Secrets of Me
By Lacey52

.o.O.o.o.O.o.

A note: This is not in the same universe as LITC…at all! It's a dark humor type of thing that came to me last night at about one in the morning…and actually was interesting enough to me that I got up and wrote down the main points…that hasn't happened to me in a long while.

Anywho, it's based on a quote which will appearat the end. You'll figure it out eventually, lol…Episodes are out of order for a reason, and no worries, there isn't any character death. ;D

This is meant to be taken as a joke or a parody…I have a twisted sense of humor at times…

No, I'm not belittling suicide. I'm actually trained in suicide prevention, and I know that it is a very serious problem. If you ever need to talk, I'm willing to listen. Sometimes though, I just need to let off a little steam dealing with certain subjects and this is what came out. Hope you guys enjoy. If you don't like Dark with a twist of Humor, turn back now…

Genre: Angst/Humor
Rating: M for serious contemplation of suicide

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Danny has a secret.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

Danny had that damnable secret for almost a year now. Ever since he got his powers, since he became a hero, since he was forced to grow up, thrust into a world no fourteen year old should ever have to experience. He had enemies, he had death and life in his hands, he had choices.

The first time he noticed the secret that he was holding was his first fight with a ghost. The temptation had been growing, eating him alive from the inside out from the moment he was electrocuted in the portal and imbued with his ghostly abilities.

He wanted to die. He needed to be gone from this earth. His only desire for the first few weeks was to become a full ghost. The hunger for this was burning him alive.

His secret wasn't such a terrible thing in his own mind, but he knew to those around him it would be terrifying. Maybe it was because he was half a ghost that it no longer scared him.

He was, after all, already half dead. Nothing can really scare a person after they realize that, or so he thought.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Danny had a plan.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

It was such a simple, beautiful plan and it would have worked, from the very first try he gave it. It was ingenious, completely doable. Danny had found an answer to the problem that was keeping him awake at night, that was causing him to want to be Phantom more and more, and Fenton less and less.

It should have worked, but it never did. Over and over Danny tried to implement his idea, tried to put everything into motion, just right, so it would end the way he wished it.

But every time, something was there to keep him from completing his plan. Every time, there was something that got in his way.

Every single time…there was a person to keep it from happening.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Danny forgot there were others in his life.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

Jack Fenton, Danny's own father, did not often step into Danny's life and interfere with his careful planning. He rarely caused him any trouble when the opportunity arose to go through with his scheme.

But when he did, he did it in a big way. Like the time Vlad put a bounty on his head. Danny sacrificed himself to his father thinking that maybe that would be the time it ended, but he was wrong.

Unfortunately for Danny, he was, pardon the pun, dead wrong. Jack Fenton did not manage to kill Danny, and in the end Danny had to protect his father and everyone else.

Just like always.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Danny decided that Jack was his razor, too painful to use.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

His mother, too, was a problem only rarely to Danny.

When Vlad had tricked them into going to his Wisconsin home, Danny thought, 'This is it. This is the time, if I play my cards right. I'll act like I'm trying to win, but I won't be able to. Everything is set, my plan will work this time!'

But his mother was like his father, she stopped his plans in a big way. A mother and son moment or two was all it took for Danny to realize that he actually had to try and survive this encounter. He could only sigh with resignation as to his fate.

He'd have to live again…he didn't want her to cry.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Maddie was a river, she would make everything damp.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

Of course there was Sam, the Goth who could get into his head and under his skin like no other in the world. His best friend for years, the one he turned to the most often, the one he cared for almost as much as he cared for his secret. Maybe even more, if his first fight proved anything to him.

The Lunch Lady Ghost was not happy with the change of menu, and it happened to be all Sam's fault. He decided that it would be a great way to end it all, in a dramatic battle like some fairy-tale hero. An epic tragedy.

Alas, he realized that if he ended it then, that Sam would still be in danger. Nothing in the world would allow him to follow through with his plan if it meant that Sam would be hurt physically.

The incident with Freakshow only served to reinforce that fact in Danny's head, as so many other ghost fights had already proven to him. It would have been so easy to have just mindlessly served the crazed man for the rest of eternity as a ghost. He wouldn't have to change back to a human ever again, and the ravenous hunger of that tiny part of his mind would be appeased.

But Sam was there and needed him. He had to help. He couldn't fail, even though he wanted to so very badly.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Sam was an acid, she stained him like no other.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

Tucker, Danny would always chuckle to himself when he realized what Tucker was to him and how weird it sounded.

Tucker was another one of his downfalls, one of his best friends. The boy even managed to overcome his fear of hospitals to help him once, and that said a lot to Danny.

The first time though, was the most poignant in the halfa's opinion. When Desiree had granted Tucker ghost powers, Danny thought he had a foolproof opportunity to not only save Tucker, but finally have the chance to end his plan.

He'd let Tucker kill him and then the shock would revert him. Simple, easy plan, that would end with only a little sadness…then of course Danny realized how Tucker would feel when he realized he killed his best friend.

A nauseous feeling crept up on Danny as he thought about how he had almost misused his friend.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Danny decided Tucker was a drug, he caused too many cramps.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

Valerie Gray, too, would interfere quite often. When she first started hunting him, he though, 'Alright, perfect opportunity, a ghost hunter. That would be a plausible way to die.'

Of course then he fought her and realized, while she could probably hold her own for a while, she would never be able to match up to some of the ghosts he fought. She wasn't strong enough or fast enough. He had to hold back when fighting her, and that could only mean one thing.

She was yet another person who ruined his plan by needing him, even if she didn't know it. She needed someone to protect her, someone who could defend her. She became out of bounds for him to use as an escape route.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Valerie was a gun, dangerous enough for the job, but illegal.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

Then there was Jazz. His beautiful older sister who was often trying to find her way into his life simply because she was worried about him. She was loving and annoying and funny and too smart for her own good.

When Johnny 13 came, Danny began to think as he had with Tucker. If he died while fighting Johnny and Jazz saw him change back before he actually died, she'd have a major fall out with him and he'd have no power over her. He'd win, she'd win, and everyone could be happy.

Then he remembered what he had with Tucker. Jazz would blame herself and that would do no good. He was stuck yet again, and more so after she found out he was both Danny Phantom and Danny Fenton. He really couldn't escape her keen, psychologically functioning mind after that…

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Jazz was his noose, but the knot always gave.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

And of course there was the one person who Danny never even dreamed could manage to interfere. Surely the popular people would feel no remorse in the long run for loosing the 'loser.'

But it wasn't so much the person as it was the halfa's own pride who prevented Danny from living out his twisted fantasy. Dash Baxter, in Danny's mind, was not allowed to keep getting away with everything.

Yes, Dash, because he so irked Danny that he'd give up his chance of staying in the ghost zone permanently just to make sure the real bully was known to Poindexter.

Danny didn't have any problems deciding what Dash was to him.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
Dash was Danny's gas, the sickening smell that he couldn't stand for long enough to die.
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

Those seven people had complete control over Danny's life and didn't even know. He was a damn good actor if he did say so himself, and he actually did quite often under his breath, for them not to notice him wanting to die...go ghost forever...

They had complete dominion over his non-death, over him having to live. And in the end, or near the beginning, or perhaps somewhere near themiddle (for Danny was never sure how much time he had left on this planet) the halfa came toa suddenrealization.

He decided that maybe it was okay to be half and half. To be a hybrid. He didn't have to belong to either world, because he had family who loved him, friends that cared for him, people that he could protect, and people who could irritate him and keep him on his toes.

And when Danny decided all that, he came to his second realization. If things were going to keep getting in his way, what was the point in trying? The burn, the ache, the need, the hunger, the desire all went away within a week, though sometimes he ponders what it would be like to be wholly ghost, or wholly child again.

But that's when he draws himself up and looks around him. When he realizes that he is scared, not for himself, but for those he caresabout. That's when he stopsand says one thing to himself.

.o.O.o.o.O.o.
"Everything's too complicated, I might as well live."
.o.O.o.o.O.o.

"Razors pain you, rivers are damp,
Acid stains you, and drugs cause cramps.
Guns aren't lawful, nooses give,
Gas smells awful – you might as well live."
--Dorothy Parker, Résumé