Disclaimer: Characters in this work (GI Joe/ Cobra) are the property of Marvel Comics, Hasbro
and Devil's Due Publishing, Inc., and are being used without permission. No profit is gained from the use of these characters.

Spank Me, it's My Birthday

By Nickelina

21:00, the offices at the base were quiet, and the only other person around was the night watch. Lady Jaye opened the door to her small office and waved in Ripcord and Mainframe. When they were all inside, she shut the door.

"Are you sure its tomorrow?" Ripcord whispered.

"Who cares if it is, let's do this anyway." Mainframe whispered back.

"Why are you whispering?" Lady Jaye said, loud enough to make the other two jump. "No one is going to hear us." She walked around the desk and sat in her chair. She turned the computer on and brought up Beachhead's personal information. "Sergeant Major Wayne Sneeden…Yep, it's defiantly tomorrow. So, gentlemen, what are we going to do for him?"

Beachhead was standing at his locker after PT when Ace walked past him and smacked him on his backside. He immediately turned around.

"What the hell?" He said.

Ace walked away with a smirk on his face. Beachhead went back to getting dressed when Ripcord rolled his towel up and flicked it at Beachhead's backside.

"Whoo hoo!" Ripcord yelled as Beachhead reached down and rubbed his backside.

"Now, just what the hell was that for?"

Ripcord laughed and walked away without saying a word. The other Joes in the locker room laughed and went on with their business. Beachhead quickly dressed and was met with a few more pats on the behind on his way out of the locker room. He had just stepped into the gym when he felt a sting. Cover Girl raised her hand to her mouth and blew on it as if it were hot.

"That is one hot set of buns." She giggled as she walked away.

Beachhead had a suspicion as to what was going on, but he made sure that no one knew it was his birthday, so that could not have been it. He muttered to himself that the next time someone put their hands on him; they were going to hit the floor. He almost made it out of the gym before Lady Jaye ran past him, spanking him as she passed.

"Ow!" She laughed and ran into the hallway.

"That is it!" Beachhead said as he ran after her. "Jaye! Lady Jaye, stop!"

She stopped and walked back towards Beachhead. "Yes?"

"What in God's name possessed you to do that?"

"What?" She said playfully.

"I'm about to write someone up for sexual harassment…"

"Beachhead," She said. "The sign says so."

"What sign?" He said, angrily.

She pointed to the door to the gym where a rather large neon green sign said:

'Spank me, it's my Birthday!' with a picture of Beachhead.

"That one."

By lunch, Beachhead was fuming. Everywhere he went he was met with cheers and whistles. When he walked into the mess, he was applauded. He tried to ignore it, but it kept up until it was a steady beat. He looked above to door to see a giant banner that read: 'Clap for me, it's my birthday!' with a picture of him attached. He took his lunch to go and decided to eat in his office. As he walked out of the mess, he saw Mainframe clapping and smirking at him in the doorway. Beachhead dismissed it and began to walk to his office. Mainframe also left the mess, running down the hallway in the opposite direction. He made his way to the personnel office, where Lady Jaye and Ripcord were waiting for him.

"He's on his way to his office!" Mainframe said as he closed the door.

Lady Jaye got up from her desk and gestured for Mainframe to sit. He accessed a program from her computer, and after hitting a series of keys, he leaned back in his chair.

"Here we go." He said.

Ripcord and Lady Jaye stood on either side of Mainframe and watched the screen.

"You'll notice," he began in a very professional voice. "That I have the program set up to have every phone on base call his office. As each one dials, it will light up on the screen."

"Every phone on base?" Lady Jaye asked.

"Yes, Lady Jaye," Mainframe continued in his mock professional voice. "Every phone on base is systematically calling his office."

"Did you use the message?" Ripcord asked.

"Yes, I used the message."

The three burst into laughter.

Beachhead slammed his phone down. He had heard Tickle-me-Elmo sing Happy Birthday for the last time. He called the main control room to see where the calls were coming from. Dial-Tone told him that the phone system had been hijacked and Mainframe was looking into it. Beachhead asked where Mainframe was. Dial-Tone slipped up and told him that he was in Lady Jaye's office. Beachhead hung up the phone and unplugged the cord from the wall. He began to piece the puzzle together. Ripcord in the locker room, Lady Jaye in the gym, and Mainframe in the mess…

This was going to be the last prank they pulled. He slammed the door to his office as he left.

Ripcord, Mainframe and Lady Jaye were expecting Beachhead to break down the door at any minute. Dial-Tone had called to let them know he spilled the beans. Instead, simultaneously, their pagers went off. Beachhead summoned them to Hawk's office. Lady Jaye smiled and called Hawk. "We're on our way, be ready!"

She hung up the phone and sighed. "I'll go first. Count to twenty then follow. Remember, we have no idea what is going on." She giggled as she left her office.

She walked down the hall to Hawk's office and the closer she got to Beachhead she put a puzzled look on her face.

"You paged me Beach?" She asked.

"Don't pretend you don't know what is going on."

"I don't." She tried to keep her smile at bay but soon she began to giggle. Mainframe and Ripcord heard her and were also unable to contain their laughter when they joined them in front of Hawk's office.

Beachhead, still not thinking it was funny began to reprimand them. "I'm going to bring each one of you up on charges of sexual harassment and anything else I can find." He reached for the doorknob of Hawk's office and turned it. He didn't see Lady Jaye's smile as he pushed the door open. He was so busy yelling at them he didn't see what was inside.

"Beachhead?" Jaye interrupted. She pointed into the office. He stopped yelling and turned around.

"Surprise!"

He was greeted with a cake a-light with candles and cheers of good wishes by more members of Joe than ought to have fit in Hawk's office. He turned a slight shade of red.

"Got you again!" Ripcord said, as he playfully punched beachhead in the arm.

"Alright, alright. You got me." Beachhead told them. He pulled Ripcord, Mainframe and Lady Jaye aside. "Don't think you are off the hook. I'd advise you get a goodnight's sleep, PT is gonna be fun tomorrow."