To Never Smile Again

By SugarHighNutcase

This past Friday (Jan. 20) I was eating lunch with my friends when I saw this boy- Steven- walk by. Steven is my friend's brother's friend (yeah, we're so connected, right?) and the thing is, he looks a lot like Edmund. Seriously. The two are so similar that I love looking at Steven (that sounds a bit creepy) because it reminds me of Ed. So, Friday during lunch, I was watching Steven playing with my friend's brother and a couple of their other friends, and I was inspired to write this. Trust me, if you saw Steven, you'd be inspired to write tons of Edmund fics as well. :-D Enjoy!

You throw the ball as far as you can and turn to Lucy, who looks rather upset. You encourage her to try, and when the ball somehow manages to fly behind her, you give her a squeeze and tell her to try again. You're smiling, and I know you're remembering when you went through that with me as your teacher. I was a terrible teacher, extremely impatient with you, but you learned anyway.

Susan has gone to bed early with a headache, leaving me to watch you two playing together. And although Lucy is disappointed that she cannot yet throw, she seems so happy to be spending time with you, Ed. And I know you are, too.

You show her how it's done once more, and this time, she gets it quite far. Not as far as you, but she is definitely a fast learner.

You hug her, tell her you knew she could do it, and hand her another ball. Someone's going to have to pick up all those balls afterward, Ed, and it won't be me.

I lean back against my tree and close my eyes momentarily. Suddenly, you appear in my mind- a pale face with lifeless eyes, a bloody and broken body sprawled on the battlefield. I snap open my eyes, and search for you.

I guess I've missed something, because you're now chasing Lucy around, playfully vowing revenge for something she's done to you. She shrieks happily and twists out of your reach.

Sighing, I close my eyes tentatively, and once again, an image appears. It's you, Ed, bound and gagged with the Witch leering over you. You're nearly unconscious and you have a large gash on your forehead, blood dripping down the side of your face.

My eyes open again as I gasp loudly. You don't hear me over Lucy's squeals; you've caught her, apparently, and she's squirming on the ground as you tickle her, a huge grin on your face.

I cannot close my eyes, Ed, because every time I do, that grin disappears and you're dying at the hands of the Witch.

I know it was ages ago, Ed- Narnian time, anyway- but it still hurts, and the vision's still there, a painful reminder of how I failed to protect you.

You and Lu are grinning and laughing and having a good time, and you don't know what it means to see you smile, Ed, because there was a time when I thought you'd never smile again.

I stand, stretch, and order the two of you to bed. I am tired, after all, Ed, because I never sleep well anymore. I can't, knowing you nearly died. Lucy pouts, but kisses you on the cheek, bids us both goodnight and leaves.

You groan and stand slowly. "I'm not tired P- Pet-" But you cannot finish, because you are too busy trying to stifle a yawn. You smile sheepishly. "Maybe a little."

And I laugh, hug you tightly, and- smirking on the inside at the look on your face- kiss your forehead. "Bedtime, Ed," I say, shoving you lightly toward the house.

I lead you to your room and watch from the doorway as you drop in your bed, not bothering to change clothes. "Goodnight, Peter," you mumble. You smile at me, and close your eyes.

And I smile sadly, because I cannot forget that there was a time when I thought you'd never smile again.