"Jalil?"

"Yes?"

"I think I had sex with David. Twice."

"Christopher, either you did or you didn't."

"I did."

"Okay."

"Okay!"

"Well, it's not like you knocked him up."

"No, but… David! Sex! With me!"

"Was it any good?"

"What do you mean, 'was it any good'? You nosy little fucker."

"If you don't want to talk about it, fine."

"You're evil."

"And you slept with David."

"Fucker."

"Actually, I believe that would be you."

"Now you're just pissing me off. I come to you for guidance, and what do I get? Sarcasm. You bastard."

"What do you want guidance for anyway?"

"Oh, I don't know. Usually this is where I drink myself into oblivion and you yell at me in that really rational, irritating way of yours. Don't fix it if it ain't broke, ya know?"

"While I'm glad you have enough confidence in our relationship to confide in me, I am not your psychiatrist."

"But you're the closest thing I've got, Dr. Spock, so make with the introspection."

"Did you even want to sleep with David?"

"Want is such a tricky word. I pounced on him, kinda. And I may have ripped his clothes off, and oh, rammed my tongue down his throat."

"Poor guy didn't stand a chance, huh?"

"Shut up. I feel bad enough all ready."

"Christopher, David can kill you with his pinky finger."

"Are you insulting my manhood?"

"I'll leave that up to David."

"You suck. A lot."

"Look, all I'm saying is that I find it incredibly doubtful that you overpowered David in any way."

"So you think he's the manly one? You think I'm his bitch!"

"Okay, once the word 'bitch' enters the conversation, I have to officially declare it over."

"Wait! Jalil! Seriously. I need some help. I just… what am I supposed to do?"

"Christopher. You know I can't tell you that."

"I… I know."

"So."

"So."

"So what are you going to do, genius?"

"Um. I think… I'm going to go get a drink or two. For, you know, luck and courage and a potential analgesic."

"Wow, four syllables. This is serious."

"Shut up. Because you realize if this doesn't work, I'm going to be coming back here so you can mock me again."

"You'll be fine."

"You think?"

"I'm sure I'll be mediating your lovers' spats for years into the future. Now go away."

"What now? Trying to reinvent the hydrogen bomb?"

"Trust me. You'll be the first to know if I succeed."