Title: Vodemorta Lovegood: Luna's Story

Author: SilverShiver

Genre: Humour

Rating: K

Warnings: Not for the faint of heart. Just kidding, anyone can read it.

Disclaimer: I think we can all thank Merlin and Agrippa that I don't own this. Let us bow our heads now...

Voldemorta Lovegood: Luna's Story

Well, one day I was taking a walk. It was a lovely day outside, about fifty below zero, and I was wearing my favourite pair of flip flops and shorts. My turtleneck sweater was a dark blue and my shorts were yellow. I liked the way they looked together, even if I did get weird looks in the hallways. Let me introduce myself. I am Luna Lovegood—age eleven. My mother was a veterinarian and my father is the editor of some newspaper. I've never seen my father's paper though; maybe he is lying.

My mother died recently and left my dad in charge of me. He tries his hardest, but he just isn't the fatherly figure. Anyway, I am walking home right now. I have to get the mail first, before I can go inside. reaches into mailbox Wow! What is this? It looks to be like some weird piece of mail for me! Cool.

When I get to the door, I am too distracted to bother opening it, and it seems to just swing out in front of me. Did I just do that? Of course not! That would be like magic! Haha, as if there was such a thing.

Dad! I call into the house. It seems to be empty. Oh well. Let's read this mail. Hmm… To Luna Lovegood, blah blah blah. I open it and there is a bit of parchment inside. Did I just say parchment? Don't I mean paper? What is getting into me lately? I start to read the paper and it is talking about me going to some school of theirs. No thank you. I am perfectly fine where I am. So I decide to throw the letter into the fireplace that is burning. Suddenly a whoosh of air goes through the chimney, putting out the fire, and thousands of letters stream into the house. Just then my dad arrives and he has a look of pleasure on his face.

Dad! I didn't do it! They just keep coming!

Don't worry, he tells me. Just open one!

I already did, I tell him back. I don't want to switch schools. I like my plain old muggle school. Wait, did I just say muggle? What's a muggle?

See you have to switch schools. You are showing the early signs of bewitcheritis, in other words—you are a witch, Luna.

I am not a witch. Do I look green to you? I ask him, recalling my favourite movie of all time—The Wizard of OZ.

No, he says. Witches are not green anyway, unless they are jealous. Seriously Luna, how do you think you opened the door today? Magic. How do you think that you can mysteriously be thinking like a witch? A muggle is a term for non-magic folk. Definitely not you.

So what? When I go to this school am I going to get to meet Harry Potter and Ronald Weasley and Hermione Granger and Fred Weasley and George Weasley and Percy Weasley and Charlie Weasley and Bill Weasley and maybe even Draco Malfoy and Gregory Goyle and something Crabbe—I think his first name is Vincent though—but can I meet Blaise Zabini and Hannah Abbot and Susan Bones and Cho Chang and Ernie McMillian and Neville Longbottom? Will I be taught by Professors McGonagall and Snape and Flitwick and Sprout and Hooch and Binns and will Dumbledore be my headmaster? Will I get to meet Trelawney and Vector and Sinsitra and Umbridge and Sirius and Lupin and Pettigrew and does Voldemort really exist? Will I get to ride a broomstick and make things float and turn a desk into a pig and get beaten up by a Whomping Willow tree that is really only there to guard the entrance to the secret tunnel to the Shrieking Shack? Will all of my dreams come true, dad?

Or is this just a plot to make me think that I am going to get to experience things that all of my peers wish they could experience? Do I really get to do this stuff, or are you just pulling my leg and trying to see how far I'll go along with your little joke? Tell me, is this whole thing true? Will I get to do everything I said before?

Yes.

Well then? What am I waiting for? I need to go pack.

And thus is the story of my journey to Hogwarts. I started out as a little muggle girl, and now I will be known soon, as the greatest witch alive! Voldemorta!

A/N: All right, no flames please. This was not meant to be serious. I wrote it at Brittany's house, probably a year ago, and if you know anything about the two of us, we get kind of silly when we are together and hyper. We were probably eating homemade frosting… She didn't know I was ever going to post this so I can't wait to see her review, lol. Just tell me if it made you laugh. That's all it was supposed to do. Don't ask how all of a sudden she knew everyone's names, because I don't know. It was—magic.

And no, I don't think Luna is really evil and just plotting against all of them. That would be ridiculous.