Memories of Ced
Chapter 1
"I shall do the impossible!" Katie's quest
Draft 2
As I sat in Kaitlyn's room reading GoF (if you don't know what that is, shame, shame) a thought crossed my mind. "Ya know, I wonder if the students really were sorry. I mean, about Cedric's death and all."
"Eh, of course." Kaitlyn said, not looking up from her Solitaire game. "Yeah sure. Uh huh."
"You sound concerned." I said, voice dripping with sarcasm. "I mean Cedric's my bish and all (see The Shrieking Shack- Marry-a-Bish) so of course I'm concerned." Snuggling my Cedric plush, I grinned showing off a mouth full of braces.
"I mean, I was sad but..." Kaitlyn snuggled her Harry plush, then returned to her Solitare game. "Like you said, he's YOUR bish."
"Jordan?" I said sort of pleadingly. "Were you sad?"
"Define 'sad'." She hugged her Malfoy plush, then resumed reading. Suddenly, a light went off in my usually dark head.
"I shall do the impossible!" I yelled, jumping up on Kaitlyn's chair.
"You'll break the chair." Jordan said, looking up from Fruits Basket Volume 4.
"What 'impossible' thing are you going to do now?" Kaitlyn sighed as 'You Win' flashed on the computer screen.
"I shall go to Hogwarts and interview the students to see if they really care!" Heeding Jordan's warning, I hopped off the chair.
"And how will you do that?" Jordan said, raising an eyebrow. "You can't Apparate or drive, and I'm not sure hitchhiking will work." She returned to her book.
"Don't panic! I'll think of something!" I said, grinning again.
Easier said than done. After trying to fly off the roof on a broomstick (the ground hurts), trying to use Floo Powder (third degree burns hurt more than the ground), and using every magical word I know (Brisinger! Bibbity-bobbity boo! Substitutionary Locomotion! Please!) I was sunk, and left with only one action: flagging the Knight Bus. As I stood on the curb, wand/chopstick used in a Luna Lovegood cosplay costume in one hand, flashlight with semi-dead batteries in the other, I took a deep breath. 'This has to work. I can't think of anything else...' I desperately thought. Thrusting the wand/chopstick up in the air, I jiggled it around a bit, yelling "Lumos!" while turning on the flashlight. Nothing. Diddly-squat. Tying the wand/chopstick onto the flashlight, I tried again. "Lumos!" I turned on the flashlight + wand/chopstick. Nothing.
"WORK DANG IT!" Waving the flashlight + wand/chopstick around in a circle didn't seem to be doing much. Suddenly, a big purple bus appeared in front of me. The Knight Bus! BOO-YAH! In the middle of my happy dance, the door opened.
"Welcome to the Knight Bus. I'm your conductor, Cho Chang-"
"You're Cho Chang?" I gasped, I stared, I screamed like a two-year-old at the opening of a Chuck E Cheese's in his hometown. "But-why-how-since when?"
"Will you be answering any of your questions?" Cho said, looking rather bored. "Miss...erm..." she was at a loss for words.
"Katie. I'm...uh...a third year! Yeah, I'm a third year! In...erm...Hufflepuff! Yeah, I'm a third year Hufflepuff. I've always admired you...well, I mean the teachers talk about you a lot, saying what a good girl you were!" Nothing like buttering her up! She couldn't tell that they were all lies! Cho's face remained expressionless. "So, why are you working on the Knight Bus?" I said confused. 'How badly did she screw up her life now?'
"After Harry dumped me, I sunk into a depression. Using all of my savings, I bought bootleg Anti-Depression Drugs. I used up all my money and failed my Pre-NEWTs, so I dropped out halfway through my seventh year. The Knight Bus is the only place that would accept my limited education. Of course, I need the money in order to still buy the drugs. I developed an addiction." Cho looked at me, face still expressionless.
"Oh..." I said, sort of shocked. "That's-"
"Ha! He dumped you because he's fated to be with Ginny!" Kaitlyn jumped out of the bushes, smiling triumphantly. 'Huh? When'd she get here?"
"Kaiiitlyyyyn!" Jordan stumbled out from the bushes, leaves in her hair. "What part of 'subtly sneak on' are you forgetting!"
"You guys..." I shot them a cold look. "Why're you here?"
"We tagged along to call EMS if you hurt yourself, you handled the burned foot incident great though, and if you suceed, we're gonna go along with you!" Jordan smiled. "Anyway...about Cho..." she grinned, then ran towards her. Fortunately, Kaitlyn grabbed her around the waist.
"Eh?" I said, confused again.
"I'VE NEVER LIKED CHO! LEMME AT HER! I'LL SCRATCH HER FACE UP INTO PIECES!" Jordan lunged at Cho, yelling with all her might.
"Um...how much for three?" I said, heartily embaressed.
"21 Sickles." Cho said, eying Jordan suspiciously.
"Erm...muggle money's all I got." Jordan was still trying to claw Cho's eyes out.
"Six sixty." Cho said, sighing.
"COUGH UP!" I yelled, holding out my hands. After rummaging through their purses, Kaitlyn and a snarling Jordan handed me $4.40. After finding my money, I handed the money to Cho. "Um, can we go to Hogsmede please?"
"Sure. Get on." Sighing, Cho lead us onto the bus. "Let's go Ernie."
"Yeah! Let's go Ern!" My eyes flashed red, my anger boiled. Oh. My. Razza-fricken. God. They still have the Shrunken Head, AND IT STILL TALKS! Suddenly, the bus swerved. God, we're starting!
It had been one hour since we left, and I was bored out of my mind. I had done almost everything there was to do. I finished the crossword puzzle I brought along, read the book in my bookbag (until I got bored. Les Miserables is a long book!), and gagged the Shrunken Head, and I was still incredibly bored! "Are we there yet?" I said, sighing.
"For the fiftieth time, no." Kaitlyn said, blowing a bubble with her gun. Jordan, having gone past the 1st bottle of pop on the wall, now was at -77. Cho was reading a copy of The Quibbler, with a picture of a big black Labrador Retriever on the cover, while smoking what looked to be a neon green cigarette, emitting pink smoke.
"Hey Cho," I said, getting another bright idea. "How about an interview?"
Katie: Okay...professional junk. Transcript of Interview. Interviewee: Cho Chang. Interviewer: Katie. Subject: Project R.I.P.C.
Cho: coughs Can we get on with this? I need my drugs...
Katie: So Cho, please tell us your present employment/ level of education.
Cho: Why?
Katie: Why not?
Cho: Hmmph. Well, after Harry dumped me, I sunk into a depression. Using all of my savings, I bought bootleg Anti-Depression Drugs. I used up all my money and failed my Pre-NEWTs, so I dropped out halfway through my seventh year. The Knight Bus is the only place that would accept my limited education. Of course, I need the money in order to still buy the drugs. I developed an addiction.
Katie: Kiddies, this is why smoking is bad for your health!
Cho: coughs
Katie: So, the subject of our interview is Cedric Diggory. Is it true you were dating?
Cho: sniffles Yes...
Katie: Do you miss your former fling?
Cho: ...
Katie: Hullo? Anyone in there?
Cho: WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! I MISS MY CEDDY!
Katie: Ceddy?
Cho: WE HAD SO MUCH FUN TOGETHER! THEN HE...HE...WAAAAAHHH!
Katie: Died?
Cho: YES, DAMMIT! HE DIED! HE'S DEEEEEEEAD! WAAAAAAAAHHHH!
Katie: Sorry?
Cho: cries some more
Katie: Erm, well...end of interview. Erm...we got good info? tape shuts off
It was an hour after the interview, and I was bored. Bored out of my mind. "What we need is a sing-along." Suddenly, it seemed everything stopped. I had said the fatal words. Well actually, the fatal words are 'group hug', but those were the near-fatal words. Taking advantage of the silence, I sang the first thing that came into my mind: The Llama Song.
"Here's a llama, there's a llama, and another little llama. Fuzzy llama funny llama, llama, llama, duck. Llama, llama, cheesecake llama, tablet, brick, potato, llama, llama, llama, mushrooms, llama, llama, llama, duck. I was once a tree house, I lived in a cake. But I never saw the way the orange slayed the rake. I was only three years dead, but it told a tale. And now listen-"
"STOP SINGING!" Jordan yelled, while Kaitlyn advanced towards me, knife in hand. "You're driving us all insane!" They advanced closer. 'Where'd she get the knife?' I wondered. Cho just sighed.
"Not like it matters...we're all gonna die anyway..."
Will our feisty trio ever reach Hogwarts? What will be the fate of Katie? When will they realize GoF was set in 1994, and it's 2005!
Llama song © Burton Earny. If you wanna see the Flash video, go to