Hi guys. Yeah, I'm a slow updater, sorry, but I'm here now. And, I've been working on this for a while, so I think it's pretty good. I hope you think so too. Sorry, this episode won't be self-contained, but I wanted to get something up tonight. Now that's it's summer I promise I'll update more frequently. Hopefully I'll be done by the end of the summer. It's actually a lot longer than I anticipated; I was thinking 3 or 4 chapters. I hope you like it and please Review thanks to everybody who reviewed before!!, even if it's short. They make me really happy and make me want to update. And without further ado…

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At James' request Sirius threw a small bachelor party. Very small, marauders only. Only, it turned out much to Sirius' chagrin, also excluded all types of females. Of course this should have been expected, it'd been years since James Potter had eyes for any woman but Lily Evans. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs had stormed Hogwarts, for their first night of pranking since graduation, this time without the threat of detention. After starting a snowstorm in the Transfiguration corridor, causing very large, very bouncy mushrooms to grow all over the potions room (perfect for jumping on they'd discovered in 3rd year) and locking peeves in a vanishing cabinet the boys moved outside.

James saw it first, an old-fashioned push mower next to the changing rooms on the pitch. He turned to Sirius "Pads! Is that for what I think it is?"

"Why yes Jamesie" he produced a key for a pocket in his robes "but we do it in style"

You see, on James 36th attempt to get Lily to go out with him during 5th year they'd mowed "James Potter LOVES Lily Evans" in the grass of the pitch before the opening game Quiddich robes and all.

After the mowing and a huge grass fight (which is why Sirius had decided upon this activity in the first place) they took a ride on the old school brooms in their old robes (or in Remus' and Peter's cases some that they'd nicked from the changing room) to admire their handy work. "Just like old times eh Pads?"

"Right mate, except much more relaxing. It's amazing how much less stressful my life is now that you've finally won Lily flower". Sirius never had gotten over their pet name.

"You're life!" James scoffed, "what about me?"

"You chose it, I was just an innocent victim of your insanity and Lily's rage"

Remus scoffed and the idea of the word "innocent" and Sirius Black being in the same thought.

"Ha, the worst of those ideas were your mate, remember the niffler incident?"

"Yeah, that was funny." Sirius answered with absolutely no remorse for the fact that James had almost lost a finger and Lily's great grandmothers antique necklace had been broken as a result of his harebrained scheme to find Lily buried treasure.

"Because you weren't the one whose ears Lily literally hexed off"

"Thank Merlin for Madame Pomfrey"

"Amen"

"And that one time with the table?"

"Yeah, that certain was…colorful. I think I've permanently lost some of the hearing in my left ear thanks to you"

…FLASHBACK…FLASHBACK…FLASHBACK…

"James, why can't you just leave me alone? I want a normal life! A boyfriend that lasts for more than a week! Peace and quiet! I don't want you showing off for me and I don't want you asking me out every five minutes! I just want to get through school and never see you again!"

Her words echoed around the empty charms room (with the exception of the arguers and one Sirius Black who thought it best not to leave Lily alone with James when she was in such a state, especially with the quiddich finals coming up). "But I love you Lily"

"No, you don't"

"I do too!"

"You don't know what you're talking about James!"

"Of course I do! They are my feelings!"

"If you loved me you wouldn't treat me like this!"

"What?" James was confused. He'd simply composed an ode to the love of his life and read it to her at the top of his lungs while standing on top of the Gryffindoor dinner table. How could such an action convey anything but love?

"You go around and annoying and embarrassing me"

"But Lily, I do all these things for you"

"No, you don't. You do them for you! When you love somebody you want to make them happy. You want me to go out with you for you, not me."

"Lily, I love you, I want to make you happy, I just need you to let me. I'll do anything you want, let me prove that I'm serious about you". To Sirius' credit and James' eternal gratitude, the longhaired heartthrob chose this moment not to interrupt with an overused joke.

Lily thought that this might be the break she'd been waiting for. Maybe James could be convinced that he didn't really love her and would then leave her alone. But could she do this too him? After about 2.3 seconds she decided that she could. "Ok James, one chance"

"Thank you Lily! (He could have kissed her but restrained himself) I promise, I'll do anything you want."

"You know the quiddich game coming up?" This was a purely rhetorical question; Quiddich was 2nd on James' favorite things list, right after Lily.

"Of course" He was eager to prove himself. Maybe she'd like him to dedicate the match to her, or get the team to spell her name with their bodies in midair.

"I want you to loose it"

"I'd be – what?!" His ready response of "I'd be happy to" died when James processed what she'd just said.

"I want you to loose"

"What good would that do?"

"It'd prove your love, that I'm more important to you than you are." And it's not going to happen, AND I hope it proves to you that you DON'T REALLY LOVE ME!

"What about the team?"

"If you love me, I'll be more important to you than they are too"

"What about Gryffindoor! We're on a 50-year winning streak! I can't just, throw all that work away"

"If you loved me you could" Do you really believe that Lily? Well, love makes people do stupid things. Usually not on request. This isn't love, this is blackmail. Well, if this is what it takes to get my life back, so be it. Potter brought it upon himself.

"I-I, Anything else Lily. I can't loose that match."

"Then you don't love me James."

"I do though Lily! You can't ask me to do this!"

"I just did." She walked slowly out the door. Somehow the triumph she was expecting wasn't there. Instead she felt a sense of loss. It wasn't as if she loved Potter, like she'd just lost something she'd loved; but to know so surely that he didn't love her, that all of these years had been for naught, It felt like she had. James was a part of her, his insanity was a part of her, and now she knew that that part hadn't ever really been there.