Jonasel: It was going to happen at some point… we just didn't know when…
Reo: Hi! I've decided to write a random Harry Potter fanfic!
Jonasel: And I'm the co-host!
Reo: That's great… Now enjoy!
P.S. I don't own Harry Potter… or any Carebear DVD's… SO QUIT ASKING ME IF YOU CAN BORROW SOME!
hARrY POttEr AnD tHE ABNormALLy LarGE heaD
Harry stares out of the Hogwarts Express as soft snow falls onto the mountains.
"Hermione?" he asks, nudging her softly.
"Yes?"
"What's snow made out of?"
"What on earth do you mean, 'what's snow made out of?'"
"For crying out loud woman! The man asked you a question!" Ron snapped while playing tug-o-war with a piece of string with Pig.
Hermione lets out a sigh. "Ice cream Harry. Snow is made out of ice cream…"
"See? I told ya Ron!"
"Dang! I guess I owe you a gallon now…"
"You two are idiots!" Hermione states.
"Of course we are!" Harry comments. "Next to you we're all idiots!"
"If I wasn't around to help you two all the time I doubt you'd even pass a test!"
"Yeah, probably…" Harry says idly.
"Wait Harry… I don't think that's true! I'm way smarter than Harry is Hermione!" Ron declares.
"Oh really… who was the person who got their head stuck between the stair rails?"
"Um…" Ron hesitates, "Some other red haired student…"
"Well Ron… if you're so smart, tell me why we stick to the ground?" Harry asks.
"That's simple." Ron says confidently.
"It is with Newton's Law of Gravity which states that all arses are attracted to other arses. The earth being of such a big arse compared to the people on it (who are such small arses) attracts any arse in a certain radius (Pi times arse squared) to its arsey surface."
"Well…" Harry looks at Hermione. "I'm satisfied!"
"Ron… Physics is a muggle subject, and you don't know the first thing about it!"
"Sure I do," Ron justifies, "Didn't you read the paragraph about the arses?"
"YES RON! AND IT MAKES NO SENSE!" Hermione screams in a crazy fashion.
"You're just angry 'cause you think I might be smarter than you…"
"YOU ARE NOT SMARTER THAN ME RON!"
"See Harry? I told you she had a big head!"
Ron and Harry decide it's about time they let Hermione have a bit of 'girl space', considering the fact that this sudden outburst may simply be the cause of 'That-time-of-the-month'. Hermione decides that she would rather be eaten alive by a bunch of glow slugs than stay in the same carriage as the two annoying excuses for the male species which were standing before her. So, she leaves.
In another carriage, Neville, Ginny and Luna are discussing the many uses for paper.
(All in stereotypically British accents)
Neville: Miss Ginny?
Ginny: What is it Mr Neville?
Neville: I don't believe we've throughally discussed the many amazing uses for paper yet.
Luna: I believe you're right Mr Neville! Shall we continue?
Neville: Yes, of course!
Ginny: Let me add another suggestion to our list… toilet paper!
Neville: Oh yes! What a cracking suggestion Miss Ginny! One needs to scrub their arse! Please Miss Luna, write that one down!
Luna: What about that special paper terrorists use?
Ginny: What special paper terrorists use?
Luna: You know the one that contains that white powder which they send to people?
Neville: Oh yes! Of course, anthrax! Put that one down too!
Meanwhile… in a carriage nearby…
Reo: Yes… It's clear to anyone that I was on something just about now. But I feel I need a fanfic to take out all my craziness. These voices just give me too much pressure…
Jonasel: Voices… (?)
Reo: Yeah… they told me I should kill you last night.
Jonasel!
Harry!
Ron: Mmm… voices…
Till next time!