Warning: This is a parody. This is my first Fruits Basket fic. Slash Warning.

Yes, you read correctly. My first Fruits Basket fic. I'm very open to challenges or suggestions.

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket (Sadly!), nor do I own the song 'I Write Sins, Not Tragedies' by Panic! At the Disco. I also have to give much credit to one of my best friends, Justina, for laughing her head off being the first one to read it! She also gave the idea for Ayame's lavender strapless dress, so brava, Justina!

If this story offends any homosexual person, I will take it down immediately if you just tell me.

Here we go!

I Write Sins, Not Tragedies

"What a beautiful wedding!"

"This is just wrong. Isn't it like incest or something?"

"My stupid brother is gay."

"Oh come on guys, be happy!"

Ayame and Shigure ran up to Tohru, Kyo, and Yuki, who were sitting at the circular wedding reception table. Ayame looked so happy in his strapless lavender wedding dress, and Shigure in his matching lavender tuxedo.

Yes, Ayame and Shigure were just married. No matter how illegal.

"Isn't this great Yuki? Now we're brothers-in-law!"

"Well… we were cousins before but I guess that wasn't enough…"Yuki mumbled.

Kyo laughed, "Haha you're dumb."

"Don't be so mean, Kyo! What a shame!" Tohru cried.

Yuki buried his face in his hands and began to cry.

"Oh Yuki!" Ayame said with horror. He tried to comfort him, but Yuki punched him in the face, ran into a small room, and shut the door. Tohru ran after him, avoiding the whole Sohma clan's surprised eyes.

She opened the door without knocking and found Yuki blowing his nose.

"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a god damn door?" He yelled. Tohru closed it.

"Why are you so upset about Ayame being gay?" she asked.

"I'm not upset about that!"

"Then why are you crying?"

Suddenly, the door burst open and Kyo popped in, followed by Shigure and Ayame.

"Haven't you people ever heard of closing a god damn door?" Kyo yelled as they filed into the room.

"But it was closed!" Tohru laughed, even though it wasn't very funny.

"Why are you so upset?" Shigure asked Yuki, "I mean, we've been gay for like ever."

"I'm upset because Tohru won't marry me!"

"What are you talking about, Yuki? You never proposed to me!"

"Tohru," Yuki got down on one knee and pulled a piece of cheese out of his pocket, "Will you marry me?"

"NO!" Kyo screamed, pulling a giant gun out of nowhere and pointing it at Tohru's head. "YOU WILL NOT MARRY YUKI!" He kicked the cheese out of Yuki's hand. "ONLY I WILL MARRY YUKI!"

"Kyo, you're gay too?" Shigure asked, full of new interest.

"I LOVE YOU YUKI! LEAVE TOHRU! MARRY ME!"

Yuki stood up and put his hands on Tohru's shoulders, "I love-"

Accidentally, he had hugged Tohru and turned into a rat.

Kyo tried to reach for him, discarding the large gun. Tohru stepped on Yuki to protect him. His small, rat back broke.

"I'M NOT REALLY GAY!" Ayame screamed, "Tohru!" he yelled, picking up the cheese, "Will you marry me?"

"HAVEN'T YOU PEOPLE EVER HEARD OF CLOSING A GOD DAMN DOOR?" Akito Sohma burst in. The door had been open the whole time.

"Kyo! I love you!" Shigure exclaimed, tackling him and pinning him to the ground, trying to suffocate him with hugs.

"But Shigure, I love you!" Akito exclaimed.

"SHUT UP!" A naked, human-form Yuki yelled. The room went silent as Yuki put his pants on and closed the door. "Now, Shigure, you love Ayame. Ayame, you're still gay, and you still love Shigure. Akito, you hate everyone, but you're straight. Kyo and I love Tohru, but she doesn't know who to like."

"So… I'm not gay?" Kyo asked as Shigure got off of him.

"No."

"So… I'm a fairy princess?" Akito asked.

"Uh… if you really want to be."

"So… technically," Ayame said, facing Shigure, "Our marriage is saved!"

"Pour the champagne, Kyo! Pour the champagne!" Shigure shouted, then kissed his husband. Or wife. Whichever one fits better. Then, followed by Kyo and Akito, they resumed their wedding reception.

"Wow, Yuki. You saved the day!" Tohru cried, so amazed she could barely speak.

"You know, it's much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poison rationality."

"What?"

"I don't know."

Yuki-man (Snow-man!) has saved the day, and his brother's wedding! Hooray!

But Tohru never answered his proposal.

Poor Yuki. Too bad.

Thank you for taking time out of your day to read these. I know. That was completely random. I'm sorry for those of you that I caused pain to. Thanks anyway.

+The Girly Man+