by: Niamh
disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter. Never have, never will.
notes: Ron's POV for this part. I'll be laying out the background from a couple perspectives before sliding into the main story.
- Chapter One: Reflections -
He's lying in the mud, in the rain, screaming, twisting, clawing at himself.
I've never witnessed anything so painful.
He shoves himself to his knees and shrieks up into the rain. His hands and cheeks are bleeding. If what I was told is correct, he's been doing this for at least half an hour. I can't watch this. I have to stop him before he kills himself. I walk through the downpour.
"Malfoy," I say gently. He is covered in mud, from head to foot. Tears make trails in the mud on his face as he looks up at me. Fear, anger, and pain radiate in those grey depths. He's a mess; my heart breaks.
I never liked Draco Malfoy. He was always cruel, petty, and childish. Much like myself, really; not that I ever would have admitted that then, back at Hogwarts. I believe that we saw in each other what we hated in ourselves and we lashed out.
We were identical opposites. Slytherin and Gryffindor. Rich and poor. Destined to be enemies, and yet so very much alike.
Even after the war, when Harry brought him home to stay, we never tried to be friends. Harry liked him, so I wasn't overtly cruel to him, but I wasn't kind, either. We spoke to each other occasionally about superficial things – Quidditch, Harry's new shirt, Neville's book – never about the past. Overall, we weren't very interested in each other. He had eyes only for Harry, and I had work, friends, and family to keep me busy.
I doubt Harry ever saw the way Draco looked at him, but the rest of us noticed it. If you were talking to him and Harry walked in, the conversation was over. If Harry needed something, Draco had it for him before the rest of us had processed the request. Harry was his world. I suppose I thought Draco was Harry's world as well; they were so rarely apart.
Looking back, now, however I see how wrong I was. Harry was cruel to Draco. He would ignore Draco for days, then, just as Draco was about to leave in a hurt rage, he would draw the blond back with tears and apologies. Later, he would smirk as he told me that Draco wasn't leaving. I made myself believe that the smirk was a smile of relief. I wanted to believe that Harry loved him, I really did. I wanted to believe that Harry was still the same person I had known back at school. That Harry was still a good person.
Harry would make plans with Draco then back out at the last minute. I told myself that he was a busy man; he had no choice, certainly. I never let myself see that Harry never broke his word to me. He never had to cancel our outings.
I watched silently as Draco broke, never saying anything because I was so certain that Harry was trying; that Harry loved him. In a few years, everything would calm down and the two could be happy. I would have sworn on my life that Harry was doing his best. It was just so hard to be the Boy-Who-Lived. It wasn't Harry's fault…
Honestly, I'm ashamed of myself now. Ashamed of all of us, really, since I can't take all the blame; Hermione, Neville, Luna, Sirius, Remus, my family, we all were seeing the same thing. We were all ignoring the same truths. Any one of us could have, should have, said something and made it stop.
Harry knew what he was doing. Harry was trying to break Draco. I never dreamed that he was capable of such a cruel, perfectly executed revenge. This was no small endeavour, after all. Harry methodically destroyed Draco's soul over a period of six long years. Six years devoted to making the former Slytherin love him with every fibre of his being, just to tear him apart and leave him. Six years of mind games and manipulations that I can barely wrap my head around.
And I let it happen.
I never liked Draco Malfoy, but what Harry did was wrong. No human should be treated that way. Especially not one who was trying as hard to be a good person as Draco was. The former Death Eater had provided safe houses across the country for Order use, given detailed information which led to the arrests of numerous Death Eaters and sent others into hiding, he had recruited hundreds of members for the Order – most of them children of Death Eaters. He had even managed to convince formerly loyal Death Eaters to join with us. He was an amazing tactician and led our side to countless victories. None of this seemed to matter to Harry, who would steadfastly ignore Draco's accomplishments.
What strikes me most is how long Draco stayed. Harry would crush his spirit and he would bottle up his tears, waiting patiently until Harry came and bestowed a small kindness upon him. He was always there, always trying to be exactly what Harry wanted him to be. Even through Harry's cruelest abuse, Draco stayed. His love was so true and unmistakable that it makes Harry's betrayal even more horrific.
How anyone could do such a thing to one who loved them so much is beyond me. Now looking down at him, my one time enemy, I find it hard to remember why I hated him all those years. I look into shattered eyes and all I want is to put him back together. All I want is to destroy the monster that did this to him.
I gather him up in my arms despite his weak protests and carry him back toward the Manor we've been using as our main base, hoping Harry has cleared out. As I near the door, Draco stops resisting me and curls against my chest. I'm overwhelmed by this tiny gesture of broken acceptance.
Remus opens the door for me, not meeting my eyes, before hurrying away. The Manor is silent and I am pleased. Clearly, I'm not the only one feeling guilty about Draco's condition. On an average day, the Manor is filled with activity.
I carry Draco up the stairs and down the hall, bypassing the room he shared with Harry, entering my own room. I lay him gently on the bed.
Harry will not get away with this. I promise him silently.
The bastard will pay.
– End Chapter One –
Thank Yous:
Stuckinsea-
Thank you much, m'dear. I hope this chapter is
as enjoyable as the last even though it's different in style.
Shinigami11-
grin Thank you! Neat name, too. Is it a
reference to Duo-chan? Or to Yami no Matsuei (Descendants of
Darkness)? Regardless, I've always liked the word shinigami. When I
was little, people would tell me to be afraid of them ("You only
see a shinigami once, little sister. They take you away from the
living realm.") but I always wanted to meet one. Somehow I've
always thought they would be pretty. Are you a pretty shinigami?