-1Inote: Ok, for some reason, lots of body parts are being introduced. I don't know why but the loss of body parts seems rather funny to me today - haha.

Chapter 10

"So Harry, you knocked up ragamuffin - is one to be packed up to that dirty Muggle family of one's?"

Draco held his heavily selotaped head together. Harry however, felt as if he were the cat that got the cream.

"Not so big you've had half your brain removed and had it stuck into Neville's then are you? Oh yeah, nice wig - oh no, I forgot that Madame Pomfrey masking tape…"

"Shut your trap you rude Brinkytunk. You wait till my father hears of your wild exploits. In the meanwhile…." Malfoy took out his belt a rubber glove. He slapped Harry violently on each shoulder. "I challenge you to a duel!"

"Yeah whatever Malfoy. When I'm finished with you, you won't just have a taped up head - You'll be total superglue."

"Yeah…" Ron chuckled. "I'm his second."

"Then you have accepted. I shall meet you tonight, with, or without the pieces…"

There was a moments silence as Draco swept away, then a shrill voice piped up behind him.

"I couldn't help overhearing…"

"Well let me hhelp you then.." Ron said to the agonisingly annoying Hermione Granger, tugging her ear violently. She screamed. Ron held her left ear in his hand.

Harry got out of bed. Today hadn't been the best of days - (Neville's head seemed to be somewhat brainprooofed, and Malfoy's other half seemed to have slipped out again during the night.) And now, probably it was going to get worse. Gathering himself, he woke Ron and began his escapade downstairs.

A lam flickered on.

"You!" Ron screamed. "Damn it - I thought I got the message through to you earlier - I don't like you. I have never liked you. I will never like you - I don't like you damn it!"

"I almost told Percy. Percy the prefect - he'd put a top to you.. Ronald, Harold. And my ear is absolutely fine, thank you very much for asking."

"It wasn't my fault, must have gone rotten from all the bloody eavesdropping you've been dropping."

"Come on.." Harry pushed Ron through the portrait who protested sleepily. Hermione followed holding her ear on angrily.

"You selfish buggers! Damn it - you do only care about yourselves…!"

"Do you hear a wild banshee calling from a far off land? Or is it just an annoying little mosquito in my ear saying hello, I love the taste of your earwax? Either way, It's annoying me Harry - could you get rid of it?"

"I warned you. I have warned you…" Hermione gritted her teeth only to find that the fat lady was no longer there and she was locked outside.

"Oh no!" Ron and Hermione cried - Ron in more shock of being left outside with her.

"Oh joy. Well come on Ron, I've found away to get rid of that beetle, or whatever it was.."

"You simply cannot just leave me here!"

"-or me…"

Another voice squeaked from the staircase. There stood the shadowed form of Neville.

"Hey Neville - how's the head?"

"Well, I just came back from the wing see… the brain kept falling out - It's not fair."

"Ah well, lifes a bitch and then you die…"

"LETS GO…"

"Right ho - I'm coming with you."

"YOU ARE NOT!" Ron cried in incredulously.

"Well I'm not waiting around for Filch, and you can't stop me, so I really can't see a reason why not!"

"But no.. that's just wrong…"

Harry stood in the trophy room, waiting.. Waiting… it was past midnight, and no-one had turned up. Malfoy had set him up.

Malfoy… you just wait. I hope you have a car crash and get thrown off a cliff and plummet to the bottom of the sea and drown and then get eaten by a shark and then get buried by a load of sand and then get made into glass and then get hit by a bus and then get smashed in a jail robbery and then I want to stamp on your grave and then I want to chew on the flowers pansy puts by your grave and spit them into your skull and then resurrect you and then stab you and then repeat the process again…

….and so on and so forth.

His thoughts were destroyed as a gravely voice reached their ears.

"Sniff them out my sweet.. Sniff, breathe and inhale, sniff… and I don't mean the drug… sniff my sweet, sniff my sweet sugar cane… Is it nice, is it tasty?"

Harry and Ron both looked at each other panic stricken. "Run…"

They all ran, catapulting themselves onto the staircase…

Which unfortunately moved just as they were about to step onto it and they all feel to their grisly deaths.

CUT

Barry! What the hell are you doing - Harry's the star you nincompoop, they can't just simply DIE - that's not in the plot!"

Barry: Well what am I supposed to do?

Harry is supposed to NEARLY die. You know, suffer a lot be on the brink of death, recover then repeat…

Barry: But doesn't that get a bit boring…?

Hey - It's one of the great mysteries of the universe, like Eastenders… or… kids…"

Barry: thinks of eastendesr episode Point taken.

ACTION

Harry, Ron Hermione, and Neville shut the heavy oak door and shut all 37 bolts before relaxing. Peeves cackled outside the door at Filch.

"Peeves, tell me where zee students are!"

"Okay…."

"tell me then!"

"Up your arse!"

Whilst the wild fight of Filch and Peeves raged on, the small gang sighed a wave of relief. Neville whimpered. "What Neville? What…"

His heart nearly exploded.

There stood…

The biggest…

The fiercest…

The most terrifying…

Pink…

Fluffy…

Bunny rabbit he had ever seen.

It grinned and offered them a carrot.

"RUUUUUUUUUNNNN!"

Harry desperately scrabbled with all 37 keys and codes. The rabbit got closer and closer with it's foreboding carrot as he scrabbled with the locks. It opened it's massive jaws to reveal two massive, blunt blocks protruding from it's upper jaws, and came closing together again…

Harry slammed the door shut just as the bunny made a move to envelope them in a bone crunching hug. The image of the terrifying rabbit entered his head again, and he remembered the large kinder slide that went out of site into a floor below. Was it guarding something?