remus with a wave of his hand. "It's easier to concentrate without you beside me."
And then both our cheeks turned slightly pink. The back of Remus' ears went slightly scarlet. I tried not to notice that as I stood up, grabbed my books and headed off to the library.
Damn it, I have to stop thinking and talking to myself.
Okay I'll stop now…
…
…
…
"Ah, fuck it!" I burst out loud, right in the corridor. A few first years stared at me before scurrying off. A fifth year raised her eyebrow at me before going off to the library. Stupid idiots, they don't even know what's going on.
Even I don't.
"Padfoot, wait up a second!" called out a familiar voice. Of course. James Potter jogged up to me and slung an arm around my shoulder. "God, Head Boy duties were starting to bore me."
"And now I see why Evans thinks you're a total ass," I responded teasingly as I continued walking off. "Don't you have anything better to do anyway, Potter?"
"No, that's the point. Listen, I've got to win Evans over by the Christmas Ball, which is in two weeks! Two weeks, Pads!" James ran a hand through his messy hair. "I haven't got much time."
"Here's a good start: Do your Head Boy duties." I smirked and continued walking, only to be pulled by James backwards. I crashed into a set of armor.
"Watch it!" the armor shrieked. It dusted itself off and remained in its natural position. I rolled my eyes at James and shrugged his grip off my arm.
"God, Potter, what do you want from me?"
"Something's up, and I know it's not your wand."
"Geez, Prongs, what the hell!" I shouted. "You've got to be joking me."
"Pads, we've been best friends since we were little hot babies. I can read you like an open book." James looked at me in concern, and I already knew that it was something serious. Despite the playful tone in his voice, he was nothing but teasing when he stared at me.
"It's nothing big, James."
"Seeing you hold a book and go to the library is something big, Sirius. Plus, you actually told me to do my Head Boy duties, and you called me James, which you haven't called me in four years, when we had that big misunderstanding about your sexuality."
I flushed scarlet. "I mean, I know you're not gay or anything," continued James. "You just don't know which Ravenclaw to date, that's all. Apparently, you have no good taste in house, either. You've dated half of Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff AND Slytherin, and still nobody. It's either you're REALLY gay or you just need a Gryffindor girl. Or you're intent on exploring your sexual horizons, which was definitely something that you'd do."
"James—"
"Of course you cannot be gay, that'd be just nasty, and what if you liked one of us or something? Sexual tension is just not fun in dormitories—"
"Prongs—"
"And besides, we'd all go weird on you. I never thought I'd be homophobic, perhaps that's why I was never really fond of Snape, but—"
"POTTER!"
That wasn't me. The redhead by the name of Lily Evans had a face as red as the curtains in our dormitories. James whipped around, the traditional smirk plastered on his lips. "Hey, Lily darling—"
"Do NOT call me that! Why in the name of heavens aren't you patrolling the rest of the corridors? Hell must've broken loose when you haven't patrolled! Rules could've been broken! D'you know—"
"That you are boring me?" interrupted James, raising an eyebrow. "You know, Evans, if you weren't so gorgeous, I'd actually not think you existed."
Now I bet Evans was mad. Pursing her lips together, her face turned a shade of tomato red. She whipped around and marched off. Right after, of course, I thwacked James Scott Potter on the head. "You definitely need to do something aside from playing Keeper all the time," I warned. "You're becoming dafter by the second."
James shot me a dirty look before tapping my back slowly, something he usually did before finishing a conversation. "Well, whatever or whoever's bothering you, you better go talk to him. You're turning into a saint, and it's quite unlike you."
Hmm, talk to my baffled hormones. Maybe they prefer to listen to a higher authority.
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A/N: Amazingly, I have resurrected this and am doing a massive reconstruction of 'Call Me Crazy.' Hopefully, I'll be able to clear out the dusty, cobwebbed plot and finish it! YAY ME!
Please review, and add some comments. :D Love you all!
Less than 3, Padfooted