Disclaimer: This disclaimer applies to all One Shots posted here. I do not own any of the characters involved.
The Series "Magic Kaito" and "Detective Conan" are the exclusive property of Gôshô Aoyama.
I'm just playing around with them.

Author's note:
I will be posting here a collection of One Shots I have originally written in French.
With the exception of this first one, all will be translated into English, because I can and wish to do so.
One Shot contents will vary from humour to angst, amongst other things.
I will therefore present the category and rating of each one shot above it.
Hoping you'll enjoy…

One Shot One:
Note: This first one shot is not a translation, but a one shot on translation, with which I have chosen to illustrate this "collection" of sorts.
Genre: General & Humour (I guess.)
Characters: Magic Kaito (Hakuba and Kaito.)
Warnings: Slight Out of Characterness.
Rating: K

Translation, please?

It all started out rather innocuously.

The students were preparing for their exams, and some of the teachers had decided to give them study hours, rather than try to cram in more lessons, for once.The English teacher was one of them.
She came in, stated her plan, and wrote the basic syllabus on the blackboard, before sitting down at her desk.
There, she immediately fished out a book from her pocket and proceeded to ignoring the whole class room, short of an atomic bomb.

I, myself, was pretty tempted to do exactly the same thing.
I decided however to look around at my classmates well pondering the wisdom behind whoever it was who had decided that such a brilliant student as Hakuba Saguru should find his presence in English class compulsory.

Heck, the unfairness of it.
My mother is English, and I was studying in London last year!
I can speak even better English than our tutor!

Okay, that last bit was unfair of me.
In Japan they teach the American hybrid of English, and I also know for a fact that being taught in London does not guarantee a mastery of the language… (Memories of some of the English bullies at my previous school come to mind.)

So I watched, bemusedly, the blunderings of the other teenagers around me for whom English truly was a foreign language.
I have to give them credit though. The differences between the two tongues do make it harder for them than it is for their European counterparts.

A scuffling of a chair and the dragging of a desk distracted me from a rather interesting attempt a girl had been making at rephrasing what Joe Blogs' latest desire had been.
I had been hiding my smile of amusement behind my hand, but this was wiped away when I noticed who it was who had pulled up next to me.

"What is it, Kuroba?" I said, speaking in English since it was obviously the good context to do so.

"Can you give me a hand here?" the dark haired boy said, grinning mischievously. He only slightly distorted the words, and his accent was rather comprehensible.

I raised an eyebrow.
"What for?"

He leaned forward, showing me a sheet of paper he'd been writing various words on.
"Can you tell me what this word is in Japanese, please?" He pointed at the roman letters involved.

I told him, then sat back expecting him to return to his proper place.
He scribbled the Japanese equivalent beside the word, gnawed on his pen a bit, and scribbled some more on a free corner of his page.
He then reread this and barred it out.

"What about this word?" he asked, pointing towards another.

I answered, and then, as an afterthought, I asked him why.

"Two seconds…" he replied absently in Japanese.
He focused on his page, obviously trying to make sense of something. He obviously wasn't getting very far, as I noticed him scratch his head in annoyance.

"You know…" I said. "Those two words put together would have a totally different meaning."

"They would?" He perked up. We had both switched to Japanese now.

"What would that be?"

"Well…" I reflected on how best to describe it. It isn't always easy to find an equivalent for every English idiom. "I think the best way to describe its meaning is something along the lines of this."
I explained.

His eyes widened, and then he chuckled.
"I see, so that's what it means!"

'Good,' I thought. 'So now you can go away.'

The young magician, however, didn't seem to pay any attention to my wishes.
"Would these two words put together find a new meaning too?" he asked, pointing out another expression he had scribbled on his page.

I blushed reading it.
"Yes. Definitely." I replied. And I hoped he wouldn't ask me what those two innocent words meant when put together like that.

"So…" He egged me on. His smug smile indicated that he was very aware of my embarrassment.

I sighed, brushed my embarrassment away, and gave him the Japanese equivalent.

"Wow." He looked at the two words with a slightly more apprehensive look.

"Is that all? Or do you have much else you'd like me to translate for you?" I asked dryly.

"As a matter of fact, I do." He wriggled his hand in the air and, in one of those small puffs of smoke and confetti that were his trademark in class as much as in his night job, he produced a wad of printed sheets.
"Do you think you could translate these for me?"

I squinted at the pile of paper he deposited before me.
"And what would I get out of it? I trust this isn't for your revisions?"

"Course not." He grinned. I couldn't help but think he'd probably already stolen a copy of the exam papers.

"How about…" He continued, slyly. "Two weeks without any annoyance from me, whatsoever, and I mean it, and…" He did mean it, his eyes even screamed 'Kid being serious' at me. "And… apart from an obvious occupation for the next few English lessons… Oh, I don't know. A favour that a magician like me could owe you?"

I peered at the sheets.
I estimated there to be around thirty, and the font size wasn't too small.
Shouldn't be too hard to translate. Maybe I could even find something in them to prove Kaito was truly Kid the Phantom Thief, or some sort of clue as to his hidden agenda.

"Two whole weeks without any taunting or teasing whatsoever? Without any theft or trickery?"

He looked at me as if to say 'Don't push your luck', but nodded.

So this meant he was really serious about giving me leeway, and probably meant there wouldn't be any Kid heists during that same time.
The offer was too good to pass up.

"Okay, I accept." I declared. "I'll give you the translation back within two weeks, okay?"

Why did I ever accept?
I should have known he was up to no good!

No, he did keep his promise.
At no point whatsoever did he insult me, tease me, or even approach me in a way that could have been interpreted so.
There were indeed no Kid heists either, and I do confess that the translation kept me from getting bored during English lessons.

No, the problem was very much elsewhere.

At first I thought these texts were some sort of articles on the thief.
His name and description appeared quite often.
Then I noticed that officer Nakamori and I appeared at some point to be involved in the text for some obscure reason.
What happened then I have no way of describing, and I most certainly will not tell you what the text described.

Suffice to say it broke my brain. Repeatedly.

It was the last page that delivered the final blow.

Deciphering some pretty obscure American net-speak, it become apparent to me that Kid the phantom thief, known to me as Kaito Kuroba in real life, had discovered that his fan club also existed on the other side of the pacific.

And his fans wrote fanfic.

FIN